The Pretty Committee Strikes Back Part 25

"Ehmagawd, I'm so going to pee in my pants." Alicia doubled over and held her bladder.

"Just squat," Kristen suggested.

"Ew, no way." Alicia rolled her eyes.

"Pee in your pants," Dylan suggested. "They'll dry."

"You're disgusting." Ma.s.sie playfully slapped her friend on the arm.

"Maybe." Dylan smiled. "But at least I'm warm." She lifted her long, olive green DKNY cardigan and revealed a ma.s.sive wet spot around her crotch.

"Ew!" They shouted and took off; even Alicia ran away.

"Come back and give me a hug." Dylan stretched out her arms and chased after them. The louder they screamed, the harder she laughed. "You can't escape the pee-pee monster!" she shouted over and over again. "Urine trouble! Get back here."

The girls ran as fast as they could. They were choking on their laughter and tripping over each other as Dylan chased them right out of the woods.

All of a sudden they were back in camp, not even knowing how they'd gotten there.

"Urine for it!" Dylan shouted from a few feet behind them. She had no idea her victims were now standing by the fire pit while Mr. Myner stared at them in" disgust.

He kept his eyes on them as he spoke into his walkie-talkie. "I have a twenty on the missing girls, over."

"Are they all safe and accounted for? Over," the voice said back.

Mr. Myner was about to answer when Dylan shot out of the woods. She was running on her toes, her arms stretched out over her head and her legs splayed out to the sides like she was doing the funky chicken dance.

"Come give the pee-pee monster a big hug," she shouted. She stopped the second she realized everyone was staring at her.

Kristen's phlegmy laugh was the only sound anyone heard after that.

Finally, after a long, uncomfortable stare-down, Mr. Myner broke the silence. "Do you have any idea how many people have been looking for you?"

"Pickles." Merri-Lee hugged her daughter as hard as she possibly could.

"Ew," Alicia said under her breath.

The girls lost it at the thought of Merri-Lee pressed up against the pee-pee monster.

"Where's my crew?" She pulled away from her daughter and looked around the campsite. "Why wasn't anyone shooting our reunion?"

"Are you okay?" Cam rushed over to Claire.

"Yeah." Claire relaxed her eyelids, trying to look weak and forlorn.

A group of girls surrounded Ma.s.sie until Derrington arrived. Then they stepped back to give the happy couple some private time to reconnect.

"Girls, hurry to the dining pavilion and get some food before it's all cleared away," Mr. Myner ordered.

"Awesome, you're the best!" Dylan blurted out, temporarily forgetting the grudge she had been holding against him.

The other girls hugged Mr. Myner and thanked him endlessly for his compa.s.sion.

"Please meet me in my quarters in twenty minutes," he said, refusing to hug them back. His stiff, stoic posture reminded Claire of the tall trees that had been staring down at them all morning.

"You got it," Ma.s.sie shouted.

The girls raced toward the dining pavilion, salivating for whatever sc.r.a.ps they could salvage from lunch.

"Maybe it's a good thing he's in love with my mother," Dylan said.

"I know," Alicia agreed. "He's so going to let us off the hook."

"I bet if you start calling him Dad, he'll forget the whole thing ever happened." Ma.s.sie giggled.

Claire laughed too, knowing the worst was behind her. She'd kissed Cam, made up with Alicia, and was finally out of the woods.

Or so it seemed.

LAKE PLACID, NEW YORK FOREVER WILD CAMPSITE MR. MYNER'S QUARTERS.

Wednesday, February 25th 2:11 P.M. P.M.

"Kill me now." Dylan found her mother's green-and-yellow silk twill Hermes pocket scarf behind the leather pillow on Mr. Myner's couch.

"Ew." Alicia winced when she saw it.

Ma.s.sie found more than Merri-Lee's scarf unsettling. It was creepy in general being in Mr. Myner's quarters. It smelled like a combination of Irish Spring soap and burnt coffee.

Behind them, in the center of the room, was his four-post bed. It was half-made. His navy-and-red plaid comforter had been haphazardly pulled up but had not been smoothed out or tucked in. And the pillows still had dents in their centers from where his big head and thick hair must have lain all night. Ew! Ew! Even though he was better looking than most teachers, the image of him sleeping was borderline repulsive. Did he drool? Snore? Have brutal morning breath? Ma.s.sie shook those thoughts away as quickly as they'd come. She longed for the powdery, perfumey fragrance of the girls' cabin. Even though he was better looking than most teachers, the image of him sleeping was borderline repulsive. Did he drool? Snore? Have brutal morning breath? Ma.s.sie shook those thoughts away as quickly as they'd come. She longed for the powdery, perfumey fragrance of the girls' cabin.

"Do you really think he's outside calling our parents?" Kristen sniffled.

"I know he's been in close contact with Dylan's." Ma.s.sie couldn't help herself.

"Shut up." Dylan whipped the scarf at Ma.s.sie's face.

Claire twisted the empty candy bag around her hand. Her fingers started turning different shades of purple and Ma.s.sie looked away.

"Can I use that?" Kristen sniffled and reached for Merri-Lee's scarf. Ma.s.sie handed it to her without a second thought.

"Relax, Kristen." Dylan rubbed her friend on the back. "We are not going to get into any trouble. He's just trying to teach us a lesson."

Kristen dabbed her eyes. "So you don't think he's really calling anyone?"

"I bet he is," Alicia speculated. "But my parents will blame him him, not me. He lost us us. Remember that."

Kristen burst into tears. "Yeah, but I wasn't even supposed to be be here. My mom thinks I'm at a soccer match." here. My mom thinks I'm at a soccer match."

The five girls crossed their legs and sat up straight when they heard Mr. Myner clomping up the steps outside his quarters.

"Shhhh." Ma.s.sie leaned across the couch and slapped Kristen on the thigh. "Dylan's dad is coming."

"Daaaaad," Dylan burped.

The girls were cracking up when he walked in.

"That's good, ladies, get it all out." He closed the door behind him. "Because you may never laugh again."

He poured himself a cup of coffee from the black cappuccino maker on top of his mini-fridge. Then he lifted the brown ceramic mug to his nose and savored the aroma like he was in a Maxwell House commercial. For a minute Ma.s.sie wondered if he'd forgotten they were there. His casual demeanor was starting to make her nervous.

Mr. Myner set the mug on the mantel, unlaced his hiking boots, and set them neatly by the door. The steam from his coffee rose in ribbons and swirls, floated away, and vanished. It had no idea how lucky it was.

Finally, he hooked his palm through the handle of his mug and settled into the tan leather club chair by the fire-place. After a loud, slurpy sip, Mr. Myner uncrossed his legs and angled his body toward the girls on the couch.

"What you did today was very dangerous," he began, sounding like a concerned father. He wasn't mad, just worried. Ma.s.sie felt the tension in her shoulders melt away. The worst was over.

"But what also concerns me is how long it took you to find your way back to camp." His eyes narrowed and the muscles on the sides of his jaw pulsated. "To think that we've spent the past three days learning how to navigate in the wilderness, and you lost your way on a marked trail." He wiped his brow with his hand. "It sickens me."

Ma.s.sie raised her hand. "I think we would have had an easier time getting back if you hadn't taken our cell phones and two-ways." She looked at the others for reinforcement. They nodded their heads in agreement. "I mean, we totally would have called-we just couldn't."

"The idea, Ms. Block, was to teach you how to survive without these things," he spat. "Which just furthers my point. The whole lesson was completely lost on you."

"I studied the map trails," Kristen offered. "I knew we had to go east."

"Then why did it take you five hours to find us?" Mr. Myner ran his hand through his hair. "If you'd gone east, it would have taken you five minutes." He paused. "And what exactly are you doing on this trip anyway anyway?"

Kristen dabbed her eyes with the Hermes scarf.

"I warned you about the consequences if any of you took off into the woods, did I not?"

No one said a word.

"If anything had happened to you girls, OCD would have been faced with so many lawsuits, the school would have had to close its doors forever."

"Good thing we're okay." Ma.s.sie tried to sound positive. "Right?"

"Yes, Ma.s.sie." Mr. Myner's voice sounded strained, like he was doing his best not to snap. "But I'm afraid you are still going to pay the price for breaking the rules. After all, we have to set an example for the other students. So, I have spoken to Princ.i.p.al Burns and she agrees." He took a deep breath. "All of you have officially been expelled from OCD, effective immediately."

The girls gasped. They'd expected a lecture on responsibility and maybe a detention. But this this? No one knew how to respond.

"You mean suspended?" Ma.s.sie felt queasy. His words floated right above her skin, unable to fully penetrate.

"No, I mean expelled."

"Uh, don't you think that's a little harsh?" Ma.s.sie asked, her insides churning. "Our parents will never go for that."

"They have already been notified," Mr. Myner shot back. "We have arranged for a bus to take you home this afternoon. They will be waiting for you when it arrives."

Dylan stood up and put her hands on her hips. "If I hadn't been so traumatized by you and my mother, I never would have run off in the first place." She glared at him. "Did you tell that that to Princ.i.p.al Burns? Did you tell her I was traumatized? Or did that slip your mind?" to Princ.i.p.al Burns? Did you tell her I was traumatized? Or did that slip your mind?"

"Your mother is not on the faculty and we are both adults," Mr. Myner replied evenly. "We have every right to keep company."

"Well, she'll be dumping you now," Dylan said under her breath as she sat down.

"My father is so going to fight this," Alicia said, trying to sound like she wasn't scared. "He is going to sue you for losing us, OCD for expelling us, and the Adirondacks for not making better trails."

"And for discriminating against the poor," Kristen added.

"The poor?" Mr. Myner shook his head in confusion.

"Yeah," Kristen sobbed. "If I weren't poor, I wouldn't have had to sneak up here and then I never would have gotten caught and I never would have run away and-"

Mr. Myner lifted his palm. "That's enough. The bus will be here in thirty-five minutes, so you'd better hurry back to the cabin and gather your things."

"What about all of the stuff you stole from us when we got here?" Ma.s.sie asked.

"It will all be on the bus."

"Sorry," Claire squeaked. It was the first time she'd spoken since he entered the room.

"So am I," Mr. Myner said. "There's nothing more upsetting than a wasted education."

Ma.s.sie stood up and the rest of the girls followed. She was too shocked to accept the idea that she would no longer be going to OCD. There had to be something her parents could do, right? She had gotten herself out of worse situations in the past-how hard could this be? These questions would have to be answered later. Right now her insides felt heavy and tired, like they did after a major crying session. And her brain felt slow and numb. Yes, later.

Mr. Myner held the door open for the girls. One by one they filed past him and stepped back out into the cold. Everyone was standing on his porch steps, waiting to see if they were okay. Even the nonsoccer guys looked concerned. If it hadn't been for the dirty clothes, the matted hair, and the ruined future, Ma.s.sie would have felt like a total A-lister stepping out of the revolving door at the Ritz-Carlton.

"What happened?" Derrington handed her a fistful of wildflowers. They were a little brown and crispy from the dry winter air but the gesture was a total ten.

Ma.s.sie took the flowers and sniffed them. One of the sharp leaves poked her Up and she fondly remembered Doose and his stiff whiskers. She had come such a long way in the past three days. And now this.

"We've been expelled," Ma.s.sie announced to her public.

"What?" Derrington's voice cracked. "You're joking, right?"

He quickly realized she wasn't when he saw Kristen's purple face and swollen eyes.

"Hey, what's she doing here?" someone shouted.

Seconds later, the girls were enveloped by sympathetic hugs and words of encouragement and solidarity.

"Let'sgoontrike," Carrie shouted.

"Yeah!" everyone shouted.

"They will not get away with this." Layne punched the air.