Rogue Angel - Footprints Part 72

Annja sat down on the ground. "You think your life is tough, Jenny? You should try seeing things from my side of the coin. I don't have any family. I don't have many close friends aside from folks like you."

"Yeah, but you've got a career in television. That's got to count for something. Lots of fans and all that."

"I don't have many fans. The coanchor on that show gets more fan mail in a day than I do all year. And it's all because she lost her top once during filming. You think I want to sacrifice my journalistic integrity for some pieces of mail? And yet that's the world we live in these days."

"You're paid well, at least."

"Sure. The money's nice. But it doesn't make all the loneliness go away when it's just me alone in my bed at night." Annja shook her head. "You think I have the life, don't you? That all of this travel is a great adventure for me."

"Isn't it?"

"No, it's not. Did you ever wonder why I spend so much of my time traipsing around the world?"

Jenny shrugged. "It's pretty obvious, isn't it? You love what you do. The quest for relics and all that stuff. It's your obsession."

"Yeah, it's my obsession." Annja sighed. "That's only part of the story, Jenny. The other part is that I am so scared of ever settling down and committing myself to one thing, one person, one ideal, that I run away from anything that even remotely looks as if it could be a solid foundation in my life. And I run right toward danger and anything else that looks as volatile as nitroglycerin."

"If that's the case, then why did that sword choose you to be its holder and caretaker?"

"Isn't it obvious? It knows I'll never stop running toward the bad guys. That there will always be a chance for me to fight and use it for the powers of good. Of course it chose me. The last thing that sword would ever want was someone with a regular job, a spouse and two kids at home. Can you imagine that? It would never get used."

"And presumably evil would triumph," Jenny said.

"That's my guess."

Jenny shrugged. "All right, so you've got a c.r.a.ppy life, too. Why don't you change it?"

"Who says I can?"

"I do."

Annja smiled. "Yeah, I wish it was that easy. It's not. The same powers that brought this sword to me will make sure that I never have a moment's rest as long as I try to avoid my destiny and that of this sword."

Jenny sighed. "I wish I could take it from you."

"Don't say that. You don't want this thing. I don't even know if I want this thing."

Jenny lowered the gun. "I don't want to hurt you, Annja."

"You don't have to hurt me. But you don't have to take those drugs, either. There's always a better way."

"Is there? I've heard people tell me that all the time. And I never seem to find it. People say to have faith and yet my faith is never rewarded. I've prayed to every deity I can think of. I've prayed to every ancestor in my family. I don't ask for much. Just a little bit. And yet, time after time, there's no help from beyond. No help from those who are supposed to have the power to help us."

"I know what you mean."

Jenny frowned. "And then every day I hear stories of people who are bad, unjust or evil who are living a great life. Criminals with more money than G.o.d. Women falling all over themselves to be with them. Even law-abiding people who are frugal, cheap b.a.s.t.a.r.ds and would never give a dime to charity. Even they have the life."

Annja nodded. She'd seen it enough times to know that Jenny spoke the truth. Her friend took a stuttering breath and then continued.

"So when does it all end, Annja? When do I get the rewards of living an honest, hard-working life? When do I wake up and see that all the struggle has been worth the pain and agony that I've endured? When?"

"Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never," Annja said.

"I'm tired of the maybes. I'm tired of saying to myself, 'tomorrow's going to be the day this all gets taken care of.' I'm tired of wis.h.i.+ng so hard that I make my head hurt. And I'm tired of the endless disappointment."

"I don't know what to tell you, Jenny." Annja shook her head. "I wish I had the power to make all your pain go away. But I don't. None of us do."

"I do now," Jenny said. "And I'm not walking away from the chance just because it's not the right thing to do in someone else's book. For me, this is the right thing to do and it's the right time to do it."

Annja looked at the ground. "I can't let you take the drugs, Jenny."

"Why not? After everything I've just told you. I poured my heart out to you. I'm dying here and you still cling to some supposedly n.o.ble ideology? How is that your decision to make?"

Annja shook her head. "I don't know. But it's a decision that has to be made and I'm the person here, right now, standing in your way."

Jenny raised the gun. "Like I said, I don't want to hurt you, Annja. But so help me, G.o.d, if you try to stop me from achieving my happiness, I will put a bullet in you. I'm not going to go back to my crummy life and try to spend the next forty years telling myself that it would have been wrong to take the drugs and give myself the life I've always wanted. No way."

Annja got up from the ground. "I can't let you do that, Jenny. You'd never forgive yourself if you did. That junk only hurts more people than it saves. The money those criminal kingpins have is taken from the suffering of others. You don't want to be any part of that."

"I do now." Jenny shrugged. "I just do not care about anyone else anymore except myself."

"In that case," Annja said. "You'll have to shoot me."

Chapter 37.

Jenny shook her head. "I don't want to do that."

"You're not taking the drugs, Jenny. So if you're determined to do that, then I'll have to stop you," Annja said.

"After everything we've been through together. You'd really try to stop me?"

"I wouldn't try. try. I would do it," Annja replied honestly. I would do it," Annja replied honestly.

Jenny shook her head. "I thought you'd understand my reasons for doing this."

"I do understand your reasons. But that doesn't mean I have to condone them. And I can't. I hope you'll understand that."

Jenny shook her head. "Actually, I can't understand why you'd stand in my way. That's equal to you telling me that I don't have the right to live my life the way I want to."

"No, that's you saying you don't care if living your life comes from the suffering of others."

"What about my my suffering? Doesn't anyone care about that? Isn't that important, as well? Or am I just going to be forgotten again like every other time?" suffering? Doesn't anyone care about that? Isn't that important, as well? Or am I just going to be forgotten again like every other time?"

Annja looked Jenny in the eye. "You're starting to annoy me with the woe-is-me stuff. You're no different from millions of other people. We all struggle in some way, shape or form to make our way through life. No one ever said it was going to be an easy thing."

"No one ever said it was going to be this difficult, either."

"Granted. But what's the choice? You're going to abandon all your morals now just because you've got the chance to take advantage of a situation that you'd normally steer clear of?"