A Rose Dedicated To You Chapter 9

After being married to the Rosenberg House for half a year, I was busy but my days were filled with happiness .  

I was surrounded by kind people, and I spent my days at ease while still worrying that this happiness could collapse someday .

But when I thought about it, I was walking on thin ice .

If I lose my balance a little, then the ice will suddenly crack, and I will fall into the cold water and sink .

However, the scenery I saw for the first time was too gorgeous, and I fell in love with so I didn’t ponder about the dangerous place I was in .

I was a fool .

However, I couldn’t do anything about it once I was on the ice .

It happened on the day when I went Charmes Mondt on Otto Street with Orpheus to buy jewellery .

I bought Claire a garnet hair ornament, Diana a perfume that smelled like southern fruits, and went back to the mansion .

“Claire, I have a present for you,” I told her when I got back to my room from my outing, and Claire widened her amber eyes as if they were going to tear up .

I picked up a small, striped, gold and white box from today’s purchases and gave it to the surprised her .  

“Open it . ”

Claire timidly received the box . She gently opened it while feeling tense and turned over the silk cloth .

“Woah! Madam, this…!” Claire raised her voice while looking like she couldn’t believe it .

Wrapped in silk was a silver hair ornament with small flowers and a thin rose-coloured garnet inlaid in the middle .  

I chose this because I thought it would look good in her red hair .

“Thank you for always working so hard . I’m really grateful to you . This is just my thanks,” I said as emotion filled my chest and tears felt as if they were going to fall out .  

I couldn’t repay how well she treated me with just one hair ornament .

I was able to be here because of her encouragement and support . I really am grateful to her .  

“N-no way . I, I only did what was expected of me… Th-there’s no way I can accept something so expensive! I’m thrilled by your feelings, so mm, erm…”

Claire was busy going pale and turning red .

I took her hand and gently pushed the box into it .

“I have permission from Orpheus . So, it’s fine . Please, Claire . Please take it . Think of it as a sign of my trust . ”

Claire muttered, while being dumbfounded, “Madam . ” Her face scrunched up, and she began crying .

“What’s wrong, Claire?! Are you feeling unwell?!”

“N-no . I’m okay . I’m crying because Madam is so kind…” Claire said in a tearful voice as she sniffed slowly when I quickly held out a handkerchief .  

“I’m the one who should be thanking you . Thank you very much, Madam . You’re always very, very nice to me . You buy me presents whenever you go out, and you care about my family . ”

“Claire . ”

I wiped Claire’s tears and sighed emotionally .

What a good child she is!

I hadn’t done anything special, and yet she thought that way .

Are there any other girls who are as pure and kind-hearted as she?

I nearly cried because of what I received from her, and Claire wiped her face roughly with her sleeves and declared powerfully, “I’ll serve Madam for the rest of my life!”

“Th-the rest of your life?”

Claire is old enough to get married in a few years . I’m happy, but it’ll be bad for her to serve me for the rest of her life .

I want her to find a nice man, marry him and serve him instead of me .

I told her this, but it was hard for me to get her to change her mind once it’s been made, and she got even more fired up, “I’ll follow you no matter what happens!”

She even said that she would make the hair ornament an heirloom, and I was troubled, so I warned her not to .

I changed into casual clothes and visited Diana’s room to give her the perfume .

I could have given her jewellery like I had with Claire, but I’ve already done that a few times already and she can’t enjoy the beauty of jewellery in the first place .

So, I chose perfume because I thought she could enjoy it with her other senses . Of course, I also got Orpheus’s permission for this .

I wanted to see Diana’s happy face, so I knocked on the door of her room as my chest pounded, but there was no answer even after I waited for a bit .

I tilted my head, wondering where she’d gone, and a cold voice sounded from behind me, “What are you doing here?” 

I turned around and saw the head maid, Elze, standing there with a stern look on her face .

She glanced at the tiny box in my hand, frowned and questioned me again, “What are you doing, Ms Orphelia?”

“… I wanted to give Diana a gift . She doesn’t seem to be in her room, so I wondered where she’d gone . ” I, who disliked Elze’s evaluating glance, answered while doing my best not to meet her eyes .  

Elze sighed as if she was stunned and shook her head as if she was rejecting my remark .

“Miss Diana is in the garden . ”

“The garden?” I asked back since I thought it was odd .

Why was she in the garden when the sun is about to set?

It was spring according to the calendar, but it was still cold in the morning and evening . It wasn’t time to enjoy a walk at night .

But, Elze probably wouldn’t answer me even if I asked her about this .

She only told me the necessary minimum .

“I see . If that’s the case, then fine . Thank you for telling me . ”

I left because there was no point in me being here, and she stopped me after I took a few steps .

I turned back wondering what she wanted, and Elze raised her chin and said like a strict teacher who was scolding a child who had done something wrong, “You should understand your position calmly and take appropriate actions . ”

I felt fed up when I heard that .

Elze always says this to me every time we meet . I wanted to argue… Are you telling me that I did something unnecessary and that I behaved in a way that makes it seem like I don’t understand my own position?

She knew that Orpheus trusted her greatly . She had training and a t.i.tle and took an unbelievable att.i.tude against her master’s wife .

She probably didn’t like my presence because she seems to be one of Diana’s ardent supporters .

“I’ll endeavour to do so,” I could only reply like this because I didn’t want to trouble Orpheus by causing discord with the servants .

Elze still stared at me as if she wanted to say something, but I didn’t want to feel any more uncomfortable, so I held the box as if protecting myself from her gaze and quickly walked away .

I thought about various things as I walked: about Orpheus, about Diana, about myself, about the past and about the future .

I couldn’t stop thinking . I got more and more depressed, and by the time I had realised, I was in the garden .

The sky was dyed red with the sunset . It was dim around the vicinity, and a piercing cold wind was blowing .

I got cold in no time because of my thin clothes, but I didn’t feel like going back to the mansion and loitered around the garden at dusk .

I was going to give Diana the box if I met her .

I wanted to see her bright smile, which was like a blooming flower .

If I see her smile, my heart which was as cold as my body would become warm as if I was in the sun .

Then, I saw it .

The sight of Orpheus smiling gently and lovingly at Diana like I’ve never seen before――― .

It was an expression that he had never turned towards me .

I fell in love with it . It was beautiful, dazzling and I couldn’t take my eyes off him .

At the same time, I realised that I had fallen in love with him before I knew it .

I was sad .

Even if I love Orpheus, he wouldn’t love me .

I was a hindrance for both of them .

Orpheus loves Diana so much, but he can’t get married to her because of me .

I couldn’t stand the scene in front of me and was a.s.saulted by a rush of emotions, so I ran away from there while crying .

My breathing went up, and I kept running even when my chest started hurting .

I was walking on thin ice every day .

I was happy and fascinated by the scenes around me, but I finally saw the cracks .

If the ice breaks, then all I can do is fall .

I was probably a fool in many ways .

From that day on, I continued to worry .

I couldn’t live as I have been doing now .  

Orpheus and I were doing well because we didn’t have any romantic feelings towards each other . Diana’s presence hadn’t been a problem either .

But, it didn’t go well once that balance was broken, and I had already stepped onto the ice .

No one else was to blame; I was .

I fell in love with Orpheus despite knowing that Orpheus and Diana loved each other . I was foolish and strangled myself .

I was worried .

I suffered while crying endured the pain in my chest, and came to a conclusion .

――― I will disappear from their sight .

I love both Orpheus and Diana . The love I feel for them both are different, but I love them from the bottom of my heart .

――― I’ll step down .

I’ll disappear from the sight of my loved ones . May they be married this time for their happiness .

However, if I just disappear from their sight, then they would be worried because they are kind .  

Orpheus would be anxious, and he would probably try to find me .

Thus, I became a wicked person and will disappear from their sights once they hate me . I will be cast away according to Orpheus .

That man would probably fly into a fit of rage if I disappear while only leaving a scandal behind, but that didn’t matter anymore . I have no obligations to a man who sold me off to gain loans after he’d oppressed me harshly .

And, it doesn’t matter what happens to me .

I had no worth, to begin with, and I’m not needed by anyone . I’ll become a nun or a prost.i.tute .

I don’t mind if people look down on me . I also don’t care if they reject me .

I’m not looking for someone to understand .

This is my love .  

This is my love for Orpheus .

And, I became the Countess Rosenberg whom everyone hates .

I insulted Orpheus when he tried to talk to me and ignored Diana who kept repeating her excuses .

Orpheus finally said that he would move Diana to another place, so I cursed him mercilessly .

『You’re the worst . I’ve already permitted you once, but you want to kick her out as soon as it’s not convenient… unbelievable . You’re despicable . 』

“What am I supposed to do?” Orpheus asked .

『What do I have to do to take back our old relations.h.i.+p? We can start over as a couple . 』

『I can’t . Because I have someone I love . 』

By that time, I had a collaborator named Claude, so I was able to answer in a dignified manner .

『You’re the only one who won’t abandon me . 』

『I’m not leaving you . 』

I tore up the promise that I had made to Orpheus many times as if I was tearing up paper .  

Orpheus looked badly wounded .

I ignored the pain in my chest and continued to laugh .

『I’ve understood real love . He can give me what you can’t . He filled my heart . I came to my senses because of him . It was a mistake to marry you… It’s not too late . We could get a divorce . That way, you won’t have to kick your favourite Diana, right? I can live with the person I love . Everyone gets what they want . 』

Thus, the curtains closed on my happy days .

I was only allowed to push forward to the end, and people began pointing their fingers at my back as a fool who didn’t know their own place .

◊♦◊♦◊♦◊

I sat down at dinner after I shook Orpheus awake .

The sun had already set, the curtains closed, and the only light source in the room came from the chandelier and candlestick .

A heavy silence flowed between us .

Orpheus quietly drank his wine, and I earnestly carried the food in front of me to my mouth . An aura of rejection flowed out from Orpheus’s whole body and was carried in the silence .

“Ophelia, I need to talk…”

“You have no complaints with this, right?” I gulped down the gla.s.s of wine in front of me and interrupted Orpheus .

“I ate as you ordered . I ate properly . I’m full, so I don’t need dessert . ”

I violently threw the cloth which I had wiped my mouth with on the table and stood up .

“Wait . I need to talk to you . Sit down . ”

“I refuse . I have nothing to talk to you about . You lectured me a lot yesterday, and I’m sick of hearing your stupid voice . Ah, oh, yes, yes . Don’t send Juris as a messenger again . I don’t like that man . I don’t want to see his face if possible . ”

“It’s not a lecture . Just sit down . ”

“You’re persistent! I told you I don’t want to, didn’t I?!”

I threw a tantrum like always .  

“I have nothing to talk to you about, and I don’t want to listen to you! What? What complaints do you have? I promised that I wouldn’t waste your time for a while, and I didn’t disturb your time with Diana!”

“Ophelia . ”

“Shut up! You’re always like this! You’re kind to Diana, but you always complain about me! Why can’t you be a little kind to me!?”

Orpheus remained expressionless .  

He looked at me coldly, and I couldn’t understand what he was thinking . He stared at me, who was shouting because I had gotten worked up .

He won’t gently appease me like he does with Diana when she gets angry .  

He would never direct his loving smile and natural arched lips at me .  

――― But, I still love him .

I became a loathsome person because I love him .

I was selfish and arrogant . I became a bad wife who people frowned at just by hearing my name . I degraded into a fool .

If I do this, then the relations.h.i.+p between Orpheus and Diana is justified, and the servants becoming increasingly feverish to support them .

Before long, Orpheus will run out of patience with me, divorce me, and I will disappear from his sight .  

And Orpheus and Diana, the lovers I admire, will marry and be happy .

Orpheus can smile gently and lovingly forever by Diana’s side .

――― So, I will give him my everything .

It’s okay if my feelings don’t reach him . It’s okay if it remains unknown forever .

It’s okay even if I’m looked down upon and rejected .

“I hate you all! You, Diana, Juris and Elze . I hate you all!” I didn’t want to see Orpheus’s face distort as if it was cracked and rushed out of the dining room as my b.l.o.o.d.y scream echoed .