The Truth About The New Rules Of Business Writing Part 6

But editing is probably not a subject you were taught during your school years, unless you were lucky enough to have had an amazing English teacher or personal mentor. Like most people, you were probably left to figure out how to improve your writing on your own.

You may have found this hard to do. However, some guidelines and practice can make all the difference. It's also important to recognize that you're not trying to imitate twentieth-century academic models. Your goal is to produce clear, effective writing that connects with your readers in the twenty-first-century digital world. This doesn't require laboring over rules of grammar and structure. In fact, you might find that what you read here conflicts with some of the things your teachers told you.

What kind of writing do the guidelines apply to? Every kind. In fact, they're even more important to newer forms of communications like e-mail. E-media demand brevity and instant readability. You must know what you want to say and say it clearly and concisely.

Here's the first guideline: Think of everything you write, even an e-mail, as a first draft with errors you can fix once it's "down." Every professional writer writes, then edits. Don't see this as demanding more time, but as freedom to write more spontaneously rather than getting hung up on word choice or structure. Plan to edit. This enables you to take advantage of the other ideas that follow.

Think short words-Words with one or two syllables are best. Use words with three or more syllables sparingly and deliberately, and when you can't think of a shorter subst.i.tute. Why? First, the fewer syllables your words have, the faster your writing can be read, and speed is everything. Remember your readers? Short of time, impatient, jaded?

Furthermore, short words are always clear and understood by nearly all English speakers. They feel natural-because it's the way we talk. And they feel more trustworthy than complicated words. It probably relates to our language's history: The original Anglo-Saxon supplied the short, basic words, whereas long ones from Latin and French were grafted on later. This means we have many more word choices than most languages, but for contemporary business writing, choose the short ones where you can.

Short Words Work Best.

Think short sentences-Long sentences slow down reading, and you lose your audience. Who has time to figure out what somebody is trying to say?

Various studies on preferred sentence length indicate that averaged over the whole doc.u.ment, 12 to 15 words is about right. The sentence you're reading now contains 23 words, but averaged with the four preceding sentences, the number of words per sentence is 14.

You don't have to accept this as a hard and fast rule, but notice that "ideal" length is likely a lot shorter than you thought. If long sentences plague your writing-and trust us, you are not alone-you can shorten them in three basic ways: Cut unnecessary words, cut unnecessary thoughts, and break long sentences into short ones.

Think short paragraphs-Research on readability-how fast people read and how much they understand-shows that a paragraph should average 45 words, and no more than 65. That's only three to five sentences.

You can prove this to yourself by flipping through a few magazines of different types. To read pages of dense type with few white s.p.a.ces, you've got to be very motivated. Not that much of what you write is likely to be a "must-read," even if you're the boss, so give your readers a break-literally. Use short paragraphs, subheads, and visuals (if called for) such as charts or graphs.

The cure for long paragraphs is easy: Break them up. Avoid chopping in the middle of a thought, but three to five sentences usually cover an idea. You may need to watch out for your transitions, though-more on that soon.

Do the guidelines apply to e-media?-Yes! Even more than with "traditional media," e-mails, Web sites, blogs, letters, proposals, and everything else need to be reader friendly. You need shorter words, sentences, and paragraphs. Particularly on screen, people don't like to read a lot of material, and they don't like to scroll.

Think short doc.u.ments-What does nearly every business audience have in common? A short attention span. Think about your own impatience: You want to know the point of an e-mail or letter before you read it. You want to know the gist of the message immediately. You don't want to figure out what's important-you want the writer to do that for you.

In general: Half the length can double your chances of getting a doc.u.ment read.

Truth 18. Rhythm and transitions make writing move.

Base your writing on straightforward, simple sentences. Teachers used to call these "declarative" sentences. For example, "John broke the stick." "Amanda is going to the overseas conference." "I want to tell you a story." "Mr. Macklowe needs the report tomorrow." "Most immigrants learn to speak English in two years."

But, you say, if I use only sentences like that, won't my writing get boring and choppy? Yes. You've only to look at a textbook to see something like this: John Black was a Pilgrim. The Pilgrims suffered from oppression in England. Black emigrated to America in 1654. He bought land in Ma.s.sachusetts. He built a large house. He was elected town governor in 1666.

How can you avoid this mind-numbing effect? Easy...

Alternate the simple sentences with longer (compound) sentences that have two or three sections, or clauses. It's just as simple to write: John Black was a Pilgrim. Because Pilgrims in England suffered from oppression, he emigrated to America in 1654. He bought land in Ma.s.sachusetts and built a large house. In 1666, Black was elected town governor.

Still not riveting, of course, because the content is dull. But by varying the sentence length and fooling with the wording a little, you at least have a paragraph that flows reasonably well.

Here's a work-a-day example:.

Hi Mike:.

Thanks for inviting me to the meeting on Friday. It definitely sounds interesting. I'd like to learn about Socratic selling. However, I'm starting my vacation on Thursday. I'm sorry that I can't be there. Please keep me on the distribution list. I'd like to come next time.

Versus.

Hi Mike: Thanks for inviting me to the meeting on Friday. It sounds interesting, especially because I've always been curious about Socratic selling. However, I'm starting my vacation on Thursday. I'll have to miss this meeting, but please keep me on the distribution list so I can come next time.

Again, some changes were needed to adapt the sentences to the new structure. What's been accomplished?

This technique gives you rhythm-try the "reading-it-aloud test" with both versions-and it pulls the reader along. Moreover, hasn't the message become more convincing in expressing appreciation and regret? The stilted version sounds like the writer is just going through the motions of responding.

Pay attention to transitions.

First, check to make sure every sentence connects to the next one. If it doesn't, try to alter the wording or the order of ideas so that it does.

For example:.

We've found four problems with the new software. It was purchased from Dann a.s.sociates, and we got a break on the price. The backup system doesn't work...

Better.

We got a price break on the new software from Dann a.s.soc., but we've found four problems. First, the backup system doesn't work...

In the first example, a reader is thrown from one point to another-from "problems" to where it was bought/price break and then back to "problems." In the second version, the connections are clear-notice that the word "problems" at the end of the first sentence in the second version leads right into the list of problems.

It's all about relations.h.i.+ps. Each sentence should follow logically from what precedes it, and the part that relates to the following sentence should be put as close to it as possible.

You may need transitional words to make connections clear-we used but in the preceding example.

Here are some other transitional words: and, while, although, however, nevertheless, because, moreover, instead, alternatively, otherwise, further, additionally, sometimes, similarly, again, as well as, meanwhile, specifically, for example.

Phrases can also provide transitions: on the other hand, in spite of, to the contrary, in line with, not only, and so on.

Using transitions to suggest sequence is often helpful. Ideas can be numbered, for example; you can introduce them as "first," "second," and so on. You can profitably make the logic of even a short e-mail clear with sequencing techniques and an introductory sentence: We see four problems with the new software: First...

Fourth and last...

This lets people know how much is ahead of them and gives them a sense of satisfaction as they progress through the sequence-especially as the end approaches. Good speakers use this technique all the time to keep us listening to them.

Pay close attention to the transitions between paragraphs, too. Each transition needs to link logically to the next one. Gaps force readers to figure out the connection you didn't make. Wherever the paragraph ends is where the following one should pick up. Transitional words are useful here, just as they are between sentences.

You don't need to know what a doc.u.ment is about to see how the following phrases might connect a paragraph to the one preceding it or following it: In that case, however, how did they end up in trouble?

With pa.s.sage of this regulation, the industry climate changed.

Here's the background.

But this is not a strategy for success.

Here's another way to see this.

In spite of this experience...

I see three ways to accomplish the goal.

In conclusion...

Truth 19. Less can be a whole lot more.

Cut descriptive words-adjectives and adverbs-to a bare minimum. Mark Twain wrote in a letter to a 12-year-old, "If you find an adjective, kill it." He may have been objecting to the flowery, ornate language that was common in the nineteenth century; his own prose is simple and eloquent. Today, heavy use of adjectives and adverbs doesn't suit our cynical modern tempo, and-just as important in the business world-it works against believability.

What do you think if a car salesman tells you this? This is the most amazing car in the world, and its features are incredibly advanced.

What has he said? Nothing. He's used abstract descriptive words to shortcut substance. It's silly for him to think he's succeeding, if the goal is for you to buy the car; but why do so many organizations communicate in similar ways? Depending on adjectives and adverbs may be the source of a lot of empty corporate rhetoric. This tendency shows up especially in press releases, which often tout "our world-acclaimed, industry-leading technology company's groundbreaking new gadget."

The solution again is simple. When you review what you've written, cut out all those words unless you are certain that they're absolutely needed. Try to show rather than tell or describe. Stick to the facts and honest ideas. If you don't have any, get some or don't communicate! That's what today's readers want.

If you believe that your boss or the company's executives want those three-dollar words in your organization's news releases, Web site pages, or newsletters, make an effort to explain the logic in showing, rather than telling. Give them examples. They may agree once they see the point.

Your goal: Strip it. Here are three ways: 1. Cut words and thoughts that don't contribute to your message-You've already defined what you want to accomplish, and this tells you instantly what's essential and what's not. Look for extra ideas that don't reinforce your argument or lead the reader in a different direction, and throw them out. And look for words that interfere with your message because they're not needed, not totally appropriate, or not clear.

This is from a major organization's news release (names changed to protect ident.i.ties): The Web site has a number of features including an interactive map of the site plan that is complete with descriptions of the numerous features. There are also RSS feeds that allow subscribers to get notified when there is an event or any news. In addition, the Web site also offers its users the ability to support the s.h.i.+pley project by writing to County or Town elected officials.

Try rewriting this before you read our edited version at the end of this section.

2. Use an eagle eye to spot repet.i.tions in words, phrases, and ideas alike-For example: Because the necessary supplies came late and were not delivered on schedule, unfortunately, Project J, I am sorry to say, will probably be delayed.

Better:.

Because the supplies came late, Project J will be delayed.

In addition to tightening the language, you can often subst.i.tute better words or phrasing and improve readability. For example: If in your opinion you think John is ready to handle a major project like Project J, let me know and I'll consider a.s.signing the project to him.

Better:.

If you think John is ready to handle a major a.s.signment, I'll consider asking him to handle Project J.

3. Look for repet.i.tive sounds in your copy-The read-it-aloud technique presented in Truth 2 is a wonderful help in self-editing. The idea: Reading what you've written aloud will immediately show you where you need to make changes. Doing this highlights unnecessary repet.i.tion and awkward constructions so you know exactly what to cut or reword. Here's a sentence we wrote for an early version of this chapter: This method will immediately identify the need for clarity.

Try to say it aloud and all the y sounds force you into a sing-songy rhythm. So we rewrote it this way: This method will instantly show you why it's important to be clear.

Remember, these are ideas for you to write with, rather than rules. Absorb the ideas, and you won't have to worry about mastering hundreds of rules. You'll know how to figure out how to improve your own writing. (See a problem with that last sentence? Two how to's in a row? Try rewriting it.)

Rewrite challenge.

There are many ways to edit-that's why it's not a science. Here's one way the paragraph cited in the first editing tip can be rewritten: The Web site features an interactive map of the site plan that lists all its features. It also has RSS feeds, notifying subscribers of news and events, and links to county and town officials so s.h.i.+pley Project supporters can contact them directly.