The Funny Side of Physic Part 39

"Ay, seen! or who--what was the woman who has been here?"

"Woman, my lord?"

(It is said one of the fellows smiled, that a woman should have been in the aged bishop's bed-chamber in the night.)

When the bishop had related what he had seen, the domestics apprehended that his lords.h.i.+p had been dreaming, against which the good man protested, and only told what his eyes had beheld. The story that the bishop had been visited by a ghost soon got well circulated, which greatly "diverted the unG.o.dly, at the good prelate's expense, till finally it reached the ears of the keeper of a mad-house in the diocese, who came and deposed that a female lunatic had escaped from his custody on that night" (in light apparel), who, finding the gates and doors of the palace open, had marched directly to his lords.h.i.+p's chamber. The deponent further stated that the lunatic was _always reading a bundle of papers_.

"There are known," says Walpole, "stories of ghosts, solemnly authenticated, less credible; and I hope you will believe this, attested by the father of our own church."

MUSICAL GHOSTS.

We occasionally _hear_ of this kind, but seldom, if ever, _see_ them. An old lady of Adams, Ma.s.s., came to the writer in a state bordering on monomania. She stated that at about _three o'clock_ in the night she would awake and distinctly hear bells ringing at a distance. She would awake her husband, and often compel him to arise and listen "till the poor man was almost out of patience with the annoyance;" not of the bells, for he heard none, but of being continually "wakened because of her whim," as he stated. A brief medical treatment for the disease which caused the vibration of the tympanum dispelled the illusion of bells.

THE PIANO-FORTE GHOST.

A family residing, three years since, but a few miles out of Boston, used to occasionally, during summer only, hear a note or two of the piano strike at the dead hour of the night. A Catholic servant girl and an excellent cook left their situations in consequence of the ghostly music.

In vain the family removed the instrument to another position in the room.

The musical sounds would startle them from their midnight slumbers.

One thing very remarkable occurred after changing the piano: the sound, which only transpired occasionally, with no regularity as to time, would always begin with the high notes, and end with the lower. Finally, the family--I cannot say why--removed to the city, and the house was sold. The deed of conveyance did not include the ghost, but he remained with the premises, nevertheless. The writer has seen him!

"O, what a pretty cat!" exclaimed a child of the new occupant of the haunted house, on discovering the domestic animal which the late possessor had left.

"Yes; and she looks so very domestic and knowing, she may stay, if no one comes for her, and you'll have her for a playfellow," replied the mother.

A few nights after their settlement, the new family were startled by hearing the piano sound! No particular tune, but it was surely the piano notes that had been distinctly and repeatedly heard. A search revealed nothing. The piano was kept closed thereafter, and no further annoyance occurred, until one night when the company had lingered till nearly midnight, and the instrument had been left open, the sound again occurred.

The gentleman quickly lighted a lamp, ran down stairs, and closing the door leading to the connecting room, he found the cat secreted beneath the piano. The instrument was purposely left open the following night, and a watch set, when, no sooner was all quiet, than the cat entered, and leaped upon the piano keys. After touching them a few times with her fore paws, she jumped down, and hid beneath the instrument. "The cat was out." Only one thing remained for explanation, viz., why the change of sound occurred after removing the piano by the first occupants of the house. It occurred in summer. They removed the piano so that the cat, entering a side window, usually left a little raised, had necessarily jumped upon the high keys.

If anybody has got a good ghost, spirit, or witch about his premises, the writer would like to investigate it.

The following silly item is just going the rounds of the press:--

"A HAUNTED HOUSE.

"The first floor of Mrs. Roundy's house, at Lynn, in which the recent murder occurred, is occupied by an apparently intelligent family bearing the name of Conway, who a.s.sert that they have heard supernatural noises every night since the tragedy; and they are so sincere in their belief that they are preparing to vacate in favor of their 'uncanny' visitors."

There's nothing to it to investigate.

A FEW WORDS ABOUT WITCHES.

My colored boy, Dennis, a.s.sures me that an old woman in Norfolk, Va., having some spite against him, "did something to him that sort o'

bewitched him; got some animal into him, like." The symptoms are those of _ascarides_, but I could not persuade him to take medicine therefor.

"'Tain't no use, sir," he replied, solemnly; "I knowed she done it; I feels it kinder workin' in yer (placing his hand on his stomach); what med'cine neber'll reach."

Neither reason nor ridicule will "budge" him. He knows he's bewitched!

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE MUSICAL PUSS.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A DARKEY BEWITCHED.]

WITCHES IN THE CREAM.

Through all the long, long winter's day, And half the dreary night, We churned, and yet no b.u.t.ter came: The cream looked thin and white.

Next morning, with our hopes renewed, The task began again; We churned, and churned, till back and arms And head did ache with pain.

The cream rose up, then sulking fell, Grew thick, and then grew thin; It splashed and spattered in our eyes, On clothes, and nose, and chin.

We churned it fast, and churned it slow, And stirred it round and round; Yet all the livelong, weary day, Was heard the dasher's sound.

The sun sank in the gloomy west, The moon rose ghastly pale; And still we churned, with courage low, And hopes about to fail,--

When in walked Granny Dean, who heard, With wonder and amaze, Our troubles, as she crossed herself, And in the fire did gaze.

"Lord, help us all!" she quickly said, And covered up her face; "Lord, help us all! for, as you live, There's witches in the place!

"There's witches here within this churn, That have possessed the cream.

Go, bring the horse-shoe that I saw Hang on the cellar-beam."

The shoe was brought, when, round and round, She twirled it o'er her head; "Go, drive the witches from that cream!"

In solemn voice she said;--

Then tossed it in the fire, till red With heat it soon did turn, And dropped among the witches dread, That hid within the churn.

Once more the dasher's sound was heard,-- Have patience with my rhyme,-- For, sure enough, the b.u.t.ter came In twenty minutes' time.

Some say the temperature was changed With horse-shoe glowing red; But when we ask old Granny Dean, She only shakes her head.--_Hearth and Home._

HORSE-SHOES.

One would suppose the folly of putting horse-shoes into cream, "fish-skins into coffee, to settle it," and forcing filthy mola.s.ses and water down the throats of new-born babes, were amongst the follies of the past; but they are not yet, with many other superst.i.tious, and even cruel and dangerous notions, done away with. For some prominent instances of this course of proceedings the reader may consult next chapter.

Riding through the rural districts of almost any portion of the Union, one will sometimes find the horse-shoe nailed over the stable, porch, or even house front door, to keep away the witches. As in Gay's fable of "The Old Woman and her Cats:"--

"Straws laid across my path r.e.t.a.r.d, The horse-shoes nailed each threshold guard,"

In Aubrey's time, he tells us that "most houses of the west end of London have the horse-shoe at the threshold."

The nice little old gentleman who keeps the depot at Boylston Station is a dry joker, in his way. Over each door of the station he has an old horse-shoe nailed.

"What have you got these nailed up over the door for?" a stranger asks.