Trespass. Part 4

'Ah,' said Audrun. 'So he told you, did he? He told you how I was treated?'

'How you were treated? No, no. Nothing in the past has anything to do with us. We're just acting as agents for the sale.'

'I'm not surprised he didn't tell you. He pretends none of it ever happened.'

'Well, I'm sorry, but we have to be on our way now. We've got another appointment, a very urgent appointment in Anduze.'

'You should ask him about the crack. Ask him. He called Raoul. And I saw what Raoul did. I'm not lying. He just jammed a bit of mortar in...'

But they weren't listening any more. The mother threw the gear lever forwards and Audrun felt the car beginning to move and she had to hop and skip with it for a pace or two, then jerk out her head and watch it accelerate away.

A week after his arrival, hoeing tiny weeds from Veronica's otherwise immaculate gravel courtyard on a warm afternoon, Anthony caught sight of his own reflection in one of her French windows and noticed how the southern sun had already taken away his London pallor and made him look more youthful.

Admiring this new self, his mind blazed suddenly with a new thought: I could could love again. After all, perhaps I could... love again. After all, perhaps I could...

Anthony straightened up and lifted his face to the sky.

Love a woman, even? Why not? He'd loved his ex-wife Caroline in a companionable sort of way. Why shouldn't he lead a comfortable but simple life with an attractive but undemanding woman, for ten or fifteen more years, and be at peace...

...or then again, this part of France was full of tanned, dark-haired boys and the thought of these, and the way they might whisper to him in French in the hot nights, was now, already, giving him a tentative but gloriously welcome erection.

He returned to his task with renewed energy, determined to root out every last weed from the courtyard. He hadn't looked forward to gardening, but now he found that the work produced in him a sweet stillness of mind, in which hope had begun to gleam again, like the sun emerging from round the edges of a cloud.

'You know you've saved me, don't you?' he said to Veronica that evening, as they sipped chilled white wine in the salon.

'What do you mean?' she said.

'London's killing me, V. It literally is. I've thought about this a lot since I've been here, and now I've made a definite decision. I'm going to sell up. I should have done it two or three years ago. I'm going to be reborn in France.'

The moment he said this, he looked for and found and enjoyed a flash of terror in Kitty Meadows's eyes. It was such an eloquent flash.

'Don't worry,' Anthony said, smiling lazily at her. 'I won't perch on your doorstep. I'm not that insensitive. I'll look further south near Uzes, probably. As long as the view's beautiful and I have enough room for a few of the beloveds. beloveds. Nothing else matters.' Nothing else matters.'

Veronica got up and crossed over to Anthony and put her arms round his neck. 'Darling,' she said, 'I think it's a wonderful idea. It's colossal and brave and brilliant! Let's drink to it! We'll help you find the perfect house.'

Kitty sat motionless in her chair. She folded her small hands in her lap.

Anthony telephoned Lloyd Palmer. He began by apologising for his drunken night at Lloyd's house.

'It's OK,' said Lloyd. 'At least you weren't sick. How's France?'

'Listen,' said Anthony, 'I've had a kind of epiphany. Too long and dull to explain, but I think I might buy a house down here.'

'A tree-house?' said Lloyd with a sn.i.g.g.e.r.

'All right, touche touche, Lloyd. But why I'm calling is, I may be asking you to put in hand the sale of some of my shares...'

'Sell shares? Is that what I just heard you say?' shares? Is that what I just heard you say?'

'Yes.'

'Are you out of your f.u.c.king tree? I couldn't bring myself to do it, old son. Have you checked the Footsie lately? I could not do it could not do it. Not even for you.'

'If I find a house, Lloyd, I need to be able to move quickly. You can't dilly around here when you buy property. You have to commit.'

'Use cash.'

'I don't have have any cash. All I have beyond the shares is debt.' any cash. All I have beyond the shares is debt.'

The d-word silenced Lloyd Palmer.

'I'm shocked,' he said at last. 'What happened?'

'Reality happened. Time happened. And selling the flat is going to take more time, so-'

'Selling the flat? I can't believe what I'm hearing in this conversation! Have you lost your marbles, Anthony?' the flat? I can't believe what I'm hearing in this conversation! Have you lost your marbles, Anthony?'

'No. It's over for me in London. You and Benita know that as well as I do. So I'm going to try to make a new start, down here, not too far from V.'

Lloyd let out a long, melancholy sigh.

In the silence that followed this sigh, Anthony said quietly: 'I'm trying to save my soul, Lloyd, or what's left of it.'

'Borrow,' snapped Lloyd. 'It's the only sensible thing you can do.'

Rain fell.

Veronica and Kitty sat on old wooden chairs in the stone arch that led to the terrace and watched it.

It was manna: the thing they longed for, month in, month out. They listened to it swis.h.i.+ng along the smart new gutters, clattering on the leaves of the Spanish mulberry tree. If the ground underneath the Spanish mulberry was soaked, then it was a good rain, more than what the people of Sainte-Agnes called deux gouttes deux gouttes. This was one of the ways they measured it.

They breathed the moisture-scented air. Imagined how, in the million upon million tiny fibres of the roots of the gra.s.s, an imperceptible swelling was already occurring and how, if only the rain would keep on and not stop suddenly from one moment to the next, their lawn would be bright green again in thirty-six hours.

The blessed rain was becoming heavy now, the sky above was the colour of slate. The water was beginning to make puddles on the uneven stone of the terrace when Anthony wandered through into the arch.

'What are are you doing?' he asked Veronica. you doing?' he asked Veronica.

'Watching the rain,' she said.

'Watching the rain,' said Kitty.

Anthony looked at the two women. They held themselves so still, appeared so moved and entranced by the falling rain, they might have been spectators at some exquisite performance of Swan Lake Swan Lake. So it seemed only right that he join them, that he fetch another chair and sit quietly behind them, as in a box at the ballet or the opera, and watch it too.

So odd, he thought as he sat down, so unpredictable, the things that become precious to us, become beloveds. beloveds. Who would have imagined that rain could be beloved by two middle-aged English women? To Africans, yes. To that parched land. Lal used to remember and evoke for him the arrival of the rains in the Cape Province and how the tracks to her grandparents' farm would become red, beautiful blood murram red, and how nameless flowers would blossom out across the empty veld. But surely Veronica had never thought about rain in this ardent way. Who would have imagined that rain could be beloved by two middle-aged English women? To Africans, yes. To that parched land. Lal used to remember and evoke for him the arrival of the rains in the Cape Province and how the tracks to her grandparents' farm would become red, beautiful blood murram red, and how nameless flowers would blossom out across the empty veld. But surely Veronica had never thought about rain in this ardent way.

'The thing is, you never know,' he said aloud. 'You just do not know.'

'What?' said Veronica.

Anthony hadn't really been aware of speaking out loud.

'Oh,' he said, 'I was just thinking that it's good, not knowing. Not knowing what's going to suddenly make you feel something.'

'Feel what?' said Kitty.

She was a spell-breaker. That was one of the many things Anthony couldn't stand about her. She was this little pedantic spell-breaker with no imagination. What a comedy that she considered herself an artist! Anthony sighed. After he'd moved down here, he'd find a new partner for his sister.

'Feel anything anything,' he said. 'Rapture, for instance. Or irritation.'

The rain kept on for three days. The mimosa blossom turned to a brown mush. The house grew cold. Anthony began to feel that England had followed him here, was trying to pinch at his sleeve, but he struggled to fight it off.

From his window, he stared at the Cevennes, folded in blue mist. Wondered if there wouldn't be something uniquely wonderful about living up there, really high, so that you could feel the ancient grandeur of things, feel closer to the stars. And get the sense that the world was once again spread out at your feet, that you were lord of your domain as he had once felt himself to be in his glory years of money and success superior in your way to everything and everyone who toiled below you in the valley.

It looked miraculously lonely among all that pine-scented mist, as though it didn't belong to man at all, but to eagles and silence. And so you would be able just to be. be. At last, you would be able to stop striving and wait for it to flood back to you: the thrill of being alive. At last, you would be able to stop striving and wait for it to flood back to you: the thrill of being alive.

Now, the estate agents' car came and went, came and went all the time to and from the Mas Lunel. The starving dogs barked in anguish. Audrun saw the would-be buyers stand in the driveway, frozen by this animal frenzy.

When she went up there, to take Aramon another pile of clean laundry, she said: 'If you want to sell the house, you'd better get rid of the dogs.'

He was fumbling with a broken flashlight, taking out batteries and putting them in again, banging the flashlight on the wooden table. 'It's not the dogs,' he said. 'They know the dogs will be gone with me. It's your bungalow.'

Audrun laid the clean was.h.i.+ng on a chair. She'd been going to put it away in the airing cupboard for Aramon, but now she didn't care to do this. She saw the flashlight suddenly flicker into life. Heard her brother give a snort of pleasure.

'Yes,' he said, s.h.i.+ning the torch beam in her face. 'They said your house was an eyesore. That was the expression they all used, an "eyesore". So I told them to buy you out. Knock your house down! There's a thought, eh? Or I could do it for them. Have them pay me for doing it.'

He doubled over with his high-pitched, wheezy laugh. Switched the flashlight off and slammed it down and reached for a cigarette. 'People with money,' he said, 'they like old houses. They're in love with stone and slate and fat pieces of timber. To them, a place like yours is worthless, just a blot on the landscape.'

Audrun turned away from him, going towards the door. She was about to walk out into the suns.h.i.+ne when she heard Aramon say: 'Shame for you that you built it so near the boundary.'

'I built where I was told I could build,' said Audrun calmly. 'To connect to the electricity supply and the water.'

'Well,' said Aramon, 'that's all very well, but you strayed over the boundary line in places. I saw you do it, pardi pardi! So I'm going to get the surveyor to come and have a look at that where you strayed onto my land. And anything that's found to be on my ground I have the right to bulldoze.'

There was no point in staying to argue with him. Words never prevailed with Aramon. As a child, only one thing had prevailed: the beatings Serge used to deal out with a belt or a bamboo cane. Now, what prevails, thought Audrun, is money. That's the only thing left.

When she got back to her door, Audrun looked all around her, at everything she could see. Although these two houses, the Mas Lunel and her own bungalow (which had no name), were only just outside La Callune, it was as if they were miles and miles from any other habitation. Apart from the road which ran behind her property, the old driveway to the mas, laid down in schist and brick rubble by Serge, the collapsing stone walls of the vine terraces and her square of vegetable garden, the rest was wild nature, meadow gra.s.s, holm oaks, beech, her chestnut wood with the pine-clad hill above and the river beyond. People thought her stupid, not right in the head, because she sometimes lost track of bits of time, but she wasn't so stupid that she couldn't see how lovely these things were and how, if you were a businessman from some ugly, teeming city, it would be these you would want to buy.

She turned and stared at her bungalow. Its rendering was a faded pink and Audrun had painted the metal windows blue, which had been Bernadette's favourite colour but which had somehow always looked wrong next to the pink. In summer, she planted scarlet geraniums in pots on the window ledges, but the pots were empty now, waterlogged by the recent heavy rains. The crazy-paving of her terrace was covered with damp leaves, bunched into odd patterns by the wind. Her stone bird-bath, where she watched sparrows and tom-t.i.ts come to drink, was green with verdigris. Her fly-curtain had fallen askew across the front door lintel. Her small Fiat car, parked near the door, was so scarred with rust that it appeared only to be waiting for the metal merchant's grab-iron to s.n.a.t.c.h it away.

The place looked abject. And Audrun thought how the prospective buyers of the Mas Lunel were right: the bungalow should never have existed. The Mas Lunel and the land around it should all have been hers. She would have sold the dogs to a hunter who would have cared for them and let them work. She would have repaired the crack in the wall. She would have kept everything clean and sanitised and alive.

But, more than anything, she would have looked after the land. Because it was the land that mattered. In recent times, in their mania to make money from their houses, thousands of Cevenol people had seemed to forget their role as caretakers of the land. Diseases came to the trees. The vine terraces crumbled. The rivers silted up. And n.o.body seemed to notice or care as if these things would cure themselves, as if nature would do man's work while he sat as Aramon sat in front of his vast TV, lasering his brain with kilowatts of meaningless light.

And what about the new people, the foreigners, who were buying up the land? They're helpless, Audrun thought. Helpless. It isn't their fault. They're affected she knew they truly were by the beauty of it. They begin by believing they can care for it all by some means. But in fact, they don't understand one single thing about the earth.

Not for the first time, certainly not for the first time, Audrun told herself that Aramon and not Bernadette should have been the one to die in 1960.

He'd be dust now. Exquisite thought: his face, his laugh, the stench of him... all would be dust.

And all the Lunel land, acquired more than a century ago by her grandparents, would be hers, and thriving and forested and green.

Audrun walked in her wood with Marianne Viala. The river at their backs was high and swift. The sun came and went between puffy white clouds.

'You need to protect yourself, Audrun,' said Marianne.

Protect herself? Surely Marianne could remember that, after Bernadette had gone, there had never been any means of doing that?

'I mean it,' said Marianne. 'You'd better see a lawyer. If any part of your bungalow is on Aramon's land, then he has a right-'

'It's not on his land. It's on my land.'

'How can you be certain?'

'We laid out the drawings. We put lines where the boundaries lay.'

'I guess it's all right, then. I guess you've got nothing to fear.'

Nothing to fear.

That was what Bernadette had said when she took Audrun to see the surgeon at the hospital in Rua.s.se. She said the surgeon would cut off the pig's tail growing out of Audrun's stomach and make a nice, normal belly b.u.t.ton, like all the other children had. And after that, she wouldn't hear the mockery any more: 'Show us your piggy tail, Audrun! Show us your hog's a.r.s.e!'

She lay in the hospital bed and she could feel the warm blood gus.h.i.+ng out of her wound and sliding down onto her thighs. She tried to call somebody, but the room she lay in was tall and echoey and her voice had no strength; she just made a little strangled noise that went up towards the ceiling, like a trapped bird.

Nothing to fear.

She was eight years old. She wondered whether this hot, gus.h.i.+ng blood was normal. It didn't feel normal. It felt like her life seeping away, the precious and only life of the daughter of Bernadette Lunel, sandwiched in between the thin covering and the hard hospital mattress. Moment by moment, she would become thinner, flatter, as all the veins and arteries inside her emptied themselves. She would become as pale as a silkworm.

She woke with her arm attached to a bag of blood and a cool hand on her forehead Bernadette's. Bernadette put her face very near to hers and said: 'It's all right now, my little girl. It's all right. I'm here now. Maman's here. Nothing to fear now.'

Audrun and Marianne walked on and when they came once again within sight of the bungalow, Marianne stopped and looked at it and said: 'I've got another idea. Get Raoul to come and put up a wall.'

'What good's a wall?'

'A high stone wall, so that whoever buys the mas won't be able to see your house and you won't be able to see them.'

'How would I be able to afford that?'

'It could be cheap cinder blocks on your side. Just faced with stone on the side they're going to see.'

'Even that. Where would I get the money?'

Marianne stopped and looked back the way they had come. 'Sell the wood,' she said.

Sell the wood?