Circle Of Three: Making The Saint Part 8

What was so weird about it? Jane asked, knitting her brow as she tried to play a difficult chord progression shed been working on all afternoon.

I dont know, Cooper responded. I guess the way everyone just seemed to accept that the orishas were really inside those people. They didnt even question it.

But you do? asked Jane.

It just seems too easy to fake, said Cooper. Not fake, really, but too easy to convince yourself that its real. How do they know those people arent just really into it and think the orishas are riding them?

Jane shrugged. Does it make a difference? she said.

Of course it does, Cooper said defensively. What good is it if theyre all just pretending?

Jane stopped playing. Some of the stuff youve told me that you do would sound pretty weird to people who didnt understand it, she remarked.

I know, Cooper said. But Ive experienced it, and I know its real.

Do you? said Jane. How do you know you arent just convincing yourself its real?

Cooper thought about the question. Its something you feel here, she said, touching her stomach. You just know the energy is really flowing.

Maybe thats how those people feel about it, too, suggested Jane. What do you think they would think if you told them that you talked to a ghost?

Point taken, Cooper replied. I guess I would really like to believe that we were talking to actual orishas, but I have this mental block about it.

Jane nodded. I heard this rabbi once who said that people like what they believe to be hard to prove.

That way no one can convince them that its not real.

Makes sense, said Cooper. Maybe that was what made me skeptical"it seemed weird that these G.o.ds and G.o.ddesses would just show up at a party and act like real people.

But isnt that how youre supposed to think of them? asked Jane. When you do a ritual and you invite some deity into the circle, dont you feel like she or he is really there?

Sometimes I do, Cooper answered. But I dont think Im as good at it as a lot of people are.

You probably just need practice, said Jane.

Speaking of which, I havent even tried any of the exercises in that book Sophia gave me to read, said Cooper. Were supposed to talk about what weve learned so far at cla.s.s this week.

Why dont we do one of the exercises now? asked Jane. I can help you with it.

Cooper looked at her doubtfully. They were supposed to be practicing their new songs.

Come on, Jane pleaded. Ive never had a friend I could do magical stuff with. This will be fun.

Okay, Cooper said, putting down her guitar. She opened her backpack and took out the book shed been reading, The Shamans Journey . Opening the book, she turned to one of the exercises shed been looking at but hadnt yet tried.

This one is all about discovering what your totem animal is, she told Jane. Shamanism has a lot to do with entering the different spirit worlds. The shamans believe that when they enter a world sometimes theyll be met by a totem animal that will guide them. The animals represent different things and have different abilities. The exercise helps you meet your particular animal.

Sounds cool, said Jane. What do you do?

Its a guided meditation, Cooper told her. You read it and I do what you tell me.

I like that , Jane joked.

Do you mind if I stretch out on your bed? Cooper asked. Youre supposed to be lying down.

Be my guest, Jane told her.

Cooper lay down on the bed, putting her hands at her sides. Jane sat in a chair opposite her.

Just read the meditation, Cooper said.

Jane studied the page for a moment while Cooper relaxed by closing her eyes and breathing deeply.

Cooper had never done any kind of ritual work with Jane, although Jane had been studying Wicca a little bit on her own for a while. She didnt know how the two of them would work together. But this was a *

good way to find out. A meditation was a relatively easy thing to do. Plus, she trusted Jane and felt comfortable with her, and for Cooper that was always half the battle. She worked well with Annie and Kate because she knew she could trust them.

Are you ready? Jane asked.

Whenever you are, Cooper said.

Youre standing at the beginning of a path, Jane read in a clear, calm voice. Its twilight. The sky above you is fading into night, and all around you the shadows are growing. The path runs toward a hill, but you cant see exactly where it goes. You set foot on the path and begin walking.

Cooper pictured the scene as Jane described it. She saw herself in a meadow, following a path that had been mown through the tall gra.s.s. As she walked the wind rippled the gra.s.s on either side of her, and she could feel it tickling her hands as she pa.s.sed through it.

Follow the path as it winds around the hill, Jane instructed her. It winds around and around it in a spiral. As you walk you are climbing the hill, going to the top.

In her mind, Cooper climbed the hill. Janes voice led her, calling her forward. She felt her mind slipping into a tranquil state, and she knew the meditation was beginning.

When you reach the top of the hill it is night, Jane told her. The sky is clear, and there are thousands of stars above you. In front of you is a tree. Half of the tree is on fire. Its leaves burn brightly, but it is not consumed. The other half of the tree is in full leaf, green and alive. Birds nest in its branches, singing.

Cooper could see the tree just as Jane described it. It looked like a ma.s.sive oak tree, towering over her with its strong branches reaching out. It seemed impossibly huge"the biggest tree in the world. On the right side it was covered in a coat of flame, the red and yellow tongues flickering in the night. The other side was untouched, and from its many rustling leaves came a song that was sweet and filled with happiness.

Go to the tree, Jane read, and Cooper pictured herself stepping forward. Here you will see three doors in its trunk. These are the doors to the three realms. Choose one of the doors and open it.

Cooper looked and indeed saw three doors. They were all identical in shape, but the one on her left was painted blue, the middle one was painted brown, and the one on her right was painted dark green. She looked at them for a moment. Where did they lead? Were there a right one and two wrong ones? Were they all equally good? She had no idea. She knew that Jane was waiting for her answer so that she could continue.

I choose the door on the left, Cooper said.

Open the door and enter, said Jane.

Cooper went to the blue door and pulled the handle. As it swung open the other two doors disappeared into the trunk of the tree and only the blue one remained. Cooper peered inside and saw a stone staircase leading down.

You have chosen the door to the realm of the world below, Jane said. Descend the staircase.

Cooper stepped inside the tree and set her foot on the first stair. As she did the door swung shut behind her and she saw it disappear. There was nothing there but a smooth stone wall. The only place she could go was down. There were no lights, but somewhere below her a soft glow emanated, allowing her to see as she began to go down the stairs.

Like the path shed followed to the hill, the stairs spiraled down. She followed them, wondering what was awaiting her in the world below. She was surprised at how easily she was able to envision it all. Part of her"the part that heard Janes voice"was connected to the real world. But another part was very much walking down a flight of stone stairs, feeling the coolness of the rock and watching the mysterious glow grow brighter.

You reach the bottom of the stairs, Jane said. Now you are once more on a path. This one leads you through a forest.

Cooper saw the stairs end at another doorway. When she pa.s.sed through it, she found herself standing on a path. The glow she had seen came from a pale sun s.h.i.+ning above her head. How was it possible that a whole other world existed underground like that? She pushed the thought to the back of her mind as she began walking on the path. It led her through some trees and into a forest, and soon she was walking in the shadows of pine and fir trees.

Follow the path until you come to a clearing, said Jane. There you will find someone waiting for you.

Cooper walked some more, following the path as it wandered here and there, seemingly without purpose. She had the distinct feeling that she was being watched, but it didnt frighten her. She knew that no harm could come to her, and whatever watched her was part of her journey.

Suddenly the path ended and she found herself stepping into a clearing. In the center of the clearing there was a rock. And sitting on the rock was a girl. When Cooper saw her, she gasped.

Bird? she said, not believing what she was seeing.

The girl looked at her and tilted her head. h.e.l.lo, she said. Ive been waiting for you.

Cooper didnt know what to say. She hadnt seen Bird since Midsummer Eve, and seeing her now reminded Cooper of how horrible that night had been. It had been Bird whose music had called to Cooper, luring her into the woods. It had been Bird who had introduced her to Spider and the others who had then put her through the terrible ordeal of being chased through the forest, hunted like a wild pig. And it had been Bird who had ultimately helped her escape from the gang of kids who had called themselves faeries.

But that had been real. This was a meditation. Bird shouldnt have been there. But she was, and she looked just as she had that night, clothed in a thin dress, her long black hair hanging in wild tangles.

Im supposed to be looking for my totem animal, Cooper said, confused. This was her meditation.

How had Bird crept into it?

Bird jumped off the rock and ran to Cooper. I know, she said.

You know? Cooper repeated. What do you mean you know? Whats going on?

Bird smiled. I helped you then, and I will help you now, she said. Watch.

As Cooper looked on, Bird held her hands out and closed her eyes. She began to glow with a faint silver light that grew brighter and brighter. Then she seemed to shrink in on herself, her arms shortening.

The light grew so bright that Cooper had to s.h.i.+eld her eyes, and when she took her hand away she saw fluttering before her an owl with silver feathers. Its eyes were green like the forest, and it was watching her intently.

Bird? Cooper whispered.

The owl flew to the rock and alighted on it. Cooper followed. She stood in front of the rock, looking on in wonder as the bird ruffled its feathers.

The creatures of Faerie can take many forms, the owl said, its voice sounding just like Birds.

Which is your real one? Cooper asked.

The owl blinked. That doesnt matter, it said. What is important is that I am here to help you on your journey.

Cooper sighed. Suddenly her meditation wasnt as much fun as it had seemed at the beginning. Shed been all too happy to put Bird and the events of Midsummer Eve behind her. Now it seemed that they had come back. But what did it mean? Was Bird really a faerie after all? Or was Cooper simply imagining everything?

Does it matter? the owl said, looking at her intently.

What? Cooper asked.

Does it matter? the owl asked. Whether I am real or not?

Cooper looked back at the bird. Its big eyes looked like dark moons nestled among the snowy feathers.

She thought about its question. Did it matter whether or not what she saw in her meditation was real?

And what was real anyway? It was all in her head, right?

No, she said finally. I guess it doesnt matter. Is that the right answer?

There are no right answers, the owl said.

Cooper sighed. If this is my meditation, how come youre the one who gets to ask all the questions? I thought my animal totem was supposed to be helpful .

Help comes in many forms, the owl responded. Sometimes that help is in the form of a question. But yes, I am here to help you. I, too, come in many forms. You may not always recognize me. But I am there, with you, as you journey.

Cooper sighed. You guys never make it easy, do you? she asked.

The owl said nothing. It ruffled its feathers again and began to preen them with its beak. Cooper watched it for a few minutes, wondering what to do next. Where was Janes voice? Why wasnt she reading from the book?

It is time for me to go now, the owl said. But we will meet again.

It shook its wings, rising off the rock and gliding away into the forest.

Wait a minute! Cooper called after it. Now where are you going? And what am I supposed to do?

The owl ignored her, disappearing into the shadows.

Some totem animal, said Cooper, looking around. It doesnt even tell me where to go.

Cooper.

Janes voice cut through the silence of the forest.

Cooper.

Cooper jolted awake. Jane was standing over her, shaking her.

What? Cooper said, a little annoyed.

I think you were sleeping, Jane said. I couldnt get you to wake up.

You stopped talking, countered Cooper. I was waiting for you to say something.