Psych: Mind Over Magic Part 10

"P'tol P'kah," Gus prompted.

"Yeah, him," Shawn said. "So, if you could just fill in that little piece, we'd have everything we need to complete our investigation."

Fleck's eyes narrowed as he stared at Shawn, trying to decide if what he was hearing was some kind of joke, or a sign of total incompetence. "If I knew what happened to P'tol P'kah," he said in a growl that made the Fortress of Magic's electronic hounds sound like kittens, "I wouldn't have hired you to find out what happened to P'tol P'kah."

"Of course you wouldn't," Gus said quickly. "That was, um . . . That was . . ."

As Gus floundered helplessly, Shawn stepped in. "An investigative technique. Sometimes people know more than they're aware they know. That knowledge is locked away deep in the subbas.e.m.e.nt-"

"Subconscious," Gus corrected.

"But sometimes it can be brought to the surface if we use the elevator of the unexpected question," Shawn finished.

Fleck considered this for a moment; then the scowl left his face. "I understand that you two are unconventional investigators, and you will employ the occasional unconventional technique. That is one reason I hired you."

"And the fact that we were there," Shawn volunteered. This time Gus kicked with all his strength, and despite the short distance between their feet, clearly managed to inflict some pain. "There to a.s.sist you in your hour of great need, that is."

Fleck ignored the interruption. "But if you ever try to trick me again, if you even idly speculate that I am in any way responsible for the disappearance of someone who is not only a brilliant performer, but who has become personally very close to me, I will be displeased. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," Gus said quickly. He could see that Shawn was running through a list of possible responses, but a gentle nudge with his foot in the exact spot where his last kick landed persuaded him to supply a simple nod.

"Good," Fleck said. He thudded his hands together, and the s.p.a.cegirls returned to whisk the platters away. "This meal is now concluded."

"What, no dessert?" Shawn said.

Fleck reached into his breast pocket and took out a plastic card. "I do not intend to guide your investigation, but I a.s.sume you will want to begin with the suite P'tol P'kah calls home. This key will operate the elevator from his dressing room. My only request is that you leave everything exactly as you found it. If you are able to find my client and he is healthy and able to return, I don't want him to feel that his privacy has been violated. Is there anything else?"

"Just one question," Shawn said, moving his leg out of the way in case Gus was planning another a.s.sault on his ankle. "What if we find P'nut P'brittle and he doesn't want to come back?"

Benny Fleck didn't move. His facial expression didn't change; his body language wasn't altered in any way. But Gus somehow got the impression that their lunch host had become much taller than the missing Martian.

"P'tol P'kah has a contract with me," Fleck said calmly. "I'm sure his only desire in this or any other world is to live up to it. But if you find him and he suggests in any way that he'd prefer not to return, you must do as he wishes. Leave him be and let me know."

"Yes, sir," Gus said, a wave of relief was.h.i.+ng over him.

"Let me know exactly where he is," Fleck continued. "My internal security people will do the rest."

Chapter Ten.

"Shawn,he's going to kill him."

Gus stood in the middle of P'tol P'kah's penthouse suite, still nauseated from the thirty-nine-story ascent in the private elevator from the dressing room. He took a step across the brilliant white carpet to where Shawn stood looking out the floor-to-ceiling windows, but as soon as he did, the room started spinning again. He might not have minded this so much, except that the suite was large enough to house the entire Good-year blimp fleet with room left over for most of the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade balloons, and that was a mighty big s.p.a.ce to have twirling around his head.

"You're right," Shawn said.

At least that was progress. As they had followed yet another silver-suited s.p.a.cegirl through the employee tunnels that ran from the restaurant's kitchen to the backstage area of the Starlight Theater, Shawn had refused to acknowledge there was anything ominous in the last part of their meeting with Fleck.

"We've got to do something."

"Absolutely," Shawn said. "I'm putting twenty bucks on the champ."

"What champ? What are you talking about?"

"That." Shawn pointed out the window. Fighting off his wooziness, Gus managed to cross the room and join him, only to see that Shawn was looking out at an enormous sign in front of Caesar's Palace, advertising tonight's heavyweight champions.h.i.+p. "I know a lot of people have been saying the champ's past his prime, but Montoya won't last three rounds."

Down below, the cars looked no bigger than the Hot Wheels Gus and Shawn used to play with, and Gus turned away quickly before his nausea teamed up with incipient vertigo to make him pa.s.s out.

"I don't care about a fight, Shawn," Gus said in between deep, heavy, regular breaths. "I care about what's going to happen if we find P'tol P'kah and he doesn't want to come back here."

"Are you kidding?" Shawn waved his arm around the suite. One wall was covered by a flat-screen TV the size of a freeway exit sign. A door on the opposite side led to a closet that seemed to run the entire length of the hotel tower, and it was filled with endless iterations of a custom-made outfit perfect for the stylish Martian-slacks in black and khaki, blazers in blue and black, white s.h.i.+rts, and leather loafers, all in sizes Yao Ming could swim in. And if Yao were a guest and he felt like some actual nonsartorial swimming, another door opened onto an Olympic-sized indoor pool. The steel-and-marble gourmet kitchen was stocked with every kind of snack food Shawn and Gus had ever heard of and many they hadn't. "Who wouldn't want to come back here?"

"I don't know," Gus said. "Maybe someone who gets nauseated in fast elevators. Someone who's afraid of heights. Or maybe a guy who dissolves in a tank of water, never rematerializes, and leaves a dead guy floating in his place."

Shawn took a moment to think through what Gus was saying. "You have a theory?"

"Yes," Gus said. "And it's the same one you have, because it's the only one that makes sense."

"The only theory that makes sense is the one that starts with a Martian dissolving in water?"

"That's his trick," Gus said impatiently. "We both know he didn't really dissolve."

"You were the one who thought it was so impressive."

"Shawn!"

"Okay, fine," Shawn said, plopping himself on a plush, down-filled leather sofa. "Let's a.s.sume that P'tato P'tahto isn't really a Martian. He's just another stage magician. What do we know?"

"That the Dissolving Man is a trick."

"And?"

"And the reason we can't figure it out is because the solution is too obvious," Gus said, settling down in an overstuffed armchair.

"So if we take away all the razzle-dazzle, the basic illusion is that the magician is locked into some kind of cabinet, the lights go out, and he slips out through some secret exit. Meanwhile, he's got a device that instantly clones him and delivers the clone wherever the beam is pointed."

"That's the solution that's so obvious, no one would ever figure it out?" Gus said.

"It is to anyone who saw that Hugh Jackman movie," Shawn said. "Although it's also possible he has a twin brother who hides out in the audience. But do Martians even come in twins? There's a lot of basic research that hasn't been done on that issue."

"Yes, I'm sure it's the cloning machine," Gus said. "You've nailed this one. Except for one thing-the lights never went out."

"Sure they did," Shawn said. "Remember that blast of light at the very end? It blinded us all for a few seconds-plenty of time."

Gus thought back and realized that anything could have happened in that time and he never would have known-he was not only blind, but the roaring sound could easily have covered just about any noise.

"So P'tol P'kah did his trick as usual. Then instead of appearing in the audience, he ran," Gus said. "That's what I was saying. He wanted to get away from this gilded cage, and he set up the entire Fortress of Magic show as a ruse to allow him out. But where did he go? And more to the point, who's the dead guy in the tank and how did he get there?"

"I have an idea on that," Shawn said. "But let's hold off on the dead guy for a minute. Instead we should-"

"Let's not," Gus interrupted.

"What do you mean, 'Let's not'?" Shawn said. "This is my theory, and I get to lay it out however I want to."

"Sure, when you're talking to La.s.siter or to Chief Vick or to a client," Gus said. "Then you can lay out your explanation step by step, making sure every piece is in the perfect place to build audience expectation. Then you hit them with the big finale, and everyone's left thinking you're a genius. But you don't need to sell me, so why don't you just say who the dead guy is now?"

"In the time it took you to lay out that objection, I could have explained everything."

"No, you couldn't," Gus said. "You couldn't explain a cheese sandwich in less than five minutes." Gus pressed his fingertips to his forehead and scrunched up his eyes as if he'd been hit with a migraine. "I'm sensing something. It's a condominium. No, wait, it's a comic book. No, close to a comic book. It's-it's a condiment! Yes, I'm sensing mayonnaise. It's saying, 'Put me next to the lettuce.' "

"Those explanations are what brings in the lettuce for both of us," Shawn said. "And why are you getting so irritable, anyway?"

Gus got up from the couch and stalked to the refrigerator. He opened the freezer and put his head next to the ice tray, trying to cool down.

"I don't know," Gus said. "Maybe it's that we've promised a dangerous man we'd find his client, and now we realize that the client was actually trying to get away from him, and our client only wants us to find him because he wants to kill him."

"And you think that puts us in an awkward position morally?" Shawn managed to excavate himself from the sofa cus.h.i.+on he'd sunk into and walked over to the refrigerator. Gently he pulled Gus back from the freezer and closed the door.

"I think it could make us accessories to murder," Gus said.

Shawn opened the freezer again, then reached in and pulled out an unopened box of grape Popsicles. He tore open the box and offered it to Gus, who accepted one. Shawn unwrapped a Popsicle for himself, then put the box back in the freezer.

"You can relax," Shawn said. "P'tontius P'kilate isn't running away from Benny Fleck."

"P'tol P'kah," Gus said, more out of reflex than any hope that Shawn would ever get the name right.

"Yeah, right, that guy," Shawn said.

Gus waited for an explanation. Shawn sucked on the Popsicle, his lips turning purple.

"How do you know that P'tol P'kah isn't running away from Fleck?" Gus said finally.

"Because," Shawn said, "he doesn't exist."

Chapter Eleven.

"Yes," Gussaid."I think we've already determined that he's not a real Martian."

"It's not that he's not a real Martian," Shawn said between sucks on the Popsicle. "It's that he's not a real person."

"We're standing in his apartment."

"Are we?"

Although Gus was pretty sure he knew the answer, he took one long look around the luxury suite just to confirm that the walls hadn't melted away to reveal that he was actually in his own bed, having an insanely elaborate dream. "I can't speak for you," he said, "but my feet are definitely on the thirty-ninth floor of the Outer s.p.a.ce Hotel and Casino in an area that's been turned into an apartment for the exclusive use of P'tol P'kah."

"Then why hasn't he used it?" Shawn said. "Look how clean this place is."

"So Martians are better housekeepers than you," Gus said. "Besides, the hotel has an entire staff of chambermaids."

"Okay," Shawn said. "So when he wants to watch Wheel of Fortune, do the chambermaids come up and act it out for him?"

Gus stared at him blankly. Shawn gestured with his Popsicle at the enormous flat panel on the wall. "That TV isn't hooked up to anything," he said.

"Maybe it's wired into the wall," Gus said.

Shawn went over to the TV and fished around in the s.p.a.ce between its bottom edge and the top of a long credenza. He came up with a sheaf of loose cables. "It's not wired into anything."

Gus tried to apply part of his mind to the idea that this had some significance. But mostly he was staring at the bright purple Popsicle that Shawn was holding over the white, white carpet.

Shawn walked over to the closet and pulled one of the mammoth sport coats off its hanger. "He's got all these clothes, and he hasn't worn any of them," Shawn said. "The pockets are all sewn shut; the s.h.i.+rts are all folded and still pinned." He pulled a s.h.i.+rt off the shelf and tossed it to Gus. When he caught it, Gus could feel the crackle of the manufacturer's tissue between the layers of cotton.

"So maybe he's decided the codpiece look works for him," Gus said, remembering how the Martian was dressed-or, rather, not dressed-at the Fortress of Magic.

But Shawn wasn't listening. He'd found a small door set into the back wall of the closet. "Cool," he said.

"What's cool?" Gus chided himself for letting Shawn change the subject, but he couldn't help responding to the interest in his friend's voice.

"Laundry chute," Shawn said. "Looks like it goes all the way down. Want to see?"

Gus felt a new wave of vertigo just thinking about peering down a thirty-nine-story shaft. "You can describe it to me."

"Well, it's a chute," Shawn said. "And it looks like they've thought of everything. They've even got rungs built into the sides so you can retrieve your s.h.i.+rt if you decide it's not really dirty."

"That's not a laundry chute. It's an emergency exit," Gus said.

"Well, that explains why no one ever sees him leaving the hotel. But still, once he's out, you've got a seven-foot-tall green man walking down the Strip essentially naked, and no one has ever noticed?" Shawn said, pounding his point home by waving the Popsicle. "There's never been a single photo of him out in public."

Gus tried to imagine a reason for that, but his mind was mostly occupied by the sight of Shawn's Popsicle. And particularly by a small corner at the top, where the tip of the stick was showing through. There was a small crack in the purple ice, and it was growing every time Shawn employed the frozen treat as a pointing device.

"All this can only mean one thing," Shawn said, using the Popsicle the way an orchestra conductor wields his baton. "And that's-"

"No!" Gus cried out, but it was too late. The top corner of the Popsicle had broken off and a one-inch chunk of frozen water, high fructose corn syrup, artificial Concord grape flavoring, and-most crucially-indelible purple food coloring was hurtling through the air on a trajectory that, no matter its initial velocity, would result in a collision with the brilliant white carpet within seconds.

Gus didn't hesitate. He ran the length of the room after the artificially sweetened projectile. But he wasn't fast enough; the frozen treat was already breaking up as it spun through the air, sending drops of purple to land in a Pollock-worthy pattern on the carpet. And the main piece was only inches from the ground. Gus launched himself at the missile, flying through the air, twisting his body around, and stretching out his arm to snag the ice chunk before it could land.

But Gus' hand closed on air as his face skidded across the carpet. Out of the eye that wasn't embedded in the short s.h.a.g, he saw the purple ice explode as it made contact with the floor, turning several square feet of white into a brightly colored Rorschach blotch. A s.h.i.+ft of the eyeball revealed Shawn staring at him quizzically.