The Jaded: Reclaim Me Part 5

Out the corner of my eye, I see Mr. Hatley walking our way. I turn to him and warn, "I wouldn't Levi. Jaxon's not in a good place right now.

He doesn't look my way. Keeping his eyes on Jaxon, he says, "I don't give a f.u.c.k what place he's in. He has no right to talk about his mother that way."

When he reaches us, he steps up to Lilly, putting himself between her and Jaxon, and in punching distance of Jaxon. He doesn't seem to care; his only goal is getting to Lilly. I watch closely, just in case Jaxon makes a move, as he pulls Lilly to him and wraps his arms around her. She buries her head in his s.h.i.+rt and cries quietly. Mia comes up beside them and rubs her hand along her back, all the while shooting laser beams out her eyes at Jaxon. Bailey comes to stand beside Jaxon and grabs onto his arm, as if she knows at any second Jaxon may lose it.

Mr. Hatley looks over Lilly's head and addresses Jaxon.

"Jaxon, I understand you want to protect your mother. I get it. Lilly is a very special woman. We're both sorry that you're just now hearing about us. We both felt it was better to wait, under the circ.u.mstances. I love her. I have for a long time. And she loves me. With that being said, if I ever hear you disrespecting your mother the way you just did, I'll kick your a.s.s."

Oh s.h.i.+t.

I brace myself for the impending attack that I know is coming. I have no doubt that if push comes to shove, Jaxon could take Mr. Hatley. However, looking over at Mr. Hatley, I also know that he will put up a good fight. He may be slimmer than Jaxon and a few inches shorter, but you can see the determination in his eyes.

When I bring my eyes back to Jaxon, he has a fierce look. His body is stiff and it looks like he's barely holding onto his anger. All of a sudden, his expression relaxes and I see a twitch to his lips. The twitch turns into a smirk. I watch in astonishment as the smirk turns into a grin.

"You'll do, Mr. Hatley," Jaxon finally says.

We all stare with shock on our faces as Jaxon releases his arm from Bailey and sticks his hand out for Mr. Hatley to shake. He eyes it for a minute before unwrapping one arm from around Lilly and takes Jaxon's offered hand.

"You take good care of my mom, Levi. You don't and there's no place you can hide from the h.e.l.l storm I'll bring down on you," Jaxon says while shaking his hand.

"You got it, Jaxon. I promise your mother is safe with me," Mr. Hatley replies. However, he doesn't stop there. "I've asked her to marry me, and she said yes.

Jaxon's eyes flicker with something that I'm not sure of before he mutters, "Figures."

We all breathe a sigh of relieve, now that the tension has lifted.

Jaxon walks up behind his mother and gently lays a hand on her back.

"Mama," he says quietly.

She turns her tear stained face in his direction and launches herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around him tightly. Jaxon brings her into his body and he bends his head to the top of her. I hear him say softly, "I'm so sorry, Mama."

She lifts her head and stares at him for a minute. She then brings her hand up to cup his face. "It's okay, sweetie. I know you just want to look out for me. I've never been happier, Jaxon. Levi has done that for me."

His gaze is soft when he replies, "I'm glad. I love you and want you to be happy. You deserve it and if he gives that to you, then you have my blessing. Besides, I think if I were to try to stop it, I would have a very p.i.s.sed off science teacher after me. I'm sure he has all kinds of chemicals and s.h.i.+t at his disposal and could come up with some pretty d.a.m.n creative ways to make my life h.e.l.l."

We all join in with Lilly when she laughs at Jaxon's joke, and the last bit of tension leaves the air.

I look over at Mia and see a soft expression on her face while she watches Jaxon and her mom. I miss those soft expressions. They are so far and in between that, each time I see one, it's like glimpsing a piece of heaven. She must feel my gaze on her because she looks up at me and for a split second, I see heat enter her eyes before it is replaced with the disgust that I know she feels for me.

I sigh and shake my head. I made a little headway in the hallway. At least she let me touch her without revulsion entering her face. After her reaction to me, now more than ever, I am determined to do whatever possible to get her to listen to me. It's only a matter of time. I know I may not win back her heart and have her forgiveness, but I hope she'll at least let go of some of the anger and pain.

Chapter Seven.

Mia Her lips...

"Out! Both of you, out!" I say to a hesitant Bailey and Jaxon.

They've just dropped off Amari and are having a hard time leaving. Gees.h.!.+ They act as if they're leaving for a month. I have Amari cradled in my arms and am shooing them both towards the door.

"We'll both be fine. You two go have fun. I don't want to hear from either of you until Sunday, you hear me?" My tone allows no argument and thankfully, they heed my warning.

At the doorway, Bailey comes to a stop and turns around. She walks up to me and coos over Amari for a few minutes until Jaxon pulls her back.

"Come on, Angel. Amari will be alright. We're going to miss our flight." He pulls her back to his chest and bends to kiss Amari on her forehead, just as I've see him do to Bailey a thousand times.

Jaxon looks up to me and says, "Take care of our baby. Call us if you need us."

"Oh ye of little faith, big brother. Now, go!"

He smirks at me and pulls Bailey through the door. Once on the outside of the door, Bailey turns around and says, "Don't forget, Amari likes to sleep on her right side. Oh, and her favorite binky is the blue one. And don't forget to add a drop of the gas medicine to her formula at night or she'll wake up with terrible stomachache."

I laugh at her non-stop ramble. "Bailey, I got it the first ten times you told me, not to mention I have a list of fifty other things you told me. Please, just go so us girls can have our girly time."

"Okay," Bailey says pouting and looking at Amari like it's the last time she'll see her. G.o.d, the woman is sad.

Closing the door to their retreating backs, I snuggle Amari a little closer to me and take in her fresh baby scent. I really can't blame Bailey for not wanting to leave. Once upon a time, when I had dreams of my own, I wanted a family for myself. I was a nave young girl innocent to all the horrible things in the world. Mac was my whole world and I knew, I just knew, that we were going to be together forever. We were going to get married and have babies and live in a cute little house with a tree house in the backyard and a swing on the front porch. That dream was crushed into tiny little pieces and each piece was scattered so far apart that there was no way they could ever be put back together.

I pull myself from my pathetic pity party and look down to Amari. She has her two beautiful multi-colored eyes on me, just staring as if I'm the most fascinating thing in the world to her right now. I kiss the tip of her nose.

"Come on, Munchkin. Let's go see what we can find for lunch."

Walking over to the portable ba.s.sinet that Jaxon and Bailey dropped off for Amari, I wheel it into the kitchen. Once I secure it right inside the kitchen doorway, I gently place her inside. Opening up the fridge, I look inside to see what I have to eat.

"Okay, so we have bacon, bacon, and more bacon. Oh wait, there's more bacon." Pus.h.i.+ng the carton of milk aside, I see a tomato and an almost limp head of lettuce.

"Looks like we'll be having a BLT then," I tell Amari as I grab the ingredients out of the fridge.

"We seriously need to go shopping girl. We need more food in this place," I say and hear a gurgle in response. I walk over to the ba.s.sinet and peek inside. Amari has her fist in her mouth, making cute little cooing sounds.

"Oh, you like that idea, huh? You're going be just like you're mama, aren't you? Dragging your aunt Mia all over town to pick out one dress." I reach inside and run my finger along her bare foot. She kicks an almighty kick, making me laugh.

Leaving Amari to suck on her fist, I walk over to the stove and pull open the bottom drawer to get out a cast iron frying pan. Setting the stove to medium, I open the bacon and plop a few pieces inside. While the bacon sizzles in the pan, I cut up the tomato and pick through the lettuce to find some still crisp pieces. Once that's done, I stick two slices of bread in the toaster. I hum a nonsensical tune while I prepare my food. The whole time I hear Amari cooing to her hearts content.

Once I've finished, I plate my BLT, grab the ba.s.sinet and carefully role it over to the island where I sit on a stool. When I look down at Amari, I see her starting to squirm a little.

"I know chicka, sucks to be you, huh? All you're stuck with is nasty milk," I tell her as I take a bite of my sandwich.

I can tell she's beginning to get agitated so I scarf down the rest of my sandwich, wash my hands and pick the poor girl up. I carry her out of the kitchen and pick up the diaper bag sitting on the floor by the couch. Pulling out a pad to use for changing diapers, I commence doing just that. I'm not by any means a pro, but I've definitely changed enough diapers to know what to do. When my cousins were younger, I would watch them while my Aunt Tricia and Uncle Hunter would go out to dinner or the movies.

Once she's changed and fresh, I prop her a little on her side and get up to wash my hands. Afterwards, I make my way back to her and pick her up. Switching on the television, I recline back on the end of the couch with her laying on my chest. I settle on watching American Pickers. A few minutes later, I glance down and notice Amari is asleep. I settle further down the couch and it's not long before I drift off as well.

I jolt awake some time later from the banging on my door. I immediately look down to make sure Amari is okay and see her curious gaze on me again. She's tucked close to my chest with her small body resting against my arm that's up against the couch. I smile down at her sweet little face that's lying on my breast. She really is a cute little baby. A small twinge hits my chest, wis.h.i.+ng I could still have this, but knowing it's not possible now. No way am I having children now. That dream was crushed long ago. The one person I wanted to share that dream with has now made it impossible for me to obtain it. I can't see myself having children with anyone else.

The knocking sounds again, reminding me of what woke me up. I carefully maneuver Amari around so she stays in the crook of my arm and slowly get up off the couch. On sock covered feet, I walk over to the door and unlock it without looking to see who it is.

That was my first mistake, and I realize it as soon as I open the door to see Mac standing on the other side looking his usual s.e.xy self. His dark hair is messy and just long enough to hang over the collar of his hunter green t-s.h.i.+rt. My eyes travel down and I see well-worn faded jeans hanging from his trim hips and a pair of tan colored Cat boots. When I bring my gaze back up to his, I see a small smirk and it p.i.s.ses me off. What the f.u.c.k is he doing here?

"What are you doing here, Sheriff?" I ask with irritation in my voice that I don't try to hide.

His eyes flare for a minute before he looks down to Amari in my arms. Once they land on her, a soft look crosses his face.

"I heard you were watching Amari this weekend for Jaxon and Bailey. I wanted to stop by and see if you needed anything."

He's lying and we both know it. I decide not to call him out on it.

"No, we're both fine. Thanks, but you can leave now." I know I'm being rude, but I just don't care. I don't owe him any kindness. I go to close the door in his face, but at the last minute, he reaches his hand out and stops me.

"Can I come in?" He asks.

"Why?" I ask suspiciously. He must know that I don't want him in my house. Mac's never been in my house and I sure as f.u.c.k don't want him in here now. Why would he even ask?

"Because I'd like to talk to you." Mac holds his hand up to stop the protest that he knows is coming. After every attempt he's made so far, he must know that I'm certainly not going to give in now. "Not about that. Well, it is, but what I have to say isn't to tell you about what happened that night." He stops talking and rakes his hand through. It's a habit that he's had since he was a teenager, and he does it when he gets agitated or feels deep emotion. Looking back at me, he continues with frustration written on his face, "For f.u.c.ks sake, Mia, can you just listen to me for once?"

This is where I make my second mistake. I know that what I'm about to do is something that I shouldn't, but I do it anyway. As much as I don't want to hear what he has to say, I know that he won't give up until he does. Not looking forward to having him in my s.p.a.ce, I take a much-needed deep breath before opening the door wide and taking a step back.

The relief I see on his face annoys me. I know it's petty and childish of me, but I don't like him getting what he wants when it comes to me.

I turn to walk back into the living room when I feel Amari squirming and whimpering. I look down at her and realize that it's time for her to eat. An idea forms in my head and I turn back to Mac.

"Here, hold Amari while I warm up her bottle."

I take a step towards him and see panic on his face. It takes everything I have not to snicker at him.

"I'm...uh...not sure..." he stutters and trails off. I almost laugh at his sad, pathetic face.

"Oh, come on, Mac. It's not like you've never held a baby before." My words have his eyes narrowing with a hard edge to them. I don't care. He's here because he wants me to listen. The least he can f.u.c.king do is help out.

I step up to him, and making sure to support her head, I bring her away from my body towards him. He automatically brings his arms up to his chest and leans towards me. Leaning closer to him to where our bodies are almost touching, I gently place Amari in his arms. My hands and arms rub up against his, and I feel a tingle start in my center. My awareness of him is becoming ridiculous. This is so not the time or place for my body to betray me.

As Mac arranges his arms to a more comfortable position, I take a step back. What I see makes my heart skip a beat. Mac has his eyes glued to Amari and the expression on his face is complete adoration for the bundle in his arms. That twinge comes back full force. This is what we were supposed to have. Mac should be holding our baby right now. My throat clogs as I watch him look lovingly at Amari.

He looks up at me and smiles tenderly.

"She's beautiful," he says and looks back down to the baby.

I don't say anything to him because my throat is so tight that I'm sure nothing would come out except for a croak. Tears sting my eyes and I have to blink to make sure none fall. The picture of Mac holding a baby is something I've imagined hundreds of times, except the images I always conjured up were of him holding our baby.

He made d.a.m.n sure that dream will never come to fruition.

Shaking my head to rid me of my depressing thoughts, I turn on my heel and head into the kitchen. Grabbing a pot out of the cabinet, I fill it with water and put it on medium on the stove. Next, I grab an already filled bottle out of the fridge, and place it in the water and wait for it to heat up. When I turn around, I see Mac standing in the doorway watching me.

"How hard was it to get Jaxon and Bailey to leave?" He asks.

I roll my eyes and lean against the counter. "I pretty much had to shove them out the door. Bailey was terrible."

He chuckles and says, "Figured. After everything they've been through and everything that Bailey's lost, I can't say that I blame her for being reluctant to leave her child."

I broach the subject that I've been meaning to talk to him about. I've put it off because there was never the right time. Of course, the right time probably never came because I've avoided Mac like the plague. However, since he's here now, I may as well get it over with.

"I haven't thanked you yet for saving Jaxon and Bailey's life," I tell him quietly.

He stares at me for a minute before replying, "No thanks necessary, Pix. The b.a.s.t.a.r.d needed putting down. No way was I going to let him hurt them anymore than what he already had."

"Yeah, well, I'm still thankful," I mutter back to him. I hate being grateful for anything that he's done, but no matter how much I may hate Mac, I will forever be grateful for what he did that day.

Turning my back to him, I pull the bottle from the hot water on the stove. I give the bottle a good shake before tipping it over to test the milk on my wrist. Deeming it warm, enough I unscrew the cap and drop in a drop of the gas medicine before replacing the lid. I walk over to Mac to get Amari back from him. After Mac carefully deposits her back into my arms, I walk into the living room and sit on the end of the couch. I grab a cloth from the diaper bag that's beside the couch for accidental burp up purposes. By this time, Amari's whimpering is getting louder. I settle her in my arms and plop the bottle in her mouth. She immediately latches on and starts to suck. It's amazing how every time a baby feeds they act like they're starving.

I feel Mac settle on the other end of the couch and I look over to him. The expression he is wearing makes my breath catch. He's watching me feed Amari with such reverence in his eyes. I see a small smile tip up the corners of his lips.

"You're a natural at this."

"Only because I used to watch Aunt Tricia's kids." I look down at Amari and wipe the dribble of milk that's sliding out the corner of her mouth.

"Why haven't you settled down and had kids of your own?" His question is so quiet that I barely hear him. But I do hear him and it sends a sharp pain straight to my heart.

When I look at him, I know he sees the hurt in my eyes from his question. There is no hiding it from him, even if I wanted to.

"Why ask me that, Mac? You know the answer." My voice is quiet.

Mac leans over and places his elbows on his knees with his head bent down. When he pulls his head back up, I see his jaw clench before he speaks again, like what he's about to say he doesn't really want to say it.

"Just because things didn't work out for us doesn't mean you shouldn't have kids, Mia. You would make a wonderful mother. I know that was a big dream of yours. Don't let what happened between us keep you from that."

I pull the bottle from Amari's mouth and prop her up on my shoulder to burp her while I come up with a way to respond to Mac's statement. He doesn't understand that what happened ten years ago changed my views on life. No longer do I want to have that family that we'd talked about so many times. I no longer want the two point five kids and the white picket fence. All my dreams were with Mac in them. When that horrible night happened, he destroyed those dreams. I could never have that now. Mac was meant to share those dreams with me. If I couldn't have them with him, then I didn't want them at all. There was no way I could ever imagine having those dreams with anyone else.

Slightly tapping Amari's back, I finally look over to him. "Those are no longer my dreams, Mac. I'm satisfied with the family I have. I no longer want a family of my own."

He frowns and looks down at his hands that are clasped together between his legs. When he looks back up, I see the hurt in his eyes from my words. I know that deep down he was hurt by what happened as well. I can't fool myself into thinking that he wasn't affected. I have no doubt that he used to love me. It just simply wasn't enough. I've often wondered why he did it, but was never brave enough to find out. I was too scared to know why. Call me a coward if you want, but it is what it is.

Trying to lighten the mood, I ask him, "How are your parents doing? Are they enjoying their retirement in Florida?"

I hear him pull in a breath before leaning back against the couch.

"Yeah. It's driving my mom crazy with dad not working though. She said he never stops, that he's constantly in the bas.e.m.e.nt building this or that. His current project is making his own charcoal. She said that if he's not in the bas.e.m.e.nt, he's in the house repairing s.h.i.+t that doesn't need repairing."

He chuckles at that. You can see the love in his eyes when he talks about his parents. The last I heard, it had been a year since their last visit. He has no other family here. He used to have an aunt and uncle that lived fairly close, but they moved to Australia when his uncle received a job offer he couldn't refuse. Both of his grandparents died when he was very young, and he has no siblings.

"You must miss them a lot."