Doctor Who_ The Myth Makers Part 3

'Exactly!' he said, before Agamemnon could attempt to stand on ceremony, 'That is what I should like to know! Who is is in command round here?' in command round here?'

Absolutely the right tone, under the circ.u.mstances because so unexpected, you see? And you could tell Agamemnon was somewhat disconcerted by it.

'I... er... that is to say, I have that honour,' he replied defensively.

'Ah, just so. Then you, I take it, are Agamemnon?'

'Well, most people, you know, call me Lord Agamemnon but let that pa.s.s for the moment.'

'I would prefer to at least until we see whether you are worthy of the t.i.tle.'

'Most people find it advisable to take that for granted.'

'Dear me, do they now? Then perhaps you will explain why this mountebank, Odysseus, presumes to be a law unto himself insults your guests, and even dares to laugh at Zeus?'

'Careful, dotard!' rumbled Odysseus. 'It seems,' he said to the company at large, 'that times upon Olympus are not what they were, and G.o.ds must go a-begging.'

The remark had a mixed reception: Menelaus, for instance, got under the table, while Achilles looked angry and Agamemnon thoughtful.

'Odysseus will be reprimanded,' he conceded. 'If, that is, you are who you say you are.'

'Should that make any difference? Whether I be G.o.d or man, I come to you in peace.'

'Quite so. But if I may inquire, with all respect, which are you?' Not wis.h.i.+ng to commit himself at this point, the Doctor pa.s.sed the buck.

'Didn't Achilles tell you?'

'Achilles is a good lad, but impressionable. Whereas Odysseus, with all his faults, is a man of the world, and perceptive with it and he seems to disagree. Now, you see my quandary? I suppose I can hardly ask for your credentials, can I?'

'I would not advise it,' said the Doctor, hastily, 'I suggest, however that you treat with me honour as befits a stranger.'

Achilles was feeling a bit left out of things, and tried to grab some of the action. 'Of course he's right of course we must and it's what I've been trying trying to do. Fools, don't you see, he's Zeus and he's come to help us?' to do. Fools, don't you see, he's Zeus and he's come to help us?'

A good try but he still hadn't won the meeting over, not by a long sight. The Doctor knew it, and made what he took to be a shrewd point.

'Look here, suppose for a moment that I were were an enemy, then what could one man do, alone, against the glory that is Greece, eh?' an enemy, then what could one man do, alone, against the glory that is Greece, eh?'

'A neat phrase,' admitted Agamemnon.

'And a good point,' added his brother, confirming the Doctor's opinion and emerging cautiously from hiding.

'Which only you would be fool enough to take,' snarled Odysseus, out of patience. 'The man is a spy! Deal with him and be brief, or I shall undertake it for you!'

Achilles bounded forward, in that impetuous way of his.

'After I am dead, Odysseus, and only then!'

Odysseus could make a concession, if he had to. 'If you insist,' he smiled, 'I shall be happy to oblige you, giant killer.'

But Agamemnon lurched mountainously between them.

'Silence, both of you! This needs further thought, not sword-play.'

'Then since my thoughts seem to be of such little account,'

said Odysseus, 'allow me to withdraw. I for one, want no dealings with the G.o.ds I need a breath of pagan air!'

And he stormed out into the night, to the relief of the rest of those present. Only Achilles seemed inclined to pursue the matter, and knelt at the Doctor's feet, almost cringing with unsought servility.

'Father Zeus, I ask your pardon, the man is a boor. If you command me I will let the pagan air he values into his blasphemous guts.'

'Oh, do get up, my dear fellow, there's a good chap,' said the Doctor embara.s.sed. 'No, Achilles whether he knows it or'not, Odysseus is one of my most able servants. He is the man who will shortly bring about Troy's downfall.' (He must have read my book, you see? Which, of course, I hadn't written at the time.) 'So it would be stupid to kill him now, wouldn't it? When you are almost within sight of victory?'

This, of course, went down very well, as he must have known it would. Agamemnon beamed incredulously. 'What do you prophesy as much?'

'I can almost guarantee it,' said the Doctor recklessly.

'Almost?'

'Well, may I ask, first of all, what my position here is to be?

Am I to be treated as a G.o.d or as a spy? I may say that I shall not remain unbiased by your decision. Not that you can kill me, of course,' he added cunningly, 'but it you were foolish enough to attempt it, it could easily cost you the war.'

Agamemnon pondered the logic of this. 'Yes, I quite see.

But on the other hand, if we don't don't kill you, and then you prove to be a spy after all, the same thing might happen, so you must appreciate my dilemma. What do you think Menelaus?' kill you, and then you prove to be a spy after all, the same thing might happen, so you must appreciate my dilemma. What do you think Menelaus?'

'I don't know,' quavered the abject latter. 'I wish I did, but I don't. Either prospect terrifies me. Can't we arrive at a compromise?'

'Kill him just a little, you mean? Typically spineless advice, if I may say so! But for once, I'm afraid you're probably right!' He turned to the interested Doctor. 'Yes, having looked at the thing from all angles, I propose to place you under arrest.'

'Arrest? How dare you? You'll be sorry, I promise you that!'

'Yes, I suppose I may be but we must risk it. And it will be a very reverent arrest, of course. In fact, if you prefer, I could describe it as a probationary period of cautious wors.h.i.+p. So you mustn't be offended. After all, most G.o.ds are, to some extent, the prisoners of their congregations. And meanwhile we shall hope to enjoy the benefits of your experience and advice, whilst you are enjoying our hospitality. How about that?'

The Doctor made the best of it, as usual. He could hardly do otherwise. 'Very well, that sounds most acceptable,' he said, 'even attractive. Thank you.'

'Excellent! Then do sit down and have a ham-bone.'

And there for the moment the matter rested. Or rather, seemed to.

8.

An Execution is Arranged.

Because, of course, Odysseus had only seemed seemed to storm off into the middle distance. For he was never a man to let his judgement be clouded by controversy, however boisterous, and he had been much struck by the Doctor's claiming to be a man alone and therefore harmless. to storm off into the middle distance. For he was never a man to let his judgement be clouded by controversy, however boisterous, and he had been much struck by the Doctor's claiming to be a man alone and therefore harmless.

He didn't believe for a moment that the Doctor was was harmless, and therefore a.s.sumed logically that he was probably harmless, and therefore a.s.sumed logically that he was probably not not alone, either. And he felt he should have thought of that before and went scouring the night for the support forces. alone, either. And he felt he should have thought of that before and went scouring the night for the support forces.

It was this sort of reasoning which made him the most dangerous of all the Greek captains; this, and an arrogant independence of spirit which made it difficult at times to diagnose his motives, or to forecast which way he would jump in a crisis.

Well, on this occasion it was Steven he jumped on.

Personally, I was well concealed in a clump of cactus I wasn't too fond of; but Steven had elected to climb into a small tree, where he looked ridiculously conspicuous against the rising moon, rather like a 'possum back on the old plantation. And the hound-dog had him in no time at all.

Oh, a well set-up fellow Steven may have been, who'd done his share of amateur athletics during training, but he was patently no match for Odysseus who was like nothing you'd meet in the second eleven on a Sat.u.r.day knock-about. So he was hauled from his perch in very short order and with scant ceremony.

'So, what have we here?' said the hero, grinning like a hound-dog that had thought as much. 'Another G.o.d, perhaps?'

You couldn't blame Steven for not rising to the occasion as he might have done had the circ.u.mstances been different and if he'd known what Odysseus was talking about.

'I am a traveller,' he announced, lamely. 'I had lost my way, and I saw the light.'

Very likely, I must say. He didn't look as if he'd seen the light. Odysseus snorted, to indicate his opinion of this closely reasoned alibi.

'Come,' he said, having concluded the snort, 'at least you are the G.o.d Apollo to walk invisible past sentries?'

Steven attempted injured innocence. 'What sentries?' he inquired, 'I saw no sentries.'

'Did you not? Well, maybe they are sleeping and with a knife between their ribs, I'll wager! Shall we go seek them together? Or would that be a foolish waste of time? Well, the light attracted you, you say? Then little moth, go singe your wings.'

Of course, no twelve stone man likes to be called 'little moth'

but there's not much he can do about it, if he's hurtling through a tent-flap, like an arrow from a bow. So he let the remark pa.s.s for the moment, and presently found himself in the centre of a circle of surprised but interested faces one of whom, he was glad to notice, was the Doctor. Nevertheless difficult, the whole thing.

'And who is it this time?' asked Agamemnon, reasonably enough. His tea was being constantly interrupted by one air-borne, hand-hurled stranger after another.

Odysseus positively purred with complacent triumph. 'My prisoner, the G.o.d Apollo,' he announced, smiling. So might Pythagoras have murmured QED, on finding he could balance an equation with the best of them. 'Achilles, will you not wors.h.i.+p him? Fall to your knees? He is, of course, another Trojan spy

but of such undoubted divinity that he must be spared.' He was enjoying his little moment. Steven did his best to spoil it for him.

'I'm not a Trojan,' he a.s.serted firmly, 'I did tell you I'm a traveller well, a sort of traveller and I lost my way.'

Well, it did get a laugh, but not the sort he wanted, by any means. Sarcastic, it was. They looked as if they'd heard that one before. In danger, he realised, of losing his audience, he appealed to the Doctor. 'Look here, you seem to have made friends quickly enough. Explain who I am, can't you?'

'Ah,' chirrupped Odysseus, 'so you do do know each other then? In that case no further explanation is necessary. You must certainly be from Olympus and the G.o.ds are always welcome. I ask your pardon. Drop in any time.' know each other then? In that case no further explanation is necessary. You must certainly be from Olympus and the G.o.ds are always welcome. I ask your pardon. Drop in any time.'

'Well,' enquired Agamemnon of the Doctor, packing a wealth of menace into the syllable, 'have you nothing to say?'

Surprisingly, especially to Steven, the Doctor looked puzzled.

'I have never seen this man before in my life!' he lied stoutly, with a dismissive wave of his ham-bone, 'He is, of course, merely trying to trick you.'

Steven, for his part, looked as if he'd aways expected his ears sometimes to deceive him and now his friends were adopting the same policy.

'How can you sit there,' he stammered, 'and deny ' Words failed him, and just as well too, because Agamemnon had heard quite enough of them to be going on with...

'Silence,' he barked, clarifying this position. 'Take him away, Odysseus. Why must I be troubled with every petty, pestilential prisoner? First cut out his tongue for insolence, then make an end!'

But Odysseus was after bigger game. 'Softly now. Suppose we are mistaken, and the man is just an innocent traveller, as he told us? I could never sleep easily again, were I to kill him while any doubt remained. Remorse would gnaw at my vitals and I wouldn't want that. All-seeing Zeus this man who presumptiously claimed your friends.h.i.+p... is he a spy or not?'

The Doctor looked bored with the whole subject. 'I neither know nor care. I must say, it looks very much as if he is.'

'And shall he be put to death?'

'I would strongly advise it,' recommended the Doctor, blandly, 'it would be very much safer, on the whole. Can't be too careful, can you?'

An air of business having been concluded pervaded the meeting. Open season on spies having been declared, Achilles and Odysseus, unanimous for once, drew their swords and advanced on the wretched Steven.

At which point, the Doctor rose imperiously. 'Stop,' he commanded not a moment too soon, 'Have you lost your senses the pair of you?' The two heroes paused in mid-execution.

'Ah, now we have it,' grinned Odysseus, 'On second thoughts, Zeus decides we should release him to return to Troy!'

'Do not mock me, Lord Odysseus! What, would you stain the tent of Agamemnon with a Trojan's blood?'

Personally, I didn't think one stain more or less would be noticed, but rhetoric must be served, I suppose, and the Doctor warmed to his theme accordingly. 'I claim this quavering traitor as a sacrifice to Olympus! Bring him therefore to my temple in the plain at sunrise tomorrow, and then I will show you a miracle!'

Here he contrived a covert wink at Steven, who seemed to think it was about time for something of the sort.

'A miracle, eh?' mused Odysseus. 'Well, that, of course, would be most satisfactory.' Even Menelaus perked up, and looked quite excited at the prospect.

'Conclusive proof, I would say,' he judged; and then spoilt it all by adding, 'of something or other.'

But Agamemnon wanted tomorrow's programme itemised.

'And exactly what sort of miracle do you intend to show us?' he enquired.