Driving Force Part 36

'Onecanloveone'soffspringandbeavillain.'

'Youdon'tmeanit...'

'Yeah.AndIdon'tlikeit.'

'Doyoumean...youcan'tmean...thatLewishadbeendeliberatelytryingtobringrabiesintoEngland?'

'No,notrabies,thankG.o.d.Justafeverthatmakeshorsestemporarilyill,b.u.t.takestheedgeofftheirspeedsodrasticallythattheydon'twinagain.'

ItoldherthatJogger'sdeadnunhadbeenarabbit.

'Nun-rabbit-habit.'Shesighed.'Howdidyoufindout?'

'IaskedIsobelwhatJoggerfounddeadinthepit,andshetoldme.'

'Sosimple!'

'ThenIlookedatthecomputerfilesforlastAugust,forthetimewhenIwasaway,andthereitwas.August10th.Joggerreportedadeadrabbitfellintothepitfromaboxhewa.s.servicing,anditwasonthedayafterLewisbroughtthatboxbackfromFrance.'

Shefrowned,'b.u.t.thecomputerfileswerelost.'

Itoldherabouttheback-upsinmysafe.

'Youdidn'ttellanyone!Youdidn'ttellme.Don'tyoutrustme?'

'Mostly,'Isaid.

Shewouldn'tmeetmyeyes.Isaid,'JoggertoldIsobeltherabbithadticksonitandsheputanoteaboutthatinthecomputer.Thecomputeralsolistseachbox'sjourneysindividually,andtwoofthoseboxesthathavehiddencontainers,Pat'sbox,thatyoudrove,andPhil'sbox,bothofthoseweredriventoFrancebyLewislastyear.Thisyearhe'sdrivingmynewestsuper-six,andittoo,asyoufound,hasacontainerunderit.Lastweekend,theWatermeadchildrenmissedoneoftheirtamerabbits,thatLewislooksafterforthem,cleaningtheirrunsandsoon,andalsolastweekendLewisdrovethesuper-sixtoFrance,andthisweekendahorsehasdiedinPixhillofatick-bornefever.'

Shelistenedwideeyed,hermouthopening.Iwentoveritallagain,slowly,tellingheraboutBenjy'straininghabits,aboutLewis'sshornringlets,aboutPetermanandfinallyaboutGuggenheim.

Onceanoldhorsehadcomethroughthefeverstage,Isaid,hecouldlivewithticksonhimallsummer.Acontinualsourceofpotentialillnessforotherdesignatedrecipients.AnEhrlichiaefarm,infact.Aquickwipeoveranoldhorsewithawetbarofsoapand,withinanhour,awipeofthesamesoapontoanewhost.Tick-transfercompleted.Enoughofthetickswouldsurvive.Thetransfer,Isaidgloomily,mightevenhavebeendonebyLewiswhenhedrovetheunfortunatevictimstotheracesinmyboxes.

Whentheweathergrewcold,thetickswoulddie.Anewlothadtobebroughtinbyatemporaryhostforthenewyear,andthen,withoutmuchdelay,transferredtotheirnaturalhost,ahorse.Petermanhadn'tsurvivedit.

Whateverdoubtsshehadatthebeginning,theyhadgonebytheend.

Whenwefirstfoundthecontainers,'Isaid,'IbeggedJoggernottotalkaboutthem.Buthedid,ofcourse,downatthepubontheSat.u.r.daynight.Ireckonhe'dbeenthinkingalotaboutthem.Turningthemoverinhismind,I'dthinkherememberedtherabbit,whichmusthaveseemedtohimatthetimetoappearfromnowhere,andperhapshe'dworkedoutthat.i.tmighthavefallenoutofoneofthosecontainers,theoneunderwhatisnowPhil'sbox,becausethatcontainerhadlost.i.tsscrew-onend.Idon'tknowifanyoneunderstoodJoggerplainlyinthepub.Theymighthavedone.Anyway,inthemorningheleftmethemessage...andhetoldme,Joggertoldme...aboutrabbitsandticksandBenjyUsher'shorsethatdied.'

Shewa.s.silentforawhileandthenasked,'WasitLewiswhowreckedyourcarandthehouse?'

'Idon'tknow.I'msurehewasoneofthepeoplewhodroppedmeintothewateratSouthampton.Theonewhosaid,'Ifthatdoesn'tgivehimflu,nothingwill.'Hisvoicewashoa.r.s.ebecausehehadacold,andinmymemory,thatvoicereverberatedabit,asIwashalfunconscious,butyes,I'msurethatwas.h.i.+m.Whetherhehatesmeenoughfortherest...Idon'tknow.'

'That'sawful.'

'Mm.'

'Sowhatnext?'

'Tomorrow,'Isaid,'Lewisisdrivingthesuper-sixtoMilan,inItaly,tofetchhomeoneofBenjyUsher'scolts,thathasad.i.c.kyleg.It'sathree-daytrip,mostlythroughFrance.'

Shegrewstill.Thenshesaid,I'llgo.Haveparachute,willtravel.'

'Idon'twantyoutodoanything,'Iexplained.'Idon'twantyoutoalarmhim.Iwanthimtohaveeveryopportunitytopickupanotherrabbitfulofticks,becauseifalloflastweekend'scargowereonPetermanandhavediedwithhim,andifnootherhorsesareill,thenperhapsthisisachanceforthemtogetsomereplacements.Thoseticksarehighlyperishable,andalsohardtofind.I'dthinkthey'dneedsomemore.AllIwantyoutodoistonotewhereyougo.TherouteLewiswilltaketoItalyisdowntotheRhoneValley,whichiswherehewentlastweekendalso.HeshouldbegoingthroughtheMontBlanctunnelfromFrancetoItalybutifhetakesanotherroute,don'tremarkonit.Ifhewantstostopanywhereatall,lethimstop.Don'taskquestions.Agreetowhateverhesuggests.Noticenothing.Don't.w.a.tchhim.Yawn,sleep,actdumb.'

'Hewon'twantmewithhim,youknow.'

'Iknowhethinksyoutireeasily.Sotire.Thistime,hemaybegladofit.'

'Anddon't,Isuppose,lookunderthebox?'

'No,don't.Iftheplaceislitteredwithlettuceleavesandrabbitdroppings,ignoreit.'

Shesmiled.

'Becareful,'Ibegged.I'dgomyself,exceptthatifIdid,nothingwouldhappen.AllIwanttoknowiswhereLewisgoes.'

'Allright.'

'Youdon'thaveto.'

'Nordidmymother.'

'Lewismightbejustasdangerous.'

'Ipromise,'shesaidemphatically,'thatI'llbeasblindasabat.'Shepaused.'There'sonlyonething.'

'What?'

'IwanttotellPatrickVenableswhereI'mgoing.'

'Wouldhestopyou?'

'Probablytheopposite.'

'Don'tlethimdoanything,'Isaidanxiously.'Don'tlethimfrightenthemoff.'MyinstinctwasagainsttheJockeyClubknowingtoomuch,toosoon,butperhapsalsoforthispossiblyriskymissionImightneedtheinsuranceofVenables'foreknowledge.

'Idon'twanttobeprosecuted,'shesaid,halfplayfully,'fortryington.o.bblehalfPixhill'sbestcolts.'

'Youwon'tbe.I-'Istoppeddead,arevelationpresentingitselftomewithbreath-thievingforce.'b.l.o.o.d.yh.e.l.l?

'Whatisit?'

'Um.Nothing.WhenyougetbackonWednesdayyou'llbemet.Don'tworryaboutanythingexceptnotfrighteningLewis.'

Weatedinnerinthedining-room,discussingthetriptobeginwithbutpa.s.singprettysoontoourlivesingeneral.Ienjoyedbeingwithher.IwasgrowingunfaithfultoMaudie,Ithoughtironically.IaskedNinahowoldhereldestchildwas.

'Twenty-four.'Shesmileddownatherpasta.'Muchyoungerthanyou.'

'AmIthattransparent.'

'You'renotoy-boy,'shesaid.

'Yourchildrenmightthinkso.'

'Yoursisterisolderthanherprofessor,isn'tshe?'

'Yes,sheis,'Isaid,mildlysurprised.'Whotoldyou?'

'Aziztoldme.'

'Yoursistertoldhim.Hetoldme.Wedrivershangtogether,youknow.'

'Wipethatdemuresmileoffyourface.'

Thesmile,however,deepened.Ithoughtofalltheemptybedroomsupstairsinthehotel.Ithoughtoftheyear-longcelibacyandfeltastrongdesiretoendit.Shemusthaveknownwhatwasinmymind.Shesimplywaited.

Isighed.'It'snotwhatI'dprefer,'Isaid,'butI'mgoinghome.'

Shesaidpa.s.sively,'Allright.'

Irubbedmyeyes.'Whenthisisover...'

'Yes.We'llsee.'

Wewentouttogether,asbefore,toourseparatecars.ShehadcomeinherMercedes.

Ikissedhermouth,nothercheek.Shedrewherheadaway,hereyesgleaminginthecarparklights.IsawthatIdidn'tdispleaseher.Icouldsoeasily...soeasily...

'Freddie...'Hervoicewa.s.soft,non-committal,leavingittome.

'Ihaveto...Ireallydohavetogo,'Isaidalmostdesperately.'I'mnotsendingyouofftoFrancewithoutsensiblepreparations.Bringyourovernightthingsinthemorningandpickupatravelkitfromtheoffice.Itwillholdmoneyandphonenumbersandaprecautionortwoagainstthieves.Lewisalwaystakesasimilarkit.'Istopped.TravelkitswerenotwhatIwantedtotalkabout.Ikissedheragainandfeltresolutiondrainingaway.

'Dothekitinthemorning,'shesuggested.

'Oh,G.o.d.'

'Freddie...

'I'lltellyoutomorrowwhyIhavetogo.'

Ikissedherhard,thenturnedawayandwentovertotheFourtrak,feelingclumsyandannoyedwithmyselfforgoingsofarandinexplicablyretreating.Shedidn'tseemtomind.Therewerenohurtrejectedfeelingsinthesmileshegavemea.s.sheshutherselfintotheredcar.

'Seeyou,'shesaidthroughtheopeningwindow,startingtheengine.

'Goodnight.'

Withawaveshedroveaway,a.s.self-possessedasever.Iwatchedhertaillightsintothedistanceandstrovetoquietenmypulse.Thebasicdrivesofnatureweresob.l.o.o.d.ypowerfulafterall.AndI'dthoughtIhadtheturmoillicked,whichonlyshowedthatdormantvolcanoesweresimplythat;firestemporarilyasleep.

Eightandahalfyears.Didtheymatter?Ididn'tknow,andIunderstoodthatshedidn'tknoweither.Shewasattractedtome;Ihadtobelieveit.Shewasalso,Ithought,inanoddwayshy,notwantingmetothinkshehadrushedme.ShewasmakingmedecidewhetherwhatIfeltwasapa.s.singarousaloralongercommitment.

IbeltedtheFourtrakbacktomyhouse,pus.h.i.+ngdecisionsawayforthenight,andchangedintosoftblackshoesandthedarkestofclothesIcouldfind.Then,withmyeyesadjustingtonightvision,Iwalkedintheshadowsalongtothefarmyardandunlockedthepadlockonthegatestoletmyselfin,lockingitagainbehindme.

Itwasaftermidnight.Theskywasclearandcold,starsblazing.Allthosedistantsuns,Ithought;asmysteriousandinaccessibleasEhrlichiaristicii.

Allthehorseboxeswerehomeintheroost,subduedlys.h.i.+ninginthelightofthenightbulboverthecanteendoor.AquietSundayevening,peaceafterbustle.Ihadnot,thistime,walkedintoamortalsituation.

Harve,Iimagined,haddonehislastrounds,andwaswatchingvideofootball.Iunlockedtheofficesand,withoutswitchingontheinteriorlights,wentalongtomyownroom,enoughglowcreepinginthroughthewindowsformetolocatethetorchIkeptinthedeskthereandtocheckthat.i.tsbatterieswerefunctioning.Then,relockingtheofficedooronmywayout,IpaddedacrossthefarmyardtoJogger'soldvanfromwhosefrontseatsIcouldseeallmymonsterspartially,andoneortwoofthemclearly.

Thesuper-sixLewiswoulddrivetoMilanwasoneofthose.IsettledintothedarkinteriorofJogger'svanandtriedresolutelytostayawake.

Imanageditforanhour.

Dozed.

Wokewithajerk.Twoo'clock.Sentriescouldbecourt-martialledforsleepingonduty.Noonecouldhelpgoingtosleep.Whenthebrainwantedtoswitchoff,itdid.

Itriedrecitingoldverses.Nurseryrhymes.Onetwo,bucklemyshoe.

Wenttosleep.

Threeo'clock.Four.Halfthenightpa.s.sedacrossmyshuteyes.Absolutelynogood.Wasteoftime,sittingthere.

Whenhecame,thepadlockclickedandrattledonitschain,andIwasfullyalertinstantly.

Iheldmybreath,notmoving.

Lewis'sunmistakableshorthaircutpa.s.sedinsilhouettebetweenmeandtheoutsidelight.Lewis,carryingashapelessbag,movedunhesitatinglytowards.h.i.+sownlorry,wherehelaydownonthegroundanddisappearedfrommysight.

Heremainedoutofsightforwhatseemedalongtime,untilIbegantothinkhemusthaveleftwithoutmynoticing.b.u.t.then,therehewas,standingup,movingaway,returningwithhisbagtothemaingateandfasteningthepadlockwitha.n.a.lmostinaudibleclick.

Gone.

Isatforanotherhalfhour,notentirelyfromwantingtobesurehewouldn'tcomebackbutfromreluctancetofacethenextbit.

Phobiaswereirrationalandstupid.Phobiaswereparalysing,petrifyingandalltooreal.Islowlyemergedfromthevan,tookthetorch,triedtothinkofrace-riding...anything...andlaydownonmybackbesideLewis'sboxinthelocationofthefueltanks.

Thecoldstarsuptheredidn'tcarethatmyskinsweatedandmycourageshranktothesizeofanut.

Thehorseboxwouldnotcollapseonme.Itobviouslywouldnot.

Forf.u.c.k'ssake,doit,Itoldmyself.Don'tbesof.u.c.kingstupid.

Is.h.i.+ftedmyshouldersandhipsoverthegroundandwriggledsidewaysuntilIwastotallyunderthetonsofsteel,andofcoursetheydidnotcollapseonme,theyhungovermeimmobileandimpa.s.sive,athreatunfulfilled.IstoppedunderthefueltanksandfeltthestupidsweatwetonmyfaceandcameneartocompletepanicwhenItriedtoraisemyhandtowipethesweatawayandhitmetalinstead.

f.u.c.k,Ithought.Nowordwasbadenough.Ididn'thabituallythinkinthatcasualexpletiveuniversalontheracecourse,b.u.t.thereweretimeswhennootherwordwoulddo.

I'dchosentoliewhereIwas.s...o...b..l.o.o.d.ytrembling,Itoldmyself,andgetonwiththematterinhand.