The Player. Part 9

FROM THE CORNER OF HIS EYE Jamie watched Audrey try to covertly study the basket he was presently-much to his displeasure-weaving. He was quite obviously not following the pattern which had come with his kit and, being as she was a very observant person, she'd no doubt noticed his...modifications. He waited, instinctively knowing that she wouldn't be able to resist "helping" him. His lips twitched with a smile. Jamie watched Audrey try to covertly study the basket he was presently-much to his displeasure-weaving. He was quite obviously not following the pattern which had come with his kit and, being as she was a very observant person, she'd no doubt noticed his...modifications. He waited, instinctively knowing that she wouldn't be able to resist "helping" him. His lips twitched with a smile.

After all, that's what she did, what she was best at. Thus far he'd managed to thwart every casually veiled attempt to draw him out, but as he was her new project, so to speak-and he was so obviously screwed up-he knew that she'd officially taken him under her wing and had become one of those damaged men she was self-destructively drawn to.

Needless to say, it galled him to no end.

And despite Garrett's a.s.sertion that he'd chosen Jamie for this mission because of his player reputation, Jamie fully believed now that Garrett had chosen him for another reason. He hadn't sent Jamie in solely because he'd thought Jamie could charm her-he'd sent him because he knew she wouldn't be able to resist fixing him. fixing him. Amazing what sort of clarity could come from being half-loaded, Jamie thought. Amazing what sort of clarity could come from being half-loaded, Jamie thought.

Last night had been another drink-himself-into-numbness act of futility. h.e.l.l, even the best Irish whiskey couldn't dull this ache. If he'd been thinking clearly before he kissed her, he would have realized that, but considering that anything remotely resembling coherent judgment had eluded him since he'd met Audrey, that was equally pointless.

At any rate, he knew she wasn't going to stop trying to make him share his past-or G.o.d forbid, his feelings, Jamie thought, stifling a wave of panic-so he'd decided that she'd left him with no choice but to up his offensive.

In short, despite Garrett's warning, he was going to stage a full-out no-holds-barred seduction.

Let Garrett castrate him, Jamie thought, because it was definitely better than the alternative. He didn't want to be fixed, fixed, thank you very much. He was fine. He'd lost a friend. He was grieving, dammit. Why couldn't everyone just accept it and let him deal with things in his own time? If he tagged every woman from here to Borneo, it was n.o.body's d.a.m.ned business. His gaze slid to Audrey and he broodingly considered her. thank you very much. He was fine. He'd lost a friend. He was grieving, dammit. Why couldn't everyone just accept it and let him deal with things in his own time? If he tagged every woman from here to Borneo, it was n.o.body's d.a.m.ned business. His gaze slid to Audrey and he broodingly considered her.

Furthermore, he'd castrate his own d.a.m.ned self before he became her pity pity project. project.

The way Jamie figured it, she needed to focus her energy elsewhere. If she wasn't willing to do it on her own, then he'd simply have to help her. She wanted him. He knew it. He could feel it every time that clear blue gaze slid over him. His skin practically sizzled in its wake. He'd tasted it in her kiss, felt her b.r.e.a.s.t.s pearl against his chest. In fact, the only thing that made being here bearable was knowing that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

Audrey hesitated, then predictably scooted closer to him and inspected his work. "Did you abandon your pattern on purpose?" she asked.

Jamie chewed the inside of his cheek. "I did."

"Oh," she said. "You're doing quite well. I thought you'd said you'd never done this before."

Jamie didn't look up, but continued to work. h.e.l.l, if he could a.s.semble a weapon in under sixty seconds, he could weave a d.a.m.ned basket without following a pattern. Besides, this, too, was another gift to Garrett and he somehow didn't think that they made a pattern for one shaped like a pair of t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es. "I haven't."

She hesitated again, bit her lip. "Then don't you think you'd be better off following the instructions the first time?" she asked gently.

"I don't follow instructions well."

"You were a Ranger. You're not like the typical man. You have to follow instructions."

"I followed orders, orders," Jamie clarified. "Not instructions."

A smile rolled around her lips. "And there's a difference?"

Jamie pulled in a deep breath, let it go with a whoosh and then smiled at her. "It's subtle."

"Oh," Audrey said, laughing. "Thanks for clearing that up for me. I had no idea."

"Most women don't."

"Ouch," she teased, feigning offense.

"Present company excluded, of course," Jamie told her. He continued to work the reed through his frame, and nodded in approval when his new present for the Colonel began to take proper shape.

"Does it come naturally to you, I wonder, or did you have to take a special cla.s.s?" she asked conversationally, working on her own design. They presently sat at a table on her front porch. She'd ordered a nice breakfast this morning, which they'd shared, and Moses-who'd immediately gone for his crotch again the instant he'd arrived-currently lay sprawled across her feet. If he wasn't so s.e.xually frustrated and constantly on guard, he would have said that this was...nice.

Jamie frowned. "Did I take what cla.s.s?"

"Bulls.h.i.+t 101. Honestly, I don't think I've ever heard anyone quite as good at BS as you are."

A startled laugh bubbled up his throat. "Oh, I didn't have to take a cla.s.s. I'm a natural when it comes to bulls.h.i.+t."

Blue eyes twinkling, she shot him a grin. "Well, I suppose everyone has to have a special talent."

Jamie help couldn't himself, that opening was just too perfect to resist. "BS is an art." He chuckled wickedly and lowered his voice. "You haven't seen my my special talent...but I'd certainly be willing to show you." special talent...but I'd certainly be willing to show you."

In fact, he had every intention of showing her over and over again. Quite frankly, he'd like nothing better than to show her right now, but he suspected if he so much as made a move near her, dear old Moses would obligingly tear his throat out.

Predictably, she flushed. She blinked as though suddenly disoriented and he had the privilege of watching her pulse suddenly flutter wildly at the base of her throat. G.o.d, how he wished he could taste it. Taste her all over. His d.i.c.k leaped in his jeans and a hot, achy throb pulsed in his loins, forcing him to grit his teeth. He wanted her so much that even his chest ached, in the vicinity of his heart if he could admit he had one. Did that scare the h.e.l.l out of him? Most certainly. His heart had absolutely no business in this.

But if he'd ever wanted another woman more-had ever been so obsessed with marking her as his-Jamie couldn't recall it. This force that was pulling him toward her...it was more than mere attraction. Attraction he could deal with-need, on the other had, posed a problem and that's what this felt like. on the other had, posed a problem and that's what this felt like.

He didn't just want her-he had to have her. He wanted to take her hard and fast, then slow and easy. He wanted to settle her over his thighs, impale her on his d.i.c.k, then suckle her b.r.e.a.s.t.s until she screamed his name. He wanted to wring her dry, then whet her appet.i.te again. He wanted to take her so hard that the idea of ever being with anyone else would be jarred right out of her beautiful head.

And for reasons which were absolutely beyond his understanding, he wanted to punish her for making him want her so much. When this was over, he may finally have to break down and see a shrink, Jamie decided. In the meantime, he was going back to what had worked before-s.e.x therapy.

Audrey finally cleared her throat. "So," she said, in an unnatural high-pitched voice. "If you aren't making the Country Onion basket, then what sort are you making?" She frowned. "It looks like you've got an egg there that didn't split."

"Close," Jamie said. "It's a t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e basket."

Audrey's eyes widened in shock and she choked. "A what?"

Jamie grinned. "It's another gift for your grandfather. I was thinking about crocheting some little sperm to go in there for him, but since he didn't list needlework as one of my hobbies, I guess I'll have to settle for some sort of subst.i.tute. Any ideas?"

Still laughing, she sighed and shook her head. "Your last wishes, because if you send him this in addition to your orchid and mountains paintings, he's going to kill you." She paused. "Is it so bad being here?" she asked. The note of genuine interest and insecurity he detected in her voice prevented the glib comment he would have otherwise provided.

"No," Jamie said. He reached over and traced the pad of his thumb over her bottom lip. "Not when I'm with you." Now it was his turn to ask a question. "Do you regret kissing me yesterday?" For whatever reason, her answer was far more important to him than he'd ever care to admit.

A shadow pa.s.sed over her eyes and she hesitated. "Regret isn't the right word."

"I just wondered, you know, 'cause you keep trying to pretend like it never happened."

"It shouldn't have happened."

"So you do regret it."

"No," she said, giving her head a small helpless shake. "I enjoyed it too much to regret it. But I should should regret it. I'm-" She winced, seeming to weigh her words carefully. "I have a boyfriend," she finally blurted out. "He's asked me to marry him and instead of thinking about my answer, I'm here kissing you. Guilt," she told him, apparently seizing the right word. "Guilt but not regret." regret it. I'm-" She winced, seeming to weigh her words carefully. "I have a boyfriend," she finally blurted out. "He's asked me to marry him and instead of thinking about my answer, I'm here kissing you. Guilt," she told him, apparently seizing the right word. "Guilt but not regret."

Ah, guilt. Jamie knew a lot about that. Still..."And there's a difference?" Jamie teased, throwing her earlier question back at her.

She smiled, just a simple matter of rearranging the muscles on her face, and yet he felt that grin tug at his midsection. "It's subtle," she told him, eyes twinkling with humor.

He inclined his head. "Looks like I'm not the only one who's a bit of a bulls.h.i.+t artist."

She shrugged, unrepentant. "I try," she demurred.

Unable to help himself, Jamie leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss against her lips. Her sweet breath stole his. "Do you have plans for tonight?"

She blinked drunkenly, then a slow smile caught the corner of her mouth. "No."

"Excellent," Jamie told her. "I'll share my whiskey...and you can give me that ma.s.sage."

9.

"NO, GRAMPS, he still hasn't told me anything," Audrey said, scattering olives over her salad. Dinner hadn't been part of the deal, but she'd been struck by the urge to cook. A blatant stall tactic, but what the h.e.l.l? She was equally anxious and desperate.

"Nothing?" Evidently disheartened, the Colonel sighed. "I was hoping that he'd start to loosen up a little."

Oh, he had, Audrey thought, remembering that toe-curling kiss he'd given her this afternoon. Just not in the way that her grandfather had hoped for.

"It's going to take a little time, but I'm glad you called. I wanted to ask you something." She quickly washed her hands, then made her way into the living room.

"Sure. What's on your mind?"

Audrey hesitated. Now that she had the opportunity to find out a little more about Jamie's past, something about it felt wrong and intrusive. While she knew she'd be better able to help him if she had all of the information-and admittedly, she was curious-she nevertheless couldn't shake the feeling that she was mining for information he'd just as soon not share.

But the more time she spent with him, the more she saw how desperately he hurt. Had he told her anything? No. Trying to get that man to give her one single nugget of personal information beyond the superficial had been like trying to coax water from a stone-it wasn't happening.

He smiled, he laughed, he teased, he flirted.

And she lapped up every second of it, charmed in spite of her better judgment.

But he didn't give her anything he wasn't willing to share.

And while that might have worked with the average woman who was mesmerized by those gorgeous hazel eyes and bowled over by that extraordinary body and s.e.x appeal, it wasn't working with her because she could feel feel his pain. And every second she spent in his company, every unguarded glimmer she caught-rare though they may be-only made the ache to soothe him worse. He might not know it, but he needed her. his pain. And every second she spent in his company, every unguarded glimmer she caught-rare though they may be-only made the ache to soothe him worse. He might not know it, but he needed her.

"Sweetheart?"

Audrey blinked. "Yeah, I'm here. Listen, I need to know more. I know you told me that Jamie lost a friend, but I'm sensing there's more to it than that."

"What makes you say that?"

"I can feel it, Gramps," Audrey told him quietly. She didn't have to explain. He knew exactly what she was talking about. "A cold stone sits in my gut every time he slips up and lets me in." She plopped heavily onto her couch and patted the spot beside her for Moses. The great animal jumped up next to her and laid his enormous head on her thigh.

Her grandfather sighed heavily. "I was afraid of this. Is he too much, honey?"

"No," she a.s.sured him. "It's not that. It's-" How to explain? "I keep pressing and pressing, but I'm not getting anywhere. I need to know more."

"All right," he relented, clearly reluctant. "But this is strictly between us. If it comes down to it, I don't mind you telling him that I've told you that he lost a friend, but he would seriously object to my sharing the details."

"That's fine," Audrey said, bracing herself. Every muscle tensed in antic.i.p.ation and she had to force her fingers to relax around the phone.

"Flanagan's unit was special," he began. "Elite. Secretive." He went on to tell her about how the four of them had met in ROTC in college, how they'd been more like brothers than friends, how their last mission had gone so terribly wrong, resulting in Daniel Levinson's death.

Her grandfather let out a tired breath, one that spoke eloquently to his age and burdens. "What I didn't tell you, Audie, is that it was Flanagan who went back to get Levinson when he went down. Amid enemy fire, no less. Unfortunately, Levinson had taken a fatal hit and he bled out in Flanagan's arms before Flanagan could get him off that hill."

"Oh, G.o.d," Audrey whispered, her chest squeezing painfully. Nausea threatened, forcing her to swallow.

"The other two-Payne and McCann-they took it hard as well, but Flanagan...Well, understandably, Flanagan hasn't been right since it happened. He and Levinson were supposed to have each other's back. He feels like he failed him. All of them do. That's why they wanted out."

She could certainly understand that. And knowing what she knew now, she could definitely see why Jamie was hurting so terribly badly. Losing a friend would be hard enough, but feeling responsible, then having that friend die in your arms...She couldn't imagine. But she didn't have to because she could feel it emanating off of him.

"Thanks for telling me, Gramps. I, uh..." She scrubbed a hand over her face. "That, uh...That explains a lot."

"Keep me updated, would you?" the Colonel asked.

"I will," Audrey promised. She said goodbye, disconnected and then absently rubbed Moses' head, and continued to consider everything she'd just learned. Poor Jamie, Audrey thought, wincing for him. No wonder he was so closed-mouthed about all of it. Not only was it very private, but also, talking about it no doubt conjured images he'd just as soon forget. The trouble with that, though, was that he'd never forget. He might learn to deal with it-to cope, even-but the memories would always be there.

In fact, according to a recent study, memories in times of trauma were essentially hard-wired hard-wired into the brain due to the additional adrenaline pumping through a person's body. Modern medicine was currently researching a pill which would ultimately help make traumatic memories fade. According to several well-known doctors, veterans, victims of horrific crimes such as rape and murder, would particularly benefit from it. Audrey let go a breath. into the brain due to the additional adrenaline pumping through a person's body. Modern medicine was currently researching a pill which would ultimately help make traumatic memories fade. According to several well-known doctors, veterans, victims of horrific crimes such as rape and murder, would particularly benefit from it. Audrey let go a breath.

Unfortunately, there was no such magic pill yet for Jamie and he was simply going to have to learn to cope the old-fas.h.i.+oned way. She still felt guilty about asking her grandfather for that information, but she was glad that she did. It was easier to find something if you knew what you were looking for.

And she could start looking immediately, because Jamie would be here any minute now with his whiskey in tow. Despite everything she'd just found out, Audrey felt a half-hearted grin tease her lips. A miserable anxious laugh bubbled up her throat. Sweet Lord, what had she gotten herself into?

I'll share my whiskey...and you can give me a ma.s.sage.

No doubt getting a buzz would help take the edge off the thought of putting her hands on him-just thinking about it made a quaking s.h.i.+ver rattle her belly-but she just hoped it didn't take the edge off too much. Oh, who the h.e.l.l was she kidding? If he so much as crooked his little finger, she'd leap on him like a wild woman and he'd have a h.e.l.l of a time getting her off.

They'd followed their basket-weaving lesson this morning with an amiable horseback ride around the lake, then had shared a late lunch in the lodge. Afterwards, Jamie had wanted to check out the gym and they'd spent the rest of the afternoon working out. Or rather, she had pretended to work out, and had watched him instead.

Mercy.

Watching Jamie Flanagan work out was like watching poetry in motion. He was efficient and methodical, like a well-oiled machine. He alternated time between the free weights and various machines, and by the time he'd finished, he'd been hot and sweaty, every muscle pumped and in beautiful form. Audrey sighed and bit her lip, remembering.

Ordinarily hot and sweaty didn't do it for her, but the entire time she'd watched him, she'd been muddled and warm, and hit with the inexplicable urge to lick him all over. The side of his neck, the V between his shoulder blades. She wanted to taste his skin, feel those muscles play beneath her fingertips. He might have been the one to work up a sweat, but she'd been the one on fire.

He knew it, too, the c.o.c.ky jerk.

To her immense mortification, he'd caught her staring at him too often to even consider trying to be anything but a total wreck. He'd grinned, the wretch, then had pinned her to a mirror when no one was looking and kissed the h.e.l.l out of her.

It was at that point that Audrey had come to a decision. Tewanda was right-she did did want him. More than she'd ever wanted anybody and with an intensity that shook her to the very core. And Carlos had been right as well-what had being cautious ever done for her? Her entire life had been about helping others, pleasing others. With the exception of going to the college of her choosing and ultimately taking a risk on Unwind, what had she ever done strictly for herself? The answer was sobering. want him. More than she'd ever wanted anybody and with an intensity that shook her to the very core. And Carlos had been right as well-what had being cautious ever done for her? Her entire life had been about helping others, pleasing others. With the exception of going to the college of her choosing and ultimately taking a risk on Unwind, what had she ever done strictly for herself? The answer was sobering.

Nothing.

She could list a dozen reasons she shouldn't sleep with Jamie-her grandfather's relations.h.i.+p with him, for starters. Not to mention Derrick, who would not not get the answer he wanted from her this weekend. Even if he didn't follow through with his threat to break things off with her, she'd already decided that she'd end the relations.h.i.+p herself. It was a dead end. She didn't love him. Staying with him because he was safe-because he didn't make her feel anything-was a disservice to him and to herself. get the answer he wanted from her this weekend. Even if he didn't follow through with his threat to break things off with her, she'd already decided that she'd end the relations.h.i.+p herself. It was a dead end. She didn't love him. Staying with him because he was safe-because he didn't make her feel anything-was a disservice to him and to herself.

Yes, there were a lot of legitimate reasons she shouldn't sleep with Jamie, and only one reason she should...and that was the one she was going with.