Distractions. Part 13

Connor could see the horror on my face as my mind raced back and forth at the thought of going down to the communal pools and being exposed to so many people. Just a few days ago, I was nearly naked before a crowd, yet what was more natural in a sense seemed so abnormal.

"Violet, stop...we're not going down unless you want to. That's why I got this room. We have our own private s.p.a.ce. I don't intend on anyone seeing you naked except for me."

His hands gently lifted my sweater off my arms and head. I s.h.i.+mmied out of my black cotton leggings and pink t-s.h.i.+rt. Coa.r.s.e dark hair p.r.i.c.kled against my legs from not shaving for two days and a flush of embarra.s.sment came over me. Connor could see me rubbing my hands back and forth across my calf as if it would magically vanish.

"Mmm...sandpaper, let's smooth my hands out a they are feeling kind of rough lately," he teased while stroking his wide palms along my s.h.i.+ns and thighs. I tried to back away, but Connor pinned me to the bed with my hands above my head. His knee nudged my legs apart where he nestled in between them.

With a gritted voice, he began to speak against my cheek. "Vy, don't go back. Stay with me a I can make you happy." He flexed his hip in a circular pattern, grinding into me against the thin fabric separating us. I felt him growing harder by the second as he breathed in the scent of my skin. With one hand he reached down into my center, making slow, calculated swirling motions with his fingers causing me to gasp.

"You're not being fair...this is blackmail." My head turned to the side, processing the delicious heat he was creating in my body.

"No, this is blackmail, sweetheart..." His fingers moved the fabric to the side, allowing him to probe my ready entrance. My chest arched in response to his touch; I wanted him a all of him.

He stilled after entering me and held my cheek with one hand.

"I'm serious. Stay, please. If you go, I am afraid you won't come back. I can't lose you again. I will take care of you."

I looked away as the tears began to fill my eyes. This week was like a dream. Nothing about it seemed real. I knew it was coming to an end, and so did he. I couldn't stay; it was not possible. The life I had waiting for me would only be patient for so long. Everything I worked for would vanish in a moment if I blinked too long. I simply couldn't afford that, not even for this.

My hands were still held captive above my head, so I leaned up and caught his lips with my mouth and kissed him hungrily. He knew my answer without me saying a word. Releasing my arms, he pulled me tightly against him as he made love to me, kissing my face, neck and chest while slowly moving back and forth. Before I knew it, the words left my mouth.

"I still love you, Connor Lewis, I always have."

My whispered admission caused his body to shudder. With a few soft grunts, he collapsed over me and into my arms. Resting his head against my shoulder, we napped for some time in a lovers embrace.

We awoke and immediately opened the door to the private deck. Night had fallen over the mountains that I learned were Mt. Harvard and Mt. Antero, both which were fourteeners. The sky mirrored the night he took me deep into the canyon. It was a moonless s.p.a.ce full of diamonds glistening above. I could make out every constellation I knew and thousands more I did not.

My neck was growing a kink from tilting back against the edge of the tub for so long. The nearly scalding water felt incredible against the frigid winter air. Standing for only a brief moment hit you with a blast of icy wind. My tender nipples felt like rocks when I would sit on the side for a few moments to cool down. This place was amazing. I was so happy I allowed Connor to bring me here. He knew I would love it, and I did. It was so far removed from the rest of the world, where I could breathe, and think. He hadn't asked too many questions since we had been together, yet I had a feeling they were coming. No sooner had the thought crossed my mind when he asked the first one.

"Have you fallen in love since me?" His hands skimmed the surface of the bubbling water across the vapor mist. I didn't want to lie to him; he would know it. I would never deny Shepard anyway.

"Yes, once. A few years back. My boss was murdered and my neighbor noticed I was going downhill. He took care of me. Even before that, he was taking care of me; I just never really thought too much about it."

I looked into the sky once more, my mind drifting to another place in time. For some reason, Connor needed to know why, because he kept pressing.

"What happened?"

I closed my eyes. This memory pained me deeply. Although I thought of it often, I had not spoken of it since it happened. With a deep breath, I readied myself to relive the events that shaped my life as I presently knew it.

"We went away for a week. It was perfect. He went to school in Tennessee and I was working for the University of Cincinnati. A few days after he went back, his dad came to my house drunk. He tried to make a pa.s.s at me and I refused; he got angry and beat the s.h.i.+t out of me. I woke up in the hospital with a few broken ribs and a cracked skull. Shepard wasn't allowed to see me. Just before the trial, his old man killed himself and I lost my job. I was told not to talk to him, and then his family blamed me and filed a lawsuit. I never fought, even though I knew it was wrong, because I thought it was best. He deserved something better than me." I sunk into the water so it rested just beneath my nose and watched Connor for his response.

He just looked at me with pity and stopped at the scar on my temple. "d.a.m.n, Violet, I'm sorry. I wondered how you got that scar; I didn't remember it." His fingers traced the faint white line along my scalp.

"You haven't talked to him since? He never got a say?" He started to make me nervous with the sudden concern over Shepard.

"It's complicated, but it doesn't matter anymore. It's been over a long time; it's done." He shook his head and tilted it back.

"I just can't imagine someone letting you go that easily. I know I couldn't."

Nothing more was said about Shepard, or much of anything. We both got out and crawled into bed, tangled close against each other. Once again, the vivid dreams I had managed to escape this week came pouring back in. I would awake with a start, then lay back and stare at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep again.

How was it I could be lying next to Connor, but my mind was on someone else? I wrapped myself in a blanket and stepped back onto the deck. Looking below, the pools were now empty, so I slowly trekked down the path leading towards them. The world was quiet and still as my feet touched the warm water. Being a little further away, it was not quite as hot as above where our cabins were, but it was still nice. I tossed my robe onto a chair and grabbed a foam noodle to rest my head on. Drifting out into the middle of the pool, the near pitch black of night blanketed me in peace as I gazed at the stars. Not a sound was made beyond the cold breeze blowing through the mountains. The wind howled against my ears and I could feel my hair turning into icicles.

I focused on the brightest star, and like a child, made a wish.

Wherever you are, Shepard, I hope that you are happy and loved. I am so sorry for everything. I didn't know what else to do. If you had any idea what was really happening, you might understand and even forgive me. If you can see this star, too, maybe you will sense the truth and know I loved you with everything in me.

My wish sounded more like a prayer. I did hope he was happy and loved. He, of all people in the world, deserved that. I knew our paths would never cross again, so I could only believe he was. I released him to the universe and made room in my heart once more for Connor. Just then, a small star grazed across the sky, ever so briefly. He had done his best this week to prove he had changed and that everything we had gone through before the bulls.h.i.+t garnered a second chance. I pulled the robe around me and headed back up to our cabin. Connor wasn't sleeping when I opened the door; a small light bathed the room in a soft yellow glow.

"Where did you go? You were gone for a while."

I smiled and crawled into his arms to warm up again. "I went down to the pools to float for a bit and think."

He pulled me back against his chest and kissed my neck softly. "Did you decide anything while you were down there?" He sounded hopeful; I could feel him holding his breath, waiting for my answer.

"Yes, I did. Let's talk, okay?"

Flipping around to face him, I cradled the sides of his head and pulled him into a kiss. Just to give him an indication it was a good talk, I raised my thigh over his hip and used my heel against his bottom to draw him closer. The action caused him to growl with pleasure.

"I like where this is going..." His hands reached into my still chilled hair and smoothed it away from my face.

"I hope so, Connor."

For a long time that evening, and into the next day, we conversed about the future. I didn't know what was going to happen, but it was worth a shot. G.o.d knew I had been lonely for so long, and here was something where I knew I could at least predict the outcome and have the most control. Or so it would seem...

Chapter 26 - Severed.

My week here in Colorado pa.s.sed far too quickly. Despite my world turning upside down, I was not leaving with the feeling of dread I was antic.i.p.ating. The launch went off without a hitch and was the success everyone banked on. Connor had negotiated an offer with the bank and the estate would be settled within the next sixty days. My family had all but dissipated after the funeral, especially when Connor offered to buy out the mortgage.

Everything seemed so surreal. Although I lost one of the most important people in my world, another one was given back. I had been so angry with him, I had forgotten anything good that had happened between us. His unwavering support during this week was nothing short of a miracle. I continued to watch the monitors in the terminal, waiting to see when we would be cleared for take-off. Another nasty storm was coming in from the west, which had screwed up the flight patterns.

More than two hours had pa.s.sed since he dropped me off, kissing me so hard my lips were still swollen. I grazed my thumb across the tender spots along the bottom, knowing all too soon, they would be gone. I shook my head from trying to comprehend everything that happened since the short time I had arrived; it was more than I could handle. Just then, the black bar started to flash on the screen next to the gate.

"Cancelled, I knew it." I blew out a deep breath and grabbed my bag. Since I had checked the other, it would be waiting for the next flight. I knew that all the other flights were not far behind, and I debated whether or not to call Connor and tell him; perhaps he was watching the status updates or the news. I headed straight for the rental counter before they made the announcement. Using my phone to hold a reservation, it was waiting for me when I arrived. He didn't live terribly far from the airport; I would have enough time before the snow really started to fly. I pulled out from the parking lot, glowing in the thought of snuggling in front of a fire, drinking wine and getting my brains screwed out until dawn.

With some careful maneuvering on the slick spots, I arrived just after dark. I could see the first round of large white flakes floating peacefully to the ground, dusting the roads like powdered sugar. I closed my eyes to catch a few on my tongue as the street lights gave the avenue an ethereal glow. He told me the bottom door was rarely locked before he went to sleep, which would make the surprise that much better.

I checked my hair and makeup before stepping out of the rental SUV. I don't know why I cared; it would be smeared on his sheets in a few minutes. I stopped and blushed at my inner thoughts; life without s.e.x has a tendency to do that to people. Taking a quick moment to compose myself, I walked slowly up the flight of stairs, so I did not make too much noise. The old wooden steps were terribly creaky and would be a dead giveaway. I began to hear music the closer I got a something mellow with banjos and guitars.

My knuckles were about to rap on the door when I heard it. It was the distinct sound of a woman squealing in pleasure, as if being chased or tickled. I tried to stop my heart from ripping out of my chest, drawing upon the ridiculous pep talks I used to keep me from completely freaking out. I placed my palm against the door to give my forehead a second to rest and compile my emotions.

Was there any benefit of the doubt in my mind? I would not walk away from here without knowing what was behind that door. Could the son of a b.i.t.c.h really do this to me twice? I felt the cracks in my soul start to widen each time I knocked on the slab of polished walnut. A moment later, I heard the metal chain on the lock slide and the door separate from the frame. She didn't see the horror on my face once I recognized who she was. It was Kinzey, or Reese, should I say...

The smile she held so brightly vanished once she laid eyes on me. "Starla," she said quietly.

Right after she spoke, I watched a hand reach around her waist, stroking her stomach playfully as his mouth nuzzled her neck with gentle nips. She squirmed to get away from him.

"What's wrong, baby? Who is it?"

Finally looking up himself to see who had interrupted them, he rapidly peeled away from Reese as if she were kryptonite. I turned in one swift motion back towards the stairs. Connor leaped out of the entryway to stop me. Stepping in front of me, he used his body and arms to keep me from walking any further. I could hear the panicked sounds coming out of Reese who was still standing by the door.

"Violet, wait, don't leave," he growled.

My head was still lowered, looking at the floor beneath me. The venom was diffusing back into my blood stream, starting once again with my tongue.

"I am not really into three-ways, so I think I'll pa.s.s."

The cold air in the hallway had grown thick with tension. The claustrophobic feeling was starting to surround me like a glove. I heard footsteps behind me as Reese started to make her way past us.

I replied sinisterly, "See you took my advice, sweetheart." Connor refused to look at her as she pa.s.sed shamefully with her belongings overflowing in her hands.

"Aren't you worried about her? Don't you want to make sure she doesn't get hurt?"

His jaw could cut diamonds with how sharp he held it into place. His nostrils flared with anger, his breathing labored. "Why are you here?"

Looking at him with disdain, more poison kept flowing. "Why do you keep asking me that? Did you ever think it was because I wanted to be? It doesn't matter. I am leaving, so move." I pushed on his iron chest that remained immobile. "Let me go, Connor!"

With an instant reflex, he grabbed my wrist tightly. "No! Violet, d.a.m.n it, a storm is coming. You need to stay here until it pa.s.ses. And don't leave like this; it's not what you think."

I snorted in disgust; this was unbelievable.

"How f.u.c.king stupid do you really think I am? I have eyes, you know, and ears. I am pretty sure I interrupted your little plans tonight."

Slamming his free fist against the wall, the anger caused every vein in his neck to bulge. Plaster fell from the dent he made as blood started to pour from his knuckles. "Frankie asked me to spend some time with her okay? I wasn't going to sleep with her. Seems after she won, she was gun shy about taking the job. He thought I could persuade her to think about it."

My face went aghast; the truth cut me deeper than a lie. He became frightened when he saw the way my features contorted.

"V, talk to me..." I kept backing up slowly, my mind reeling from what it was piecing together.

"Oh my G.o.d, I was so stupid. How did I not know? How the f.u.c.k did I not know?" I felt my body start to tremble violently. Connor was looking at me as if I was a ticking time bomb.

"I asked Frankie for a ticket to the illusion; he asked me to be a part of the show. I thought he just meant a dance." I kept mumbling while heading towards the flight of stairs. He walked behind me cautiously.

"Violet, what are you talking about?"

I stopped briefly to look up at him. "You were a part of it; none of it was real, It was just a show...it wasn't real...it wasn't real...it was just...it was..."

My head moved slowly side to side in disbelief as the shock started to set in. Connor started to visibly panic. He grabbed my shoulders and started to shake them, "Violet, Violet, baby don't do this, don't go there, come back to me, f.u.c.k, please, please!"

I could tell he was pleading loudly, but all I heard was the rus.h.i.+ng noise of my heart beating in my head. Hot tears ran down my cheeks, gliding off my chin onto my s.h.i.+rt. I used my sleeve to wipe my eyes before looking back at him.

"I envy you, Connor; you shut it off so easily."

As soon as the words left my lips, the sword of fate came swiftly down upon the cord that bound us together. A flash of despair burst in his eyes the same moment the light left mine. Before I touched the rail leading down the stairwell, we both knew I was gone.

Chapter 27 - Leveled.

In less than an hour, over three inches of snow had covered the ground. Trucks struggled to plow and salt faster than the speed it was coming down. Following closely behind one of them, I only made it about a mile and a half away from Connor's apartment before sliding into a hotel parking lot. Fortunately for me, this was the off season and rooms were plentiful. I had a change of clothes and my cell phone charger. The desk attendant provided me with a chintzy tooth brush and dusty toothpaste tube.

I was located within walking distance of a convenience store where I picked up a few bottles of wine and packs of crackers, not in the least bit interested in food. The room was s.p.a.cious with a double-sided gla.s.s fireplace and ma.s.sive soaking tub. The windows faced the foothills, giving a panoramic view of the canyon dotted with pine trees. Thinking for a moment that Connor would have followed me, his Jeep never once came across my rear view mirror. My phone started to vibrate on the wooden night stand; it was Alessa.

"s.h.i.+t!" I had forgotten to call her to tell her my flight was canceled.

"Hey Lees..." My voice cracked as though I were sick, I really was thinking about it.

"It's a good thing I put your flight on alert or my very unhappy a.s.s would be sitting in the lot waiting for you." She sounded slightly annoyed until I did not respond. "Violet, are you there?"

I exhaled deeply attempting to hold back the tears; I had to get it out before I completely lost my mind. "I think so..."

With the concern rising in her voice, she shouted so loudly, I had to pull my phone away from my ear. "What's wrong?"

A few sobs trickled out of my chest before the scream behind it came driving out.

"I f.u.c.ked up! It was an act a all of it. Connor, the son of a b.i.t.c.h, I'm so stupid!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Violet, what are you talking about?"

I was rapidly growing angry as the scenario replayed in my head. "He had her there a the f.u.c.king girl. He told me he was doing Frankie a favor and that he wasn't going to sleep with her!"

Alessa cut me off in the middle of the rant.

"Frankie? What girl? Vy, you are not making any sense. Deep breath, whoooooo...start from the beginning."

The ground was falling out beneath my feet. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out... "Lees, there's a lot you don't know about me. I will tell you everything, but you have to swear to me that it never goes beyond this call. Swear to me."

"Violet, how long have you known me? When have I ever broken your trust?"

She was right; the five years we had worked together, not once had she ever let me down. I realized how lucky I was to have someone like her.

"You better sit down; this is going to take a little while."