Her Guilty Secret Part 17

'What did she want?' she asked, and Kate sighed and sank back into her chair.

'She wanted to thank me,' she said. 'For finding Alicia. Now, will you take those revolting doughnuts away before I throw up?'

Susie left for home about five o'clock, as usual. The office was quiet after she'd left, and Kate knew there was no point in her hanging around either. There was only a week to go, a week until she handed over the lease to her landlord. Her mother thought she was crazy, but then, her mother didn't know all the facts.

Nevertheless, she hoped that one of the jobs she'd applied for proved suitable. Even though her father's sister, Aunt Bridget, had said she could stay with her while she was looking for accommodation, money was still going to be tight. Of course, when they sold the flat they'd have a little capital to put down on another property, but Kate had already accepted that it might not be as nice as what they had now.

Which wasn't saying a lot, she thought glumly. When they'd first moved into the flat in Milner Court, they'd all missed the garden they used to have at the house. And now she was expecting her mother to move again, into even less salubrious surroundings. Was she being selfish?

Wouldn't it just be easier to speak to Alex and let him play his part?

No!

The idea of asking Alex for anything had evaporated as soon as she'd contemplated Lacey's reaction to what she had to tell him. The thought of Lacey Sheridan making mocking comments about her navety was humiliating. She couldn't expose herself to the other woman's pity or contempt.

So-they had to move away from King's Montford. And as London seemed like the only place where she might be able to pick up her career she had no choice in the matter. It would be good for Joanne, she told herself firmly. Even if the thought of an inner-city comprehensive filled her with dismay.

It was cold in the office, and she turned to close the window. She'd opened it a crack to allow the smell of Susie's perfume to escape, and now the frosty air was chilling the room. But these days anything-strongly smelling food, disinfectants, perfume-they all affected her stomach. She was seriously thinking of going to the doctor for some pills to calm her down.

The door slammed in the outer office, and she turned abruptly, her heart beating rapidly at the thought that someone might have come in. Unless her closing the window had caused a back draught, she considered hopefully. The office was closed, the sign had been taken down; and, in any case, they'd always closed at five o'clock.

Her heart almost stopped beating altogether when she heard a footstep. Someone was in Susie's office, and she wondered if her a.s.sistant had forgotten something and come back to fetch it.

'Susie?' she called faintly, realising she sounded as nervous as she felt. 'Susie, is that you?'

The silhouette in the half-gla.s.sed door was definitely not female, and she was horribly reminded of the kind of friends Henry Sawyer might have. He certainly had cause to feel resentful towards her. Because of her evidence, he was facing charges as well.

She stood motionless behind her chair, gripping the back with nervous fingers as her door opened. Then her knees almost gave out on her completely when she saw who it was. 'Alex!' she exclaimed weakly. 'I mean-Mr Kellerman,' she corrected herself. 'Oh, you frightened me.' She struggled to gather her scattered wits. 'I didn't know who was there.'

'And now you do,' said Alex, coming into the office and closing the door. 'So this is where you work.' He looked about him as he unzipped his black leather blouson jacket. Underneath he was wearing a dark blue silk s.h.i.+rt that complemented his swarthy colouring. 'Or should I say worked?

Agnes tells me you're leaving town.'

Kate swallowed, averting her eyes from his lean, muscled torso. 'Um-what do you want?' she asked tautly, wis.h.i.+ng she'd known it was him before he opened the door. As it was, she had had no time to prepare herself. He looked so good, so disturbing, so just as she remembered him. Did he realise how cruel it was to torment her? No, of course not. Mrs Muir had delivered the news that she was closing the office, and he'd decided she deserved a personal goodbye.

'A loaded question,' he remarked now, lounging into the chair his housekeeper had occupied earlier. He crossed one booted foot across his knee and rested one hand on his thigh. The other curled around the arm of the chair, smoothing the wood almost sensuously. Kate thought of those hands caressing her body. Could she bear the thought that he might never touch her again?

She doubted it.

'Why are you leaving town?' he asked abruptly, when she didn't make any comment. 'Has somebody said something, or done something, to make you feel you can't live here any more?'

Only you...

'If there have been any threats...' he continued, and she realised he'd no idea why she was leaving. 'Kate.' He thrust one hand through his hair in a frustrated gesture. 'For G.o.d's sake, answer me, can't you? Don't I at least deserve to know what's going on?'

No...

Kate sighed, and, feeling her way round the chair, almost like an old woman, she sank bonelessly into the seat. 'It's-it's this business,' she said. 'It's going nowhere.' Which was true. 'I've decided to try and put my degree to some use, after all.'

'Where?'

'Does it matter?'

'Humour me,' he said, a muscle jumping in his jaw.

'Well-' Kate paused. 'We're probably going to live in London. I've applied for a couple of vacancies, and I've got an interview for one of them next week.'

'Don't go.'

His request was delivered with clipped intensity, and Kate was glad she was sitting down when she looked into his hard face. 'I don't have any choice,' she said, trying to speak lightly.

'Um-Mrs Muir says you've got Rachel back again. I'm so happy for you both.'

'Are you?'

'Well, of course.' Kate couldn't bear his hostile expression and she hurried on, 'I know nothing can justify what I did in your eyes, but at least the outcome wasn't bad. I should have realised sooner that Conrad Wyatt was involved. If I'd had the sense to look into Henry Sawyer's background, I might have discovered he'd worked for the Wyatts in the past.'

'You didn't know.'

Alex's tone was flat and accepting, but Kate had to make her confession. 'But I should have done,' she said. 'That-that's one of the reasons why I'm giving up the agency. I've discovered I'm not very good at this job. A more experienced investigator would have had their suspicions right from the start.'

'Don't beat yourself up over it.' Alex shrugged indifferently. 'No one could have imagined how devious Conrad would prove to be. Perhaps it was my fault. Perhaps I should have seen how Pam's death had affected him and tried harder to gain his sympathy. My wife's death was a tragic accident. I think he thought that I didn't care.'

'Because you let him believe that you didn't know who'd put the horses indifferent stalls,' said Kate quietly, and Alex frowned.

'What did you say?' he asked, but she knew he had heard her anyway.

'Mrs Muir told me,' she admitted, feeling the colour warming her pale cheeks. 'She told me about her husband-and her son.'

Alex's nostrils flared. 'Oh, did she?'

'Yes.'

'And what else did she tell you that I should know about? I a.s.sume you discussed the case as well.'

'Only briefly.' Kate gripped the edge of the desk. 'Is till don't know all the details myself, so I could hardly discuss the case with her.'

'But you know Wyatt was arrested and charged, and released on bail pending the trial? You know it was Sawyer who threw Alicia's suitcases into the skip?'

'No.' Kate tried to stop watching him so greedily. But, G.o.d knew, this might be the last chance she'd have to imprint his image in her mind. 'So-so why did they do it? Surely the fact that Alicia was missing was enough.'

'Hardly.' Alex looked as if he would have preferred to talk about other things, but he evidently decided to humour her. 'Things weren't developing fast enough, even though they had gone to the expense of hiring you. You see,' he sighed, 'I think they a.s.sumed reporting Alicia's disappearance to the police would promote some kind of investigation. Then they could alert the media to what was going on, and the whole circus would begin again.'

'You mean like-when Pamela died?'

'That's right.' Alex was laconic. 'But people go missing every day, and the police simply don't have the resources to follow up every lead.' He paused. 'I guess that's why they hired you; they hoped you'd be convinced and report your findings to the authorities. But you didn't, so they had to think of something else.'

'Hence the suitcases.' Kate shook her head disbelievingly.

'Well, it was a fairly d.a.m.ning piece of evidence, you have to admit.' Alex grimaced. 'And with Inspector Rivers on my case, desperate to prove he was a better detective than his predecessor, they might have succeeded. Sufficiently so to create doubts in people's minds, at least.'

'And Alicia?'

'What about her?'

'Why did she do it?'

Alex shrugged. 'Who knows? For the money, I suppose.'

'But Henry Sawyer said you'd given her a room at your house.'

'Idid.' Alex heaved another sigh. 'She fed me some story that her husband used to beat her, just after she came to work for me. She persuaded me that she was desperate. That she needed somewhere to stay temporarily until she could find a place of her own.'

'I see.'

'Idid not have an affair with her, if that's what you're wondering,' he said harshly. 'Despite what you may have heard to the contrary.'

'Not least, from you,' murmured Kate, remembering that awful day at the stables' office, and Alex stared at her with uncomprehending eyes.

'The day-the day you found out who I really was,' she prompted reluctantly, and Alex's expression cleared as he remembered what she meant.

'I was angry that day,' he muttered. 'b.l.o.o.d.y angry. I'd thought-well, it doesn't matter what I'd thought now. The fact was, I thought I was in deep trouble and you were a part of it.'

'I wasn't.'

'I know that now. I think I realised it as soon as I saw your face. But I didn't want to let you off too easily. And when that supercilious inspector appeared I'd have said anything to destroy your relief.'

Kate bent her head. 'Well, you certainly did that. I thought you were going to go charging off to see Conrad Wyatt. I worried about it all morning, and then, when I looked at Alicia's picture again...'

'Yeah.' Alex blew out a breath. 'Well, I didn't. And I never thanked you for finding Alicia, when I should have done. But, after what Lacey told me, I guessed you wouldn't want anything from me. That was why I had Julian write that letter.' He grimaced. 'A formal note of thanks for saving my life.'

Kate pressed her hands down on the desk and got to her feet. 'I didn't save your life,' she protested. 'And-and I don't know what Lacey-that is, Mrs Sheridan-told you, but I don't think it was anything I'd said.' She breathed deeply. 'If she told you I only took the job because I was convinced you were guilty of your wife's murder, I have to tell you she was-wasn't telling the truth.'

'You mean, she was lying?'

He looked up at her through narrowed lids, and Kate knew her control was wavering. If he didn't get out of here soon, she had the feeling she was going to start to scream. Why couldn't he just go? Why didn't he see that by staying he was just labouring the situation? She now knew that he and Lacey were together. Wasn't that enough?

Shaking her head, she turned away towards the window. 'Mrs Muir probably got it wrong,' she said. 'Mrs Sheridan doesn't even know me.'

'But she came to see you, didn't she? That day you were leaving?' he queried. 'Sam Guthrie said he saw her leaving the office just after your daughter went in.'

'All right.' Kate couldn't hold out any longer. 'She came to tell me that-that you and she-'

'Had slept together a few times?' suggested Alex flatly, and when she glanced over her shoulder she saw that he had risen to his feet as well.

'That you were lovers,' she amended tightly, turning back to the rain-smeared window. 'It's all right. You don't owe me any explanation-'

'Dammit, it's not all right,' he snarled angrily. She heard him shove the chair he had been sitting on aside, and presently she felt the heat of his body at her back. 'There was no love between Lace and me,' he contradicted. 'Though I'm not denying that she offered me some comfort when I needed it. It's not conceit to say that she got as much out of it as me.'

Kate was shaking her head again. 'Like I said, it's nothing to do with me-'

'And if I want to make it your concern?' he demanded harshly. 'What then?'

'What do you mean?' Much against her better judgement, she turned to face him. 'You don't need my permission for who you take to bed.'

He was close, so close, and the urge to touch him was almost overwhelming. She wondered, if he had any feelings for her, why he didn't touch her. Instead, he just stood looking down at her, at the unmistakable hardening of her nipples. And although she wanted to reach out to him she kept her arms anch.o.r.ed to her sides.

'I took you to bed, remember?' he said at last, huskily, the warm draught of his breath fanning her feathering skin. 'Well, not actually bed, but your sofa was quite comfortable. I'd never had an experience that good before.'

Kate felt as if the air in the room was getting thinner. It was becoming difficult to drag sufficient oxygen into her straining lungs. She couldn't meet his eyes, so she concentrated on his open collar, on the shadow of dark hair she could see outlined beneath his s.h.i.+rt.

'I'm sure you must have,' she said at last, when she could speak coherently. 'And-and now that you've got Rachel back you can think about the future again. I'm sure Mrs Sheridan will learn to love your daughter-'

'G.o.d!' He swore then, and his hands fastened on her shoulders. 'Listen to me,' he told her grimly, 'I don't care if Lacey could learn to love Rachel or not.' His thumbs tilted her chin so that she was forced to look up at him. 'Lacey has no part in my future, do you hear me? I may not even have a future if you walk out on me now.'

Kate quivered. 'You don't mean that.'

'And if I do? Would it matter to you then?'

'It matters.' But Kate backed away from his hands, not daring to believe what she was hearing. 'I just don't know what you want from me. You said-you said that what we had was just-s.e.x.'

'Yeah, I know. I said a lot of things. And I'm not denying that I've fought against admitting what I feel for you.' He groaned. 'But, dammit, when Agnes said you were leaving, I knew I couldn't let you do it. Not without seeing you; not without speaking to you again. Not without giving myself the chance to find out if what Lace had said was true.'

'It's not.' Kate trembled. 'I think she knew how I felt about you-'

'Which is?'

His eyes burned into hers, and she moved her head from side to side, trying to find the words to meet his need. 'Well-that I love you, I suppose,' she said defeatedly, and he made a sound of triumph as he moved towards her.

'You love me,' he said, lifting his hands and smoothing his thumbs over the dark shadows beneath her eyes. 'Is that why you haven't been sleeping properly? Why you've got such an air of fragility?'

Kate found it hard to answer that. 'I suppose so,' she breathed, her words stifled by the brush of his mouth. Her hands curled convulsively about his shoulders. 'Do you love me?'

'Is there any doubt?' he demanded, his voice breaking with emotion. 'h.e.l.l, Kate, of course I love you. But I thought-well, that Lace was right. That you had just been playing me along for the sake of your investigations; and besides, what decent woman would want a barely reformed character like me?'

'I would.' Gaining in confidence, Kate wound her arms around his neck. 'Oh, Alex! I don't know what to say. Are you sure about this?'

'As sure as I've ever been in my life,' he muttered fiercely. 'What I can't understand is, why were you going to leave without giving me a chance to make amends?'

EPILOGUE.