What Follows 27 12.1: Psychics And Psychos

'someone has to have blood on their hands, someone has to clean up the blood and someone must bleed'

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I open my eyes, bringing my hands to my belly as the tug behind my navel lightens. I swallow hard, noticing that I'm not in the Darkoom, but in a place I very well recognize.

I quickly turn my head, panicking at Tobias' absence and thinking that maybe the month's over and I won't see him again. But then I remember Tobias telling me that I won't even remember him, but I still do and I'm just really, really all over the place-

"Hey-" I feel a tug behind me and turn in an instant, hand on my chest.

Tobias is looking at me with a small smile framing his pink lips, his eyes narrowed over my face expression, with Benji surprisingly panting out beside him (I thought we left him behind).

"You alright?"

I exhale loudly in relief and try exercising my smiling muscles. And fail.

"I am-" I say, my eyes lingering over his figure as if that would somehow make it possible to memorize his every feature. His every freckle and hair strand that's almost always out of place. And it really does. .h.i.t me that I'll be finding myself doing this quite often.

Engraving him in my mind, that is.

I bite my tongue to look away and back to the scene I was transferred to. There are lots of trees beside me, lots of dead leaves beneath me, a large expanse of a pale blue sky with cotton candy bites scattered across it above me and two people dead to me in front of me.

Sierra and Joshua. Of course.

My chest automatically tightens, and I imagine it's because seeing them waters th.o.r.n.y vines that wrap and wrap themselves around my trachea and gut. And it really leaves me wondering if the dead can puke out dust and mould because this is exactly how it feels like to see them.

It feels like a slap back to reality. It feels like fingers snapping in front of your face to uproot you from an almost sweet daydream back to your problems.

Joshua is standing, paint-blotched hands on hips, his black plants hanging low on his waist and his grey hood covering his hair. His brows are furrowed as he studies Sierra who's dressed in total lack of colour (maybe that applies to everything about her. Her heart, blood and emotions)- all black and rot, and who's studying her surroundings. Who's studying the place I watched her fake her grief for me. The place where she 'lost' her phone.

"I still have her phone, you know that right?" Tobias whispers from behind me, bringing her phone to my face. "I mean, I don't even know what we're supposed to do with-"

"We literally scouted this area for the hundredth time today-" Joshua suddenly blathers, dropping his hands to his sides, taking the both us by surprise.

Sierra has knelt down and is using her hands to remove the layers and layers of fallen leaves and animal droppings. "Well, you said you'd help-" She says, not stopping her search.

Joshua quickly licks his lower lip and exhales irritably. "Well, there will come the time when you have to give up and accept the fact that you've lost your d.a.m.n phone!"

Sierra pauses for a moment to glare at Joshua. "Easy for you to say-" She sneers. "It ain't your f.u.c.king head over the line-"

"Her head's over the line?" A pause. "That could be the best thing I've heard ever since I shook hands with death-" Tobias then whispers behind me and I sigh.

"Yes, if it's a rule that shouldn't be broken-" I say.

"A rule? A rule in Devilsplay? There are rules in a game as wretched as this?" He asks and I nod silently as I watch Sierra and Joshua have a quiet, heated conversation.

"Rules, if broken, will get you killed-" I say.

"And losing her phone will kill her?"

"Well, if it had been this one rule. The 'F-rule', is what they call it-" I say. "-she would've been dead by now."

Tobias makes a face before smirking and lifting Sierra's BlackBerry. He's about to say something when Sierra yells out.

"I'm dead f.u.c.king meat-" is what she says as she throws her arms in the air and runs her fingers in her dark, straight hair.

Joshua watches her break down and does nothing. She slides down the closest tree bark to her and holds her head in her hands as she brings her knees to her chest.

"You don't care-" is what she accuses Joshua of. "You don't know how it feels like to be in my position-"

"That's right. I do not care-" Joshua says noncommittally and Tobias winces. "And I won't be put in a 'situation' like yours-"

Sierra says nothing in response but makes it a point to venomously stare at him. "You're one sad f.u.c.k-" She then tells him. "You don't even know what you want from the world."

Joshua looks at her like she just slapped him in the face. And I seriously, seriously have no clue as to what's happening. I cannot comprehend their actions. I don't know them.

"And you do, yeah?" Joshua asks, pointing his index finger at her. "You got it all figured out, yeah? You really think that money is a purpose to live for? You think it's it's a way of life? An excuse to f.u.c.k people up for?"

Sierra narrows her eyes at him. "You are no different-" She snaps. "You play for the money-"

Joshua turns all red with rage. "You think I ever wanted to play this f.u.c.king game?" He's barely holding back his voice from breaking into a roar. "You really think I f.u.c.king enjoy it? I had to-" He shouts. "I have to play it. I have to and I hate it. I hate it and I regret it and I wish I could've found other ways to f.u.c.king solve my problems-"

"Problems?" Sierra snorts. "What problem could 'Mr-Popular-Slash-Got-It-All-Together' have?" She grimaces. "You're just one good liar. Tricking all people into believing someone you're not."

"f.u.c.k you, Sierr" Joshua rips off the hood off his head, exposing his honey hair waves to the world. "I don't have to prove my worth to someone like you. Someone who kills her own best friend. My love-"

His words are like a knife jagged in my heart, reviving all my pain.

"I'm sorry-" Tobias is whispering behind me as if he feels my pain, but I'm too caught up in a.n.a.lyzing Sierra's smirk, I have nothing to say.

"Love, huh? You played dirty-" Sierra tells him like she knows bad, bad things about him. "You were one of the reasons why she might've chosen to off herself."

"You're one sick b.i.t.c.h-" Joshua shakes, his voice a controlled level of angry.

"And I aim to act up to it-" Sierra smiles wickedly and slowly gets to her feet. "I'm gonna f.u.c.k you up-" She hisses, approaching Joshua. "You watch. Just like you've commented my name, I can do much worse, just so that I will invoke the monster you keep hidden...here-" She pokes his chest with her index finger that Joshua quickly holds. "It'll be one big fiesta when people get to know the real you-"

"You do not know the real me-" Joshua says calmly, removing her finger. "You never will. And I'm not scared of you. I mean, you can't even find your f.u.c.king phone-"

"You see, it's only a matter of time before I find it-" She whispers. "And when I do, you should be f.u.c.king careful."

Joshua shakes his head, looking slightly mortified. "You're f.u.c.king crazy."

"Give me her phone-" I say quickly and Tobias gives me a questioning look before reluctantly handing it out to me.

"What are you going to do?" Tobias asks and I smirk.

"I'm going to give him one privilege over her."

"I'm not sure about what you're trying to do-" Tobias says and I click my tongue, eyeing the phone in my hand.

"Revenge, my friend."

Sierra exists the scene after her 'all-threats' chat with Joshua who's staring despondently at her back. Once she's out of sight, Joshua drops his shoulders, clutches at his hair and yells out in frustration.

He then kicks a tree bark and groans loudly, before he defeatedly brings his forehead to it and cries in anguish. And it's in this moment that I see flashes of the sensitive Joshua I know. It's at this moment that I figure that there might be hope for him after all.

I clutch the phone in my hand and walk determinedly toward him, despite Tobias' protests to wait.

And very, very slowly, I peel every atom of love I had for Sierra out of my heart and soul, I peel everything about me that was about her, I peel any impression she had left behind in my mind and drop the phone at Joshua's feet.

The phone falls with a soft thud that catches his attention because he immediately looks in my direction and down at his feet.

"What are you doing? No!" Tobias pulls me away from behind, but I shake his hand off me.

"What should be done-" I say with a final sniff. "I let her go-" I whisper as I watch Joshua kneel over and pick the phone in his messy hand. He blinks several times at it like he can't believe it, before turning it over and over, a.s.sessing it for any damage.

He then closes his eyes and exhales in heavy relief before closing his fingers over the phone protectively and hiding it in his pockets.

He then stands up, looks around carefully, drags a finger across his nose, before pulling up his hood and quickly stalking off.

I turn to Tobias.

"What the h.e.l.l was that?" Tobias asks, hands caught in his hair.

"It was the right thing to do-" I say. "You saw how horrible Sierra was being-"

"Well, Joshua doesn't sound any better to me-" Tobias states.

"He doesn't-" I say bitterly. "But he is regretful. And it's genuine. And I know it is because out of every creature alive or dead, we know how regret looks like very well-"

Tobias doesn't say anything for a while as his brows remain knotted in deep thought. "This is just insane-" He points toward where they were standing. "I mean- he could potentially kill her if what I understand is right-"

"Well, I don't understand their stupid f.u.c.king game-" I say, finally allowing myself to get angry at everything that happened because of them. "I lost my life because of that game. So forgive me if I have a hard time figuring out how I should 'correctly' deal with this whole thing-" I clench my jaws.

Tobias drops his arms to his sides and exhales loudly. "But I mean, it's really risky. He could break that rule and get her killed with her phone in his hands."

"Well, she would've killed him if she got her phone-" I say, defending my actions.

Tobias shakes his head slowly, then faster as if he's coming up with more ideas to make me question my action.

"You know what?" Tobias says. "I seriously don't think so. I mean, if it's a rule that'll get you killed, this rule should probably be broken when you're so very aware of breaking it and doing it anyway. A rule that can only be broken through the player's own phone. She couldn't have possibly killed him."

"You wouldn't know-"

"I don't, but it makes sense-" Tobias points out. "This BlackBerry is Sierra's one-way ticket to h.e.l.l."

I tip my head and try shaking my head. "I certainly won't want to kill Sierr"

"She deserves-"

"Even if she deserves it-" I cut him off. "I wouldn't mean to kill her. I was just trying to help Joshua out. He seems much more desperate."

"You just a.s.sumed that-" Tobias says and I puff out a breath, wrapping my arms across my chest.

"I mean. Certainly. Joshua wouldn't have it in him to kill Sierr" I say, trying to be hopeful.

"Well, let's hope so-" He says, narrowing his eyes as if in deep thought. "I mean, this would tell us for sure if this Judas is really the hero you really think he is-"

I blink at the ground and bite in my lower lip. "I honestly don't know-"

"You don't know and I need to feed Benji-" Tobias says out of nowhere, completely changing the topic.

"Benji-" I whisper his name for no reason as my eyes try searching for him amongst the trees.

Tobias puts a combination of fingers in his mouth and whistles shrilly. I turn to him as he studies the bushes that seem to immediately come to life with Benji leaping out from between them.

Benji barks and wags his tail and I sigh. Boys and dogs.

"Here Benji, here-" Tobias says with a wide smile as he kneels by him and pats him.

"Why does he even need to feed?" I ask Tobias who's consumed with giving love to Benji.

"Because he's alive?"

"He's alive?" I snort. "Does that mean I can drag anything alive with me to my dimension?" I ask with a smirk. "Because I'd drag this b.i.t.c.h, Sierra, by the hair-"

Tobias looks up at me and doesn't hide his amus.e.m.e.nt as he chuckles lightly.

"I mean we could certainly try, but I don't think that's how it works-" Tobias says, looking back at Benji who's licking his ghost hands.

I tsk. "Tragic."

"I mean, I think it only works with beings that can see and feel us-" He says. "I think a majority of animals can do that. And maybe even psychics."

"Psychics, not psychos?"

"Well, the way I think of it-" Tobias says with a smile, like he's enjoying this ridiculous conversation. "If psychos were abducted by spirits who held grudges against them, the world would've been a much better place than it is."

"Tell me about it."

"Yeah, let's just fetch him something to eat before G.o.d decides it's nighttime for us-" He turns to me and winks.

And I smile weakly despite myself.