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Anka blinked at him, feeling his face heat. 'Yes. I didn't see any point in holding everyone back with political posturing.'
He surged to his feet abruptly. The moment he did, he caught the attention of everyone in the banquet hall and silence began to fall around him. For several unnerving moments as he stared out over the sea of faces, he searched his mind in vain for the speech he'd prepared and memorized. It refused to be jarred loose. Pasting a facsimile of a smile on his face, he discarded the effort. 'My fellow Sumpturians-or perhaps I should say Venetians?-let us welcome our visitors and celebrate our new home with festival!'
Everyone stared blankly at him for several moments after he sat back down. After exchanging puzzled looks, however, they began to evacuate their seats and to clear s.p.a.ce in the center of the room for dancing.
'You will be leading the first set, Sir?' Minh prompted him again.
The question made Anka's mind leap once more to Sybil. Fortunately, it also jarred lose a fragment of reason and he recalled abruptly that he'd not only intended to take part in festival, he'd told himself that it was time to take a new lover and make an effort to end the farce of a relations.h.i.+p that he'd fostered with Sybil. It would show her that he was not to be manipulated by her people's machinations. It would show his people that his heart and mind were with them, as always.
He felt vaguely nauseated at the public dismissal of his lover but angrily pushed it to the back of his mind. It had to be public to rea.s.sure his people. It had to be a statement that hers couldn't ignore.
'Of course,' he said, rising stiffly and resolutely refusing to look in her direction. The excitement of the others didn't soothe him or bring the turmoil in his mind into any sort of order. It irritated him, made it more of a struggle to put on even a pretense of antic.i.p.ation. It was fortunate that he'd taken part in so many festivals in his time that his body had memorized the steps and responded automatically. His mind wasn't on the dance or the music or any of the attractive young females swirling around him. His mind was on Sybil.
The first dance had nearly ended before he emerged from his preoccupation enough to realize that he'd been too focused on Sybil even to look around for a potential lover. It sent a jolt through him when he discovered that Lonlea, Hybah, and Myune were all sending him smiling signals of interest. Abruptly feeling as awkward as a youth, he missed a step and felt his face redden. All three giggled. It was pure accident that his gaze settled on Myune. In point of fact, he didn't even realize that he was staring back at her so pointedly until she broke formation and squeezed into the set next to him.
Oh G.o.ds, he thought, instantly stricken with panic. Of all the women he might have settled upon, Myune was probably the worst choice. It wasn't that she wasn't a very attractive woman. She was. Unfortunately, she was also extremely possessive and p.r.o.ne to fits of temper.
She also took and discarded lovers with a frequency that proved she was either impossible to please or had no real interest in long relations.h.i.+ps.
Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, he thought? It would appease the gossips and no one would expect it to last.
With a sense of fatalism, he forced himself to meet her gaze and smile back at her. The instant he did, a commotion near the doors caught his attention. When he looked up, he saw that Sybil had surged from her seat. She met his gaze for a long moment and then lifted her chin at him and turned away, heading toward the door. He felt like he was going to throw up. Before the sickness could swell toward his throat, the b.a.s.t.a.r.d that had been all over since she'd arrived leapt from his seat and hurried after her, slipping an arm around her waist.
The fury he'd thought he'd mastered instantly enveloped him and he completely forgot where he was. 'Pardon me,' he said absently, breaking from the dance and striding toward the man with every intention of tearing him limb from limb.
He was vaguely aware as he plowed through the dancers that he was making a scene, that he'd caught the attention of every soul in the hall, but he was so blinded by his rage that the gaping faces he pa.s.sed barely penetrated.
He caught up to the pair just as they reached the door. It flickered through his mind that that would've been an impossible feat if he hadn't run, but he dismissed that along with every other attempt by his mind to rea.s.sert reason. Clamping a hand on the man's shoulder to halt him, he spun him around. It brought Sybil around, as well, since the b.a.s.t.a.r.d still had his arm around her.
'Take your hands off of her,' he growled. 'Now.'
The man released Sybil and shoved Anka's hand from his shoulder. 'Back off.'
Sybil wedged herself between the two men. 'Stop it! For G.o.d's sake! Think what you're doing, Anka!'
His gaze flickered to her white face. 'Do you choose him?'
Anger, hurt, and distress chased across her pale features.
'Hey, you picked your woman! I picked mine. Get the f.u.c.k back.'
'Don't, Cole!' Sybil said sharply. 'I need to talk to him.'
Anka caught her hand tightly in his and drew her from between the two of them. He balled his other hand into a fist, waiting, hoping the b.a.s.t.a.r.d would be stupid enough to challenge him.
Instead, he glanced at Sybil. 'You're sure you want to go anywhere with him?'
'I'm sure,' Sybil said jerkily.
The man glanced from one to the other and finally stepped back.
Disappointment flickered through Anka, but he turned and dragged Sybil through the doors and into the corridor.
'What are you do?' Sybil gasped.
Anka shoved her roughly against the wall and silenced her with his own mouth, struggling with his rage. He was aware on some level that he was far too rough with her but the battle between rage and desire was too hot to control. He broke from her lips when he realized that, stared down at her for a long moment to be sure he hadn't hurt her, and then turned and strode toward his quarters, pulling her behind him.
Chapter Fourteen.
Anka hadn't managed to beat much of his fury into abeyance by the time he reached his quarters, but it was wound up so tightly with his desire that he was completely at its mercy. The moment he entered his quarters, he dragged her against his length and found her mouth again with his own. She made some sound but he was in no condition to decipher whether it was distress or desire.
His body interpreted it as desire, however, and reacted by further annihilating any possibility of rational thought. He was peripherally aware of struggling with clothing-hers and his own-but had no idea how he managed to remove them. He was just relieved when he managed to get her on the bed and discovered he'd succeeded in removing any obstacle to his possession. He was aware of another rush of relief when he discovered she was wet for him, but a fresh wave of need washed it from his mind as he felt her flesh close around him. His entire focus s.h.i.+fted to burying deeper, to the need to feel her flesh wrapped tightly around his entire length.
The struggle to achieve his goal almost undid him. He was bathed in sweat and shaking so badly from the struggle to keep from spilling his seed by the time he'd claimed her completely that he began to wonder if he would pa.s.s out or come first. The need to satisfy his lover while he was able, before he spilled his seed and lost any ability to give her pleasure, flickered through his mind, but he couldn't hold on to it as a deterrent. His own need overrode everything else. He'd given it free rein too long to check it.
Groaning with a mixture of frustration and burgeoning need, he gave up the effort to try to control himself and followed the urges of his body, setting a desperate rhythm. His body seized abruptly, making him stiffen all over. His belly clenched almost painfully and then began to pump his seed, forcing the air from his lungs in choked grunts.
When it ceased, he felt as if he'd lost all muscle tone. Too weak to support his own weight he sank limply down on top of Sybil. His mind was just so much mush. An awareness of Sybil's panting breaths finally penetrated enough that he struggled to gather some strength to himself and finally managed to pitch himself off of her and on to the bed. The desire to follow the weariness down the black hole beckoning to him was strong but enough consciousness remained for a flicker of thought here and there, and it occurred to him that he'd expressed his joy of Sybil with a complete lack of consideration for his lover. Struggling on to his side, he dropped an arm across her that felt like it weighed a ton and managed to drag her closer.
He would've been happy to leave it at that, but the moment he dragged her against himself he became aware of discomfort-bindings and lumps that shouldn't have been there. Lifting his head to figure out what the h.e.l.l was wrong, he discovered that he was still wearing his f.u.c.king boots and was half in and half out of his clothing. The *lumps', he discovered, was the dress Sybil was still wearing, knotted in a hard ball at her waist.
Dropping his head back to the mattress, he struggled to untangle the recent events in his mind and thereby lost all interest in drifting blissfully to sleep. With nightmarish clarity a progression of events flickered across his inner eye, producing images he would've far rather not remembered.
He had made a public announcement alright! He had all but challenged the f.u.c.king b.a.s.t.a.r.d No, he had had challenged him. It was only Sybil's interference that had kept him from making more of a spectacle than he had! challenged him. It was only Sybil's interference that had kept him from making more of a spectacle than he had!
And then he'd compounded his insanity by dragging Sybil to his quarters as if he was some kind of mindless beast and pouncing on her.
He turned his head and cast a wary glance at her face. She was studying his chest thoughtfully.
'I gave you no pleasure,' he said flatly, his voice rough with embarra.s.sment, a fresh bout of anger, and the dregs of his own spent pa.s.sion.
She looked up at him and then looked away. 'You did.'
It was a lie and he d.a.m.ned well knew it and it p.i.s.sed him off more. 'Who was that sonof-a-b.i.t.c.h?' he growled.
She shrugged. 'A soldier. He's stationed at the Emba.s.sy.'
He hooked his hand beneath her chin and made her look up at him. 'You were leaving with him. Did you take him as your lover when I left?'
Shock registered on her face. It was quickly followed by a mixture of hurt and anger. 'Exactly what makes you think you have the right to ask?'
He didn't have the right. It made him angrier that he didn't. 'Tell me.'
Her lips tightened. 'You wouldn't believe me if I told you the truth!'
'Sybil,' he growled.
'No! I didn't even meet him until tonight!'
'You have travelled two months with the b.a.s.t.a.r.d and you have only met him tonight?'
Sybil glared at him in tight lipped silence.
'Powell was your lover!' he said, leaping instantly from his current target to the man he'd seen sniffing around her the night he left.
Sybil blinked at him. 'I don't understand you. I don't understand this interrogation!'
Because it wasn't rational, he wondered? He'd taken her as his lover because he'd wanted her, but also because it fit his needs beyond the bedroom, the needs of his people. He'd tried his best to be a thoughtful lover, to be generous with her, but he knew he'd still asked her to take him into her bed because he'd seen a possibility of using her to get what they needed. He had no right to behave, or think, as if his motives had been pure.
It was his misfortune that he hadn't been able to also keep a barrier erected between them to protect himself from bonding with her. His weakness toward her that had made him believe that she felt the same bond.
He dragged in a deep breath to calm himself and released it slowly, tamping the jealousy still churning inside of him.
He couldn't have f.u.c.ked up worse, he realized, if he actually had completely lost his mind! He'd made it abundantly clear to both her people and his own that he was putty in her hands-not that he gave a f.u.c.k about their opinion now that he thought on it! To h.e.l.l with them if they were determined to look upon him as if he was some sort of f.u.c.king machine, without function beyond supplying their needs.
It was his his life, too! He had given freely to his people. He had done all that he could for them. He had a right to take something for himself! life, too! He had given freely to his people. He had done all that he could for them. He had a right to take something for himself!
In any case, his current situation was enough to deal with at the moment. He had had behaved like a madman-or a savage!-lost all traces of civilized behavior. If she'd been a Sumpturian woman she would've been screaming a.s.sault or she would've already tossed him out of her room-which was yet another breach! He'd behaved like a madman-or a savage!-lost all traces of civilized behavior. If she'd been a Sumpturian woman she would've been screaming a.s.sault or she would've already tossed him out of her room-which was yet another breach! He'd dragged dragged her to his room. There was no excusing that complete disregard for her right to refuse him or her comfort in meeting him on her own ground. her to his room. There was no excusing that complete disregard for her right to refuse him or her comfort in meeting him on her own ground.
He swallowed with an effort, trying to think how to mend the mess he'd made. 'I beg pardon,' he said stiffly, excruciatingly uncomfortable about having to apologize for his behavior even though he knew he was in the wrong. 'Do you want me to leave?'
She stared at him for a long moment and finally chuckled. 'It's your quarters.'
He felt his face redden but it eased the tightness in his chest that she'd laughed. 'Contrary to what it might seem, given my complete lapse of judgment, I know we're in my quarters. Since I didn't give you the option of throwing me out of yours, however, I'm obligated to offer you the option to throw me out of mine.'
She studied his face. 'It would serve you right, you know, if I did and you had to sleep on the floor in the hall.'
'I know. I think public humiliation is probably the least I deserve.'
She got up. For a moment his heart sank. Then he saw that she was struggling to remove her dress-which he saw he'd ruined-not permanently, he hoped. 'Do you plan to sleep in your boots?' she asked, amus.e.m.e.nt threading her voice.
Cringing inwardly, he sat up and removed his boots and the rest of his clothing, then lay back down, still half fearing she would s.n.a.t.c.h her clothing back on and stalk out. Instead, she smoothed her dress and folded it over the back of his chair and then moved back to the bed and climbed in beside him.
He caught her arm, pulling her closer and then curled his arms around her. 'I'm sorry, nodia nodia,' he murmured against her neck, breathing her scent into his lungs gratefully.
She touched his hair, smoothed it, cupped the back of his head. 'It was actually exciting-a little scary, but thrilling, too.'
He lifted his head to look at her. 'And you think I'm I'm mad? I behaved like a barbarian!' mad? I behaved like a barbarian!'
Her lips curled at one corner. 'But so pa.s.sionate!'
'And so worthless,' he said dryly. 'Don't ever lie to me again about that, nodia nodia! I'm selfish enough. And I was unforgivably selfish in taking my own satisfaction and giving nothing.'
She blushed. 'I wasn't lying. I enjoyed it.'
He sent her a look. 'I know what you look like when you're satisfied, nodia nodia.'
She smiled. 'You can make it up to me.'
He s.h.i.+fted slightly away from her and ran a hand along her side, frowning slightly when he noticed there was barely any indentation at her waistline. Sybil froze, having been so swept away by his feverish need for her that she'd completely forgotten her condition-forgotten everything everything!
There was amus.e.m.e.nt in his eyes when he met her gaze again. 'My nodia nodia is getting plump. I like this.' is getting plump. I like this.'
Oh he was going to love love it when he realized why his it when he realized why his nodia nodia was so plump and round! She might have pursued that thought except that his mentioning her roundness brought something into focus that was so plump and round! She might have pursued that thought except that his mentioning her roundness brought something into focus that she she hadn't noticed before. He was noticeably thinner than the last time she'd seen him. The realization threw her into disorder. The fear leapt instantly to mind that he'd been ill or hurt and that accounted for it. When she saw no other signs of either illness or injury, though, the flattering thought flickered briefly through her mind that the weight loss might have been because he missed her. hadn't noticed before. He was noticeably thinner than the last time she'd seen him. The realization threw her into disorder. The fear leapt instantly to mind that he'd been ill or hurt and that accounted for it. When she saw no other signs of either illness or injury, though, the flattering thought flickered briefly through her mind that the weight loss might have been because he missed her.
Fortunately, before her tongue ran away with her, it also flickered through her mind that she'd noticed a lot of the Sumpturians had the same gaunt look about them. Her belly clenched instantly with sympathy. She knew hunger when she saw it. She'd certainly seen it enough over the years to recognize slow starvation!
The urge to burst into tears a.s.sailed her. She touched his face, traced it lightly with her fingers.
He hadn't wanted her to know, hadn't wanted anyone to know. Pride? Or self-preservation? She realized it had been both. They had too much pride to ask for help and were too worried about revealing how vulnerable they were. The pieces that she hadn't known she had been struggling to put together abruptly fell into place and she knew knew why they were here. They weren't conquerors. They weren't curious. They hadn't even come why they were here. They weren't conquerors. They weren't curious. They hadn't even come willingly willingly to colonize. to colonize.
They were refugees!
She swallowed the clog of emotions in her throat with an effort when she realized that he was studying her face, must have read something of her thoughts because his own expression had closed. 'I missed you,' she said finally. 'I thought when you left that I wouldn't see you again.'
He seemed to relax fractionally. Instead of responding, however, he moved closer and nibbled a trail to her lips. She had to force herself to relax at first, force the churning, unsettling thoughts from her mind, but his kiss carried magic. It always had.
Closing her mind resolutely to everything but his touch, she gave herself up to feeling every nerve within her body responding to him like a flower to the sun, awakening to sensation as if she'd been asleep and numb to the world without his touch. Dizziness a.s.sailed her as he explored her mouth and then moved lower to explore her sensitive b.r.e.a.s.t.s.
She hadn't realized how tender her nipples had grown with her pregnancy until he closed his mouth around the first to suckle it. Pain warred with pleasure then. She gritted her teeth, forced herself to relax and finally did relax when the pain eased altogether and pleasure took dominance.
He was clearly determined to make amends. He kissed and stroked her until she was drunk, feverish. Without compunction, she began to beg him to give her what she needed and then to demand it.
Chuckling huskily, he positioned himself between her thighs and prodded her s.e.x teasingly with the head of his c.o.c.k. She reached between them and grasped it, trying to thrust it into the mouth of her s.e.x. He let out a hiss of sound, pushed her away and aligned their flesh, allowing her to acclimate to the pressure as he slowly probed deeper and deeper. She dug her nails into his arms, pulling at him.
'My nodia nodia is impatient?' he murmured teasingly. is impatient?' he murmured teasingly.
'd.a.m.n it, Anka!' she gasped. 'I'm going to come!'
'Not without me,' he countered, driving completely inside of her finally and then withdrawing almost out.
She gasped, arching her head as she felt a quivering deep inside of her, waiting for the next pa.s.s to set her off. He waited until the spasms eased and then slid inside of her again. Once more the tremors shook her and still her climax eluded her. She began to think he was more intent on punis.h.i.+ng her than satisfying her, but even as the thought crossed her mind he settled to thrusting rhythmically. Within a few minutes, he took her to the top of the mountain and carried her into heaven.
She'd forgotten, she thought dreamily as the convulsions ceased to wrack her, just how wonderful it felt.
He slowed, waited for her to catch her breath and began all over again. Accustomed to it by then, Sybil didn't struggle against the rise of heat, knowing he could carry her all the way as he had before.
'Shall I try for three?' he gasped when she drifted down from her second rapturous high.