Damaged Part 20

"Good." He nods and heads back inside.

I'm standing there for a while, cooling off, when Tia strolls out. "Hey, that was so kick a.s.s. Where the h.e.l.l did you learn to dance like that?"

I grin. "I don't know. If you want something bad enough, you learn how. I thought it'd be fun, so I figured it out." I shrug and take a drink from the bottle. "It isn't as hard as it seems."

She nods and takes a drink from her own bottle. "Every time I think I'm in shape, I find out that I'm not. G.o.d, and no wonder why everyone is saying Granz is hot. He is a da-ahm fine piece of a.s.s."

"Yeah, he's got a great a.s.s."

I don't realize what time it is. I don't realize that anyone is behind me.

"Thanks, Colleli," Peter says, tossing me my stuff. It smacks me in the stomach, but I catch it. "And all this time I thought you were saying I was an a.s.s. My mistake."

My face turns red and my eyes go wide. Peter doesn't stop walking. He keeps going, heading toward the parking lot. I shove Tia lightly. She's laughing at me. "You suck," I hiss. "You knew he was there."

"Yeah, I did. It was perfect. I had to." She's laughing, guzzling water from her bottle, nearly choking.

"I'll get you back. Just wait."

"Go ahead and try!" Tia yells, as I sprint across the parking lot toward Peter's car.

I duck inside, out of breathe. "I didn't say that." I feel the need to clarify as I click my seatbelt.

"I didn't hear anything, I mean, besides the comment about my super-fine a.s.s." He laughs and looks over at me. "I can't figure you out. You act like we're friends, and that's it-then, you go and do stuff like that. You're baffling."

"Baffling? No, I think you've got the wrong word. I'm..." my eyes cut to Peter, as he pulls out of the parking lot and onto the road. I slump back into my seat and let out a rush of air. "I don't know what I am. A train wreck. A mess. Damaged goods. Pick one. Or all three."

He shakes his head and smiles. "You're a hot mess, an enigma, a poem-all raw emotion with nothing held back."

I blurt out a laugh, because he couldn't be more wrong. "With nothing held back? I hold everything back."

"No, you don't. You're clear as crystal."

"You're insane."

"And that's how I know that I'm right. You do that a lot, you know?" I look at him. I have no idea what he's talking about. Apparently, he can tell that I don't follow. "You talk that way when I get too close to the truth. You get defensive and call me names. It means that I'm right."

"It could just mean that I think you're an a.s.s, and nothing more." I'm about to say I told you so when Peter glances at me. From the look on his face, I can tell he's not going to let it drop.

"Are you attracted to me, Sidney?"

The question makes my stomach jump up my throat. I can't look at him. I feel my face getting hot, along with the rest of me. I manage to blurt out, "What the h.e.l.l? Who asks that?"

"Uhm, I did. Are you attracted to me? It's a simple question." Peter glances at me, and then back at the road.

Thank G.o.d it's dark. I'm pretty sure my face has exploded into flames. I want to tell him that he's a bad, bad, man but that sounds too juvenile, so I say, "You're such a jerk!" I cover my face with my hand and look out the window. My pulse is roaring in my ears. I feel Peter's gaze slip over my neck for a moment. Why does he do this to me? So what if I think he's hot? It's not as though we can do anything. It doesn't matter. But still, I'd rather not say it.

"Well, that looks like a yes. Should I tell you what I think of you?"

"I don't care," I mumble, still looking out the window.

"Oh. Well, then I won't tell you." He's grinning, driving into the darkness to the restaurant on the other side of town.

I expect him to continue teasing me, but he doesn't say anything else. The silence spans between us and my mind latches onto the last thing he said. Now, I really want to know what he thinks of me. I can't believe he can sit there quietly and not tell me. I flick my eyes toward him. Peter is still driving with that infuriatingly s.e.xy grin on his face, as if he knows exactly what he did.

I stare at the night sky and wonder why that question bothered me so much. Of course I'm attracted to him. Of course he already knows that. We nearly slept together. But that's not it. It's not what he knows that scares me. It's what he doesn't know. I'm attached to him. Given the choice to hang out with Peter or Millie, I'd choose Peter. He understands me better. He's become my best friend. It doesn't matter that he's my boss or my teacher. I feel comfortable around him. I've grown accustomed to his voice, his face. Every time Peter steps into the room, every time he swings me around in his arms, I feel peace-no it's beyond that-I feel happy. My stomach sinks as I wonder what that means.

I think I know.

I glance at Peter. I'm staring at the side of his face, drinking in the stubble along his jaw and the way his dark hair curls by his ears. His skin is so perfect, and his eyes-oh G.o.d-his eyes are like gemstones. When I look at them, it's as if I'm lost in a beautiful blue cavern covered in sparkling sapphires. And for once in my life, I feel safe. I don't worry about him hurting me, or touching me, or forcing me.

I don't realize how long I'm watching him until Peter turns and looks at me. He smiles softly and it feels like I'm in a free-fall. My stomach floats up to my mouth and I can't speak.

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. My eyes are a little too wide when I look back out the winds.h.i.+eld. My brain is chanting no, over and over again, as if it will erase the discovery my mind just made. My heart laughs. As if these things can be undone, as if it's possible to fall out of love as easily as it is to fall in love.

I love him? That can't be.

I deny it. That's not what's happening. It can't be. I don't love him. That's insane. I don't even know him.

But you do, that sweet rea.s.suring voice says in the back of my head. I beat her with a broom and stuff her in a closet. She's usually the sane voice in my mind. I would have sworn that she is my reason, but that was not reasonable. I don't know Peter, not like that. I don't want to. I can't-

My frantic thoughts get cut off when Peter pulls into the parking lot. I'm panicking. Things aren't the same as they were two seconds ago. I realized that I have feelings for the guy sitting next to me. Maybe I'm dense as a dinosaur for not noticing-d.a.m.n, everyone else noticed-but I don't know what to do now. Act the same? Pretend the thought never crossed my mind?

I take too long to get out of the car. Peter walks around to open my door.

"What are you doing?" I ask, as he offers his hand and pulls me up from my seat. Peter's looking down at me with those eyes. I forget to breathe.

He stands too close. I step away, and back into the car. Peter steps closer, closing the gap. He's close enough to touch me, but he doesn't. His eyes sweep over me before he asks, "Don't you want to know what I think?"

I shake my head slowly, careful to avoid his gaze, and tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. "No." My voice is too soft. d.a.m.n it. It sounds like a yes. I clear my throat and try again. I have to look up. I know I have to do it. Just say it. Spit it out as if it doesn't matter, because once he tells me what he thinks, I won't be able to let it go. I don't want things to change. What we have is good.

Looking directly into his eyes, I smile and say, "I don't want to know what you think. I don't feel that way about you." The lie burns my tongue.

He doesn't back away. Instead, Peter stays there, watching me. He leans close to my ear, and says, "I think you're beautiful, and that sharp tongue of yours.... G.o.d, I've never wanted to kiss a woman so much in my life. I will kiss you tonight. I won't be able to help myself." I s.h.i.+ver as he speaks. When Peter pulls away, my body is tense. My spine is stiff and my head is spinning like I'm falling down a rabbit hole.

"I don't know what to say." I'm watching him, barely breathing. My eyes are locked on his lips, wondering if he'll really do it.

Peter runs his hand along my cheek; his eyes are on my mouth. "Then, don't say anything." He turns and walks away. He's crossing the parking lot. I stand there, watching him head inside. When he pulls the door open, he looks back at me. "Coming, Colleli?"

Peter's s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g with me. He has to be messing with me. I blow off everything he just did and walk confidently across the parking lot. Screw him. Two can at play this game.

Peter's holding the door open. I turn to the side as I pa.s.s him, sucking in air. We're too close. I do it on purpose. My chest barely brushes against his as I pa.s.s. The sensation shoots way too many tingles through me, but I know he feels it, too. The way he stops breathing and looks up tells me that it was completely unexpected.

"Excuse me," I say, way too breathily, before stepping away. Peter's lips are parted. His shoulders are back, rigid. I turn toward the hostess station with a wicked grin. Peter is still sucking in air like he's been kicked in the stomach. "Table for two, please."

Peter suddenly moves and steps toward me. I feel the heat from his body against my back. He whispers in my ear, "That was evil."

"You started it," I say over my shoulder, smiling.