Chronicles Of The Keeper - The Long Hot Summoning Part 70

The mall elves had been street kids before they found their way through to the Otherside.

The meat-minds were broad stereotypes of bad cops.

Maybe we should throw coffee and donuts at them. Answer one bad stereotype with another.

"You just had an idea."

"What?"

Kris dug her elbow into Diana's side with unconcealed glee. "You grinned. And your eyes were gleaming. You just had an idea. Hey, you! Piece of h.e.l.l Guy!" She raised her voice. "My girl's gonna kick your Metamucil a.s.s!"

He turned, his expression so affronted Diana couldn't stop herself from laughing. "My what?"

"I think you meant metaphysical," she murmured into an elven ear.

"Metaphysical, metamorphosis, metronome, The Metropolis Daily Planet!" Kris snorted. "The point is the a.s.s kicking."

His lip curled. "The point is that you are my prisoners, and I know a great many ways to make you scream."

Remember the meaning of enough, Diana pleaded silently with Kris. If you push him too far . . . She'd only get one chance to use the wand and the last thing she wanted to do was weigh the life of one beautiful, funny, interested girl against the world.

And, for a change, it really was the last thing she wanted to do.

When neither Keeper nor elf responded, he nodded, turned, and the whole procession began moving again.

About five minutes of shoving later, Kris sighed. "I should've said it'd take more than an old white guy to make me scream. Wrong color. Wrong gender. Wrong w.a.n.g."

"Yeah, you always think of the good lines when it's too late."

"Truth."

"w.a.n.g?"

"You know." She pumped her hand at her crotch.

"Ah. w.a.n.g."

By the time they reached the cavern, the wand had slid out from under her waistband and started down her right leg. It would have slid farther, but one of the points got caught on the leg elastic of her underwear. Diana half expected h.e.l.l to say, Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me, but the pit remained silent as they were marched toward it.

She'd only get one chance.

One.

As the meat-minds released them, the Shadowlord stepped back and wrapped long pale fingers around their upper arms, dragging them to the edge.

Diana could feel h.e.l.l watching her. She was going to need a diversion. Meanwhile, there was no point in cowering. "So . . ." Given the way the hair was raising off the back of her neck in reaction to h.e.l.l's attention, bored was a bit more than she could manage but, thank G.o.d for being seventeen, insolent was no problem. ". . . what are you going to do with us?"

WHAT DO YOU THINK?.

"Don't tell me. Not the virgin sacrifice again."

APPARENTLY NOT.

h.e.l.l sounded put out about her moral failings? "Oh, ha ha."

THANK YOU. I'VE ALWAYS PRIDED MYSELF ON MY SENSE OF HUMOR.

"That explains a whole lot about Comedy Central."

HEY, DON'T BLAME JON STEWART ON ME. I DON'T EVEN GET CABLE.

"Well, it's h.e.l.l."

AND YET YOUR LOT ALWAYS SEEM SO SURPRISED WHEN I TRY TO EXPAND MY HORIZONS.

"You're trying to take over the world for cable?"

NOT JUST CABLE. YOU MAKE IT SOUND SO PETTY.

"Sorry."

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

Diana sighed. "You're right. I'm not sorry." She tried to yank her arm free without success and sighed again. "Could we get on with it?"

IT?.

"The part where you gloat about what you're going to do to us."

YOU'RE IN A HURRY?.

"I just thought we should get it out of the way."

She leaned forward far enough to catch Kris' eye around the Shadowlord's black-clad body. "It's in the Rules."

"Gloating?"

"Yeah."

"I always wondered. And the giant snow-cone machine?"

Diana grinned. She was so definitely in love. "That's optional."

YOU'RE BAIT!.

That's what she'd been half afraid of. But this was not the place to let fear show. "Sorry?"

YOUR SISTER WILL COME FOR YOU AND THE IMMORTAL KING WILL COME FOR HER UNPREPARED TO FACE ME, THEY WILL BE DESTROYED.