The Stolen Heiress Part 4

_Lav._ But, Sir.

_Lar._ Sir me no Sirs, for I'm resolv'd you shall be married to Night.

_Enter a Servant._

_Serv._ Sir, here's a Gentleman to wait on you calls himself Don _Sancho_.

_Lar._ Odso, shew him up; now, you Baggage, you shall see the Pink of Learning, one that can travel thro' the whole World in an Afternoon, and sup in _Palermo_ at Night, ha!

you shall; you'll be as wise as the _Sibyls_ in a Month's Time, with such a Husband, and will bring forth a Race of Politicians that shall set the World together by the Ears, then patch it up again in the supping of a poach'd Egg.

_Enter_ Sancho _and_ Tristram.

_Lar._ Save you, Sir.

_Sanc._ You don't think me d.a.m.n'd, Sir, that you bestow that Salutation upon me?

_Lar._ By no Means, Sir, 'tis only my Way of expressing a hearty Welcome.

_Sanc._ Sir, your humble Servant: Is this your fair Daughter, Sir?

_Lar._ Yes, Sir.

_Sanc._ She's very handsome, Faith.

_Lar._ She's as Heaven made her.

_Sanc._ Then she shou'd be naked; the Taylor shou'd have no Hand in her--I suppose you know my business, shall we be married instantly?

_Lar._ Won't to-morrow serve, Sir? I wou'd first hear a little of your Proceedings in the University; came you from _Salamanca_ now, Sir?

_Sanc._ From _Salamanca_! What do you see in my Face that shou'd make you judge me such a c.o.xcomb?

_Lar._ Your Father writ me word, that his Son that was to marry my Daughter, was a Scholar, wholly given up to Books.

_Sanc._ My Father was an errant a.s.s for his Pains, I ne'er read a Book in my Life but what I was beat to, and those I forgot as soon as I left School: A Scholar! he lies in his Throat that told you so.

_Lav._ In my Conscience, Sir, you may believe him; I dare swear he never saw a Book except the Chronicle chain'd in his Father's Hall.

_Lar._ Hold your Tongue, Hussy; how now?

_Sanc._ Sir, I understand a Horse, a Hawk, or Hound, as well as any Man living; nay, I understand Men too; I know now that you are an old covetous Hunks, by the sett of your Hat now; but no Matter for that, your Daughter is the better Fortune.

_Lav._ The Fool has. .h.i.t right upon my Father, we shall have rare Sport presently.

_Sanc._ I have studied Men, Sir----I know each Man's inward Principle by his out-side Habit.

_Lav._ Does your profound Knowledge reach to Women too, Sir?

_Lar._ You will be prating----

_Sanc._ Look you, Sir, observe the Management of my Hat now----This is your bullying Gamester. [_Three Corners short Pinch._

_Lar._ What the Devil have we here! z'death this can never be Don _Sancho_'s Son?

_Lav._ This is indeed the Pink of Learning, Sir--I shall be as wise as the _Sybils_ with such a Husband; ha, ha, ha.

_Sanc._ Your Beaus wear their Hats [_Offering to put it on._] no, hold, thus, Sir; [_Clapping it under his Arm._] your conceited Wit, thus, [_Putting it on over the left Eye._] and your travell'd Wit thus [_Over the right Eye without a Pinch._] your Country 'Squire, thus, [_Putting it behind his Wig._]

_Lar._ I wonder how an a.s.s wears it, I'm sure thou art one; I am amaz'd!

this must be some Trick certainly. [_Aside._

_Lav._ What think you now, Sir, shall we get a Race of Politicians? In my Conscience this falls out as well as I could wish. Oh that I could but once see _Francisco_. [_Aside._

_Lar._ Huzzy, hold your Tongue, or----or---- [_Holds up his Cane._

This may be some of your Contrivance, for ought I know. This is a very great Blockhead; Ounds, I--I--I--have a good Mind to add one Fas.h.i.+on more to your Hat, and knock it down to your Crown.

_Sanc._ Evermore, Sir, when you see a Man wear his Hat thus, [_Pulling it down on both Sides._] he's a Projector, a Projector, Sir, or a Member of the Society of the Reformation of Manners, [_In another Tone._] What think you of this, old Gentleman? ha! is not this a greater Knowledge than ever Man attain'd to by Books? ha!

_Lar._ I admire that my old Friend, knowing my Aversion for these foolish Fopperies, shou'd breed up his Son to 'em, then write me Word he had made him a Scholar, purposely because I was a Lover of Learning; pray, Sir was you ever in _Palermo_ before?

_Sanc._ No, Sir; but I like it very well now I am in't.

_Lar._ I must be satisfied that you are Seignor _Sancho_'s Son, e'er I shall like you for mine. [_Aside._

_Sanc._ What think you of a Gla.s.s of Champaign, Sir? If you'll go to the Tavern, I'll give you a Bottle of the best the House affords; what say you, old Dad? ha! and there we will consult about our Marriage.

_Lar._ If you'll go to the Tavern that joins to the Piazza, I'll wait on you in a quarter of an Hour.

_Sanc._ Sir, I shall wait your Pleasure.

_Lar._ I took the Hint, to get rid of him, what shall I do to find the Truth of this? [_Exeunt._

_Enter a Servant._

_Serv._ Sir, a Scholar enquires for you.

_Lar._ A Scholar! admit him immediately.

_Enter_ Francisco _in_ Sancho_'s Habit_.

_Fran._ So, I watch'd _Sancho_ out, now for my Cue. [_Aside._ If you be the venerable Man to whom this goodly Mansion is impropriated; I come to negociate about authentic Business.

_Lav._ This rather shou'd be Don _Sancho_'s Son----his Words and Habit speak him most learned----I am the Person, pray let me be bold to crave your Name.

_Fran._ My Appellation, or _pro Nomen_, as the Latins term it, is call'd _Jeremie_; but my _Cognomen_, in our Mother Tongue, is call'd _Sancho_.

_Lav._ Ha! upon my Life 'tis _Francisco_; oh, for an Opportunity to speak to him: I hope to Heaven, my Father won't find out the Cheat.