Raising Freethinkers_ A Practical Guide Part 6

56.

Resources Understanding Ethical Development Dobrin, Arthur . Ethical People and How They Get to Be That Way . Ethical People and How They Get to Be That Way (in press). (in press).

This book will be available through the Ethical Humanist Society of Long Island. Check for availability at www.ehsli.org/pubs/index.php. Dobrin has taught a wide range of courses including moral education at Hofstra University and led the Ethical Humanist Society of Long Island for over thirty years. Dobrin has taught a wide range of courses including moral education at Hofstra University and led the Ethical Humanist Society of Long Island for over thirty years. Ethical Ethical People People is academic and philosophical in tone, with in-depth treatments of topics including research on children's moral reasoning, empathy, and a chapter on social issues affecting moral development. To get a feel for the scope of this book, see "Forty Things You Can Do to Raise a Moral Child" in the first Appendix of this book. is academic and philosophical in tone, with in-depth treatments of topics including research on children's moral reasoning, empathy, and a chapter on social issues affecting moral development. To get a feel for the scope of this book, see "Forty Things You Can Do to Raise a Moral Child" in the first Appendix of this book.

Faber, Adele, and Elaine Mazlish. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Kids Will Talk (New York: Avon Books, 1999) A practical, enjoyable oldie-still-goodie, (New York: Avon Books, 1999) A practical, enjoyable oldie-still-goodie, How to Talk How to Talk teaches communication skills that put parents and kids on the same team, solving problems together. It helps new parents start off right and others change ways that haven't been working. There are plenty of practical exercises and anecdotes; new chapters answer questions from readers. The best chapter may be the one on helping kids step out of old roles. teaches communication skills that put parents and kids on the same team, solving problems together. It helps new parents start off right and others change ways that haven't been working. There are plenty of practical exercises and anecdotes; new chapters answer questions from readers. The best chapter may be the one on helping kids step out of old roles.

Greater Good Science Center (at UC Berkeley), "Half Full Blog"

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/half_full/ "Tools . . . for parents interested in raising happy and emotionally literate kids."

A growing list of articles and videos on everything from "how to praise" to "helping kids . . . replace bad habits with good ones." It includes a complete list of references to original research-and translates them into understandable, practical terms.

Inst.i.tute for Humanist Studies Parenting Resources www.HumanistParenting.org Columns by and for humanist parents; reviews of books, DVDs, games, and other products; information on secular ceremonies; a.n.a.lysis of research and claims about parenting and child development; and links to other resources for humanist families.

57.Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief Kohn, Alfie. Unconditional Parenting: Moving From Rewards and Punishments Unconditional Parenting: Moving From Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason to Love and Reason (New York: Atria Books, 2005). The t.i.tle says it all. Not a general parenting book, but a thorough, well researched discussion of the disadvantages of both punishments (New York: Atria Books, 2005). The t.i.tle says it all. Not a general parenting book, but a thorough, well researched discussion of the disadvantages of both punishments and and rewards (yes, really!), explaining why they are methods for rewards (yes, really!), explaining why they are methods for controlling controlling rather than rather than supporting supporting children. children.

Article "Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent's Guide to Preventing and Re- sponding to Prejudice" at www.tolerance.org Introduction to Parenting Styles Berkowitz, M.W., and J.H. Grych. "Fostering Goodness: Teaching Parents to Facilitate Children's Moral Development." Journal of Moral Education Journal of Moral Education, 27(3) (1998), 371391. Available online at http://parenthood.library.wisc.edu/ Berkowitz/Berkowitz.html, this article includes a table correlating "Child Moral Development Outcomes" with "Selected Parenting Variables"; for example, this article includes a table correlating "Child Moral Development Outcomes" with "Selected Parenting Variables"; for example, "induction" is correlated with empathy, conscience, altruism, and moral reasoning.

Crosser, Sandra. "Helping Young Children to Develop Character ." Early Childhood News ." Early Childhood News ( www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychildhood/article_view.aspx?

ArticleID=246) . . Includes practical tips such as "Listen to children: . . . Physically get down on the child's level. . . . Ask questions . . . ," and advice for setting standards and negotiating solutions. Includes practical tips such as "Listen to children: . . . Physically get down on the child's level. . . . Ask questions . . . ," and advice for setting standards and negotiating solutions.

Exploring Humanist Ethics American Ethical Union, "Eight Commitments of Ethical Culture"

http://aeu.org/library/display_article.php?article_id=3 Bennett, Helen. Humanism, What's That? A Book for Curious Kids Humanism, What's That? A Book for Curious Kids (New York: Prometheus, 2005). For ages 10 and up, this book might be too simple for (New York: Prometheus, 2005). For ages 10 and up, this book might be too simple for some 14-year-olds. The circ.u.mstances given for a teacher's discussion of humanism with some of her students seem unrealistic, but the students ask questions your kids are likely to hear from their peers, and the teacher's answers are comprehensive and clear. Discuss the book with your kids; don't just hand it to them. It's a reasonable overview, and you can fill in the gaps. Activities and discussion questions mix suggestions that are appropriate for different ages and aren't clearly related to the text.

Pearson, Beth. "The Art of Creating Ethics Man." Originally appearing in The The Herald Herald of Scotland in January 2006, this outstanding article provides a sum-58 of Scotland in January 2006, this outstanding article provides a sum-58mary of the latest research in moral development, quite directly opposing the usual perspective of religious adherents. A long excerpt is available at the British Humanist a.s.sociation website at www.humanism.org.uk/site/cms/ contentViewArticle.asp?article=2134.

Grayling, A.C. Meditations for the Humanist: Ethics for a Secular Age Meditations for the Humanist: Ethics for a Secular Age (London: Oxford University Press, 2003). One of the best available t.i.tles addressing humanist ethics through naturalistic reflections on human life. (London: Oxford University Press, 2003). One of the best available t.i.tles addressing humanist ethics through naturalistic reflections on human life.

International Humanist and Ethical Union (IHEU). "Statement of Funda- mental Principles." http://iheu.org/amsterdamdeclaration. A shorter version is A shorter version is at http://iheu.org/resolutions.

Wisdom Quotes www.wisdomquotes.com Jone Johnson-Lewis, leader of the Northern Virginia Ethical Society has selected eloquent, thought-provoking quotations. Categories include "Human- ism," "Ethics," "Compa.s.sion."

Books for the Kids a.s.sociation for Library Service to Children, "Recommended Book Lists"

www.ala.org/ala/alsc/alscresources/booklists/booklists.htm Topics include "Holidays," "Growing Up Around the World," " Diversity," and more.

Barker, Dan. Maybe Right, Maybe Wrong Maybe Right, Maybe Wrong (Amherst, NY: Prometheus, 1992). A cla.s.sic and a winner. Ages 610. (Amherst, NY: Prometheus, 1992). A cla.s.sic and a winner. Ages 610.

Dobrin, Arthur. Love Your Neighbor: Stories of Values and Virtues Love Your Neighbor: Stories of Values and Virtues (New York: Scholastic, 1999). Kids will want to read this delightfully ill.u.s.trated book over and over. Stories are rich: In each one, there's more going on than the value in question. For example, different family types are presented, and settings and characters stimulate curiosity ("What is a cuscus?""Where is Tashkent?"). Each story ends with a thoughtful question, not an obvious "moral." Used in the Ethical Culture curriculum described on p. 61. Pre-K to 6. (New York: Scholastic, 1999). Kids will want to read this delightfully ill.u.s.trated book over and over. Stories are rich: In each one, there's more going on than the value in question. For example, different family types are presented, and settings and characters stimulate curiosity ("What is a cuscus?""Where is Tashkent?"). Each story ends with a thoughtful question, not an obvious "moral." Used in the Ethical Culture curriculum described on p. 61. Pre-K to 6.

Gordon, Sol. All Families Are Different All Families Are Different (Amherst, NY: Prometheus, 2000). (Amherst, NY: Prometheus, 2000).

Simple, nonjudgmental descriptions of all kinds of families, emphasizing that what really matters is that "you" (the reader) are loved. Ages 48.

59.Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief Humphrey, Sandra McLeod. It's Up to You . . . What Do You Do? It's Up to You . . . What Do You Do? (ages 912) and (ages 912) and More If You Had to Choose What Would You Do? More If You Had to Choose What Would You Do? (ages 7+) (Amherst, NY: Prometheus, 1999 and 2003). (ages 7+) (Amherst, NY: Prometheus, 1999 and 2003). If You Had to Choose . . . If You Had to Choose . . . was reviewed in was reviewed in Parenting Beyond Belief Parenting Beyond Belief, and the stories in It's Up to You It's Up to You have much the same strengths and weaknesses. They are conversation starters more than stories. have much the same strengths and weaknesses. They are conversation starters more than stories.

The situations and conflicts they describe are realistic, but characters are not developed. Sometimes, the questions at the end of the stories point to an obvious moral, but you and your child can make up your own questions.

Clegg, Luther B., et al. "How to Choose the Best Multicultural Books" in Scholastic Books Parents' Resources, http://content.scholastic.com/browse/article .jsp?id=3757. Article includes reviews of fifty children's books-ten each for five ethnic groups. Article includes reviews of fifty children's books-ten each for five ethnic groups.

Cohen, Randy. The Good, the Bad, and the Difference: How to Tell Right from The Good, the Bad, and the Difference: How to Tell Right from Wrong in Everyday Situations Wrong in Everyday Situations (New York: Doubleday, 2002). Reprints of the (New York: Doubleday, 2002). Reprints of the New York Times Magazine New York Times Magazine column "The Ethicist." Chapters include "Family Life" and "School Life," with replies to readers' criticisms. Don't miss "I Demand a Recant," describing how Cohen changed his mind after getting more column "The Ethicist." Chapters include "Family Life" and "School Life," with replies to readers' criticisms. Don't miss "I Demand a Recant," describing how Cohen changed his mind after getting more information, demonstrating how people may justifiably change their minds.

Witty answers to questions so down-to-earth that my grocer posted a column in the produce section. Ages 14 and up.

Helping Parents Find Books on Ethics for Kids Council on Interracial Books for Children. "10 Quick Ways to a.n.a.lyze Chil- dren's Books," www.birchlane.davis.ca.us/library/10quick.htm.

Linville, Darla. "Queer & Questioning Teens." www.nypl.org/branch/features/ index2.cfm?PFID=160. Reviews of twelve novels and story collections with gay teen characters. Reviews of twelve novels and story collections with gay teen characters.

Roberts, Lisen C., and Heather T. Hill. "Children's Books That Break Gender Role Stereotypes" (National a.s.sociation for the Education of Young Children, 2003) www.journal.naeyc.org/btj/200303/Books4Children.pdf Ethical Education Curricula La.s.sen, Veronica, and Debbie Grieb. "Heart Talk for Kids" curriculum. "Our community has tried the 'Heart Talk' curriculum," says Jone Johnson-Lewis, Leader of the Northern Virginia Ethical Society. "It's based on the principles 60of Non-Violent Communication and is wonderfully humanistic. The teachers tell me it's one of the best they've worked with, for detailed instructions that help them feel confident about teaching. They only needed to make a couple of minor adaptations. Parents are using words like 'transformed' about how it's impacted their families." The curriculum has different modules for different age groups.

The curriculum is designed for use in established moral education pro- grams. You could recommend it to your group's educator or use it in a parents'

group that has been functioning for at least two years.

Outline, ordering information, sample lesson at www.uucards.org/ la.s.sen0807.php.

Religious Education Committee of the American Ethical Union. "Love Your Neighbor: An Exploration of Values"-preschool through elementary age.

Free download from American Ethical Union at http://64.118.87.15/~aeuorg/ library/articles/Love_Your_Neighbor_exploration.pdf. Each lesson is based on a story from Arthur Dobrin's Each lesson is based on a story from Arthur Dobrin's Love Your Neighbor Love Your Neighbor (reviewed with other books on moral reasoning), with lots of optional activities and ideas that parents can use a small groups or even one child. What's great about this curriculum is that it shows how to bring stories to life or your children, integrating with other experiences and leading to reflection. (reviewed with other books on moral reasoning), with lots of optional activities and ideas that parents can use a small groups or even one child. What's great about this curriculum is that it shows how to bring stories to life or your children, integrating with other experiences and leading to reflection.

Forgiveness Spring, Janis A. How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not to Not to (New York: HarperCollins, 2004). The examples and discussions in this book emphasize adult relations.h.i.+ps and experiences, but it goes deeply into the principles and practices outlined in the "Steps to Seeking Forgiveness" in the Appendix. Also, if you have unresolved problems with your parents, this book might help you cope with pain that could otherwise affect your relations.h.i.+ps with your own children. (New York: HarperCollins, 2004). The examples and discussions in this book emphasize adult relations.h.i.+ps and experiences, but it goes deeply into the principles and practices outlined in the "Steps to Seeking Forgiveness" in the Appendix. Also, if you have unresolved problems with your parents, this book might help you cope with pain that could otherwise affect your relations.h.i.+ps with your own children.

Greater Good magazine. Symposium on forgiveness, including an article on how to apologize. magazine. Symposium on forgiveness, including an article on how to apologize. http://peacecenter.berkeley.edu/greatergood/archive/2004fallwinter/ 61.Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief Experiencing and Appreciating Diversity Nondiscriminatory Extracurricular Programs for Kids 4-H clubs serve 6.5 million urban and rural youth nationwide, with pro- grams in science, engineering and technology, healthy living, and cit- izens.h.i.+p. 4-H groups are sponsored by extension programs at public universities and cannot discriminate on the basis of religion. Find a nearby club at www.FourHCouncil.edu/find4H.aspx.

Camp Fire USA now serves both boys and girls. Camp Fire is "inclusive, open to every person in the communities we serve, welcoming chil- dren, youth and adults regardless of race, religion, or other aspect of diversity. [Our] programs are designed . . . to reduce . . . stereotypes and to foster positive intercultural relations.h.i.+ps." Use the "Council Locator" at www.campfire.org to find a group near you. to find a group near you.

The National Camp a.s.sociation (NCA) provides a free summer camp re- ferral service online, offering personalized guidance and referrals for parents selecting a residential "sleepaway." All camps recommended by NCA "are accredited in accordance with government regulations and have received a positive evaluation from NCA and from parents."

NCA does not accredit camps that have discriminatory policies.

www.summercamp.org The Sierra Club Inner City Outings program provides low-income, inner- city youth with trips to the wilderness. "Is moving towards its long- term commitment to give every child in America an opportunity to have an outdoor experience." So far this program has developed ac- tivities in only a few states. www.sierraclub.org/ico Programs for Ethical Education and Action Facing History and Ourselves www.facinghistory.org/campus/reslib.nsf This nonprofit offers teacher education, curriculum resource development, traveling exhibits (with study guides), community conversations, and other programs to promote tolerance and civic engagement by teaching about historical events such as the Holocaust and desegregation. Visit this site to find out how you can bring its programs to your children's schools or your community.

62.

Tell your middle- and high-school-age kids about the "Be the Change" web- site with stories of students around the world who have found ways to make a difference. www.facinghistory.org/Campus/bethechange.nsf/home?OpenForm Tolerance.org www.tolerance.org This award-winning website is a project of the Southern Poverty Law Center.

With pages for parents, teachers, teens, and kids, this site is br.i.m.m.i.n.g with resources for promoting tolerance, fighting bigotry, and celebrating diversity.

Look for the map to locate social justice groups in your community ( www .tolerance.org/maps/social_justice/index.html). Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent's Guide to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent's Guide to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice is a 31-page handbook with age-specific advice, downloadable by clicking the book-cover ic is a 31-page handbook with age-specific advice, downloadable by clicking the book-cover icon at www .tolerance.org/parents/index.jsp.

Uno Hon, Ochen Idees21 Perry, Susan K . Playing Smart: The Family Guide to Enriching, Offbeat Learning Activities . Playing Smart: The Family Guide to Enriching, Offbeat Learning Activities (Minneapolis: Free Spirit Publis.h.i.+ng, 2001). Chapter 12, "Cultural Diversity: It's All Relative" is jam-packed with fascinating activities and information, including body language in different cultures and "Global Game-Playing." Or (Minneapolis: Free Spirit Publis.h.i.+ng, 2001). Chapter 12, "Cultural Diversity: It's All Relative" is jam-packed with fascinating activities and information, including body language in different cultures and "Global Game-Playing." Order online at www.BunnyApe.com.

Notes.1. Darling, Nancy. "Parenting Style and Its Correlates." Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education EDO-PS-99-3, March 1999. Accessed May 2, 2008, from www.athealth.com/Pract.i.tioner/ceduc/ parentingstyles.html 2. Grusec, J.E., and J. J. Goodnow, "Impact of Parental Discipline on the Child's Internalization of Values: A Reconceptualization of Current Points of View," Developmental Psychology Developmental Psychology, 30 30 (1994). Cited in Dobrin, Arthur, (1994). Cited in Dobrin, Arthur, Ethical People and How They Get to Be That Way Ethical People and How They Get to Be That Way (in press), chapter 5. (in press), chapter 5.

3. Oliner, pp. 181182.

4. Quoted in Pearson, Beth, "The Art of Creating Ethics Man," The Herald The Herald (Scotland), January 23, 2006. (Scotland), January 23, 2006.

5. Pearson, ibid.

63.Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief 6. Quoted by permission from Kidder, Rushworth M., Moral Courage Moral Courage (Inst.i.tute for Global Ethics All rights reserved). This list first appears on page 10. (Inst.i.tute for Global Ethics All rights reserved). This list first appears on page 10.

7. At one point in the movie Jesus Camp, Jesus Camp, a child of fundamentalist parents says that Galileo was right to renounce his scientific findings for religious reasons. a child of fundamentalist parents says that Galileo was right to renounce his scientific findings for religious reasons.

8. Quoted by permission. The complete list is at www.ethicalstl.org/ sunschool.shtml and in the first Appendix. Accessed May 2, 2008. and in the first Appendix. Accessed May 2, 2008.

9. While there are concerns that Kohlberg's research is limited by its method-ology and by its emphasis on reasoning about justice, it is undeniably useful in understanding the many levels and facets of moral understanding.

For further exploration of these stages and their implications, see Dobrin, Arthur, Ethical People and How They Got That Way Ethical People and How They Got That Way (in press), Chapter 3. (in press), Chapter 3.

10. Callaghan, T., P. Rochat, A. Lillard, M.L. Claux, H. Odden, S. Itakura, S. Tapanya, and S. Singh, "Synchrony in the Onset of Mental State Reasoning: Evidence from 5 Cultures," Psychological Science Psychological Science. (At time of writing this article is still in press, and available online at www.faculty.virginia.edu/ early-social-cognition-lab/reprints/reprints.html. Accessed May 11, 2008.) Children in numerous cultures, both schooled and unschooled, were Accessed May 11, 2008.) Children in numerous cultures, both schooled and unschooled, were studied.

11. Kohn, pp. 3436; Faber and Mazlish, pp. 174176 (complete citations in Resources).

12. De Waal, Frans, Peacemaking Among Primates Peacemaking Among Primates (Boston: Harvard University Press, 1990), p. 270. (Boston: Harvard University Press, 1990), p. 270.

13. Spring, Janice Abrahms, How Can I Forgive You? How Can I Forgive You? (New York: HarperCollins, 2005), pp. 51117. (New York: HarperCollins, 2005), pp. 51117.

14. De Waal, p. 270.

15. Kohn, Alfie, Unconditional Parenting Unconditional Parenting (New York: Atria Books, 2005), p. 204. (New York: Atria Books, 2005), p. 204.

16. Dobrin, Chapter 3.

17. Pearson, Beth, "The Art of Creating Ethics Man," The Herald The Herald (Scotland), January 23, 2006. Accessed February 15, 2008, from (Scotland), January 23, 2006. Accessed February 15, 2008, from www.humanism.org.uk/ site/cms/contentViewArticle.asp?article=2134 18. When I attended a lecture by Paul Rusesabagina, the person on whose story the movie Hotel Rwanda Hotel Rwanda is based, an audience member asked him how he 64 is based, an audience member asked him how he 64found the courage to protect and provide for the people he helped-some- times at gunpoint. He replied that he was just being himself, a hotel man- ager, whose job was to take care of his guests. (Not surprisingly, his autobiography is t.i.tled An Ordinary Man An Ordinary Man. Proceeds of the book's sales are donated to a foundation that helps orphans and survivors of the Rwandan genocide.) 19. Adapted from the Camp Quest ethics curriculum. Used by permission.

20. This suggestion is inspired by Sen, Amartya, Ident.i.ty and Violence: The Illusion of Destiny Ident.i.ty and Violence: The Illusion of Destiny (New York: W. W. Norton, 2007). The book is really an extended essay; it's 240 pages but they're small pages. Written by a humanist and n.o.bel-winning economist, it (New York: W. W. Norton, 2007). The book is really an extended essay; it's 240 pages but they're small pages. Written by a humanist and n.o.bel-winning economist, it might might be worth reading with some high-school-age children. An argument against a worldview that divides people be worth reading with some high-school-age children. An argument against a worldview that divides people into "boxes" defined by religion, it also includes some very interesting personal anecdotes and discussions of cultural history. Some people might find it too repet.i.tive, so you might prefer to try finding it at the library.

21. That's Spanish for "one," j.a.panese for "book," Russian for "many," and French for "ideas."

65.

CHAPTER 3.

Secular Family, Religious World Jan Devor The religious landscape of the United States is changing rapidly. As recently as 1990, nine out of ten U.S. residents claimed either Protestant or Catholic affiliation, while the nonreligious stood at 8 percent and non-Christian religions at 3 percent. Just a single generation later, a far richer diversity of beliefs is now the norm in our society. Three in four U.S.

residents identify as Christians, one in ten What Americans Believe identify with another religion, and one out Believe in G.o.d 86%.

of six are nonreligious.

Believe in heaven 81%.

Although the percentage of the nonreli- Believe in the Devil 70%.

gious continues to rise, it is also clear that re- Believe in h.e.l.l 69%.

ligion, in its many forms, will continue to be Bible is literally word 31%.

with us. Nonreligious people and their chil- of G.o.d dren meet and interact with people of many Bible inspired by G.o.d 47%.

different faiths in schools, in the workplace, G.o.d guided human 38%.

in politics, in sports, and socially. The Plu- evolution ralism Project at Harvard University points Evolution occurred 13%.

out that "in the past forty years, immigration without G.o.d has dramatically changed the religious land- Literal belief in biblical 61% scape of the United States." 1 1 The Pluralism The Pluralism creation story Project's home page scrolls through an Literal belief in biblical 60% amazing variety of images of different reli- Flood and Ark2 gions practiced in the United States, repre- The principles 25%.

senting Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Sikh, of astrology are true3 67.Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief and Muslim beliefs among others. An esti- Religious identification of U.S.

mated 2 million Muslims are currently in the adults4 United States, 5 5 as well as 700 Hindu temples. as well as 700 Hindu temples. 6 6 (est.) Christian belief is simultaneously more 1990 2001 2008.

fervent and less "literate" in the United States Christian 88% 77% 70%.

than elsewhere in the developed world. In his Nonreligious 8% 14% 18%.

book Religious Literacy, What Every Ameri- Religious Literacy, What Every Ameri- Other religions 4% 9% 12%.

can Should Know and Doesn't, Stephen Stephen Prothero notes that "many theological doctrines that Europeans now dismiss as fables-heaven and h.e.l.l, and the devil-are enthusiastically affirmed by the vast majority of Americans. Out of every ten adults in the United States, more than nine believe in G.o.d, more than eight say that religion is important to them personally, and more than seven report praying daily." 7 7 Children will see people who dress differently because of their religion, who seek alternative s.p.a.ce for daily prayers in schools, who gather around the flagpole to pray, and who can't go to Friday night football games because it is the Sabbath. As a result of these and other interactions, even kids raised in a nonreli- gious home will have plenty of religious "Whatever conclusions we reach about the reality of G.o.d, questions. They will observe other children the history of this idea must tell going to church and wonder why they aren't us something important about going, ask what a church (or temple or the human mind and the nature mosque) is and why people go. Nonreligious of our aspiration.

parents will hear questions like "Who is G.o.d?"

-K " "

aren Armstrong, when their children are still in preschool.

A History of G.o.d There will also be questions specifically related to religious disbelief. The policies of organizations that preclude nonreligious people from members.h.i.+p, such as the Boy Scouts of America, will have to be explained to children who see their friends joining. Children raised in nonreligious homes will be asked about what they believe and may receive invitations to attend church, Bible study, or religious events with their friends.

As children watch the news, they will quickly come to understand that much of the turmoil in the world is motivated by religious beliefs. It will fall to nonreligious parents to offer information, facts, and their own thoughts to help children make sense of the religious influence, for better and worse, on the world.

More than ever before, families are now experiencing their own "pluralism projects" as family members date or marry people of various religious backgrounds. The old guideline restricting courts.h.i.+p and marriage to members of 68one's own faith tradition is less and less common. The result is both interreligious "The "universal spirit"

partners.h.i.+ps and partners.h.i.+ps between non- effect religious and religious people. The heart When asked in a 2007 Gallup chooses as it will! So how do you work poll whether they believe in through the issues raised by such partner- G.o.d, 86 percent of Americans s.h.i.+ps? What are the family implications of said "yes." But if "I believe in religiously diverse in-laws? How does a non- a universal spirit" was included religious person live with a faithfully reli- as an option, belief in G.o.d gious partner? What happens when children dropped to 78 percent, with come along? This chapter is intended to help 14 percent choosing "universal sort through these very questions.

spirit."

By being a nonreligious parent in the "

United States, you have chosen the road less traveled. With this position comes the responsibility to educate your children about both religion and your nonreligious stance. It is never enough to tell our children, "We don't believe," and leave it at that. Such a head-in-the-sand approach will put your child at a cultural and social disadvantage.

Europe and the United States are diametrically opposed in not one but two religious respects: belief in in and knowledge and knowledge of of religion. The United States is both the most religiously enthusiastic and the least religiously literate country in the developed world. We believe with great fervor but know very little about the tenets, history, and elements of our own belief systems, let alone those of our neighbors. Europeans, on the other hand, show very low levels of religious belief religion. The United States is both the most religiously enthusiastic and the least religiously literate country in the developed world. We believe with great fervor but know very little about the tenets, history, and elements of our own belief systems, let alone those of our neighbors. Europeans, on the other hand, show very low levels of religious belief 8 8 but, thanks to formal religious education in the schools, tend to have a very deep knowledge but, thanks to formal religious education in the schools, tend to have a very deep knowledge of of religion. religion.