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Afterthat,creepinginlittlebylittle,cametherackingconvictionthatIhadmerelysurrendered,andwasnotonlydespicablebutprobablyinsane.
Isatforawhilewithmyheadinmyhands,fearfullyexpectingthatwiththefalsepeacebrokenupandgone,backwouldcometheshatteringvertigo.
Itdidn't.TherewasonlysogreatatirednessthatwhatI'dcalledtirednessbeforewaslikeapinheadonacontinent.Thedrearyfightwasonagain;butatleastI'dsurvivedthebloodiestbattleyet.Touchedbottomandcomeback.IfeltthatafterthisIreallycouldclimbrightout,ifIwentontrying.
Alongwaytogo.b.u.t.then,I'dhaveallthetimeIneeded.
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN.
Ihadcramprightdownbothlegs.MattcameoutofthehouseandIwokeuptothefactthattheshadepatchhadmovedroundwhileIhadn't.WhenhewentintothebarnIstartedtos.h.i.+ftthenecessarytwoyardsandfoundmymusclesinknots.
Theshadewasn'tmuchcooler,butmuchbettercover.IsatinitwaitingforMatttocomeoutofthebarnandformylegstounlock.Whattheyneededwasformetogettomyfeetandstampabout:butifMattcaughtsightofanyonemovingsoclosetohimthewholeprojectwouldlieinruins.
Hefetchedwaterforthehorses,forthecalves,andforthehens.Ilookedatmywatch,andwashorriblystartledtoseeitwasnearlysix.Itcouldn'tbe,Ithought;but.i.twas.FourhourssinceIlastchecked.Fourhours.Is.h.i.+veredintheroastingair.
Mattbroughttheemptymuckbarrowaroundandintothebarn,andcameoutwithitfilled.ForthewholeafternoonI'dfallendownonthesurveillance,butlookingbackIwasfairlysurenothinghadchangedatthefarm.Certainlyatthispointthingswereastheyhadbeen:Matthadnohelpersandnovisitors,andwhenheleftforLasVegasthehorseswouldbealone.ForthatpieceofcertaintyIhadbeenpreparedtowatchallday,andapoorjobI'dmadeofit.
Mattshutthebarndoorandwentintothehouse.Halfanhourlaterhecameoutinacreamcolouredjacketanddarktrousers,atransformationfromhishabitualjeansandacheckeds.h.i.+rt.Heopenedthedoorsofth.e.s.h.edcontainingthecar.wentinside,startedup,anddroveoutacrosstheyard,roundthebendontotheroad,andawayoverthedeserttowardsKingman.
Satisfied,Ifinallygottomyfeet.Thecrampshadgone.Iploddedtiredlyofftothetwo-mile-distanthiddencar,andwishedthenightwasover,notbeginning.Ihadn'tenoughenergytolickastamp.
Matt'sdusthadsettledwhenIfollowedhimalongtheemptyroad,butwhenIgotintoKingmanhewa.s.stillthere.WithshockIsawhimstandingoutsideagarageIwaspa.s.sing,andIdrewintothekerbfiftyyardsonandlookedback.TheblacksaloonhehadhiredandhisownblueFordwerebothstandingthereintheforecourt.AnoveralledgirlattendantwasfillingtheFord'stankfromthepump,andMattwaslookingins.n.a.t.c.hesathiswatchandexhibitingimpatience.Seventwenty;andahundredmilestoLasVegas.HewouldbeafewminuteslateforhisappointmentwithWalt.
SlumpingdowninmyseatIfixedthedrivingmirrorsothatIcouldwatchhim.Hepaidthegirlforthepetrolandhoppedintohiscaroverthe.op,withoutopeningthedoor.Thenhepulledoutontotheroad,turnedinmydirection,andwentpastmewithhisfootimpressivelyontheaccelerator.Igentlyfollowedforawhileatarespectabledistance,contenttokeephimonlyjustinsight,andturnedbacktothetownoncehewasconclusivelytoppingthespeedlimitonRoute93toLasVegas.
OutsidetheunprosperouslookingMojaveMotelSamHengelman'shorsevantookupasixthoftheparkings.p.a.ce.Inside,theytoldmethathehadarrivedatfourthirtyandwasalonginRoom6,sleeping.Ilefthimtoit,becausewecouldn'tmoveanywayuntilI'dphonedWaltateight,andwentintothebusstationforsomecoffee.Itcameinaplasticcartonoutofanautomat,blackbutweak.Idrankitwithouttastingandthoughtaboutsomefood,butIwasn'treallyhungryenoughtobother,andIwastoodirtyandunshavenforanywheregood.UntilaftereightIsatonthebusstationbenchstaringintos.p.a.ce,andthenusedthebusstationtelephonetogetthroughtoWalt.
Hecameonthelinewithlittledelay.
'How'sthings?'hesaid.
'MattleftKingmanforLasVegasatseventhirty,sohewillbealittlelate.'
'LeftKingman?'Waltsoundedsurprised.
IexplainedaboutMattchangingcars.
'IsupposehisFordwasn'tquitereadywhenhegotthere.Anyway,he'scominginthat,notthehiredone.'
'Areyouallright?'Waltsaidhesitantly.
'Ofcourse.'
'Youdon'tsoundit.'
'SamHengelman'shere,'Isaid,ignoringhim.'He'sasleepalongattheMojaveMotel.We'llstarta.s.soonasIgetbackthereandwakehimup.'
'It'sallsafeatthefarm?'Heseemedanxious.
'Deserted,'Ia.s.suredhim.'Hasbeenallyesterday,alllastnight,andalltoday.NoonearoundbutMatt.Stopworrying.YoujustseeMattandputonyouract,andthenheadstraightbacktoSantaBarbara.a.s.soona.s.sam'sclearoftheareaI'llfollowyou.Seeyouforbreakfastabouttwelvehoursfromnow.'
'Right,'hesaid.'Well...keepyournoseclean.'
'Youtoo.'
'Surething.It'snotmethat'snuts.'
ThelineclickedclearbeforeIfoundananswer,anditleftmewithavaguefeelingthattherewasmoreIshouldhavesaid,thoughIdidn'tknowwhat.
IknockedonSam'sdooratthemotel,andhecamesleepilystretchingtoswitchonthelightandletmein.
'Withyouinaminute,'hesaid,reachingforhisshoesandlookingroundforhistie.
'Sam,youdon'thavetocome.'
'Eh?'
'Gobacktosleep.I'llgoandfetchthehorses.Thatwayyouwon'tbesoinvolved.'
Hesatontheedgeofthebedlookingdownatthefloor.'I'mstilldrivingthemtoLexington?'
'Unlessyouwantout.Leavethevan,andflyhome.'
'Nope.'Heshookhishead.'Abargain'sabargain.AndImayaswellcomealltheway.Thatvan'snonetooeasyinreverse...don'tknowthatyoucouldhandleit.'
Ihalfsmiledanddidn'targue.I'dwantedhimwithme,butonlywillingly,andI'dgotthat.Heknottedhistieandbrushedhishairandthentookasidelongglanceatmyownappearance,whichfellatonshortofhis.Hewasafleshymanofaboutfifty,bald,paleskinned,andunexcitable.Hisnerves,Ithought,weregoingtobeatleastequaltotheevening'srequirements.
'Let'sgo,then,'hesaidcheerfully.'Ipaidinadvance.'
Ifollowedhimacrosstothevanandclimbedupintothecab.Samstartedtheengine,toldmehe'dfilledupwithgaswhenhe'dfirstreachedKingman,androlledoutsouth-eastontheroadtothefarm.Hisbroadfacelookedperfectlycalmintheglowfromthedashboard,andhehandledhissix-stallhorseboxlikeakiddicar.Hewenteightmilesinsilence,andthenallhesaidwas,'I'dsurehatetolivethisfarfromtown,withnowheretogetabeer.'
Wepa.s.sedthethirdofthethreesideroadsandstartedonthelasttenuninhabitedmilestothefarm.ThreemilesfurtherSamgavea.n.a.larmedexclamationandbrakedfromhiscautiousthirtytoafullstop.'Whatisit?'Iasked.
'Thatgauge.'Hepointed,andIlooked.Theneedleonthetemperaturegaugewasquiveringonred.
'Havetolooksee,'hegrunted,andswitchedofftheengine.Mythoughtsashedisappearedoutofthecabwereoneenormouscurse.Ofallhopeless,dangerousplacesforhisvantobreakdown.
Hecamebackandopenedthedoormyside.Ijumpeddownbesidehimandhetookmeroundtoshowmetheexhaust.
'Look,'hesaidunnecessarily.'Water.'
Severaldropsslidout,glisteninginthelightofhistorch.
'Gasket,'hesaid,puttingintoonewordtheenormityofthedisaster,andwhathethoughtoffatefortrappingusinit.
'Nowaterintheradiator,'Isaid.
'Right.'
'Andifwegoon,theenginewillseizeup.'
'Rightagain.'
'Isupposeyoudon'tcarryanyextrawaterinthevan?'
'Wesuredo,'hesaid.'Nevertravelwithout.i.t.'
'Can'twepoursomeintheradiator...?'
'Yeah,'hesaid.'Wecan.There'stwogallons.Wecanpourinaquart,andgothreemilesmaybebeforeit'sallleakedout,andthenanotherquart,anotherthreemiles.Fourquarts,twelvemiles.Andthat'sit.'
ThirteenmilesoutfromKingman.Wecouldjustaboutgetback.Seventothefarm.Wecouldrefilltheradiatoratthefarm,butSamcouldn'tsetoutonhistwothousandmilejourneywithastolencargoinavanemptyinglikeadrydock.
'There'sanextragasket,ofcourse,'hesaid.
'Aspareone?'
'Sure.Alwayscarryafullsetofspares.Neverknowwhereyou'regoingtoneedthem.Universaljoints,bigends,carburettors,Icarrythemall.Anyonewithanysensedoesthat.'
'Well,'Isaidinrelief,'howlongwillittakeyoutofitthespare?'
Helaidtheenginebareandconsidereditinthetorchlight.
'Cylinderheadgasket.Saythreehours.'
'Threehoursl'
'Won'ttakemuchless,'hesaid.'Whatdoyouwanttodo?'
Ilookedatmywatch.Eight-fifty.Threehoursmadeelevenfifty;andifwethenwentontothefarmandpickedupthehorseswecouldn'tbebackthroughKingmanuntilone-fifteen.
MattwouldreachPittsvilleBoulevardbyninethirty,andfinishhisinsurancebusinesslongbeforeten.Ifhedrovestraighthomeagainhewouldbeonthefarmroadatmidnight.IfSamchangedthegasket,sowouldwe.
IfMattstoppedtoplaythetables,hewouldbeatleastanhourlater.Hisclotheshadsuggestedhewouldstop.Butwhetherforonehourorsix,therewasnowayoftelling.
'Changethegasket,'Isaidabruptly.'Thenwe'llsee.'
Samnoddedphilosophically.Itwaswhathewouldhavedoneinanycaseifthevanhadbrokendownanywhereelse,andwithoutmoreadohesortedoutwhathewantedandstarteduns.c.r.e.w.i.n.g.
'CanIhelp?'Isaid.
Heshookhisheadandclippedhistorchontoaconvenientspartogiveasteadyworkinglight.Thereseemedtobelittlehasteinhismanner,butalsonohesitationandagooddealofexpertise.Theheapofunpluggedpartsgrewsteadilyonasquareofcanvasathisfeet.
Iwalkedawayafewstepsandfeltforthecigarettes.Twoleft.I'dstillforgottentobuymore.Thesmokedidn'thelpmuchtowardsmakingthenextdecision:togoon,ortogoback.
I'dalreadygambledonMattstayingtoplay.IfithadbeenYola,Iwouldhavefeltsurerthat.i.twouldbeformostofthenight:butherbrothermightnothavethefever,mightonlywantashortbreakinhisboringstintwiththehorses.Howshort?Howlong?
ThedecisionIcameto,ifyoucouldcallitthat,wastowaitandseeatwhattimeSamrestartedtheengine.
Thenight,outsidethebrightpoolbythevan,wasasdarkastheonebefore.Thestarsglitteredremotely,andtheimmensityoftheAmericancontinentmarkedtheirindifferencetothehumanrace.Againstsuchsize,whatdidonemanmatter?Awalkintothedesert...
CarefullyIpinchedouttheendofmycigaretteandputthestubinmypocket.Agoodcriminal,Ithoughtwryly:I'dalwaysbeenthat.Ihadajobtodo,andevenwhenI'dfinishedit,Iwasgoingfornowalksintothedesert.IwasgoingbacktoSantaBarbara,tohavebreakfastwithWaltandEuniceandLynnie.Theprospectatthatmomentseemedtotallyunreal,sofarweretheArizonahillsfromthelushcoast,sofarhadIbeenintothewastelandinsideme.
IwentbacktoSamandaskedhowitwasgoing.Hehadthecylinderheadoffandwasremovingthecrackedgasket.
'So,so,'hesaidcalmly,'I'mbreakingtherecord.'
Ididmybestatasmile.Hegrunted,andsaidhecoulddowithacupofcoffee,andIsaidsocouldI.Wehadn'tbroughtany.
Heworkedon.Theairwa.s.stillwarmerthananEnglishsummerandhewipedsweatoffhisbaldforeheadwiththebackof.a.greasyhand.Thelightshoneonhisthickstubbyfingers,andtheclickofhisspannersechoedacrosstheemptyland.Thehandsonmywatchwentroundinslowfractions.Thegasketwaswastingthenight.AndwherewasMatt?
AftertwohoursSam'sspannerslippedonanutandhecursed.Inspiteofhiscalm,thetensionwasn'tfarfromthesurface.Hestoppedwhathewasdoing,stretchedupright,tookthreedeepbreathsandalookatthenightsky,andwaitedformetosaysomething.
'You'redoingfine,'Isaid.
Hesniffed.'What'llhappeniftheycatchushere?'
'Wewon'tgetthehorses.'
Hegrimacedatmynon-answerandwentbacktohistask.'Whathaveyoubeendoingallday?'
'Nothing.Sittingstill.'
'Youlookhalfdead,'hecommented.'Pa.s.smethosetwowashers,w.i.l.l.you?'
Igavehimthewashers.'Howmuchlonger?'
'Can'tsay.'
Istifledtheurgetotellhimtohurry.Hewasgoingasfastashecould.b.u.t.timewastickingaway,andthepostponeddecisionhadgottobemade.TurningmybackonthetuggingdesertIclimbeduptositinthecab.Eleventwenty.MattcouldbeabarequarterofanhouroutfromKingman.OrgluedtothegreenbaizeandthetrickynumbersinLasVegas.
Which?
ForalonghalfhourIlookedoutofthebackwindowswhilenohelpfultelepathicmessagesflowedthroughthem.Astraightforwardgamble,Ithought.Justdecideifthewinningswereworththerisk.
AneasierdecisionifI'dcomealone:butifI'dcomealoneIcouldn'thavemendedthegasket.
AtelevenfortySamsaidgloomilythathewashavingtofixthewaterpumpaswell.Itwa.s.sticking.
'Howlong?'
'Anothertwentyminutes.'