Shadow War Part 39

Caelan froze in revulsion. His fingers clenched knuckle-white on his dagger. Don't listen, Don't listen, a voice in the back of his head warned him. a voice in the back of his head warned him.

"If I could give you a way to go back and change your decisions?" Sien continued, his voice insinuating and soft. "What is the child's name? Lea? Do you want to know exactly how she died in the forest?"

Caelan shut his eyes. "Be quiet."

"But if I let you go back to save her, would you go?"

The never-healed wound broke open afresh, welling raw hurt. Caelan clenched his eyes shut harder, and tears stung against his eyelids. If only he had stayed with her. If only he had remembered his responsibility was to protect her. If only he hadn't thought he could make a difference at the hold.

"I was just a boy," he whispered aloud. "I did my best."

"You made a mistake," Sien said. "Undo it. Go back and save your sister. Forget this woman who stands here. Think of Lea. She loved you so much, Caelan. She trusted you. And you promised to return for her. Why not keep that promise now? I can send you back to her."

Caelan s.h.i.+vered. Inside, he felt as though he were breaking in half. It hurt, and it would always hurt. To be able to undo his mistakes. To be able to change the course of his life ... but such longing was only a belief in falsehood. Change was not possible.

"It is is possible," Sien whispered. "Trust me." possible," Sien whispered. "Trust me."

Caelan forced open his eyes. Tears spilled hot down his cheeks, and he turned his back on the priest. Inside, he struggled away from temptation and tried to harden himself against the priest's lies. He understood what Sien wanted now. Sien wanted him to abandon Elandra in these corridors, to leave her able to see her husband and his soldiers yet barred from reaching them until the Madruns eventually found her.

He could save Elandra, or he could believe this lying priest possessed the ability to manipulate the past enough for Lea to be saved.

Caelan clenched his free hand at his side until his powerful body trembled. Either way, the price was too high. How could he make such a choice?

"Caelan." Elandra whispered his name.

He turned his head toward her. The way she stood before him would be forever etched in his memory. Her ivory skin, the flawless beauty of her face, the burnished glints of candlelight in her auburn hair. Caelan felt emotions stir and awaken in him, a force fiery and hard to control. It was as though he were suddenly dipped in heat, his ears on fire and roaring, his eyes burning in their sockets, his breath seared in his lungs. He stood suspended in the spell of her luminous eyes, helpless in his new knowledge of himself and her.

Her eyes glistened as she gazed back at him with understanding and compa.s.sion. A tear brimmed over and fell down her cheek. Still meeting his gaze, she shook her head. "Don't-"

"Caelan."

A different voice uttered his name this time. The sound of it gave him a profound shock. His gaze snapped away from Elandra, and he saw Lea kneeling on the ground less than two strides away.

The child crouched there, hugging herself beneath her scarlet cloak and s.h.i.+vering violently. Her golden curls straggled from the edge of her hood, as bright and pretty as ever, but her face was pinched and gray; her lips were bloodless with cold. Dark smudges lay under her eyes, which were dull with suffering. She was starving to death, freezing to death. He could feel the icy blast of wind off the glacier. Its force was brutal, merciless.

Lea whimpered. s.h.i.+vering so hard her teeth chattered, she knelt there for what seemed like an eternity, while he watched helplessly, his grief like a stone in his chest. Finally she struggled to her feet and walked on, bent nearly double against the howling wind.

Caelan opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He could smell the crisp scent of the pines. He could smell the sickly sweet scent of the child's skin, and knew it signified starvation. How long had she been walking in the snowy woods? Her boots were ragged and worn through. She staggered in a zigzag pattern, floundering in the deep snow, and fell.

"Caelan!" she cried, lifting her face to the heavens. "Help me!"

Her plea tore his heart. With a wordless moan, Caelan ran to her and reached out.

The vision of Lea vanished as though she had never been there. Anguished, he dropped to his knees and wept for her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

"What good are apologies?" Sien asked from behind him. "You and I can walk around time and go back to that fateful day in the snowy forests of Trau, when you abandoned the only person you loved. Save her, Caelan. You seem to have a strong urge to save people, like an overgrown dog. You could save the empress by turning on me and striking me down. My spell on the doorway would end, and she could go through. But why not save the one person who really mattered to you? Why not save the one person who needed you ? Who depended on you? Lea. A pretty name. A pretty, precious child. Lea."

Caelan gulped, his throat working. "Don't say her name."

"Lea."

He jumped to his feet and whirled on the priest with insane fury, striking the man with his fist and sending Sien reeling against the wall. "Don't say her name!"

The invisible barrier across the doorway suddenly s.h.i.+mmered into a tangible rainbow of color, like a bubbled pane of mouth-blown gla.s.s. The guardsmen on the other side blurred and nearly faded from sight.

Dabbing at the trickle of blood running from the corner of his mouth, Sien nodded. "Anger is a good step. Take another. Embrace the rage, Caelan."

Caelan glared at him through a murderous haze, the dagger pulsing as though alive in his fist. He felt the tug at his emotions, felt the seduction calling to him from Sien. The need for completion, for sevaisin, sevaisin, stirred within him. It would be so easy to surrender to it, so easy ... stirred within him. It would be so easy to surrender to it, so easy ...

He severed severed, going deep into the coldness as though he plunged himself into a glacial lake. This time he did not care if he severed severed so far he could never return. All he wanted was an end to the hurting, an end to the memories, an end to the guilty attempts to serve others in atonement. He would put himself where Sien could never reach him. so far he could never return. All he wanted was an end to the hurting, an end to the memories, an end to the guilty attempts to serve others in atonement. He would put himself where Sien could never reach him.

A wall of ice appeared before him. He saw how it separated him from the priest. Through its transparent sides he could see the priest gesturing, could see Sien's lips moving. But he heard no more insidious urgings, no more vile persuasions. He felt no more temptations. He could not see Elandra at all. There was only the void and the compelling coldness that made him brittle, calm, and unapproachable.

In the very great distance, far, far beyond the wall of ice, he saw a column of icy mist that eventually transformed itself into the vague figure of a man.

The figure beckoned to him.

Caelan recognized Beva, and his heart grew even colder. He did not want his father's approval. He had not come into this place to earn that.

Turning his back on both his father and the priest, Caelan set his face into a bitter wind and trudged away. He would go deep into the void, never to return. He would vanish. He would cease to exist. He would escape all responsibility forever.

But before him stretched the threads of life, a s.h.i.+ning network of iridescent strands stretching into the sky and vanis.h.i.+ng out of sight in the gray clouds. Frowning, Caelan stopped and looked back.

He saw Sien's silhouette against the icy mist, a dark shadow standing near the entrance to a cavern. One of Sien's hands was outstretched. From each of his fingers stretched multiple threads, and the black strands were woven across the mouth of the cavern.

Caelan hesitated only a moment, knowing that severance severance was his last true secret kept from the priest. If he used it, Sien would seek him out again to wrest the gift from him or turn it into something evil. was his last true secret kept from the priest. If he used it, Sien would seek him out again to wrest the gift from him or turn it into something evil.

But there was no other way. He could not vanish into the void. Escape was not possible, for even here in severance severance he carried himself with him. All his guilt and feelings journeyed with him, as though in a basket he could not drop on the wayside. he carried himself with him. All his guilt and feelings journeyed with him, as though in a basket he could not drop on the wayside.

Gathering his strength, Caelan advanced on Sien. He severed severed the threads of the spell. Fire exploded in the mouth of the cavern, sending him reeling back; then reality snapped around him, and he found himself stumbling into the corridor wall. Gasping, he pressed his hands to the wall and struggled to regain his equilibrium. the threads of the spell. Fire exploded in the mouth of the cavern, sending him reeling back; then reality snapped around him, and he found himself stumbling into the corridor wall. Gasping, he pressed his hands to the wall and struggled to regain his equilibrium.

To his right, Elandra stood staring at him with her hands pressed to her mouth. Her eyes were huge with fear and something he could not identify.

Sien was huddled down, swearing to himself and clutching his hand. The skin was charred black, as though he had stuck it into a fire.

Regaining his wits, Caelan strode to the doorway and stepped through it. He paused there and glanced back at Elandra.

He reached out to her. "Come. Quickly."

She hesitated, still staring at him as though he was a monster, but she came. Slowly at first, then running the last few steps. She clutched his hand, and he pulled her through the doorway.

The cavern rang with noise as men hurried about their tasks. There were fewer soldiers than Caelan had hoped to see. Too few, in fact, but at that moment he didn't care.

Relieved, he smiled down at Elandra. The fear vanished from her eyes, and she smiled back. Then her smile faded, and she looked troubled again. She squeezed his hand. "Your sister-Lea-what Lord Sien said about her-"

"He was lying," Caelan said, forcing his voice to be light. "Think no more about it."

She searched his eyes. "Are you sure? I-"

"The empress!" someone shouted. "Look! It's her Majesty. She's alive!"

Elandra broke off what she'd been about to say and dropped Caelan's hand. She frowned, looking fl.u.s.tered.

He bowed to her. "Go to your husband, Majesty. Let him know you are safely delivered."

Several expressions flitted across her face. Finally she smiled again. "Thank you," she said with heartfelt sincerity. "I shall never forget all you have done for me."

Then she was gone, hurrying into the confusion only to be met by Sergeant Baiter, who saluted her with a beaming smile and led her toward the emperor's banner.

Caelan watched her for a moment, filled with the bittersweet satisfaction of knowing this time he had done the right thing. He had not failed his true responsibilities.

"Caelan E'non."

Startled, he turned and warily faced Sien. The priest stood on the other side of the doorway, gazing out at him.

Still nursing his burned hand, Sien looked wide-eyed and astonished. "You vanished," he said. He reached out his hand, then drew it back without touching Caelan. "For an instant, as I was talking to you, you simply ceased to exist. Where did you go? How did you break the power of Beloth to stop the spell?"

Caelan stared hard at him without any emotion at all. "You have already taken all the answers you will ever get from me."

Anger replaced the astonishment in Sien's leathery face. "Impertinent fool! You are trampling on that which you do not understand. You-"

"She is out of your hands," Caelan broke in. "Whatever meddling you wrought with Kostimon's mind to make him forget her has ceased to work. She is back where she belongs, despite your plots, shadows, invaders, and spells."

Fury twisted Sien's face. He lifted his burned hand as though to hurl magic at Caelan. "Yo-"

Caelan sprang at him and gripped his injured hand, squeezing it with all his strength.

A strangled scream of agony burst from Sien. He crumpled at Caelan's feet without resistance.

Caelan released him and stood glaring down at the man without any mercy. "Save your spells for the Madruns," he said harshly. "Conceal this entrance once again, so that when they come at last to this cavern, they will never find it. Nor will they find the secret ways. Nor will they follow where Kostimon goes."

Breathing hard, his eyes still slitted with pain, Sien glared up at him. "You dare order me?"

"I dare," Caelan said coldly. "I could have taken your life as easily as I took away the spell. Remember that you called me a taker. Remember that you taunted me for enjoying what I do. Now consider our new bargain. You will conceal this cavern so that when the savages come, they will look but never see what lies here. Do it, or I swear I will destroy you."

Hatred filled Sien's face. "You cannot!" he boasted hoa.r.s.ely. "Not while I serve the darkness."

"Can you find the darkness now?" Caelan mocked him. "Can you feel it strong and powerful within you as it was a few moments before? While its connection to you is withered and damaged, you are merely a man. Nothing more."

Sien's scowl deepened. Finally, resentfully, he nodded. "Very well, I shall do as you say. I have enough strength left to cast the spell that you request. But this is not the last of us, Traulander. When I am once again fully rejoined with my master, I shall hunt you down. No matter how far you journey, I will find you. Remember that I have a piece of you. It will lead me to you, anywhere on this earth, or beyond it."

Caelan listened to his threat without fear. He thought of that future encounter and knew he would welcome it. Right now, as much as he would like to finish Sien once and for all, he knew it was not the time. They needed Sien and his despicable dark magic to fool the Madruns searching for them.

Meeting Sien's gaze, Caelan held it a long while, until the priest's gaze dropped first. Color suffused Sien's cheeks, and he started to say something else, but Caelan was finished with the man. It was time to seek out the emperor, time to rejoin his fellow guardsmen, time to resume his duty.

There was, after all, an empire to rebuild.

Turning his back on the defeated priest, Caelan walked away.