Curious Epitaphs Part 24

Alas! alas! WILL. SCRIVENOR'S dead, who by his art, Could make Death's Skeleton edible in each part.

Mourn, squeamish Stomachs, and ye curious Palates, You've lost your dainty Dishes and your Salades: Mourn for yourselves, but not for him i' th' least.

He's gone to taste of a more Heav'nly Feast.

The next was written by Capt. Morris on Edward Heardson (thirty years cook to the Beefsteak Society):--

His last _steak_ done; his fire rak'd out and dead, _Dish'd_ for the worms himself, lies _honest Ned_: _We_, then, whose b.r.e.a.s.t.s bore all his _fleshly toils_, Took all his _bastings_ and shared all his _broils_; Now, in our turn, _a mouthful carve_ and _trim_, And _dress_ at Phoebus' _fire_, one _sc.r.a.p_ for him:-- His heart which well might grace the n.o.blest grave, Was grateful, patient, modest, just and brave; And ne'er did earth's wide maw _a morsel_ gain Of _kindlier juices_ or more tender _grain_; His tongue, where duteous friends.h.i.+p humbly dwelt, Charm'd all who heard the faithful zeal he felt; Still to whatever end his _chops_ he mov'd, 'Twas all _well season'd_, _relish'd_, and approv'd; This room his heav'n!--When threat'ning Fate drew nigh The closing shade that dimm'd his ling'ring eye, His last fond hopes, betray'd by many a tear, Were--That his life's last _spark_ might glimmer here; And the last words that choak'd his parting sigh-- "Oh! at your feet, dear masters, let me die!"

In St. John's churchyard, Chester, is an inscription as follows:--

Under this stone lieth the Broken Remains of STEPHEN JONES who had his leg cut off without the Consent of Wife or Friends on the 23rd October, 1842, in which day he died. Aged 31 years.

Reader I bid you farewell. May the Lord have mercy on you in the day of trouble.

An inscription in St. Michael's churchyard, Macclesfield, ill.u.s.trates the weakness for the love of display of the poor at a funeral:--

MARY BROOMFIELD dyd 19 Novr., 1755, aged 80.

The chief concern of her life for the last twenty years was to order and provide for her funeral. Her greatest pleasure was to think and talk about it. She lived many years on a pension of ninepence a week, and yet she saved 5, which, at her own request, was laid out on her funeral.

We give as the frontispiece to this volume a picture of the Martyrs'

Monument, in Greyfriars' churchyard, Edinburgh. The graves of the martyrs are in that part of the burial-ground where criminals were interred, and an allusion is made to this fact in the inscription that follows:--

Halt, pa.s.senger, take heed what you do see, This tomb doth shew for what some men did die.

Here lies interr'd the dust of those who stood 'Gainst perjury, resisting unto blood; Adhering to the covenants and laws; Establis.h.i.+ng the same: which was the cause Their lives were sacrific'd unto the l.u.s.t Of prelatists abjur'd; though here their dust Lies mixt with murderers and other crew, Whom justice justly did to death pursue.

But as for them, no cause was to be found Worthy of death; but only they were found Constant and steadfast, zealous, witnessing For the prerogatives of Christ their King; Which truths were seal'd by famous Guthrie's head, And all along to Mr. Renwick's blood: They did endure the wrath of enemies: Reproaches, torments, deaths and injuries.

But yet they're those, who from such troubles came, And now triumph in glory with the Lamb.

From May 27th, 1661, that the most n.o.ble Marquis of Argyle was beheaded, to the 17th February, 1688, that Mr. James Renwick suffered, were one way or other murdered and destroyed for the same cause about eighteen thousand, of whom were executed at Edinburgh about an hundred of n.o.blemen, gentlemen, ministers and others, n.o.ble martyrs for JESUS CHRIST. The most of them lie here.

The above monument was first erected by James Currie, merchant, Pentland, and others, in 1706; renewed in 1771.

Rev. vi. 9.--And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of G.o.d, and for the testimony which they held.

10.--And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth?

11.--And white robes were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellow-servants also and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled.

Chap. vii. 14.--These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

Chap. ii. 10.--Be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.

The following is stated to have been added to the monument at a subsequent date, but at the present time there is not any trace of it:--

Yes, though the sceptic's tongue deride Those martyrs who for conscience died-- Though modern history blight their fame, And sneering courtiers hoot the name Of men who dared alone be free, Amidst a nation's slavery;-- Yet long for them the poet's lyre Shall wake its notes of heavenly fire; Their names shall nerve the patriot's hand Upraised to save a sinking land; And piety shall learn to burn With holier transports o'er their urn.

JAMES GRAHAME.

Peace to their mem'ry! let no impious breath Sell their fair fame, or triumph o'er their death.

Let Scotia's grateful sons their tear-drops shed, Where low they lie in honour's gory bed; Rich with the spoil their glorious deeds had won, And purchas'd freedom to a land undone-- A land which owes its glory and its worth To those whom tyrants banish'd from the earth.

For the accomplishment of this resolution, the three kingdoms lie under no small debt of grat.i.tude to the Covenanters. They suffered and bled both in fields and on scaffolds for the cause of civil and religious liberty; and shall we reap the fruit of their sufferings, their prayers and their blood, and yet treat their memory either with indifference or scorn? No! whatever minor faults may be laid to their charge, whatever trivial accusations may be brought against them, it cannot be but acknowledged that they were the men who, "singly and alone," stood forward in defence of Scotland's dearest rights, and to whom we at the present day owe everything that is valuable to us either as men or as Christians.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE PUZZLE.

_Reproduced from a picture published in 1796._]

It is an easy matter to arrange words forming a simple sentence in English to appear like Latin. This was successfully done in 1796, when a print was published under the t.i.tle of "The Puzzle." "This curious inscription is humbly dedicated," says the author, "to the penetrating geniuses of Oxford, Cambridge, Eton, and the learned Society of Antiquaries." The words have every appearance of a Latin inscription, but if the stops and capital letters or division of the words are disregarded, the epitaph may easily be read as follows:--

Beneath this stone reposeth CLAUD COSTER, tripe-seller, of Impington, as doth his consort Jane.

Ye Ende