The Food Sage 5 Who Am I?

"Who am I? I am simply the greatest man ever to live, leading the greatest company that has ever set foot on this G.o.dforsaken land. As for why I'm here, it's because I am here to tell you some good news." Said the inconspicuous man in a moral tone of voice.

Tilting his head to the side, Jacob looks at the inconspicuous man with a confused facial expression. Opening his mouth, he says to the man, "I meant your name, not your background. On top of that, you didn't even give me a proper background."

Interrupting the inconspicuous man, Mrs. Cardona gives him a look of pure disdain, saying, "The only thing that you gave him was a glimpse into your future. Is this the real reason why you are always single?" with a smile on her face, showing her pearly white teeth.

In the midst of their conversation, grandpa Galen finally gets up and stretches his back, before picking up his spatula, and heading inside Jacobs house.

Looking around for his grandfather, Jacob suddenly realizes that he was probably inside already, and with the commotion that his uncle and mom keep on making, he had to find a way to stop their infighting.

"Are you secretly a eunuch? I honestly wouldn't be surprised, and considering your love-life, you shouldn't be surprised too." Said Mrs. Cardona.

Furiously stomping his feet, the inconspicuous man points his finger at an irregular angle toward her, "Look here, you motherf*****g wh.o.r.e. I've had enough of—."

Slap!

Resounding through s.p.a.ce, Mrs. Cardona gives the inconspicuous man a tight slap on the cheek. "You are never allowed to call ME or ANYONE a cuss word in front of my child! Do you hear me? As an uncle, you have to behave like it too, and not embarra.s.s yourself in front of millions."

Jacob, ready to change the direction of the conversation, looks at his mom with a newfound sense of respect. Trying to break the ice that has just formed, he walks over and looks over at the inconspicuous man, "Aren't you my uncle, then what is your name? I don't want to be calling you, the tall man or something weird like that."

Taken by surprise, the inconspicuous man reveals his ident.i.ty to Jacob in a dull tone, "my full name is Henry Cardona, and I am the head of the agricultural department, which my father helms. I have no middle name, because I don't need one, and I am also your teacher. My t.i.tle in the Sage Sect is that of an honorary elder of sorts."

Confused by the term "honorary elder," Jacob takes a brochure out of his back pocket. "Hmm, let's see... ah, I found it. It shows teachers, elders, masters in a big red word, grandmasters and… sages. Why is there no information related to masters and sages? And what are honorary elders?"

After saying that, Jacob continues his search for more information while sweeping through the pages, one at a time.

In the midst of his page-flipping, uncle Henry s.n.a.t.c.hes the brochure in a swift and easy fas.h.i.+on, continuing to say, "and the t.i.tle honorary elder is simply an elder that has attained enough merits in his field. There is a possible t.i.tle addition of "honors" with every position except sage. As for your other two questions, they are both cla.s.sified for the both of us. Only grandmasters like my dad have access to this information."

Whoosh.

Uncle Henry abruptly flings Jacobs brochure into the air and then he casually walks away, but before he walks into the house, he looks back at Jacob with a smug look on his face.

Following behind uncle Henry, Mrs. Cardona beckons Jacob with her hand, "Come on, your grandpa is waiting."

Perplexed by their unusual actions, Jacob continues to go inside his house.

When Jacob reaches the front door, he is suddenly hit with a realization, "Why did everyone decide to go inside before me?" and suddenly Jacobs back is riddled with cold-sweat.

Creeeeeaaaak.

Opening the house door slowly, Jacob could only hear the sound of it moving and nothing else.

Creak, wumpth.

Closing the door behind him, Jacob slowly walks around his deadly silent house, looking for his family members that seem to have vanished into thin air.

The kitchen, living room, his room, his parent's room. They were nowhere to be seen; however, there was hope.

Desperately clinging onto that last straw, Jacob breaks the only rule in his house, "no yelling continuously".

"Where is everyone, where is everyone…" Shouting at the top of his lungs, Jacob makes sure that no room is left unheard, even the neighbors can vaguely hear someone yelling but the words are inaudible.

...

In a hidden closet above Jacobs room, there appear three dark, mushed silhouettes. Unknown whose voice was who, the three figures hushed voices carried a faint sense of impatience, worry, and... annoyance.

"Can you get your a.s.s out of my a.s.s?" Said a silhouette.

"How can my a.s.s be in your a.s.s? How about you get your a.s.s out of my face and pa.s.sing so much gas." Said another silhouette.

"I wasn't the one who was pa.s.sing gas." Said the third silhouette.

"If you weren't the one that pa.s.sed the gas...then who did it?" Said one of the silhouettes.

...

Still, below the room, Jacob continues to look for his family. "Mom where are you? Grandpa Galen, I know where you are!!! Stop hiding from me, you guys!!!"

After a couple of minutes of yelling, Jacob gives up on his pursuit and starts to walk back to his room from the downstairs living room.

Tired and weary, Jacob opens his door, and not bothering to close it, he falls on his bed, knocking out.

...

Still, in the closet, the three silhouettes stopped fighting and are negotiating terms.

One of the silhouettes says, " Okay, I understand. How about we all stop farting-."

"Pa.s.sing gas," Says one of the other silhouettes.

Feeling a little stifled, the silhouette that spoke earlier says, "Okay, how about we all stop... pa.s.sing gas, and check on that little brat down below."

Realizing that the silhouette just said that they worried about Jacob, another silhouette says with a worried tone of voice, "I agree. This kid has no restraint sometimes, and I'm afraid that he did more than just yell." After saying that, the silhouette starts to break free from the entanglement.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

"What-where are you—OUCH, that's my crotch!" Foam drizzles out of one of their mouths, and the other two silhouettes start to get out of the closet safely.

Bang. Crash.

The first person gets out of the closet in a not-so-gentlemanly manner, but still lands on his feet; however, the second person comes out head first, rolling all of the ways to the wall that is across the room.

The first person that got out was grandpa Galen and the second person was Mrs. Cardona.

"I have never felt so good stretching before." After grandpa Galen was done with his stretches, he looks around the room and notices his daughter and son in their somewhat perilous state, especially his son. With foam gus.h.i.+ng out of his mouth, uncle Henry continues to lie in the closet with his hands on his crotch.

Walking to his daughter, grandpa Galen picks her up and fixes her up before looking at his miserable son with black lines on his forehead, "I really need to teach this son of mine to protect his family jewels better, but then again, he doesn't deserve to have kids after what just happened."

"Father, I think we should let him be for now and go see Jacob." Said, Mrs. Cardona, as she pats her behind to get rid of the dust.

Ignoring his daughter's opinion, grandpa Galen reaches for his back pocket and takes out a pure dark metal bead. Glowing with a silver and red light occasionally, it gives a mystical feeling, as if nothing can stand in its way once unleashed.

Walking up to his son, grandpa Galen raises his hand to prepare to use the bead.

Step. Step. Step.

Once he stood in front of his son, grandpa Galen drops the bead directly above his son's mouth and hopes for the best.

Suddenly a slender hand touches his shoulder and surprises, grandpa Galen swiftly turns his head over with squinted eyes, only to see his daughter looking at him with a concerned look on her face, "Father, is that bead, the newest invention of those lunatics back at the Voyager Guild? You can't be playing with those strange things that they make. Don't you remember grandpa? He loved his crazy gadgets like his life depended on it, and yet, the same thing that he loved was what killed him in the end."