Losing Control Part 12

"Thorne," I said, trying not to make him any more furious than he already is. "I don't know how to explain it to you. But I can't do this! I barely managed to walk out of a bad relations.h.i.+p. I don't want to go tumbling into another one just yet."

He paused and took off his suit jacket. Why was he doing that? He never does that! Maybe it was hot? The s.h.i.+rt went over the shape of his contoured body and my eyes traveled uninvited to the minimum amount of skin showing from where he had just loosened his tie.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I was barely even aware of the question he just asked me. All I could see was the way the belt was going around his waist, how it was keeping that s.h.i.+rt inside his pants, how the fabric of his slacks sat over his hips. I was having trouble keeping my eyes above his waist. But when I looked up, I was left staring into those eyes and that's even worse. It was almost as though he had come closer to me without my having noticed.

"What?" I spluttered.

He smiled that big, gorgeous smile. That c.o.c.kiness was what made him look so incredibly attractive, but it was also what made me mad at times. I was torn between those two women who live inside me; one that wanted to tear his s.h.i.+rt off, because she wanted to see what his skin felt like, and the other who wanted me to get a hold of myself and walk out while she still had a chance.

"I asked you if you're sure you don't want to be with someone right now?" he said in that low whisper and I could do nothing but stare. We were touching, our hands and our bodies and I was still unable to resist his imposing, blue eyes with just a hint of steely gray in them. From that up close they were infinite, deep and full of sad stories he hadn't told me but that I knew lurked nearby. He pulled me in closer and his lips were over mine, searching my mouth and I forgot for that moment that anything in life existed, that anything was even possible besides this. When we finally kissed he tasted better than I ever thought he would, better than I imagined. His lips were warm and soft but they were also demanding, and when he brought his tongue into the matter, I could do nothing but respond, and we stayed like this, just kissing each other. I really didn't want to let go. Even though I knew that was the smart thing to do. But everything about this felt so f.u.c.king right, I just couldn't bring myself to end it. Finally, he ended the kiss but his fingers were going over my face.

"Still can't think of anyone you can be with?" he asked in that hoa.r.s.e-whisper voice. "Cause I can think of at least one person who would be perfect for you."

"Thorne..." I tried to get away, to get back to reality but he held me there.

"Don't please," he said. "Don't pretend you don't like this, that you don't want me just as much as I do. Why can't you let yourself go, like you did just a second ago?"

I looked at him again. I should have been getting away. But my feet were planted into the floor and I couldn't seem to move. It was more than his hold, my body refused to do my bidding. It was insane.

"I work for you," I said, finally coming up with an excuse.

"Come on Elena," he said. "Don't ruin something good because you have issues with breaking the rules."

When I said nothing, he switched his sensual act down a notch and I heard the conversational tone of the same friendly guy who saved me from an embarra.s.sing drunk situation at a bar, and took me home and talked about my ex. Who let me purge all that negativity out of my system and didn't so much as touch me with an ulterior motive while I was in that phase.

"What can I do to change your mind?" Thorne asked. "Because I can't stop being Thorne Ryker, you know? I know there's a baggage that comes with that name but can't you let that slide? Are you seriously telling me you felt nothing for me in all this time?"

The b.a.s.t.a.r.d was right.

It was his name and who he was that was biggest concern.

"One date, Elena. That's all I am asking. If it doesn't work out, I'll stop pestering you."

The idea of going out on a date with him was something out of a fairytale. Not because he was who he was, but because I had seen a side of him other people hadn't and I wanted to know if I was right.

"One date," I said.

"Really?"

"But we start small, okay?"

"How small?"

"Dinner-and-a-movie small."

"Can we go now?"

"Tomorrow night," I said, almost laughing. "I promised Penny I'd help her with something tonight."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said. "Tomorrow then. Get ready to be swept off your feet."

ELENA.

I was talking like an excited schoolgirl when I came back home and related the events of the evening to Penny. As usual she was all ears, enjoying my little escapade and the details I gave her. I also told her it was Thorne I went home with that night at the club. She was of course mad that I didn't tell her sooner, but that changed when I made her an apology-dinner made entirely of her favorite carbs. So now I could tell her everything that happens which definitely made me feel better. It wasn't fun keeping things from her.

"Why didn't you just go with him tonight?" Penny asked when I told her what Thorne had said. "It's not like I would have made you suffer, if you refused to watch a movie I've watched some thirty times already to go out with him!"

"I know that," I told her. "It's not because of you that I said no. I just needed some time to adjust."

"So, you have a waxing appointment?"

"I have a waxing appointment."

"And I'm guessing you're going to wear your best underwear?"

"I'm going to go on a liquid diet too, Penny, if that's what you're going to ask me next."

"Nope. I'm good."

I chose a bottle of pink nail color from the rack on Penny's nightstand. "So what are we watching tonight?" I asked, slipping on to the couch and getting comfortable. "And please don't say The Notebook."

"What do you have against The Notebook?" she yelled.

"I don't have anything against it," I said. "I just don't think it's something I can watch like a million times!"

"We're watching The Notebook and that's that."

"Fine," I said. "I'll watch it because...well...Ryan Gosling."

"Yeah well whatever floats your boat."

THORNE.

"How do I look?" I asked Lane as I stood in front of him.

He walked up to me and started fixing my tie. "You're really going out with her?"

"I am."

"Good for you," he said and stepped back a few steps. "I think you look great."

"Thank you," I said and turned to the breakfast island for my keys.

"You're taking the Lexus?" Lane asked. "Wouldn't you rather take Stanton?"

"I don't want her to freak her," I said. "At least if I'm driving the car, it seems more...I don't know...real?"

"Thorne you are real."

"I know but I just want this to go right. What about you?"

"I'm staying over at a friend," Lane said.

"What friend?" I asked and the skepticism must have been evident from my tone.

"Relax," Lane said. "It's not one of those friends."

"You're sure about that?"

"Yes."

"Take your meds with you."

"I will," Lane said.

"And let Stanton drive you."

"Okay."

"Call Stanton anytime you want to come back tomorrow."

"Okay!"

"Just...take care okay?"

"I will," Lane said. "Now go, you're getting late!"

I checked my watch. "I am," I said. "So...I will be off."

"See you tomorrow!"

ELENA.

"So far so good," I said, enjoying the smoky taste of the wine. "You are really making it higher up on my list of people to like."

"I'm sure you will be tempted to give me a higher spot by the time the night is over."

"You're either too c.o.c.ky," I said. "Or mad."

"Not mad, but bound more than a madman is."

I almost spilled the wine.

"Shakespeare," he said, taking the gla.s.s from my hand. He set it aside and continued talking. "Romeo and Juliet. It's your all-time favorite piece of writing, isn't it?"

"How do you know?"

He had that c.o.c.ky smile on his face again. "I just do," he said. "Besides, you're not exactly inconspicuous. Athena Arbor. That's the pen name you use, don't you?"

I was staring at him, completely blank. "You know about that?"

"I told you Elena I know things."

"I'm sure you know everything that popped up on Google."

His reaction to this was almost vengeful, as he inched closer. "I also know that you like to think you're tough but inside, you're just like any other love-lost fool, trying to find fantasy in life, where it doesn't exist. I know that you're a fool for love Elena and I know you tried to look for it in Nick Jones but you didn't find it, did you? No. Instead, he just broke your heart and made you swear off men for some reason."

I felt angry and a little annoyed, listening to him talk about me this way. "Fool," I said, and the anger must have been apparent in my voice. "I love that word. You really are wonderful company Thorne. I feel like a bigger fool now, standing here with you, than I ever have before."

I tried to walk away in order to do something about my anger but he held me there, and his grip on my arm was a little tighter than it needed to be. "It's not why I told you all this," he said. "I wanted to tell you that whatever it is you think you need to hide from me, you don't. There's nothing about you that you could say to make me go away. And as for the fool comment, you're not the only one. That's what I've been trying to say this whole time."

And that's when it all makes sense.

He wasn't just telling me about my past, he was talking about himself.

"I know nothing about you," I said. "Tell me something I don't already know."

He walked towards the sideboard and started pouring more wine. Then we both sat there, on the ma.s.sive sofa and sipped it from our gla.s.ses. "It's not a good idea to talk about past relations.h.i.+ps on the first date," he said. "That's like dating 101."

"You know we're not normal," I said. "We've already established that. Right now, it's about payback. You know my secrets, I want to know yours. Simple trade."

He smiled but this time there was a kind of sadness to it. "I was going to get married to someone I thought was the one," he said. "I thought she was perfect. She was smart and she cared about me and she sounded like she was really into me."