Chronicles Of The Keeper - The Long Hot Summoning Part 55

"So how do you even know what armor is?"

"It's all in the book, man." Reaching behind him, he pulled out a familiar orange-and-blue book.

"The Dumb-a.s.s Guide to Elvish Armor," Sam read, squinting a little in the uncertain light.

"Kris found a bunch of these in the bookstore back in the day. You know, while we were still getting stomped by the bad guys. She used The Dumb-a.s.s Guide to Not Getting Your b.u.t.ts Kicked to start bringing us into one group. Then, when Arthur showed up, she checked him out against The Dumb-a.s.s Guide to Leaders.h.i.+p. Lately, we've been using The Dumb-a.s.s Guide to Living in a Magical Freakin' Shopping Mall as a kind of Bible."

"Really?"

"Nah, I just like saying dumb-a.s.s. We figured out the whole living in a shopping mall thing on our own."

"What's the skateboard for?"

"Sort of our version of cavalry." He flipped the board up on end. "Makes us a lot faster than the meat-minds, more mobile. And it comes straight out of The Dumb-a.s.s Guide to Making the Most of the Skills You Got Handy."

Orange stripes folded into a "w" between Sam's ears. "Really?"

Will grinned. "Man, you are one gullible cat."

"Ow! Try walking on your own feet, why don't you!'

"Sorry." Adjusting her grip on Kris' arm, Diana continued moving them as quickly as possible along the wall. As long as she didn't lose the signature of her stuff, they were fine. Well, maybe fine was stretching it a bit.

"I don't see how you can be so freakin' calm about this!" Kris ground out through what were clearly clenched teeth. "Fact, I don't see! I can't see! We got shadows from h.e.l.l coming after us, really from h.e.l.l, not just from some bad-a.s.s place people are calling h.e.l.l, and we can't see squat because it's pitch-black down here!"

"That's one of the reasons I'm calm."

"What is?"

"Shadows are impotent in total darkness. They lose all definition, all ability to act. In order to actually do anything to us, they'll have to turn the lights back on. If I can see them, I can fight them."

"'Cause you're the most powerful Keeper in the world."

"Yeah."

The mall elf snorted. "Like I'm so impressed."

"Look, you've got every right to be scared, but don't take it out on me just because I'm the only one here."

The only sound for a few long moments: the pounding of their hearts, the whisper of their breathing, the shuffle of shoes against a stone floor, the soft hiss of fingertips against a stone wall.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. I understand."

"I still shouldn't have said it."

"I'm not arguing."

"So what's the other reason?"

"What?"

"You said that shadows what can't get it up is one of the reasons you're calm. What's the other reason?"

Diana worked "shadows what can't get it up" back to impotent and grinned. "Just that I've been training for this my whole life."

"This?"

"Yeah."

"Your whole life?"

"Uh-huh."

"d.a.m.n. You must've gone to one b.i.t.c.h of a nursery school."

"Fine. Not my whole life." Her right fingers ran out of wall. She braced her knee and reached around the corner. "Doorway."

Kris leaned close enough to breathe a question into her ear. "Throne room?"

"With any luck."

"Oh, yeah. And our luck has been so good."

Reaching back, Diana stroked two fingers down the other girl's cheek. "I'm not complaining."

"Man, you are one cheap date."

But she traced a smile before she took her fingers away. The silence on the other side of the doorway felt bigger, like it was filling more s.p.a.ce. She counted thirty heartbeats, then sighed in relief. "I don't hear anything. If we follow the wall around, we'll eventually trip over the dais. Once I have my stuff, we'll make a run for the access corridors. If we can get into the Emporium, I think we'll be safe."

"You think?"

"Jack said the big boss has never come out into the store." Careful not to lose contact with the stone, she moved them through the doorway and along the wall of the room.

"Always a first time."

"Here's a thought. Why don't you say something positive?"

"Positive?"

"Yeah, like not negative." Diana rolled her eyes as the pause lengthened. Three steps. Four. Five . . .

"If memory serves, you got a wicked a.s.s in those pants."

Ears burning, she stumbled, recovered, and mumbled "Thank you."

"So, about that training," Kris prodded, sounding much happier. "Any actual experience?"