The Rolliad Part 11

After the lines already quoted, our dying drummer breaks out into the following wonderful apostrophe:

Approach, ye sophs, who, in your northern den, Wield, with both hands, your huge _didactic_ pen; Who, step by step, o'er _Pindus_' up-hill road, Drag slowly on your learning's pond'rous load: Though many a shock your perilous march enc.u.mbers, Ere the stiff prose can struggle into numbers; And you, at _comets' tails_, who fondly stare, And find a mistress in the _lesser bear_; And you, who, full with metaphysics fraught, Detect sensation starting into thought, And trace each sketch by Memory's hand design'd On that strange magic lantern call'd the MIND; And you, who watch each loit'ring empire's fate; Who heap up fact on fact, and date on date; Who count the threads that fill the mystic loom, Where patient vengeance wove the fate of Rome; Who tell that wealth unnerv'd her soldier's hand, } That Folly urg'd the fate by traitor's plann'd; } Or, that she fell--because she could not stand: } Approach, and view, in this capacious mind, Your scatter'd science in one ma.s.s combin'd: Whate'er tradition tells, or poets sing, Of giant-killing John, or John the King; Whate'er------

But we are apprehensive that our zeal has already hurried us too far, and that we have exceeded the just bounds of this paper. We shall therefore take some future opportunity of reverting to the character of this prodigious n.o.bleman, who possesses, and deserves to possess, so distinguished a share in his master's confidence. Suffice it to say, that our author does full justice to every part of his character.

He considers him as a walking warehouse of facts of all kinds, whether relating to history, astronomy, metaphysics, heraldry, fortifications, naval tactics, or midwifery; at the same time representing him as a kind of haberdasher of small talents, which he retails to the female part of his family, instructing them in the mystery of precedence, the whole art of scented pomatums, the doctrine of salves for broken heads, of putty for _broken windows_, &c. &c. &c.

_NUMBER II._

We now return to the dying drummer, whom we left in the middle of his eulogy on the Marquis of Buckingham.

It being admitted, that the powers of the human mind depend on the number and a.s.sociation of our ideas, it is easy to shew that the ill.u.s.trious Marquis is ent.i.tled to the highest rank in the scale of human intelligence. His mind possesses an unlimited power of inglut.i.tion, and his ideas adhere to each other with such tenacity, that whenever his memory is stimulated by any powerful interrogatory, it not only discharges a full answer to that individual question, but likewise such a prodigious flood of collateral knowledge, derived from copious and repeated infusions, as no common skull would be capable of containing. For these reasons, his Lords.h.i.+p's fitness for the department of the Admiralty, a department connected with the whole cyclopdia of science, and requiring the greatest variety of talents and exertions, seems to be pointed out by the hand of Heaven;--it is likewise pointed out by the dying drummer, who describes in the following lines, the immediate cause of his nomination:--

On the great day, when Buckingham, by pairs Ascended, Heaven impell'd, the K------'s back-stairs; And panting breathless, strain'd his lungs to show From Fox's bill what mighty ills would flow: That soon, _its source corrupt, Opinion's thread, On India's deleterious streams wou'd shed_; That Hastings, Munny Begum, Scott, must fall, And Pitt, and Jenkinson, and Leadenhall; Still, as with stammering tongue, he told his tale, Unusual terrors Brunswick's heart a.s.sail; Wide starts his white wig from his royal ear, And each particular hair stands stiff with fear,

We flatter ourselves that few of our readers are so void of taste, as not to feel the transcendant beauties of this description. First, we see the n.o.ble Marquis mount the fatal steps "by pairs," _i.e._ by two at a time; and with a degree of effort and fatigue: and then he is out of breath, which is perfectly natural. The obscurity of the third couplet, an _obscurity_ which has been imitated by all the ministerial writers on the India bill, arises from a confusion of metaphor, so inexpressibly beautiful, that Mr. Hastings has thought fit to copy it almost verbatum, in his celebrated letter from Lucknow. The effects of terror on the royal wig, are happily imagined, and are infinitely more sublime than the "_steteruntque comae_" of the Roman poet; as the attachment of a wig to its wearer, is obviously more generous and disinterested than that of the person's own hair, which naturally partic.i.p.ates in the good or ill fortune of the head on which it grows.

But to proceed.--Men in a fright are usually generous;--on that great day, therefore, the Marquis obtained the promise of the Admiralty.

The dying drummer then proceeds to describe the Marquis's well-known vision, which he prefaces by a compliment on his Lords.h.i.+p's extraordinary proficiency in the art of lace-making. We have all admired the parliamentary exertions of this great man, on every subject that related to an art in which the county of Buckingham is so deeply interested; an art, by means of which Britannia (as our author happily expresses it)

Puckers round naked b.r.e.a.s.t.s, a decent tr.i.m.m.i.n.g, Spreads the thread trade, and propagates old women!

How naturally do we feel disposed to join with the dying drummer, in the pathetic apostrophe which he addresses to his hero, when he foresees that this attention will necessarily be diverted to other objects:--

Alas! no longer round thy favorite STOWE, Shalt thou the nicer arts to artists show, No more on thumb-worn cus.h.i.+ons deign to trace, With critic touch, the texture of bone-lace; And from severer toils, some moments robbing!

Reclaim the vagrant thread, or truant bobbin!

Far, other scenes of future glory rise, To glad thy sleeping, and thy waking eyes; As busy fancy paints the gaudy dream, Ideal docks, with shadowy navies teem: Whate'er on sea, on lake, or river floats, s.h.i.+ps, barges, rafts, skiffs, tubs, flat-bottom'd boats, Smiths, sailors, carpenters, in busy crowds, Mast, cable, yard, sail, bow-sprit, anchor, shrowds, Knives, gigs, harpoons, swords, handspikes, cutla.s.s blades, Guns, pistols, swivels, cannons, carronades: All rise to view!--All blend in gorgeous show!

Tritons and tridents, turpentine, tar--tow!

We will take upon ourselves to attest, that neither Homer nor Virgil ever produced any thing like this. How amiable, how interesting, is the condescension of the ill.u.s.trious Marquis, while he a.s.sists the old women in his neighbourhood in making bone-lace! How artfully is the modest appearance of the aforesaid old women's cus.h.i.+ons (which we are also told were dirty cus.h.i.+ons) contrasted with the splendor and magnificence of the subsequent vision! How masterly is the structure of the last verse, and how n.o.bly does the climax rise from tritons and tridents--from objects which are rather picturesque than necessary--to that most important article _tow_! an article "without which," in the opinion of Lord Mulgrave, "it would be impossible to fit out a single s.h.i.+p."

The drummer is next led to investigate the different modes of meliorating our navy; in the course of which he introduces the Marquis's private thoughts on _flax_ and _forest-trees_; the natural history of _nettles_, with proofs of their excellence in making cables; a project to produce _aurum fulminans_ from Pinchbeck's metal, instead of gold, occasioned by admiral Barrington's complaint of bad powder; a discussion of Lord Ferrers's mathematical mode of s.h.i.+p-building; and a lamentation on the pertinacity with which his Lords.h.i.+p's vessels have hitherto refused to sail. The grief of the Marquis on this occasion, awaking all our sympathy--

Sighing, he struck his breast, and cried, "Alas!

Shall a three decker's huge unwieldy ma.s.s, 'Mid croud of foes, stand stupidly at bay, And by rude force, like Ajax, gain the day?

No!--let Invention!------"

And at the moment his Lords.h.i.+p becomes pregnant, and is delivered of a project that solves every difficulty.

The reader will recollect Commodore Johnstone's discovery, that "the aliquot parts being equal to the whole, two frigates are indisputably tantamount to a line of battle-s.h.i.+p; nay, that they are superior to it, as being more manageable." Now, a sloop being more docile than a frigate, and a cutter more versatile than a sloop, &c. &c. is it not obvious that the _force_ of any vessel must be in an inverse ratio to its _strength_? Hence, Lord Buckingham most properly observes,

Our light arm'd fleet will spread a general panic, For speed is power, says Pinchbeck, the mechanic.

The only objection to this system, is the trite professional idea, that s.h.i.+ps having been for some years past in the habit of sailing directly forwards, must necessarily form and fight _in a straight line_; but according to Lord Buckingham's plan, the line of battle in future is to be like the line of beauty, _waving_ and _tortuous_; so that if the French, who confessedly are the most imitative people on the earth, should wish to copy our manuvres, their larger s.h.i.+ps will necessarily be thrown into confusion, and consequently be beaten.

But as Sir Gregory Page Turner finely says, "infallibility is not given to human nature." Our prodigious Marquis, therefore, diffident of his talents, and not yet satisfied with his plan, rakes into that vast heap of knowledge, which he has collected from reading, and forms into one _compost_, all the naval inventions of every age and country, in order to meliorate and fertilize the colder genius of Great Britain. "In future," says the drummer,

All ages, and all countries, shall combine, To form our navy's variegated line.

Like some vast whale, or all-devouring shark, High in the midst shall rise old Noah's _ark_: Or, if that ark be lost, of equal bulk, Our novel Noah rigs--the _Justice Hulk_: An Argo next, the peerless Catherine sends, The gorgeous gift of her _Mingrelian_ friends:

Here we cannot repress our admiration at the drummer's skill in geography and politics. He not only tells us that _Mingrelia_ is the ancient _Colchis_, the country visited by the Argonauts, the country which was then so famous for its fleeces, and which even now sends so many virgins to the Grand Seignior's seraglio, but he foresees the advantages that will be derived to the navy of this kingdom, by the submission of his Mingrelian majesty to the Empress of Russia.

But to proceed:

And next, at our Canadian brethren's pray'r, Ten stout _triremes_ the good pope shall spare!

We apprehend, with all due submission to the drummer, that here is a small mistake. Our Canadian brethren may indeed possess great influence with the Pope, on account of their perseverance in the Catholic religion; but as all the triremes in his holiness's possession are unfortunately in ba.s.s-relief and marble, we have some doubt of their utility at sea.

Light-arm'd _evaas_, canoes that seem to fly, Our faithful _Oberea_ shall supply: _Gallies_ shall Venice yield. Algiers, _xebecs_-- But thou, Nanquin, gay _yachts_ with towering decks; While fierce Kamtschatka------

But it is unnecessary to transcribe all the names of places mentioned by our drummer in sailing eastward towards Cape Horn, and westward to the Cape of Good Hope. We flatter ourselves that we have sufficiently proved the stupendous and almost unnatural excellence of the new Lord Buckingham; and that we have shewn the necessity of innovation in the navy as well as in the const.i.tution; we therefore shall conclude this number, by expressing our hope and a.s.surance, that the salutary amputations which are meditated by the two state surgeons, Mr. Pitt, and Mr. Wyvill, will speedily be followed by equally skilful operations in our marine; and that the prophecy of the dying drummer will be fulfilled in the completion of that delightful event--the nomination of the n.o.ble Marquis to the department of the admiralty!

_NUMBER III._

Having concluded his description of the Marquis of Buckingham, our expiring prophet proceeds to the contemplation of other glories, hardly less resplendent than those of the n.o.ble Marquis himself.

He goes on to the DUKE of RICHMOND.

In travelling round this wide world of virtue, for as such may the mind of the n.o.ble Duke be described, it must be obvious to every one, that the princ.i.p.al difficulty consists--in determining from what quarter to set out; whether to commence in the _frigid zone_ of his benevolence, or in the _torrid hemisphere_ of his loyalty; from the _equinox_ of his conomy, or from the _terra australis_ of his patriotism. Our author feels himself reduced to the dilemma of the famous _Archimedes_ in this case, though for a very different reason, and exclaims violently for the ??? p?? st?, not because he has no ground to stand upon, but because he has too much--because puzzled by the variety, he feels an incapacity to make a selection. He represents himself as being exactly in the situation of _Paris_ between the different and contending charms of the three _Heathen G.o.ddesses_, and is equally at a loss on which to bestow his _detur pulcherimae_. There is indeed more beauty in this latter similitude than may at first view appear to a careless and vulgar observer: the three G.o.ddesses in question being, in all the leading points of their description, most correctly typical of the n.o.ble Duke himself. As for example--_Minerva_, we know, was produced out of the head of _Jove_, complete and perfect at once. Thus the Duke of Richmond starts into the perfection of a full-grown _engineer_, without the ceremony of gradual organization, or the painful tediousness of progressive maturity.--_Juno_ was particularly famed for an unceasing spirit of active persecution against the bravest and most honourable men of antiquity. Col.

_Debbeige_, and some other individuals of modern time, might be selected, to shew that the n.o.ble Duke is not in this respect without some pretensions to sympathy with the queen of the skies.--_Venus_ too, we all know, originated from _froth_. For resemblance in this point, _vide_ the n.o.ble Duke's admirable theories on the subject of _parliamentary melioration_.

Having stated these circ.u.mstances of embarra.s.sment in a few introductory lines to this part of the poem, our author goes on to observe, that not knowing, after much and anxious thought, how to adjust the important difficulty in question, he resolves at last to trust himself entirely to the guidance of his muse, who, under the influence of her usual inspiration, proceeds as follows:

Hail thou, for either talent justly known, To spend the nation's cash--or keep thy own; Expert alike to save, or be profuse, As money goes for thine, or England's use; In whose esteem, of equal worth are thought, A public million, and a private groat.

Hail, and--&c.

_Longinus_, as the learned well know, reckons the figure _Amplification_ amongst the princ.i.p.al sources of the sublime, as does _Quintilian_ amongst the leading requisites of rhetoric. That it const.i.tutes the very soul of eloquence, is demonstrable from the example of that sublimest of all orators, and profoundest of all statesman, Mr. _William Pitt_. If no expedient had been devised, by the help of which the _same_ idea could be invested in a thousand different and glittering habiliments, by which _one_ small spark of meaning could be inflated into a blaze of elocution, how many delectable speeches would have been lost to the Senate of Great Britain? How severe an injury would have been sustained to the literary estimation of the age? The above admirable specimen of the figure, however, adds to the other natural graces of it, the excellent recommendation of strict and literal truth. The author proceeds to describe the n.o.ble Duke's uncommon popularity, and to represent, that whatever be his employment, whether the gay business of the state, or the serious occupation of amus.e.m.e.nt, his Grace is alike sure of the approbation of his countrymen.

Whether thy present vast ambition be To check the rudeness of the' intruding sea; Or else, immerging in a _civil_ storm, With equal wisdom to project--reform; Whether thou go'st while summer suns prevail, To enjoy the freshness of thy kitchen's gale, Where, unpolluted by luxurious heat, Its large expanse affords a cool retreat; Or should'st thou now, no more the theme of mirth, Hail the great day that gave thy sov'reign birth, With kind antic.i.p.ating zeal prepare, And make the _fourth_ of _June_ thy anxious care; O! wheresoe'er thy hallow'd steps shall stray Still, still, for thee, the grateful poor shall pray, Since all the bounty which thy heart denies, Drain'd by thy schemes, the _treasury_ supplies.

The reference to the n.o.ble Duke's kitchen, is a most exquisite compliment to his Grace's well-known and determined aversion to the specious, popular, and prevailing vices of _eating_ and _drinking_; and the four lines which follow, contain a no less admirable allusion to the memorable witticism of his Grace (memorable for the subject of it, as well as for the circ.u.mstance of its being the only known instance of his Grace's attempting to degrade himself into the vulgarity of joke).

When a minister was found in this country daring and wicked enough to propose the suspension of a turnpike bill for one whole day, simply for the reason, that he considered some little ceremony due to the natal anniversary of the _highest_, and beyond all comparison, the _best_ individual in the country; what was the n.o.ble Duke's reply to this frivolous pretence for the protraction of the national business?

"What care I," said this great personage, with a n.o.ble warmth of patriotic insolence, never yet attained by any of the present timid-minded sons of faction, "What care I for the King's birthday!--What is such nonsense to me!" &c. &c. &c. It is true, indeed, times have been a little changed since--but what of that! there is a solid truth in the observation of Horace, which its tritism does not, nor cannot destroy, and which the n.o.ble Duke, if he could read the original, might with great truth, apply to himself and his sovereign:

Tempora mutantur, et nos mutamur in illis.

A great critic affirms, that the highest excellence of writing, and particularly of poetical writing, consists in this one power--to _surprise_. Surely this sensation was never more successfully excited, than by the line in the above pa.s.sage, when considered as addressed to the Duke of Richmond--

Still, still, for thee, the _grateful poor_ shall pray!

Our author, however, whose correct judgment suggested to him, that even the sublimity of surprise was not to be obtained at the expence of truth and probability, hastens to reconcile all contradictions, by informing the reader, that the _treasury_ is to supply the sources of the charity, on account of which the n.o.ble Duke is to be prayed for.

The poet, with his usual philanthropy, proceeds to give a piece of good advice to a person, with whom he does not appear at first sight to have any natural connexion. He contrives, however, even to make his seeming digression contribute to his purpose.

He addresses _Colonel Debbeige_ in the following goodnatured, sublime and parental apostrophe--

Learn, thoughtless _Debbeige_, now no more a youth, The woes unnumber'd that encompa.s.s truth.

Nor of experience, nor of knowledge vain, Mock the chimaeras of a sea-sick brain: Oh, learn on happier terms with him to live, Who ne'er knew _twice_, the weakness to forgive!