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"Well, you're still a n.o.ble," he corrected. "But you don't have to dress like one, if you don't wish."
"Eleanor called me a princess," I told him quiet. "She said it's my duty not just to protect Nottingham, but all of England."
"That's because she wants you with her," he said. "She's very clever like that."
"It doesn't mean it's a lie."
"No. But it also doesn't mean you have to do it. Or even that you can."
I sighed. "I don't want to be n.o.ble at all. I just want to be Scarlet."
His breath was in my hair. "Even Scarlet was n.o.ble, she just didn't tell anyone. And you protected people even then. You have a very fierce heart, I hope you realize. I can only imagine if we have a baby, you'll be an absolute terror."
I curled up tighter, my heart broken clear and through. I knew I should tell him, say the words, but I couldn't. "Do we have to have babies, Rob?" I asked quiet.
He twisted a little, trying to look at me, but I kept my face away. "No, of course not, not if you don't want to. You don't want to?"
"I can't even imagine it. I'm frightened every time I see babies in the towna"that they'll fall or cut themselves or fall sick or something. If it were mine I don't think I'd let the thing move, much less grow up. I'd be scared every moment."
He laughed, harder than my pride liked, and I hit him with my good hand. He groaned, but kept laughing. I twisted and hit him again, and he caught my shoulders and twisted me in the bed, falling on top of me, careful of my arm. I went still, and he s.h.i.+fted, lifting some of his weight off. He brushed my hair back. "You can't tell me you don't want to have a baby because you'd love it too much."
I scowled. "I can. I don't like being scared."
He kissed my cheek, settling in beside me so we faced each other. "Let's leave it up to G.o.d, then. If he wants us to have a child, he'll let us know."
I touched his face. "What will your first action as sheriff be?"
"Besides marrying my only love?" he asked. "Reorganizing taxes."
"Not abolis.h.i.+ng?"
"Taxes are necessary; they just don't need to cripple a county," he said. "Protecting the people doesn't mean giving them what they think they want. It means doing what's right for everyone, and not just for a few."
I pushed him back a little to lay on his chest, keeping my injured hand high by his heart. I wondered if his heart could heal my hand the way I always imagined my hands could heal his skin. "Promise me," I whispered to him. "Every night we're married, we'll talk just like this. About anything."
"About everything," he whispered back, putting two fingers light around my wrist. He kissed my hair, and I pressed my lips to his chest. "My heart. My only love."
"I love you too, Robin."
I shut my eyes. No matter what happened in the morning, if my marriage weren't annulled, if Gisbourne hurt me, Rob would come for me. Rob would forsake his position as sheriff, his newfound freedom, even his life for me. And I couldn't let him do it.
My head touched his and I thought, I love you, Robin. And I'll fight for you.
I had hours left to think, and I had this heart, this man, and that made me stronger.
Gisbourne thought he knew what it were to not give up. He didn't know the first thing.
Chapter Twenty-Four.
I woke feeling warm and borderless, like my pulse had flooded the surface of the skin, dissolving it, meeting Rob's and melting us together. Blankets were tucked round us, and his heart were beating beneath my ear, taking my heartbeat and echoing it back.
Blinking, I looked up at him. I hadn't slept long; only when I thought of the beginnings of a plan and Rob were snoring quiet did I drift off in his arms. It weren't yet full light out, but the sky were starting to glow and he were sleeping. Still. He'd fallen asleep before me and hadn't woken. I'd have known if he'd woken.
He slept the night through.
I looked at Rob, tempted to slide back into the bed with him, warm on warm, skin on skin. He stirred, and stretched, and looked at me where I stood with his sleepy eyes looking half drunk as he looked at me. It made heat rush over my skin, and I sat on the edge of the bed.
He half rolled over, his arm catching my waist as he beckoned me down to kiss him. I did, shy and soft.
After a moment that felt like a slow, dizzy whirl against his mouth, he broke the kiss, stroking my cheek. "Go get annulled," he told me. "Do you want me to come with you?"
I frowned, tempted. "No. I imagine he wouldn't take to that well."
"Well, by all means, let's keep him happy and kick him out after," he said. He smiled then, like something just came to mind. "I love you," he told me.
I smiled, desperate to keep tears out of my eyes. "I love you too."
"Good. Get on with it; let's make you an honest woman for once." He rolled back in the bed, grinning at me.
I stood, smiling at him over my shoulder. "I ain't never going to be honest, Robin Hood."
He laughed out loud. "Have I ever told you you're a terrible liar? Truly. You're awful. Thief I'll never argue with, but liar?"
I were shocked. "I kept enough secrets from you, didn't I?"
He shrugged. "Not saying things and lying about them are very different."
Shaking my head, I couldn't help but laugh. "That weren't what you said when you first found out."
"Get on," he told me, smiling.
"Yes, Sheriff," I told him with a curtsy. He laughed at me as he lay in the bed, and I stood in the door a moment, remembering him. Every bit of him. Committing it all to memory where it wouldn't never be taken from me, wouldn't never tarnish or fade.
I went quick to the chapel. The castle priest were there, the very man what wed me, preparing for the morning ma.s.s, and he stopped. "My lady Leaford?" he questioned.
Genuflecting before the altar, I crossed myself and looked up at him. "Father, will you counsel me?"
"Of course, child."
He came from the altar down to the pews, seating me in one and sitting beside me. I sucked in a deep breath, and he covered my hands. I nodded once, but the words didn't come.
"What troubles you, child?"
"My marriage," I told him. "My husband."
His hand touched my cheek, looking on the bruises. "He treats you ill."
"No. Well, yes, but that isn't why I came to you."
"No?"
"My husband had much to gain by our marriage. He were elevated, and he gained my lands and my tenants. He has mistreated me, he has threatened to mistreat those dependent on our land, and he has not performed his duty as a husband."
"Duty?" he asked. "You mean, in all this time, he has not consummated the marriage?"
I shook my head slow. "Do I have any recourse in the eyes of the Church?" I asked.
He drew a breath. "The most solemn duty of a husband and wife is to bear fruit," he said. "If he finds himself incapable, you can both pet.i.tion the Church to have your marriage dissolved."
"He will never agree to it. The marriage is wholly to his advantage," I said.
He nodded slow. "It is possible, but unlikely. An archbishop would be able to do such, but they tend to be persuaded by none but the highest n.o.bility."
If you embrace who you are, you might find a great many tools at your disposal.
Eleanor's words flooded back to me as relief broke like a wave in my chest, and I found myself leaking tears in the chapel for the second time in far too few days.
"Oh, my dear," the priest said, pulling me into his arms. "I'm so sorry. But G.o.d will never abandon you to your darkest hour," he told me soft.
I weren't able to tell him that I were thrilled, not heartbroken, so I cried in his arms as the sun climbed higher, pouring in through the stained gla.s.s windows, casting the place in s.h.i.+mmering red light.
A princess of England could sway an archbishop. I were the daughter of the Lionheart, the granddaughter of Eleanor of Aquitaine, and if all that stood between Rob and me were learning to speak a bit better and looking the part of a lady, I would learn whatever I had to.
Marian had her future taken from her by the will of othersa"the Leafords, Gisbourne, even Prince John. And Scarlet were locked in Sherwood, unable to be with Rob, unable to have a future at all. But I could become more than a silly lady or a lowly thiefa"I would be a princess of England, and I would use it to steal back the right to my own heart.
I went slow to my chambers, steeling my will. When I rounded the corner there I saw two guards in the earl's colors.
"Milady," they greeted.
"Gentlemen."
Standing before the door, I stared at it many long moments. It didn't change what was on the other side of it, waiting for me. I crossed myself, and I prayed. That my bravery would hold through the coming storm. I had my hope; I would be every inch the n.o.ble lady I needed to be if it meant thwarting him. And I would dispatch the sheriffa"my sheriffa"to protect the Leaford lands from Gisbourne if I needed to. He wouldn't win. I would never let him.
"He's not in, my lady," one guard said gentle.
"What?"
"He left last night and he hasn't returned."
I opened the door.
The chamber were empty.
Relief and rage bubbled up in me. Were this a trick? A game? Had he left for Leaford already? If he suspected or knew where I'd been the night before, G.o.d only knew how he'd react.
I called for Mary, and she changed my dress in silence.
Perhaps he were drinking somewhere. Surely that didn't count against me.
Feeling along the shutter, I took the last knife I'd hidden there and slid it into my bodice.
I stood in the chamber for a long time, adding a log to the fire to stoke it up, s.h.i.+very fear climbing inside me with every breath that failed to bring him to our chamber.
Something were desperately wrong, and I didn't know if it were good for me or not.
Time slid by and the sun rose higher. I knew I couldn't miss Eleanor, but I didn't dare risk Gisbourne's wrath. Finally I told Mary to wait for my husband in the chamber and tell him I were attending the queen.
With a shaking sigh, I left the chamber and made for Eleanor's. It were hard to miss; servants were swarming in lines like ants, carrying out her coffers, her furs, the things she would need in the carriage. She were in the center of it all, her hands poised on a bejeweled cane like it were a weapon.
Which, if needed, I were sure would be formidable in her hands.
Her severe face folded when she saw me, breaking into a smile. "My dear," she greeted. I saw one of her ladies cut me a glare for the endearment, but Eleanor didn't care who knew of her like of me. She came to me and hugged me, and one of the women made a sound that sounded much like I had punched her in the belly.
"My lady Eleanor," I greeted. "Can I attend you in any way?"
"Yes," she said. She gestured with her cane to a lush fur cloak, and I picked it up from the coffer, draping it carefully on her shoulders. It attached with a long string of sapphires the size of my fist. "Oh," she said. "That reminds me. I saw this piece and thought of you," she said, casting about for it.
The lady who served us wine the night before handed her what looked like folded velvet. Eleanor nodded her thanks and slowly peeled back the layers of velvet.
It were the largest moonstone I'd ever seen, surrounded by small emeralds, strung on a long silver chain. It stole my breath. "There's quite a bit more green in it than your eyes, but I think the comparison stands," she said. She lifted the chain and slid it easily over my head, and the jewel sank down to sit between my b.r.e.a.s.t.s.
I picked it up, marveling. My mouth were dry. "E-Eleanor," I stuttered.
She lifted my chin with her knuckles. "Not a word, my dear. It's quite unbecoming to challenge a gift from a queen."
Water p.r.i.c.ked at my eyes, and I nodded. "Thank you," I whispered, terrified of crying in front of her.
"You're welcome. An early Christmas gift."
I couldn't care about jewels and finery, but it were her careless generosity what squeezed round my heart. She thought of me. Something reminded her of my eyes. I flung my arms around her, not minding the pain in my hand to do it. "Stay," I said to her ear. "Please. Stay here."
"Oh," she said in my ear, and the noise sounded twisted and caught. "Oh, my girl, I wish I could. I will return. Very soon, as soon as I can. Things in London are a tense. John's going and I cannot leave him a well, unattended." She pulled back and pressed my face in her hands. "But you will be welcomed as soon as I convince you to come to London. And we will see each other soon."
I nodded, gulping fast to keep from pouring out water like a spout. "I will come to London. Soon. I fear I may need your help with something."
She smiled. "You shall have it."
She took my hand and I gripped hers in return.
"Come," she said. "Walk me to my carriage."