Enigmatic Pilot_ A Tall Tale Too True Part 4

"As a matter of fact, poor little Vladimir was consumed by some sort of cave lion during our recent sojourn in Kentucky," the professor announced, glaring down at the boy. "Most distressing. Now, if you'll excuse me!"

"Did you shoot the cave lion?" Lloyd inquired.

"Go home, young lad!" The professor waved. "I must prepare. Magic doesn't just happen!"

"I thought that was exactly what it did," Lloyd replied. "That's why it's magic."

"Touche," the showman retorted, appearing to bow, but really examining the boy's sorry excuse for footwear, which confirmed his initial impression. "But if I were truly a master of the art," he continued, "then I would wave the wand of this cigar and you you would disappear-back to wherever it was you came from." would disappear-back to wherever it was you came from."

"Zanesville," Lloyd supplied. "Ohio. I saw you there."

"Aha," the professor returned, his eyes following a blooming la.s.s with a rose-hips complexion, who giggled behind a handkerchief as she pa.s.sed. "Where on earth did you say your parents were?"

"I have neglected to fulfill your request for further intelligence regarding that," Lloyd answered.

"Touche again, my effervescent little friend. But circ.u.mstances beyond my control, otherwise known as life, require that I spin gold from straw, separate wheat from chaff-in a word, earn my daily bread. Now please please, leave me to my fate as I bid you goodbye and good luck with your own." He gave the boy a hearty pat on the head, the universal sign of condescension in adults toward children-and one that he felt certain this particular child could not fail to comprehend.

"And what about the pretty lady?" the boy asked. "Did a cave lion get her, too?"

"Boy! I am going to perform some magic on you yet if you don't move on!" This time the showman took a decisive step away, prepared to fend off the lad with an elbow if necessary.

"Do you still sell the powder made from tiger p.e.n.i.s?" Lloyd asked.

This inquiry caught the professor by surprise, and was made at too loud a volume for his liking. He glanced around, thinking, d.a.m.n this boy d.a.m.n this boy. What he said aloud was "Shush, please! Here, my friend. Come now. Take this delightful toy as a token of my exasperation and carry on."

The medicine man produced from inside his coat a sheet of heavy paper neatly folded into the shape of a bird, which he un-creased, and adjusted, and then lofted into the air. The flat wings carried the construction several feet toward a scowling lady who was hawking carrots.

"Now, go and collect that novelty and it is yours to have, without payment or condition, save that you leave me to the tasks at hand!"

Lloyd scoffed at this offer but went and retrieved the paper bird-and then whistled at the showman, who, in spite of himself, spun around.

Lloyd then tilted both wings upward and sent it soaring over the head of the carrot woman, where it caught an updraft and sailed well out of the market.

"Inclined wings produce more lift and also more stability," he called out to the showman, whose eyebrows had arched in surprise. "Now, what about the tiger powder?"

"Please, my young friend!" the showman entreated with nervous gesticulations, buffaloed at last. "Just come in here and let me give you something to take your mind off all these questions."

Lloyd's eyes adjusted to the change in light. The tent was much larger than it had looked from outside, and set out like a room in a house, except that over in one corner was another tentlike structure, like the sort of cloth-screened cubicle one might find in a doctor's surgery. Worn Turkish carpets had been laid down, with satiny pillows strewn about, creating an ambience that was both cozy and exotic, although a distinct mix of odors permeated the enclosure: a chamber pot, perspiration, lice soap. Lloyd felt at home.

This impression was strengthened by the presence of two women. The first Lloyd recognized as the beautiful Anastasia he had been wondering about (who in truth was as worn as the carpets, but still richly patterned). She was seated on a camp meeting chair mending clothes, dressed in a forget-me-not blue frock that showed off her figure in a manner that he found quite compelling. His enthusiasm intensified when his eyes took in the other woman, who was standing a few feet off to the left-on her head. She was dressed in tight-fitting mannish garb that accentuated her curved shape. Lloyd was soon unable to hide the prominence of his enthusiasm.

Amazed but sympathetic to his condition, the professor gestured broadly. "Ladies, meet a persistent new friend. Your name, young sir...?"

"L-loyd," the boy stammered, transfixed by the gymnastic calm of the other woman, who in his mind's eye he had transposed into a conventional standing position and realized that she was the spitting image of Anastasia. So that was how the trick was done, Lloyd thought.

"Young Lloyd hails from Zanesville, where he made something of our acquaintance during one of our past peregrinations," the showman explained, and took more notice of the boy's fatigued clothing and unscrubbed state. Here was another child of misfortune trying to find his way. Rather like the son the professor had lost long ago, only more touched by the sun. Anastasia looked up from her sewing and smiled. The woman, whom Lloyd took to be her twin, or at least her sister, waved one of her feet.

"h.e.l.lo," Lloyd tried, but the two women just repeated these gestures as before.

"Ah," the Professor said, shaking his head. "Don't be offended. I'm saddened to say that both my lovely ladies have been deprived of speech, a diabolical punishment that was conferred upon them as children by a mad father."

"Anastasia can't talk?" Lloyd asked.

"Mrs. Mulrooney," the professor corrected. "Or Lady Mulrooney, as I prefer to think of her. For Mulrooney is the surname I was born with. The other monikers and personae I use are but stage machinations to heighten and enhance the mystique necessary to build confidence and create an atmosphere of possibility, credibility, and awe."

"And she...is your wife?" Lloyd asked, digging his right hand into the pocket of his dirty knee pants.

"Yes, son. In a word, we are matrimonially united, conjoined, and conspicuously complementary."

"And who is the other woman?"

"Technically speaking, she is my wife's sister-twin sister-and how beneficent and expeditious it has proven to have two female a.s.sistants who look virtually identical! I mean from a stage-magic point of view. But privately, confidentially, and just between you and us, she too, is a partner in the adventure of my life that combines entertainment and enlightenment to provide illumination and enjoyment for all those who experience it!"

"You mean you have two wives?" the boy asked. Now, there was a goal worth aspiring to, Lloyd thought.

Mulrooney blinked at this, for he realized that he had just let his staunch guard completely down and offered far more detail regarding his personal affairs than he had ever intended to with anyone, let alone a strange boy.

I must be slipping, the showman mused. Apart from the somewhat darker skin tone and the green eyes, the lad did remind him very much of his lost son-perhaps that was why.

"Well, now, sonny boy," he humbugged, trying to regain mastery of the situation. "Let's not put delicate matters quite so baldly, eh? I think if we are discoursing privately and confidentially, in a manner of speaking, one could answer in the affirmative, while conceding that the arrangement is not to everyone's taste. In some regrettable cases it is not at all celebrated with the level of tolerance and understanding we would like, so we do not normally make a habit of announcing the status of our little family outside our little family. Coming from a place like Zanesville, I'm sure you understand. I would therefore appreciate your respecting that fact and this rare confidence-and, for reasons inexplicable, I have sufficient faith in my a.s.sessment of your character to believe you will."

"And neither of them can talk?"

"No," Mulrooney a.s.sented, concerned about how much harm he had done. "But their wits are as sharp as any, and I could not ask for better companions.h.i.+p. Besides..." He grinned. "There is something to be said for women who can't answer back."

This attempt at levity drew an immediate response from the two mute sisters. Mrs. Mulrooney the seamstress launched a ball of woolen socks, while Mrs. Mulrooney the gymnast whipped off a shoe. Both missiles struck their target full in the face.

"Bah! Ladies!" the professor complained. "You see what I mean? You have no reason to feel any pity for these two, young lad. They are more than able to look out for themselves! It is I who am outnumbered."

Mrs. Mulrooney No. 1 licked an end of thread and darted it through a needle with a grin of vindication, while Mrs. Mulrooney No. 2 clapped her feet.

"And now," said the professor. "Won't you repay our candor and tell us your story? It's plain you have one. Else you would not be so far from Zanesville."

Just then a sound came from behind the cloth part.i.tion in the corner. The showman and his two wives showed no sign of acknowledgment. Perhaps a child was sick behind there, Lloyd thought, although the idea of having two wives still occupied him. Two wives this side of the curtain seemed to increase the possibilities of what lay behind. He tried to focus on the professor's query.

Ordinarily he would not have satisfied such a request with much detail, but as a result of his time with St. Ives he was growing more secure in his ability to gauge people's character and, as the professor had trusted him with a confidence, so he related as best he could his family's trek from Ohio and their hopes of beginning a new life in Texas (save for the mystery that his uncle had referred to in his letter and the nature of his relations.h.i.+p with Miss Viola).

The professor and his two mute wives were both entertained and rea.s.sured by the boy's account. "We are all strangers and pilgrims," the showman summed up when Lloyd was done. "I wish you well on your journey to Texas. We are headed north for the heat of summer and then back south when autumn comes."

It was at this point, just as Lloyd was thinking that it was time for him to get back to his father and how he hoped the professor would give him a bottle of the tiger powder, that another sound came from behind the screen part.i.tion-a very odd sound that was soon followed by odder noises still.

"What was that?" Lloyd asked when he could no longer resist.

"What?" answered the showman coyly.

"That. That That!"

"Hmm. Yes..." the showman was forced to acknowledge now as the sounds grew odder and louder. "They're awake."

"They?" the boy repeated. "Who are they?" the boy repeated. "Who are they?"

Mulrooney's face fell as if he had put his foot in his mouth again.

"The Amba.s.sadors from Mars. The strangest strangers and pilgrims you will ever see," he said at last. "But, my boy, you must swear swear not to tell a soul, because it's not my intention to exhibit them yet." not to tell a soul, because it's not my intention to exhibit them yet."

"Exhibit them?"

"Well, my commitment is not to exploit them but to help them maximize those features that offer such singular advantages if understood properly and positioned effectively. As their sponsor, I am obliged to insure that such an arrangement is practicable and sustainable-in a word, sufficiently profitable to cover the costs of their maintenance."

"May I see...them?"

Knowing that the child, with curiosity now aroused, would not be likely to give in and go, the professor reluctantly motioned for him to approach the cubicle. This boy has got under my skin in the d.a.m.nedest way, Mulrooney thought to himself, as he pulled back the swath of drape to reveal a sight that made even Lloyd's mouth drop open.

The figures were dressed in clothes that conjured up images of Was.h.i.+ngton and Jefferson at the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

"I call 'em Urim and Thummim," the professor announced. "Or the Amba.s.sadors from Mars. Don't know what they call themselves."

The creatures who now stood before Lloyd were remarkable individuals by anyone's standards. Short but not exactly dwarfs, they were obviously brothers-both microcephalics, or pinheads. They were Negroid, perhaps, but pale-skinned, with highly distorted features and an animalish clicking-grunting type of language.

"Why do you call them the Amba.s.sadors from Mars?" Lloyd asked.

"I don't plan to outside the smaller burgs," replied the professor. "Wouldn't do a'tall to get the tar bubbling."

"You mean to fool folks," the boy chided.

"My young friend, let me say this about that. As a rule, people like like to be fooled. If you mean inspired, surprised, delighted-made to wonder and to wish for things. If I can make the world bigger and brighter for a moment for some boot stone or put even a tintype star in the eye of some leather-skinned la.s.s, where's the crime in that? But when you say fool, you not only make it sound cheap, you make it sound easy-and t'aint always so. You can't fool or enlighten all the people all the time, son. That's why it's so very important to be clear about who you are trying to fool or enlighten at any given time." to be fooled. If you mean inspired, surprised, delighted-made to wonder and to wish for things. If I can make the world bigger and brighter for a moment for some boot stone or put even a tintype star in the eye of some leather-skinned la.s.s, where's the crime in that? But when you say fool, you not only make it sound cheap, you make it sound easy-and t'aint always so. You can't fool or enlighten all the people all the time, son. That's why it's so very important to be clear about who you are trying to fool or enlighten at any given time."

"But they're not from Mars, are they?" the boy continued (which stirred the Amba.s.sadors into a fit of clicking and grunting).

"No," agreed the professor, twisting his mustache. "They're from Indiana, far as I know. That's where I found 'em, at any rate. But their story is just as hard to swallow, in its own way. The free n.i.g.g.e.rs looking after them swore on the Bible that these two were dropped out of a tornado."

"A tornado?" Lloyd puzzled.

Mulrooney held his hand over his heart. "Urim and Thummim came down out of the storm unharmed about two years ago, they said. No hint of where they started from or who their real family was. The n.i.g.g.e.rs took it as a sign from the Almighty and took 'em in, but they kept 'em hidden in their barn for fear of someone doing 'em harm."

"So you bought them?" Lloyd asked, thinking back to how he had been hidden away in the family barn.

"The n.i.g.g.e.r and his wife were d.a.m.n grateful when I proposed taking the boys off their hands. But now, when you see the lads in the sumptuous duds designed by the Ladies Mulrooney, prognosticating and pontificating in their mumbo-jumbo, who can but conclude that they are emissaries and apostles from some distant kingdom of celestial grandeur far beyond our ken?"

This a.s.sertion prompted more clicking and grunting from the Amba.s.sadors, and the showman observed how closely the boy was listening.

"You look like you understand them."

"I think I could, with a little time," Lloyd replied.

"Balderdas.h.!.+ You can't tell me there's anything to their doggerel. Or if there is, only they know it!"

"No," Lloyd answered. "I think it's a real language-a spoken one, anyway."

"Oh, they write, too-if you can call it that," the professor remarked.

"Could I see?" Lloyd cried, unable to hide his interest.

"My boy, you're as curious a specimen as they are in your own way," the professor replied. He went to a trunk, which made Lloyd wince with the recollection of Miss Viola, and produced a large handful of paper sc.r.a.ps all covered with a tiny but precise cuneiform-like writing. Holding the dense lines of unknown symbols together was a repeated icon that resembled the spiral shape of a tornado.

"Now don't be telling me you can read this!" the professor scoffed.

"Well, not yet," Lloyd agreed. "But maybe..."

"Son, all the clever men in the world would be a long while in unraveling the secret of this doodling. And it may well be that there is no secret-that they've just scribbled and scrawled to please themselves and what looks good is good enough."

Lloyd noticed a wooden matchbox, or what he first thought was a wooden matchbox, edging out from under the Amba.s.sadors' bed. It was in fact triangular in shape, rather like a hand-size metronome, and when he picked it up he was surprised by the almost total lack of weight. Its surface, which had the smoothness and hardness of metal, not wood, had been covered, but here the writing had been engraved. The weird ciphers flowed in their swimming lines, but the lines took on a larger shape of the cyclonic spiral.

"Could I have this?" the boy asked. "I want to study it."

Urim and Thummim exchanged determined clicks and grunts.

Lloyd nodded at them, and they seemed to nod back.

"I take it they approve," the professor said. "That's how I'll take it, anyway. You may keep the box, young Lloyd, as a souvenir to reward your sagacity and a memento of the amazements you have seen. Learn its secret if you can."

The boy tucked the talismanic object into his s.h.i.+rt. Then he said goodbye to the professor and his unexpected family, not knowing how much trouble lay ahead for his own.

"What an unusual lad," the professor said when Lloyd had departed. He was unable to recall what he had intended to lure the boy's thoughts away from the tiger powder with when he invited him inside the tent.

The Amba.s.sadors clicked and burbled.

CHAPTER 6.

A l.u.s.t for Learning LLOYD WAS A LONG TIME TRACKING DOWN HIS FATHER AND mother, because Hephaestus, when he discovered that he had lost the money, began combing the market, hoping against hope that it might just have fallen out of his pocket. Beside himself with anger about the loss, the reformed inventor limped out of the square and into a district of warehouses and then down a brickbat alley where he was waylaid by some toughs and might well have been beaten to a pulp had not one of them had a gimpy foot himself, and so called off the a.s.sault out of sympathy. mother, because Hephaestus, when he discovered that he had lost the money, began combing the market, hoping against hope that it might just have fallen out of his pocket. Beside himself with anger about the loss, the reformed inventor limped out of the square and into a district of warehouses and then down a brickbat alley where he was waylaid by some toughs and might well have been beaten to a pulp had not one of them had a gimpy foot himself, and so called off the a.s.sault out of sympathy.

Meanwhile, Rapture found that haggling for bargains amid the produce merchants was exhausting work (and they sometimes found that talking to her was not so easy, either, even though she put on her whitest accent).

When Hephaestus and Lloyd were not at the agreed meeting point, she too went searching the adjacent streets and, following the commotion of a carriage accident, got lost for a time amid the dust heaps and sale yards, where it was lucky she did not get jumped. Or worse. While she could pa.s.s for white most of the time in Ohio, St. Louis was a more sensitive, volatile environment. She sensed that, but concerns about her menfolk made her bolder than she should have been.

So it was well after the professor had gathered a crowd and performed his magic show with the help of Mrs. Mulrooneys 1 and 2 (who were, of course, thought by the spectators to be the same woman) that the Sitt.u.r.d family was finally reunited. And the mood was not pleasant when Hephaestus confessed what had happened to the money-or, rather, what he did not know had happened.

"How could you?" snapped Lloyd, thinking back to how hard he had to work and scheme to make it and, even worse, how honorably the rogue St. Ives had treated him, always dividing the money on equal terms. He was so put out and let down, in a way, he wished the gambler had been his father. However wounded he might have been, he was at least a man with backbone and cunning-and style-and knowledge of the world. Lloyd knew from having prowled the market himself just what had happened-and he knew that it would have been a very sorry sneak thief to have attempted such with St. Ives.

"I-I'm sorry," Hephaestus whimpered. For the first time, Lloyd felt a cold and pure disdain for his father, which was made even worse, for it brought with it a premonitory fear of further dissolution and foolishness. I am too young to be made to lead this family, Lloyd thought. But what other choice is there if this is to happen?

They took shelter in the rodent-busy stable, with the smell of the glue boiler mingling with the smoky red grease lamps down in the street, and the collard greens and charred pigs' feet rising up from the shacks and shantyboats.