The Last Exhale Part 34

"You keep reminding me."

"I only wanted to get married once."

"So you've said." I look down at my feet. Think about a question I've asked him before but never got an answer to. "Why'd you marry me, knowing your mother didn't approve?"

"I'm her only child. She's always wanted to dictate my life and have control over the things I did, the schools I attended, the women I'd dated. I was tired of that. I knew how bad she wanted me to marry Abigail. I married you to spite her, to let her know I was man enough to make my own decisions."

This conversation is going deeper than I have the energy for tonight. He dated me because I was a convenience in his life and married me to show his mother he was the boss. I take a deep breath, put my feelings to the side otherwise I might say something I'll regret and I don't have a lot of regrets in my life. Don't regret stepping outside of my marriage for happiness. "Eric, we're just existing in this marriage. Is that what you want?"

"It's been working all these years."

"We shouldn't be working this hard. It's starting to feel like a second full-time job."

This time he goes in the bathroom and cuts the shower on. Stays in there longer than a shower takes. I contemplate going in to check on him, but the last time I went in while he was under the water, I ended up under it with him creating our own steam. Tonight's not the night for that.

As sleep begins to pull me in its trance, I feel pressure on the other side of the bed. "What about the kids?"

I rub my eyes, clear my throat. Do my best not to slur. "We'll figure something out. All I know is we can't keep living like this. The kids will adjust. We'll adjust."

"You make it sound so easy."

At this point, everything is easier than this marriage.

64.

BRANDON.

What happens in the Virgin Islands stays in the Virgin Islands.

Hilda and I agreed not to exchange contact information. Our moment would forever stay on that island, in that room. We were both vulnerable from hurt and abandonment and anger, and in need of the kind of validation only a stranger could provide. Someone who didn't know enough about our situations to stop us from crossing that line.

Everything about St. Thomas was what I needed. Even Hilda.

As we watched the moon trade places with the sun, I told her about Rene. She cried. There she was, grieving over the loss of a marriage that should've been and a fiance she loved since she was sixteen, while I was in mourning over the end of my wife's life. It was his choice to leave, and in all honesty, it was Rene's choice to leave me. Hilda comforted me through it all, she held me and wiped away my tears. And before she left, I did the same again for her.

For the first time in a long time, I was able to just be, to be in the moment. Didn't think or worry about anything out of my control. Didn't think about the future or how I was going to put the pieces back together once I got home. I breathed in the present. No what ifs, only what was and what is.

Now it's back to reality. Hopefully, I can maintain my newfound mentality.

Traffic is no different than any other Monday. b.u.mper to b.u.mper, people falling asleep on their brakes, and others blowing their horns like they have Tourette's. Driver after driver pressing b.u.t.tons on their cell phones, trying to occupy idle moments in time, neglecting to look up in time to see the pileup of cars in front of them. Another accident caused due to spectators of another accident. Looks like a Suburban tried to run a car off the interstate. Makes me think about my brother's accident for a minute. I shake that nightmare out of my head. For every brake light that flashes in front of me, another thirty cents is added to the meter on the cab. Good thing my exit is less than a mile up.

Though it's part of his job, I tip the taxi driver a few bucks extra for the trouble, grab my bag with nothing more than what I left with, head up the stairs to my apartment. I left the extra clothes I bought for the weekend with a local who looked down on his luck. Seemed to be really appreciative, so I gave him a few extra dollars as well. Made the man's day, made mine as well. It's not like I'm hurting for money, so I'll help who I can, when I can.

Money had never been a problem for Rene and me. We had a very good life insurance plan, though I hate using that money for anything. We never touched the money we got when Reggie pa.s.sed. Rene had no siblings. There was no one to squabble or share the profits from the sale of her parents' house with; because of that, a hefty five-figures went into our bank account at closing.

Feels like I've been gone longer than a few days once I stick the key in my apartment's door. The moment I do so, my vacation runs from my memory like it was just a dream, while the pain and anger of what I left behind floods back in. I have to shake this feeling off.

After a quick shower, I throw on some gym shorts and a tank top. In the kitchen, I fill a cup with water and put it in the microwave for three minutes. Add some instant coffee mix to it and hazelnut creamer. I plug my drained phone up to the USB connected to my laptop. Once my phone receives enough juice, it powers on. There's a steady green light flas.h.i.+ng as incoming messages roll through.

Next to my computer desk is my room. I peer inside and see all the destruction I left before I left. The mattress is still hanging on the floor. I see Rene lying in it. Her eyes are closed, her skin clammy. I see a sheet being pulled over her face. A chill runs through me.

I dreamt of her before she pa.s.sed. She wasn't the first one to come to me before transitioning to the next life. My grandmother visited me the night she pa.s.sed away. She had a message too. Told me to take care of my brother. He was born minutes before me, weighed more than me, but she wanted me to look after him for some reason. We were ten at the time. I never knew what she meant by that. After his car accident in college, I thought that's what she was trying to warn me about. When I was in St. Thomas that dream came back to me. Made sense then. She wanted me to protect him from me.

I'm at the hospital again.

One of my voicemails was from my brother. He needed a ride home. That call came in yesterday. When I went up to where he said he'd be, a nurse told me he was discharged last night.

I pay the parking attendant five dollars for all of five minutes and drive toward my brother's home.

My parents had called while I was gone. I didn't tell them or Andrew that I was going out of town. Was on the phone with my brother when I made the decision to leave, just didn't share that with him. Packed what I had in the hotel room and went straight to the airport. Hadn't talked to any family since.

I pull up to Drew's house, ring the doorbell. No one answers. I knock a few times. Still no answer. I walk around to the side of the garage, peer through the window. Two cars are parked inside. Back at the front door I ring the bell again. When no one answers, I take out my spare key and let myself in. "Drew," I call out.

A woman comes down the stairs with her finger pressed to her lips. "He just went to sleep."

I look around the house, look for my sister-in-law. "Where's Melissa?"

She reaches out her hand. "I'm Laura, one of the teachers at the school with Andrew. You must be Brandon. You look exactly alike. Wow."

"We're identical." I refrain from shaking hands with her until she tells me why she's in my brother's house.

"I know this looks crazy, and to be honest, I'm not sure what's going on. All I can tell you is that Andrew called the school yesterday to see if someone was available to pick him up from the hospital. He said there wasn't anyone else he could call. I picked him up last night after our school's end-of-the-year program."

None of this makes sense. I was only gone a few days and it seems like the world has turned sideways. "Where's his wife?" I ask again.

She shrugs her shoulder. "No one's been here since I brought him home last night."

To be clear, I ask, "You stayed the night?"

"He just had surgery and can't walk. I wasn't going to leave him alone."

I grab my wallet out of my back pocket, remove a few twenties, hand them to her. "Thanks for all your help. I've got it from here."

She puts both hands in the air as if my money offends her. "I won't take your money. Andrew's a good person, a good friend. I'm glad I was here for him, since he obviously couldn't call on anyone else." She grabs her purse from the sofa, picks up a few books from the coffee table. "He'll need another dose of pain killers in a couple of hours."

Once Laura vacates the premises, I walk up the stairs to check on my brother. The way his face is smoothed out tells me he's in a deep sleep. No emotion is riding his face. His coworker made it sound like he was up here in distress.

I pull up a chair next to his bed and wrack my brain trying to figure out what the heck happened while I was gone.

"What are you doing here?"

"What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

"Man, calm down."

I realize I'd fallen asleep in the chair. Forgot where I was. After watching my brother for a little while, I decided to walk through the house to see if there were any clues. The one thing that was consistent was the absence of Mel's things. Her side of the closet was empty, drawers were bare. No makeup in the bathroom, no trace of feminine toiletries. Pictures of her were gone. Even pieces of furniture were missing.

I sip from the bottle of water I brought up after my tour, let it moisten my throat. "I met Laura."

"You say that like it's something to it. At least she was there for me."

"Are you cheating on Mel? Is that why all of her stuff is gone?"

"You've been snoop-d.a.m.n." He moves too quickly, grabs at his leg.

I reach for the pills next to the bed. "How many of these are you supposed to take?"

He s.n.a.t.c.hes the bottle from me. "It's too late to care."

"How was I supposed to know you'd have surgery while I was out of town? I went to the hospital as soon as I got your message."

Two pills and a gla.s.sful of water go down his throat. He leans his head back on the pillow slowly. "Where'd you go?" The pill container snug in his hand.

"We can talk about that later." I watch the tension grow in his face. "Are you in pain?"

"Won't feel much once the Oxycodone kicks in."

The way he popped those pills makes me think he's trying to take himself out. I take the container from his hand. His strength is too weak to fight me. "Where's Mel?"

"Look around. You tell me."

"Stop with the mind games."

Andrew stares at the ceiling, a tear glides from the corner of his eye.

"Talk to me, bro. Both of us can't fall apart."

"She left."

That much is obvious. I dare not say that, though.

"She took me to the hospital, kissed me before I went back to surgery. When I came out, no one was in the recovery room. No one came to my room for two days. I called her phone; she changed her number."

I know my sister-in-law and brother had been having a little trouble lately with trying to have a baby. Had no idea it had gotten to a level where she was willing to walk away, and at a time when Drew needed her the most. "Was not being able to have a baby that serious?"

He reaches underneath the pillow next to him. An envelope is in his hand. He pa.s.ses it to me.

I unfold the letter, read its words.

Melissa couldn't handle the pressure of taking care of him. The way the first accident paralyzed him was one thing. This accident and the second knee surgery was too much. She wanted to be free to enjoy life and felt like she'd be stuck in the house with a crippled man. She realized how much of her life she sacrificed by trying to live up to the life he told her they were going to have. Since none of it happened, she took the accident as her way out. She'd recently come in contact with a man from her past. The love they once had for each other resurfaced. He was worth her leaving her marriage for. They had history. In high school, she had been pregnant with his child. They were too young to be parents. They gave the child up for adoption. Giving the baby up caused them to grow apart. They resented each other and couldn't handle the pressure of being together. When their paths crossed recently, because she and Drew hadn't had luck in the child department, she took the opportunity to run off with a man she already had a child with. They wanted to go on a search to find the child they gave up. She knew all of this when she married Andrew, but didn't feel any of it was important to share with him. She'd never been able to stop thinking about this guy and the life they would've had had they kept their child and stayed together. She felt like this was the perfect opportunity. She didn't want to be tied down to two broken men, her husband and his brother, so she left. She dropped eleven years with her husband in the trash like it was the wrong piece of mail.

Born minutes apart, and again, both of our lives falling apart.

I want to pop some pills, lie in the bed, and forget it all right along with my brother.

65.

SYDNEY.

After picking the kids up from my mom's, we stop by Publix on the way home to get a few things for dinner. Kennedy wants tacos. EJ wants tacos, too, just because that's what his sister wants. I tell them both, "No tacos tonight. We're having spaghetti."

Frowns appear on both of their little faces. "But, Mom," Kennedy starts.

"But nothing. Now grab your brother's hand and get us some garlic cheese bread, please. I'll be right over in the produce section," I say as I push the cart toward the right.

Before I can even bag up tomatoes for the sauce, Kennedy comes running in my direction holding a man's hand. "Mom, look who I found."

He's shaking his head trying to find a way out of being mistaken for somebody else. "I guess your daughter gets her eyesight from you."

I blush at the memory of how we first met and also from seeing him again for the first time in months. "Kennedy, this isn't your teacher."

Still holding his hand, she declares, "I know that. Mr. Carter has a worm on his chin. This is his twin brother. Don't they look just alike? He used to always tell us about him."

Who am I to take away her joy? This is the happiest she's been in a while. "A worm on his chin?"

"Yeah, a scar from a car accident some years ago," Brandon shares.

Oh great. No telling what scars he has from the car accident our affair caused. My eyes search his for any indication of... "Kennedy, where's your brother?"

She looks around the vicinity and comes up short. "He was right behind us." She lets go of Brandon's hand and runs back to the freezer section. I'm right on her heels.