Take A Bow Part 15

"I think we should leave the song as it is," I state, and start strumming my part. Jack takes the hint and starts playing along with me, and then we are a band. One unit, playing while Ethan sings by himself.

That's the way it should be.

It's gotten even worse.

My hands are shaking. If I can't perform in front of Ethan, then there's no way that I'm going to be able to do this on Friday.

I'm sitting at the piano in Ethan's house, putting the final touches on my new song for the showcase. Ethan's heard me sing a lot lately since we've been recording our alb.u.ms for our senior thesis.

But there's something about this new song that makes me uneasy. Probably because the entire time I wrote it, I didn't have the comfort of knowing that Sophie would be singing it. It would be me up there. And of course it ends up being the most personal thing I've ever written.

Ethan can tell I'm stalling. "All right, let's go for a walk."

We leave his apartment building and head west. The air has gotten colder and Christmas lights are decorating the street-lights and shops. Ethan doesn't say much, but as soon as we hit Columbus Circle, I know where he's taking me.

We walk up Broadway, past the turn we'd take to go to school, and a few more blocks north. We get to Sixty-fifth Street and walk past the main Juilliard building, pause in front of Alice Tully Hall, the main performance venue for the school. We walk up some stairs to Lincoln Center Plaza and sit on the edge of the fountain.

Ethan finally breaks his silence. "Have you thought at all about what happens if we both get in?"

I shrug. I honestly can't wrap my head around what will happen if I get in.

"You know, you sell yourself short. A lot. And it is beyond devastating." I look up and see him studying me. He wraps his arms around himself. "You're the most selfless person I've ever known. You drop everything to help Sophie, you don't even hesitate to encourage Carter to go after his dreams, you've been nothing but supportive of Jack, Ben, and me. But you can't ever do it for yourself."

I'm silent. I don't know what to say.

"I just wish, for even a second, that you could see yourself through my eyes. Or through anybody else's for that matter. And you know how after the whole 'Beat It' thing, everybody was so surprised? Well, I wasn't. I knew all along that you were going to do it. Granted, I don't think my mind was capable of imagining what you did do, but it was astonis.h.i.+ng. You're astonis.h.i.+ng, Emme."

I feel my cheeks burn. Ethan keeps looking at me and I can't meet his eyes. I can't. I look down and study my shoes. I know I have to say something.

"Thanks. Really, thanks, Ethan." I continue to stare out at the pedestrians crossing the plaza, anything but look at Ethan. "I just ... you have to understand that my entire life, I've been the person behind the person, you know? I've never had the desire to be in the spotlight, to have the attention on me. I've wanted to make music, that's it."

Ethan places his hand on top of mine. "Is it that you never had the desire, or were you told to stand back?"

I pull my hand away. "I should've known that it was going to end up coming back to Sophie."

He sighs. "It always does, doesn't it? It's always about her."

My patience has worn thin about everybody questioning Sophie. She's singing one of my songs for the showcase audition. I'm not giving her a kidney.

He gets up and stands right in front of me, so I have no choice but to look at him.

"It kills me that you always put yourself second to her. She's not worth it, and I wish that you would see how special you are. What terrifies me is that you're going to throw it all away for someone who isn't worth you. There are few people who are - believe me, I know I'm not. Just please, Emme, for yourself, stop drinking the Kool-Aid."

I don't say anything. I'm so tired of having to defend Sophie to everybody else in my life. Or maybe it's because I know he has a point. Although after everything Ethan has pulled, he really doesn't have the right to be judging anybody.

"It's getting late...." I get up and start to walk to the subway. Ethan follows me, but we don't say another word to each other the entire time.

Two days away from the showcase auditions. All of our studio cla.s.ses have been turned into practice sessions.

Sophie and I are in one of the piano suites, going over her song.

"It's sounding so great, Em." Sophie gives me a little squeeze.

One thing I wish Ethan, Carter, pretty much anybody would understand is that Sophie has been so nice about the mix-up of me being photographed and identified as Carter's girlfriend. Once I told her my side of the story, everything was fine. I was really expecting a ton of drama, but she believed me and hasn't brought it up since.

Now we're focused on doing the best audition we can. We go through the song a couple more times. Sophie looks satisfied after making some notes on her lyric sheet.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom and maybe get some tea." She pats her throat. "Want anything?"

I tell her I'm good, and before the door even closes, her phone, which she left on top of the piano, buzzes, and her screen comes alive with a text.

"Oh, Sophie!" I grab her phone and call after her, but she's already down the hall.

I quickly glance at the phone and freeze as I see my name is mentioned in a text from Amanda. I set the phone down. I shouldn't look.

But I can't help it.

I pick up the phone and see Amanda's text.

Tell Emme the Needy I say HI. Hang in there!

Emme the Needy?

Amanda calls me that? I can't believe that Sophie would let her....

I know I shouldn't do it. That I'm a horrible person for doing so, but I touch the screen and the entire back-and-forth from Sophie and Emme scrolls out in front of me.

Sophie: Off to see E. Ugh.

Amanda: Just a few more months and then U don't have to deal w/her.

Sophie: June can't come soon enough. Can't believe I have to spend an hour kissing up 2 her.

Amanda: NP for an awesome actress like U.

Sophie: She really thinks she can get a spot at the SS. Delusional much? Gah, she's here. Barf.

Then there's Amanda's last text. I think I'm going to be sick.

I run out of the suite and head in the direction opposite to the bathroom. I need privacy. I run past a row of the practice suites, fighting back tears.

"Hey," Tyler says to me as I rush past. I can barely even nod at him. He deserves more than that from me, but at this moment, I can hardly breathe. I turn the corner and search for an empty practice suite.

"Emme?" I hear Ethan call out my name. I turn around to see his head poking out of one of the rooms.

I burst into tears. He runs over and grabs me by the hand and leads me into the tiny solo room where he was practicing. He leans me against the closed door so n.o.body can see me.

"Is everything okay? Are you all right?" His eyes are filled with panic.

I'm sobbing so hard I can't speak. I shake my head.

"What can I do? What do you need?" He looks around the room like there is something that can help me.

But there's nothing. The realization of what everybody has been saying hits me.

I'm a fool.

I stop crying and just stare at the wall. How can Sophie say those kinds of things behind my back? Such hurtful things. Even though our relations.h.i.+p has changed, I thought we were still at least friends. Maybe not best friends, but with all the history we share, how can she look herself in the mirror after treating someone like this?

"Emme?" My silence freaks out Ethan even more.

He's wiping my tears away and then starts rubbing my shoulders. This isn't the first time he's had to comfort me while I sob uncontrollably.

Soph.o.m.ore year: Sophie invited me to go to a Broadway show, then two days beforehand canceled on me, saying she couldn't make it. Although Gossip Guru ran an article about Carter Harrison going to that play, and even though his date's arm was cut off in the picture, I recognized Emme's music charm bracelet. That's how I found out they were dating.

Junior year: I spent three weeks helping Sophie get ready for her audition for Grease. I fell behind in a few cla.s.ses since Sophie wanted to practice her routine two hours a night. I was with the guys when we ran into Sophie and Amanda celebrating Sophie's role as Frenchy. She didn't call me or text me or even tell me she got the part. Instead she went out with Amanda.

"Emme, please say something; you're scaring me," Ethan pleads.

I look at him and see how much he cares about me. Out of the thousands of students in this entire school, I'm so glad he found me.

Then it hits me.

"Ethan?"

"Yes." I don't think he's breathing.

"You're my best friend."

He lets out a little laugh. "That's why you're so upset? The realization that I'm your best friend?"

I shake my head. Then I tell him about what happened. He tries to pace back and forth, but the room's too small. So he just shakes his knee while I repeat the texts. (I don't think those words will ever be erased from my memory.) After it comes out, I sit down in his chair. Exhausted.

He kneels down beside me. "I don't have to tell you about my feelings for Sophie, but Emme, I'm truly sorry. Especially that this was the way you had to find out. You didn't deserve this. You know that, right?"

I think back on everything I've done for Sophie. I have no doubt that we were truly close friends once. That the friends.h.i.+p we had as kids was real. But then we came to CPA and things changed. I didn't want to believe it, and I held on to something that wasn't there for so long. I wanted to believe that things were still the same, but they weren't.

I kept making excuses for Sophie even though I knew she was using me. I let her do it because I was too scared. I needed to hide behind her.

But maybe this is the push I need to finally stand center stage.

"Yeah, I know."

Ethan gets back up. "Stay here. I need to go do something."

Whoever said that people don't change was full of it.

That or they never had a friend who wanted to be famous.

Where the h.e.l.l is Emme? I go to use the restroom and she disappears?

I'm waiting around for five more minutes and then I'm going to leave. I know that I'm going to nail that audition on Friday anyway.

I hear the door open. About time.

I turn around and see Ethan.

Great.

"Hey, Ethan, have you seen Emme?" I say sweetly to him. It kills me since I know he doesn't like me, but I'd die to sing one of his songs. Okay, not die, but be nice to him and that's bad enough.

He grabs my phone out of my hand.

"Excuse me?"

He smiles at me. "I'm answering your question. You want to know where Emme is, here's your answer."

He hands me back my phone and it's showing Amanda's texts.

"This is my personal property. How dare you -"

"Emme knows."

"What? You violate my privacy and have the gall to come in here and say things like Emme knows. What, has she figured out that you have some sick obsession with her?"

"She saw the texts. She knows that you are not the friend you've been pretending to be this entire time. She finally sees who you really are."

I can't believe that Ethan and Emme think they have the right to go through my stuff and then get mad at me. Are they even serious?

"How did she see the texts? You know what, it doesn't even matter. I can explain."

Ethan laughs. "This I'd love to hear." I want to punch that smug look on his face.

I try to think. This can't be happening two days before the audition. I knew that Ethan would try to find a way to sabotage my spot in the showcase.

"Amanda is very sensitive about all the time I spend with Emme...."

"Right, Amanda, who you've known for two years, thinks she should get priority over Emme, who you've known since you were eight and is the only reason why anybody wants to hear you perform. It's for her songs, but, please, do go on...."

Ethan's such a pompous jerk. He and Emme deserve each other.

"You know what? I don't owe you anything. Where's Emme?"

"She's gone."

Whatever. All I need to do is apologize to Emme and all will be forgiven.

And I need to put a pa.s.sword on my phone.