Music And Lyrics: Soul-O Part 8

Chip breathes deep into the phone and says, "I love you man, not in my gay way, but as a brother. I'm gonna make her pay. Why don't I take it from here and I'll let you know if anything should happen? You just focus on getting past all this bulls.h.i.+t, heck, you're getting married in a few months."

I interrupt him, "By the way, I've been meaning to ask if you'd be a groomsman. What do you say?" I can hear his smile over the phone.

"For sure! I'd be proud to stand with you. After all, in my line of work it isn't often that you get to be part of a marriage that will last forever. That girl of yours, she's the real deal. A real catch."

I smile and say, "She thinks the world of you too. Awesome, thank you."

"Remember, I got this now. You are no longer involved in this, okay?"

I pause for a moment and feel a weight lift from my shoulders. I gratefully say, "Can't thank you enough."

"No need to thank me at all. I'm gonna get back inside now and find some young hot hungry photographer that wants me to teach him a thing or two."

I laugh and say, "Well, good luck and be safe. Watch your d.a.m.n beer!"

Chip awkwardly laughs and then hangs up the phone.

I feel like such a burden has been lifted off me. Revenge is a horrible thing to get caught up in and Lyrics was being dragged into it too. I know Jennifer will get what's coming to her.

I call Lyrics and Mom answers the phone. She tries to pretend that she's Lyrics and I laugh and say, "Come on, Ma, you think I can't tell the difference? How is the best mom ever doing?"

"Hanging out with our girl and Sophia, drinking some margaritas! Oh yeah, I'm doing very well."

I laugh and say, "So, can I talk to the other lush?"

"Dylan, he says he wants to talk to the other lush."

Sophia grabs the phone and says, "Well hey there, honey. Heard you want to speak with the other lush." They are all laughing hysterically.

"Well h.e.l.lo. Ms. Sophia. Y'all having a great time, just the ladies?"

She loudly says, "Oh, honey, it'd be impossible not to have a great time with these women. They're f.u.c.king fabulous!"

I can't help but laugh out loud. I ask, "Ms. Sophia, could I please speak with the youngest partner in crime there?"

"You sure can, sugar. Dylan, he is begging to speak to you, the love of his life. He's going crazy without you in his arms." This is a different side of her. Lyrics get on the phone and I can tell she's trying to hide that she's buzzed.

"Hey babe, whatcha doin'? We are talking about weddings galore. Can you even begin to imagine how beautiful Sophia is going to look for her wedding?"

"So exactly how many margs have you had?"

She slurs, "One, two, four. Yep, four. Feeling tipsy here. You should come and join us."

I laugh and say, "Sounds fun but somehow I think you ladies are just fine without me there."

Lyrics whispers into the phone, "Do you know that I am gonna be your wife in about three months? Can you f.u.c.king believe that?"

"Baby, I am counting the days. Go have fun. I f.u.c.king love you so much! Call me later."

"I f.u.c.king love you so much too."

I hear mom yell to my dad, "I f.u.c.king love you!"

I hear in the background, dad yells, "d.a.m.n, woman, how much have you had already? Oh h.e.l.l, I f.u.c.king love you too, you crazy lady." I can't stop laughing.

"See what you started. Love you, bye," I say.

I take a deep breath and realize that for the first time in a while, I am truly happy. My head is clear and I feel completely me again. I decide that before I make Lyrics my bride, I want to have a house and get out of this apartment. I'm hoping that she'll want to get pregnant soon after our wedding, so it's time to get into a house. I call up my accountant, Stan and tell him my thoughts about buying a house.

He says, "You made d.a.m.n near six million dollars so far from that Gap shoot, and more will continue to roll in. The smart thing to do is to find a house that is two million or less." Hearing that amount out loud is f.u.c.king amazing. My heart is pounding out of my chest.

"So, I have two million to buy a house with and we'll still have plenty left over?"

Stan laughs and says, "Kid, you are not going to have to worry about money again. Well, unless you turn into a dumb f.u.c.k, but I know you won't."

I ask him if he can refer me to a real estate person.

"I'll call her and have her call you right away."

I thank him and hang up. Two million dollars! If it were anybody else, I'd say I should wait, but it's Lyrics and I know everything she has ever wanted in a house, everything. I'm doing this! She is going to flip out.

Five minutes pa.s.s and my phone rings. "This is Tani. Stan told me you are in the market for a new house."

"Wow, that was fast."

She laughs and says, "Well, he mentioned you have quite a bit of money to spend. You made it to the top of my to-do list today."

I chuckle and ask, "So, what do you have on the waterfront to show me?"

"Mmmm, I like a man that knows what he's looking for." I snort a little because from the sound of her voice, she is either much older or has had a series addiction to Marlboro reds.

"Tell me where you live and I'll come get you and we'll make a day of it."

Without thinking I say, "Is that normal?"

She responds in an almost offended way, "I'm not gonna kidnap you if that's what you're worried about." She's funny, I'll give her that. I tell her my address and she says, "At those apartments?"

"Yes ma'am."

She pauses and says, "I'll see you in thirty." I thank her and hang up. I hope Lyrics thinks this is as cool as I do.

I pull up some houses for sale, the ones on the waterfront. Turns out two million would put as at the lower end of these houses, but there are some amazing houses in that range. Besides, Lyrics is gonna s.h.i.+t when she finds out the price already. I see this house that is gorgeous. Five bedrooms, six bathrooms, two boat docks, a pool, Jacuzzi, outdoor kitchen, and there are music notes at the bottom of the pool. Holy f.u.c.k, this is the one! The asking price is exactly two million so I can offer less and buy a boat to fill one of those docks. I'm giddy waiting for Tani to show up. I'm in my low hanging jeans, an A&M sweats.h.i.+rt, baseball cap, and sneakers. A brand-new BMW, all black and s.e.xy as h.e.l.l pulls into the parking lot, and I'm certain it has to be her.

She pulls right up to me, rolls down the window and says, "Hi, I'm looking for a s.e.xy man for a mid-day romp, are you him?" I take a step back and must look like I saw a ghost because she busts out laughing and yells, "Get in, ya p.u.s.s.y. It's me, Tani."

I think she and I will get along swimmingly. She is an older lady, very refined in her appearance, clearly not in her behavior. She's done well for herself.

"Do you have anything in mind?"

I pull up the house that I saw on my phone and say, "Yes, this one right here. That is our new house."

She looks at me and says, "If we go see that house and you end up wanting it, I will dye my hair bright pink! I've been in this business a long time, probably since your mama was wiping your a.s.s, and I've never had somebody buy the first house they saw."

I smile, look at her hair, and say, "Pink will be a nice color for you. It'll really bring out those pretty blues you have."

She smiles and says, "Oh, honey, charm will get you everywhere."

Tani calls the number listed on the house listing and says, "Make sure y'all are there in thirty minutes and be ready to sign papers. Yes, this is a cash deal. See you there." She looks at me and says, "Cash speaks very loudly in this line of work. Why do I feel like I'm gonna be rocking pink hair tomorrow?"

I laugh and say, "You did say you like a man that knows what he wants, right?"

She smiles and with pizazz in her tone says, "I sure do, honey."

On the drive there, I tell her that I am going to surprise my soon to be bride with a house. Tani about crashed.

She gasps and says, "A true romantic you are."

I shrug my shoulders and say, "Yeah, maybe so." We fill the rest of the drive with small talk and silence. We pull into this neighborhood that looks like it is straight off a movie set. The houses are insanely beautiful and the properties are perfectly manicured. I can't believe I'm looking here for our new house. We take the street all the way to the end, and there it is. She pulls up the driveway which leads to a circular driveway right in front of the extremely large front door. I feel like jumping out and running up to the house, but I maintain a shred of dignity and wait for her to give the okay. I look around the front yard and there is a bush shaped into a treble clef and one shaped like a ba.s.s clef. If this isn't a sign, I don't know what is.

I ask Tani, "Who owns this house?"

"Well the rumor is that it belongs to one of the Eagles, maybe the front man himself." I'm pretty sure I just got a b.o.n.e.r.

"So, you're telling me that this house may or may not have been Don Henley's house, from the motherf.u.c.king Eagles?"

She laughs and sarcastically asks, "Oh, you've heard of them?" I look at her like she's crazy.

"Let's get inside!" I say like a kid waiting for Six Flags to open.

"Let's do it." She fiddles with the lock box and the secret door opens and out comes the key. She opens the door and I am in awe. This house has natural wood beams on the very high ceilings, the layout is perfect, and there is a music room. I'm talking about a recording room, not just a music room. Lyrics is going to s.h.i.+t her pants when she sees her new house.

Before we even get off the first floor, I say, "Tani, I want this house."

She laughs and says, "Honey, you haven't even seen the whole thing."

"I don't have to, and besides, now Lyrics and I can experience seeing it for the first time together."

"Ah, now the name Lyrics makes sense. The asking is two and it's been on the market for about sixty days. Let's offer 1.75 and see what they say. You are buying it outright, so I'm sure they'll accept that offer."

"Let's offer them 1.6 and let them talk us up then."

"Stan was right, you aren't just a pretty face." I smile and have to remind myself that I'm waiting for Lyrics before looking at the rest of our new house. Tani says, "You know you may have to wait two weeks for the escrow to close, right?"

I look at her and say, "I read that with cash deals, it could be as quick as four days. A woman with your clout and determination, I bet we get it in three days."

She flashes me a seductive smile and says, "I will make it happen."

"So, you taking me out for a dinner or what? We gotta do it tonight, I can't be seen with a woman sporting pink hair." We both laugh.

"Here they come now." My heart is racing. My phone rings, its Lyrics. I become super nervous and she'll know something's up right away if I answer.

I text her, "Babe, I can't talk right now. I'll call you in a bit. Love you"

She texts me right back, "Oka jbst wanted to sy I lwve u"

I can't help but laugh. I text back, "Maybe you need to lay off the alcohol? Be safe, love you." I look at Tani and I laugh as I tell her, "She, my Mom, and her soon-to-be stepmom are plastered." Tani laughs and immediately puts on her business face as she walks to the three people who get out of their convertible matte black Mercedes. I wait patiently as she speaks with them. After about ten minutes, they all walk over to where I'm sitting and one by one introduce themselves to me. All three are a lot younger than I imagined.

The suit named Bryce says, "Do I know you? You look very familiar."

I shrug my shoulders and say, "So, where are we on this deal?"

Tani's eyes bulge a little and she says, "Gentleman, what's it going to be? Keep in mind, this is a cash deal."

The three men pow-wow for about thirty seconds and the one that stands about 5'5 and round like he hasn't ever missed a meal says, "Because it's a cash deal, we will take 1.75 and call it a day."

Tani looks at me and I say, "Let's do 1.7 and you have yourselves a deal. I gotta save some money to furnish this place with." The men pretend to discuss, but I know they each have huge dollar-sign b.o.n.e.rs right now and want to jump to say yes, but they have to play the part.

Again, the short one reaches his hand out and says, "Done! 1.7 out the door." My heart f.u.c.king sinks! I just bought Don Henley's motherf.u.c.king house! Lyrics is going to absolutely c.r.a.p her pants!

Once they situate all the paperwork and such, Tani shakes her head at me and says, "This is an absolute first. You are a man that knows what he wants, and I'm guessing you normally get it too."

"So, I think you'll look great with pink hair."

Her jaw drops open and she gasps. "Oh h.e.l.l, you just made me over fifty thousand dollars, in less than two hours. Pink will look f.u.c.king beautiful on me!"

She is a firecracker and I give her a hug and say, "Thank you. Remind me to thank Stan for referring you to me. You know, when I woke up this morning, I thought today would be a boring day without my Lyrics at home. Look at how it turned out!"

"I will get on the horn with the escrow company and see what we can do about getting you the keys in the next few days. So, wanna go get a couple brews and celebrate?"

I smirk and say, "Sounds like fun, but now I have two apartments to pack up and I have a lot of services I need to switch over." She suggests that I only take what I really want and furnish the house with new items. It's a good idea as we've had the same c.r.a.p for a long time now and I can very comfortably afford to furnish our new, beautiful home. G.o.d, I feel so blessed right now, and it seems like ages since I've felt this way. I am happy. My best friend in this big a.s.s world is going to marry me in two months, and I just bought a house where we will start a family of our own!

Tani says, "Raincheck?" I respond with a smile and a nod.

I tell her, "Make sure you keep April 25th open. You have to come to our wedding."

She smiles and says, "I will absolutely be there. Let me get you home now so you can get out of that awful apartment."

I kind of laugh and say, "It's not so bad there. We have a whole lot of great memories at that place, and of course, one very bad one. A fresh start will be perfect."

The moment I get into my apartment, I call Lyrics. I want to tell her so badly, but I decide that a surprise will be much better.

"h.e.l.lo, my gorgeous, s.e.xy fiance. Have y'all sobered up yet?"

She laughs and says, "Mom and Sophia pa.s.sed out on the couch and I've been looking at wedding magazines."

I say with a smile, "Did you find the one you want?"

She says kind of pouty, "Not really. These all seem so frilly and fake. I want a dress that reflects my style, not one that makes me look like a Disney character."