Hope. Part 9

'You really don't like women at all, do you?' Nell asked. 'When we got married I thought you loved me and that we'd have children. But you cheated me. You knew that you could never give me that.'

'I take care of you,' he said indignantly.

'Care! You call ordering me around, pulling me up for the quilt not being straight or a speck of dirt on the floor, taking care of me?' Nell's voice rose to a shriek. 'You don't talk or laugh. There's no joy in you. Being married to you is like a prison sentence.'

'I don't know what's got into you. I've said I'm sorry, now let that be the end of it,' he said, and began eating his pie.

'The end of it!' she exclaimed. 'I've barely begun, Albert Scott. You are unnatural, a freak of nature that you don't like women, and I swear on all that's holy that I will expose what you really are unless you do as I say.'

At last he looked frightened and Nell felt she now had some real power.

'So what do you want of me?' he asked in little more than a whisper, dropping his eyes from hers.

'First of all, you will never hit Hope or me again.'

He nodded.

'And you'll make no further complaints about how I run this house. You'll get the coal, wood and the water in like any decent husband would do. You will also welcome my family here and behave as if you like them.'

'Is that it?' he asked.

'You think you've got off lightly, don't you?' she laughed mirthlessly. 'But you haven't, because I know that it will wear you down having to be nice to me. You'll always be afraid I might spill the beans about you and make you the laughing stock of the county. Maybe it will wear you down enough so you leave me. That will make me very happy. I've never considered myself a real wife anyway.'

To her amazement he covered his face with his hands. 'I can't help the way I am,' he muttered as if he were crying. 'G.o.d knows I wish I was like other men.'

Nell almost softened then. She was tempted to put her arms around him and say maybe they could learn to be friends like the way they were before they married. But she knew that if he saw her weaken he would use it to his advantage.

Instead she took his hands away from his face. There were tears in his eyes. 'There might still be hope for you if you can shed a tear, Albert Scott,' she said crisply. 'Finish your supper, then let me see to that cut on your hand.'

Chapter Six.

1845.

Hope was walking home through Lord's Wood after spending her afternoon off in Woolard with Matt, Amy and their children when she heard a crack of something stepping on a dry stick behind her.

She turned, but couldn't see or hear anything. Had it been an animal, she'd have been able to hear rustling in the undergrowth, so it stood to reason it was a human who was now hidden.

She wasn't in the least scared; it was only six in the evening and in June it didn't get dark until at least ten o'clock. Besides, she and her brothers used to stalk people all the time when they were younger. In fact, if she hadn't known both Joe and Henry were fis.h.i.+ng by the bridge in Woolard, she would have thought it was one of them. But they'd been warned off coming into the wood by Mr Box, the Hunstrete gamekeeper, because he suspected them of poaching. Fortunately that day Box didn't catch them with any fish from the lake, but he said that if he saw them in the woods again he'd turn them over to the magistrates.

Hope waited a while and when there were no further noises she thought she might have been mistaken so she walked on. But when she heard another crack, she turned just in time to see someone dart behind a tree. She knew it wasn't an adult, for their step was too light, and she thought it was a girl for she'd seen a flash of blonde hair.

The Nicholses, who lived on the common near her old home, had two blonde daughters, and one of them, Anna, was daring enough to play this sort of game on someone. So Hope thought she'd turn the tables on her and hide behind a tree too.

She held the skirt of her brown dress in tight so it wouldn't give her away, and waited. After about a minute she heard the sound of creeping feet. They came right up to the tree where she was hiding and then stopped so close that Hope could hear the girl's breathing. She wanted to laugh because she could just imagine Anna's confused expression as she wondered how Hope had managed to disappear.

Stealthily Hope crept around the big tree and then pounced out. 'Gotcha!' she yelled.

But to her astonishment it wasn't Anna Nichols at all, but Master Rufus. And he looked as startled as a rabbit.

'I'm sorry, Master Rufus,' Hope stammered. 'I didn't know it was you.'

'Didn't you? Well, that's good. I mean, that's the whole point of the game, isn't it?' he said with a beaming smile. 'I'd been waiting for ever for someone to come along. I was so pleased when I saw you I didn't think you'd scream like I was a murderer, the way Miss Bird would.'

Hope didn't like sour-faced Miss Bird one bit, so that made her laugh.

Rufus was ten now, and almost as tall as Hope, but he still looked as sweet and innocent as he had as a five-year-old. His blond hair almost touched his shoulders, and he had wide blue eyes and a soft plump mouth. He had Lady Harvey's slightly upturned nose and her creamy skin, yet overall he looked like a junior replica of his father, who also had a very girlish mouth and curly hair, and Rufus wore his navy-blue sailor suit with as much style as his father wore his riding clothes.

'Should you be out here, Master Rufus?' Hope said archly. 'I didn't think you were allowed beyond the grounds of Briargate.'

'No, I believe I'm not,' he grinned. 'But don't call me Master. Just Rufus will do. Let's have a game of hide-and-seek?'

Hope might have turned thirteen back in April but she often ached to have the kind of fun she used to have with her brothers before their parents died. Her life was all work, up at five, toiling in the kitchen day after day, often until eight in the evening and later still when there was a dinner party. The only respite was her afternoon off when she visited Matt and Amy, but Amy was as staid as Miss Bird most of the time. All she did was gossip about her neighbours, or boast how clever her children were.

Albert wouldn't approve if she was late home; he'd give her one of his black looks and point to the clock. But she doubted he'd take it any further than that. She often wondered what Nell said to him that evening after he whacked her against the wall, because he'd been different ever since.

He wasn't nicer, for he was just as silent and brooding, but he hadn't hit her again, nor did he order her and Nell about the way he used to. It was rather strange really, for Hope sensed he still resented her every bit as much. He certainly wasn't any kinder to Nell either, but he did draw the water from the well and brought in fuel for the stove. Hope remained wary of him though, and did her best not to upset him in any way.

Luckily she was hardly ever alone with Albert any more. Soon after Cook's funeral, Martha Miles, the new cook, arrived, and Baines told Hope she was to be a proper kitchenmaid, at six pounds a year, and that meant she worked till much later in the evening. On her regular afternoon off on Wednesdays she always went to see Matt and Amy, and Baines arranged it so she and Nell could have the same Sunday afternoon off once a month.

Hope played hide-and-seek with Rufus for quite a while, and it was a bit like old times when they'd played in the garden, only a great deal more fun because now Rufus was old enough to hide properly. But eventually Nell said she'd have to go and told Rufus he must too for his mother would be getting worried about him.

He just shrugged. 'Maybe that will make a change from worrying about Papa,' he said.

Hope frowned, a.s.suming Rufus was a little jealous that his father got more of Lady Harvey's attention. 'You should be glad they are happy together,' she reprimanded him. 'It would be much worse for you if they didn't like each other.'

He looked at her strangely. 'Happy together? They are hardly ever together. Even when he's here at Briargate he's out most of the time. He only comes back for meals.'

Hope had not been aware of that, but then the only time she got a glimpse of Sir William was when he went to the stables to get Merlin. She hadn't heard it from the other servants either, for Baines was very strict about them gossiping about what the master and mistress did. Nell was the soul of discretion; she might tell Hope what Lady Harvey was wearing for dinner, or that she'd had a lie-down because she had a headache, but very little else.

She and Ruth did talk a lot about Rufus, but only in the fond way anyone would speak about a child. They took pride in that he was clever, they repeated funny things he said, and because of this Hope felt she knew him just as well now as she did when they used to play together.

'Where does he go then?' Hope asked.

'Out riding, visiting friends. Mama doesn't like it when he doesn't come home at night.'

Hope sn.i.g.g.e.red. She thought he meant that his father got so drunk he fell down somewhere and slept it off. Her father had done that a few times and woken up in a field all wet with dew. 'I don't suppose he likes how he feels the next morning,' she said.

Rufus looked puzzled and asked what she meant. Hope explained.

'I don't think my papa ends up in a field,' Rufus said, looking shocked that Hope could even suggest that. 'I think he goes to Bath. I once heard Mama ask if he'd been in a wh.o.r.ehouse! Do you know what that is?'

Hope did know what a wh.o.r.e was, she'd heard Albert say the word a couple of times, and asked Nell what it meant. Nell had said the real meaning was a woman who let a man have his way with her, for money. But she had quickly added that Albert used it for any woman who in his opinion was too lively or flirtatious.

'It's a house of happy women,' Hope said, thinking she'd better not give him Nell's definition.

'Well, I don't blame Papa for going to one then,' Rufus pouted, 'because Mama is always unhappy.'

'How can she be unhappy?' Hope asked. To her Lady Harvey had the best life it was possible to have.

'She is,' he said with a touch of indignation that she didn't believe him. 'She cries a lot about Papa because he doesn't seem to care about her.'

Hope found that difficult to believe as everyone had always told her Lady Harvey and Sir William were a love match. But then people had thought Albert and Nell were too, and she knew first-hand how untrue that was, and what misery it could be finding herself between the pair of them.

'My mother used to say that all married couples have tiffs sometimes,' she said, trying to offer him some comfort because it clearly troubled him. 'So don't you fret about them. You'll be going away to school soon anyway.'

'I don't want to go away,' he said glumly. 'I know I'm going to hate it. Would you meet me here again? I like being with you.'

Hope thought maybe the fear of going away to school was at the bottom of all his worries, and perhaps he was lonely too. 'I could only meet you on Wednesdays,' she said with a smile. 'But you'd better not tell anyone.'

Albert went down to the ale house in Chelwood as soon as Hope got home, not even stopping to tell her off for being late because he'd eaten up at the big house. He did that quite often now as Martha, the new cook, always made a fuss of him.

Nell often laughingly said that Albert was sweet on Martha, even though the cook was well over forty and fat, with rotten teeth. Yet ridiculous as that was, Albert did seem to enjoy Martha's endless admiration for his work in the garden, and the way she kowtowed to him, as well as her cooking.

As Nell wouldn't be back for some time, Hope sat on the backdoor step to eat some bread and cheese. It was a beautiful evening, still warm with just the softest of breezes, and the air full of the smell of newly cut hay. It was her favourite spot, for Lord's Wood was on her right, on the left there were acres of fields, and straight ahead was the big house at the end of the tree-lined drive.

The sun was going down, and the house had turned the colour of ripe apricots. She was too far away to see the roses, but Nell had said this morning that the climbing ones were right up by Lady Harvey's bedroom window, and they filled the rooms with their scent.

The things Rufus had said about his parents were playing on her mind and made her think back to when she used to play with him. She hadn't been aware of the huge divide between her family and his then. While she marvelled at Rufus's toys, the fine furniture and Lady Harvey's lovely clothes, she'd been enveloped in the same kind of warm atmosphere she felt at home. That gave her the idea that Sir William and Lady Harvey were just the same as her parents.

She knew better now. Gentry were a different breed altogether from working people and the warmth she'd felt in Briargate in those days hadn't come from its owners at all. It came from the servants, three of whom were members of her own family. Lady Harvey hadn't brought Rufus up, Ruth had. He only spent an hour a day with his mama. With Nell in and out of the nursery all day, and James taking him out for rides on his pony, Rufus probably felt closer to the Rentons than he did to his parents.

This, she realized, was partly why Rufus wanted to meet her again, even if he didn't know it himself. While the Rentons looked to Briargate for their living, Rufus looked to the Rentons for affection and care. He had never seen Nell or Ruth unhappy, nor were they sour-faced and prim like Miss Bird. James no doubt teased Rufus and played around with him like a big brother. As for Hope, he probably imagined that because she'd been his first playmate, she could now be his friend, confidante and ally.

She sighed, knowing only too well that Nell wouldn't approve of her having secret a.s.signations with Rufus. She was always reminding her of 'her place'. Hope knew that if she was to try to explain that Rufus was lonely and sad, Nell would snort and say she was talking nonsense. She wouldn't believe that a boy with so much could be anything but gloriously happy.

Seeing Nell coming down the drive, Hope got up and ran to meet her. Even from a distance she could see her sister was very tired and hobbling as if her feet hurt.

'Is Albert in?' Nell asked as Hope reached her.

'No, he's gone to the ale house,' Hope replied.

Nell nodded as if she was glad. 'How were Matt and his family?'

Hope pa.s.sed on as much as she could remember of what Amy had said during the afternoon. 'I think she might be expecting again. She didn't say she was, but she had that look.'

'I thought that too at church on Sunday,' Nell said thoughtfully. 'And what about Joe and Henry, did you see them?'

Hope wasn't going to worry Nell by admitting she'd seen the boys fis.h.i.+ng off the bridge, when they should have been working in the copper foundry at Woolard.

'I saw them from a distance,' she said, for that much was true, and if Nell chose to think this was at the foundry that would spare her any further anxiety.

Hope made Nell a cup of tea when they got in, and fetched a bowl of water so she could soak her feet. Then she sat down with her and asked who had been there for dinner that night at Briargate.

'The Warrens from Wick Farm, and the Metcalfes from Bath,' Nell replied. 'Lady Harvey wore her new blue satin gown and she looked lovely.'

'Would you say she was happy?' Hope ventured.

'She seemed to be tonight,' Nell said, wriggling her toes in the warm water and sighing with pleasure at finally getting to sit down. 'But then she always seems to rally round when the master is at home.'

'So does she get unhappy when he's away?' Hope probed.

'What a one you are for questions,' Nell chuckled. 'Yes, she does. Sometimes, when I know she's been crying, I want to tell her that I'd be as happy as a pig in clover if Albert was to go away.'

Hope knew from that comment that her sister had had a trying day, for although she'd made the remark lightly, as if she were joking, it was quite indiscreet by her usual close-lipped standards.

Nell had never openly admitted that she regretted marrying Albert, but Hope saw it in her face daily. He might treat her better now, but he never showed the slightest affection towards her, and Nell didn't even try to engage him in conversation any more. While she still did all the wifely tasks of cleaning, was.h.i.+ng and mending, she no longer nipped home during the day to prepare his supper because he'd begun having meals at the big house. It was as if Nell was his servant, for Hope hadn't seen them kiss or hug since the day they married.

A few months ago when Hope's courses had started, Nell had explained what it meant, and that she would soon start hoping for a sweetheart. She had warned Hope against allowing any boy or man to take liberties with her, and that the outcome could be a baby.

'You are so bonny, a great many men will want you,' she said sternly. 'But don't allow yourself to be deceived, Hope, a man who truly loves you will wait for marriage.' She had fallen silent for a while, and then suddenly caught hold of Hope's hand really tightly. 'But before you agree to marry, be sure that it is you you he wants, your body, your mind, every-thing about you. For some men cannot truly love, they are just empty sh.e.l.ls, wis.h.i.+ng to hide their affliction by having a woman at their side.' he wants, your body, your mind, every-thing about you. For some men cannot truly love, they are just empty sh.e.l.ls, wis.h.i.+ng to hide their affliction by having a woman at their side.'

Hope knew then that this was how Nell saw Albert, an empty sh.e.l.l incapable of love. She had a strong suspicion too that they didn't do the act that made babies either, or surely Nell would have had one by now.

Miss Bird, Rufus's governess, left Briargate for good at the end of June to take up a position in Bristol. Ruth and Nell were very pleased to see her go as they had never liked her, but they did express some concern about how Rufus would spend his days until he went away to school in September.

He loathed going out visiting with his mother, but he was bored and lonely at home with no one to play with. He liked going riding with his father, but even when Sir William was home, he rarely took Rufus out with him. James tried to find time to ride with him sometimes, but since the undergroom had left, he had too much other work to do.

Hope justified her weekly secret meetings with Rufus by telling herself she was occupying him so he wouldn't be lonely. She would first go to see Matt and Amy, but left early to have longer with Rufus. His face would light up when he saw her, and he always said that Wednesday was his favourite day.

Sometimes he brought presents for her, toffee, fudge or ripe peaches, things Hope rarely got to eat. They would go deep into the woods, often to the big pond which was surrounded by bushes and reeds, and on really hot days they took off their boots and stockings and paddled.

Hope found it was as comfortable being with Rufus as it was with members of her own family, but he was far more gentle and sweet-natured than her brothers. He didn't mind if she just wanted to sit in the suns.h.i.+ne and talk, he didn't goad her into rough games the way they did.

Although Hope had at first thought she was just being kind to a lonely boy, after the second meeting she was as anxious to see him as he was to see her. She came to see that she had been lonely too, but because she was surrounded by people all day she'd never realized it before. Nell, Ruth and all the staff at Briargate were so much older than her; they talked of nothing but their work or village gossip.

Rufus was very bright. He knew about all sorts of things that she knew nothing about; countries like India, Africa and America. He read books about these places, and would tell her about the customs and the wild animals. He said he wanted to be an explorer and find lands that no other white person had been to. He even made her wish she could go with him.

In return Hope would tell him about the people she'd grown up amongst, and relate funny stories about them.

'I wish I met funny people,' he said rather sadly one day after she'd been telling him how Jack Carpenter from Nutgrove Farm couldn't catch his prize boar when it escaped. He had been hollering at it, brandis.h.i.+ng a big stick to try to scare it back in the direction of the farm, when it charged at him and knocked him into the pond. 'In fact I just wish I could meet any sort of people. Do you know that this year I've only spoken to three people apart from everyone at Briargate? Two of those were Miss Lacey and Miss Franklin, the two old ladies who come to visit Mama sometimes. They were really dull, they only talked about how tall I'd grown. The other person was the blacksmith when I rode with James to get the horses shoed. And he only spoke in grunts.'

'That's another good reason for going away to school then,' Hope said. 'You'll have so many people to talk to there, and when you come home you can tell me all the funny things about them.'

As the weeks pa.s.sed, their conversations gradually became more personal. Hope told him about her two sisters dying of scarlet fever, and then how her parents died of typhus. She had never talked about that to anyone since the funeral, not even Nell, but she told Rufus everything: how horrible it all was, how scared she'd been, and that she'd been angry with her mother for giving up and dying once she knew her husband had slipped away.

Rufus was horrified that he'd never been told of how her parents died. 'How could Ruth look after me and not tell me?' he said indignantly. 'Or Nell, or even Mama? Why didn't they tell me? I could at least have said I was sorry and picked some flowers from the garden for their grave.'

'You were only little. People don't tell children things like that,' Hope said, but she was touched that he wished he could have made some sort of gesture.

'Did Mama or Papa do anything?'

'Well, they let me come and help out in the kitchens,' she said.