Death's Daughter Part 17

What a jerk.

With his Gopi bodyguards and giant soundstage, he really thought he was the King of The World. Well, maybe there was a way to use his giant ego to my advantage. I looked around the ma.s.sive soundstage (you know what they say about men with big soundstages . . . ), my brain sparking the beginnings of-hopefully-an ingenious plan.

"Okay, well, then . . ." I said, smiling stiffly. "I guess since you can't help us, we should probably get going, head back to the Board and tell them I can't complete the tasks."

"Cal, you can't . . ." Clio started to say, pinching my arm again-G.o.d, she was gonna leave a bruise-but I gave her a dark look, silencing her. I didn't know how to communicate to her that this was all part of my plan. If I said anything anything out loud, the jig would be up. She was just gonna have to go with it and trust me. out loud, the jig would be up. She was just gonna have to go with it and trust me.

Indra gave me a simpering smile, his dark eyes offering his insincere sorrow at not being able to help us with our predicament.

"I am sorry that I could not be of a.s.sistance, but you do realize the stress I am under completing my Masterpiece . . . and there are other things as well," he said, indicating the Gopi. "Serious things."

What a load of hooey, you big, self-involved baby, I thought to myself, but instead, I said out loud: I thought to myself, but instead, I said out loud: "Of course, we understand. C'mon, Clio," I said, taking Runt's leash out of her hand. "Bye now and thanks for showing us your cute little little soundstage." soundstage."

Suddenly, Indra was behind me, grabbing for my arm.

"Little?" he repeated, uncertain. "What do you mean by that? Have you seen bigger?" he repeated, uncertain. "What do you mean by that? Have you seen bigger?"

I nodded, turning back around. "Oh, definitely. Loads bigger. Loads bigger. In fact, if you helped me out with the whole Sea Foam thing, I bet I could get you one double the size." In fact, if you helped me out with the whole Sea Foam thing, I bet I could get you one double the size."

"Double the size, you say?" His eyes flared at the prospect of doubling his square footage. "Hmmm . . ." the size, you say?" His eyes flared at the prospect of doubling his square footage. "Hmmm . . ."

"Yes, I really think something bigger would be far more fitting for a genius of your stature," I said, trying to keep my voice nonchalant, even though my throat was raw from nerves and from almost being squeezed to death.

I had no clue how I was gonna get him a soundstage, period, let alone one double the size of this monster. I knew I was being a big, fat liar, but it really seemed like the only way to get the Sea Foam and and save my family. save my family.

"And you can also help me with something else, too?" he said, throwing me a curve ball out of nowhere. A soundstage A soundstage and and something else, too, something else, too, I thought miserably. I thought miserably.

"Uh, yeah, sure, I guess. What did you have in mind?"

He showed me his straight, pearly white teeth. He was a mongoose and I was his prey. d.a.m.n it, I am really starting to despise this guy. d.a.m.n it, I am really starting to despise this guy.

"I will tell you, Madame Death," Indra said, "and then we shall see what you can do about it."

sixteen.

"I can't do it," I said to Clio, protectively crossing my arms over my chest. "I cannot willingly pimp someone out. Regardless of whether I like them or not-it's just not happening."

Clio and I stood about ten feet away from Indra and the Gopi Guard, huddled in conference. Indra kept giving us covert looks-probably trying to eavesdrop on our conversation, I decided-so I motioned for Clio to lower her voice.

"I can't believe you, Cal. It's only called 'pimping' when s.e.x is involved," Clio stage-whispered. "And by the way . . . who knew you were such a prude?"

"I am not not a prude!" I rejoined hotly, my voice rising and attracting the attention of the Gopi. I gave them a conciliatory smile before going back to my argument with Clio. a prude!" I rejoined hotly, my voice rising and attracting the attention of the Gopi. I gave them a conciliatory smile before going back to my argument with Clio.

"C'mon. You really really think he only wants her to sing some song in his stupid movie?" I said earnestly. "Because I don't buy this whole 'jewel in the crown' thing he keeps babbling about. I really don't." think he only wants her to sing some song in his stupid movie?" I said earnestly. "Because I don't buy this whole 'jewel in the crown' thing he keeps babbling about. I really don't."

Clio shrugged.

"How am I supposed to know the guy's true intentions, Cal? Look, whatever his his deal is, I think deal is, I think you're you're being a little uptight about stuff. I mean, I can't imagine he has trouble in the female department, so I don't think he needs you to procure him any b.i.t.c.hes." being a little uptight about stuff. I mean, I can't imagine he has trouble in the female department, so I don't think he needs you to procure him any b.i.t.c.hes."

"Did you just use the term 'b.i.t.c.hes' in reference to another female?" I asked, shocked. Clio sighed. "It was a figure of speech, Cal. Stop acting like a suburban soccer mom."

I couldn't believe my little sister had just accused me of being a soccer mom. Had I really lost my touch? Had I become complacent during my House and Yard tenure? I guessed when all of this Death stuff was over, I was really really gonna have to do some pop culture soul searching. gonna have to do some pop culture soul searching.

"Okay, maybe I am am being a little soccer mom about the whole thing," I conceded. "You really think he only wants her to come and hang out?" being a little soccer mom about the whole thing," I conceded. "You really think he only wants her to come and hang out?"

"I can't say what he really really wants-" wants-"

"Then you do do think he's a dog!" I whispered. think he's a dog!" I whispered.

There was a pause. Clio gritted her teeth.

"Cal, you are so so predictable." predictable."

"What does that that mean?" I asked, confused. I hated it when Clio got all psychoa.n.a.lytical on me. mean?" I asked, confused. I hated it when Clio got all psychoa.n.a.lytical on me.

She shook her head in disbelief, and I could tell she was kind of annoyed with me. Sometimes she really made me feel like I I was the younger sister. was the younger sister.

"Look, I think he wants you to do him a favor and then he'll give you the Sea Foam you need. That's what I think," Clio said finally. "And that's all all I think, so stop trying to get me to dog Indra-because I actually think he's kind of nice." I think, so stop trying to get me to dog Indra-because I actually think he's kind of nice."

"He's a jerk, Clio. And you're a minor, so-"

"Stop acting like my mom, Callie," Clio said. "Go call your friend so we can get your stupid Sea Foam and get out of here."

"C'mon, Runt." Clio clicked her tongue, and the puppy followed her over to a low dais built into the Palace set near where the Gopi were standing. The dancers instantly moved away from them, and I realized the Gopi were scared of Runt. They hadn't really paid any attention to her at all until Clio had told them she was one of Cerberus's puppies, and then there had had been that collective Gopi "Oh." been that collective Gopi "Oh."

Interesting. Very interesting, I thought to myself. Something to file away for a later date-in case we ran into any Gopi trouble down the road. I thought to myself. Something to file away for a later date-in case we ran into any Gopi trouble down the road.

I took a deep breath and turned back around to face Indra. He looked at me expectantly.

"So . . . ? You will do this thing?" he asked.

I nodded. "I can't promise you it's going to happen, but I'll give it a try. How about that?"

He gave me a flash of his pearly whites. "If she agrees to my proposition, you will receive your just reward."

"Okay, then. It's a deal."

Indra clapped his large hands together, rubbing them up and down excitedly.

"Yes, it is is a deal." a deal."

I smiled tightly back at him, but my mind was spinning as it tried to figure out how the h.e.l.l I was gonna call the G.o.ddess Kali down to do my bidding. Clio had said that doing magic was like baking a cake. I could bake a cake-at least, the kind that came out of a box-so I could do magic, right?

I tried to remember how I had called Jarvis to Atlantis. I couldn't remember if I'd thought his name, or said it out loud. Well, I might as well go for the big finish, I decided after a careful moment of contemplation.

"Here goes nothing," I said.

I cleared my throat, then I closed my eyes.

"Kali, I'm sorry to be a pain in your a.s.s, but I really need you to stop doing whatever you're doing and come to where I am. Please!"

I let the words settle, then I opened my eyes again. The Gopi stared at me, nonplussed. My little SOS to Kali had obviously not not been as successful as I'd hoped. been as successful as I'd hoped.

"Well, uhm-" I began, but Indra cut me off.

"No deal."

Boy, this was not a guy that liked to be trifled with.

"Look, just let me try one more time."

"No, she she will not come, and will not come, and you you will not get my Foam-" will not get my Foam-"

His words were interrupted by a loud cras.h.i.+ng sound that came from the vicinity of the janitor's closet. It sounded like the Tin Man was getting disemboweled in there.

I could hear someone mumbling the words "stupid white girl" over and over like a mantra, then there was another crash and the closet door flew open, shredding the doorframe in the process. If I thought we'd be leaving the way we'd come, I was sadly mistaken. The closet was now compromised.

There was a strangled cry as Kali, a metal bucket stuck on her right foot and a bottle of bleach in her left hand, stumbled into the light, clutching a thick-bristled broom like a crutch. She must've been in the bath when I called her because she'd only had time to wrap herself in a bright yellow duck applique-covered shower curtain; otherwise, she was completely naked.

If she hadn't been so p.i.s.sed, the whole thing would've been kind of funny, but since she looked like she'd take the head off anyone who so much as snickered in her direction, I decided not to tempt fate. I would just laugh harder "on the inside."

Her eyes crackling with anger, she screamed, "White girl! Where are you? I know this is your doing!"

I tentatively raised my hand, and her eyes instantly focused on my face, her mouth set in a grim line. If looks could kill, well, you know the drill . . . I'd be deader than dead.

"I'm gonna make you rue the day, white girl," she said, brandis.h.i.+ng the bottle of bleach in my direction, her voice trembling with rage. "Rue the day!!" "Rue the day!!"

I should've been a little more concerned about getting bleached, but in her haste Kali had forgotten to take the top off the bottle, so no matter where she shook that thing, the nasty stuff wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm gonna so kick your a.s.s, white girl!"

"Don't blame me," I yelped, backing away from her as the bucket began clanging in my direction. "This was all his his idea!" idea!"

I pointed at Indra, who had already started moving toward the Gopi for protection. Frankly, he looked terrified, which made me much happier than it should have. I didn't know what it was about Indra that rubbed me the wrong way, but there was definitely something.

Maybe the fact that he's such a poseur, I thought to myself, I thought to myself, and a whiny one at that. and a whiny one at that.

In my peripheral vision, I caught Indra going for his flask again. Jesus, what the h.e.l.l is in that thing anyway? Jesus, what the h.e.l.l is in that thing anyway?

"I . . . I . . ." Indra stammered, his honeyed voice high and squeaky like a little girl's, his tan face the color of five-day-old pickled cabbage.

Kali turned her rage on him, her eyes glittering malevolently in her beautiful face.

"You . . . you . . . you Soma-holic cry baby! I will rip your entrails out of your belly and make you consume them while I watch," she screamed, advancing on him with ruthlessness and ripping the flask out of his hands. He cowered before her, his eyes locked on the silver flask.

"Please . . ." he whimpered, his gaze focused on the flask like a laser beam. Disgusted, Kali threw the flask back to him, but it slipped through his fingers and landed on the concrete floor with a ping ping, right at his feet. Indra instantly scooped it up and shoved it back into his coat pocket with shaking fingers.

The Gopi, realizing that Kali had transferred her rage from me to Indra, slowly began to move forward in formation, the protection of their master their first priority.

"Ha!" Kali said, glaring at the Gopi. "You think you can best me, you wh.o.r.es of Krishna!"

She opened her mouth, her jaw unhinging like a snake's before it swallowed its prey. A loud, keening wail escaped her lips, rending the air around us and making the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention. The Gopi, whom I had deemed unstoppable after my earlier battle with them, began to crumple to the ground like paper dolls, their beautifully manicured pink and orange neon hands covering their ears against Kali's wrath.

I looked over, my eyes finding Clio's. She pointed to Kali and mouthed the words "She rocks!"

I had to agree with Clio. Kali was a pretty awesome sight to behold, shower curtain and all. Definitely the kind of G.o.ddess you wanted on your your side in a fight. side in a fight.

"Do something," Indra pleaded, "or you will not get your Foam!" "or you will not get your Foam!" That last bit was said in such a demanding-no, it was downright That last bit was said in such a demanding-no, it was downright rude rude-tone, that all I wanted to do was turn around and slug him. I absolutely hate being bossed around (by someone who's not paying me)-and when they try to manipulate manipulate me at the same time, well, watch out. me at the same time, well, watch out.

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you talking to me?" I asked Indra as he cowered behind one of the set pieces. "Because I didn't hear you. Were you saying something about me 'not getting my Foam'?"

"Yes! You will not get your Foam unless you stop her," he said, the look on his face exactly like that of a spoiled four-year-old child's right before it threw a tantrum on the floor.

"Hey, Kali," I said, turning my back on Indra and finding Kali standing over the Gopi triumphantly, her dark hair wild around her face. She held a handful of black hair extensions in her hand like a prize.

"Hey, white girl, you like my hair?"

I wasn't sure if she meant the hair on her head, or the Gopi hair in her hand, so I just nodded.

"Love the hair."

She smiled at me. "It's not so bad to be summoned out of the bath when I get a nifty prize as a parting gift."

"I am in total agreement," I countered. "So, look, about the whole 'summoning' thing . . ."

She gazed at me expectantly. "Yes?"

"Well, as I'm sure you know since you're the one who gave me the stupid tasks to complete, I have to get this dumb Sea Foam thing from Indra-"

"Oh, is that what the parchment said?" she asked.

"Excuse me?"

She shrugged. "We never know what the h.e.l.l is on the thing. The tasks change based on each new seeker. We're only the messengers. The small fry. small fry."

I guess that makes sense, I thought. I thought. So then why is the thing in Greek when it So then why is the thing in Greek when it knows knows I only speak English? Stupid parchment. I only speak English? Stupid parchment.

"I wouldn't exactly call you small fry small fry," I said, amused by her choice of words. "Anyway, the reason I summoned you is simple-jerkoid over there," I said, pointing to Indra, who was still cowering like a schoolboy behind me, "wouldn't give me the Sea Foam I need unless I promised to get you to do me a favor."

Kali raised an eyebrow.

"And the favor is, uhm . . ." I began, feeling stupid myself. "You see, Indra is making a movie, his Masterpiece, and he thinks you'd be 'the jewel in his crown'-his words, not mine."