Insurgency. Part 14

Late at night, Desert Claw arrived at the governor's mansion, wearing an Air Wing commander's uniform and carrying forged orders. "I am here to pick up the nuke," said Desert Claw, giving the duty officer the written orders.

"Why are you so late?" asked the duty officer. "That nuke should have never been stored here in the first place! It gives me the s.h.i.+vers, sitting on that thing for this long."

"I just follow orders," said Desert Claw. "I suggest you do the same."

The duty officer led Desert Claw deep into the underground tunnels of the governor's mansion to a room with three spider marine guards. They were sitting at a table playing poker. They played Texas hold 'em.

"Stand at attention when an officer enters!" ordered the duty officer. "Where is the nuke I left with you?"

The marine team leader looked at his cards. Three aces. It was the best hand of the entire night. Figures, Figures, he thought, throwing the cards down. "The nuke is safe under the table," replied the marine team leader, as he removed his feet from atop the nuke. "It is about time someone showed up to take it." he thought, throwing the cards down. "The nuke is safe under the table," replied the marine team leader, as he removed his feet from atop the nuke. "It is about time someone showed up to take it."

"a.s.sist the commander in loading the nuke into his truck," ordered the duty officer.

The three marines carefully picked up the nuke and carried it through the doorway. As they pa.s.sed the entrance, the team leader b.u.mped against the sidewall. Jarred by the impact, the team leader lost his grip on the nuke. The bomb slipped from his hands and crashed to the floor. They all stared at the team leader in disbelief.

"Do not worry," said the team leader. "The nuke is a dud."

"Let us not take unnecessary chances," suggested Desert Claw. "Be more careful, you fool!"

"It is a dud," repeated the team leader. "I was there when the human pestilence tried to bomb the Emperor. Just before the human heaved the nuke at the limousine, he repeatedly pushed this b.u.t.ton. But the b.u.t.ton does not work. See?"

To prove his point the team leader pushed the b.u.t.ton. It was a fatal mistake for all present.

Chapter 20.

An insurgent website on the database reported that Desert Claw martyred himself by exploding a nuclear bomb at the governor's mansion. The insurgents promised that Desert Claw's selfless example would inspire more martyrs in the struggle to free New Colorado from imperialist rule.

Also killed were the spider Governor of the North Territory, the Supreme Commander of the New Gobi, the Arthropodan Fleet Commander, terrorist suspect Laika Barker, Intelligentsia Investigator #4, several insurgent prisoners, and the entire mansion garrison. The Legion encampment a mile away escaped major casualties. Fortunately, the President and the Emperor had just left for New Memphis to spend the night at Queen Rainbow's parents' home.

General Kalipetsis was released. Treason charges were dropped due to lack of evidence. He was reduced in rank to captain for being negligent in his duties. Captain Kalipetsis seemed happier, saying he looked forward to field duty and the freedom of open s.p.a.ces. He also promised to out-drink his men at the grand opening of the new Angry Onion Tavern.

I lost my wager on Lieutenant Barker's life by about nine days. Now I am almost broke, and seriously considering reenlistment in the Legion. Valerie refuses to speak to me, and only sends text messages to remind me to feed Fuzzy. I miss her. I hate the silent treatment.

The cemetery I bought in New Memphis has turned out to be profitable. Business is not dead. Brain imprint memorials have not caught on yet on New Colorado because of the high expense. I suppose it takes time for new ideas and concepts to take hold. Valerie manages the accounting for my cemetery business. That and her cat Fuzzy keep her occupied.

I am now a member of the New Memphis Rotary Club and the New Memphis Chamber of Commerce. This domestic life is killing me. Tonight, for diversion, I plan to pick a fight at the Angry Onion Tavern. I'm hoping Captain Kalipetsis will be there, too.

Another company of legionnaire recruits arrived in New Gobi City for deployment. Their company commander waited outside my office to speak to me.

"What shall I do with them?" asked Major Lopez. "MDL fence patrol?"

"Send them out to search for roadside bombs," I suggested. "It will be good experience for them to know and find out first-hand that the New Gobi wants to kill them. We need to constantly fight complacency, or the troops will get soft."

"I'll let their company commander inside so you can brief her and relay the good news," said Major Lopez, opening the door to the waiting room.

"Lieutenant Smith reporting for duty, sir!" announced a blond female second lieutenant. She wore her hair in a bun under her beret cap. This new officer looked a lot like Valerie, except maybe younger, with more muscle tone.

"You are Lieutenant Valerie Smith from Virginia?" I guessed.

"Yes, sir!" said Lieutenant Smith, still standing at attention and waiting for my return salute. "I am from Arlington, Virginia. How did you know?"

"This is a joke, right?" I asked, returning her salute. I did not expect her to say yes. "This had better be a joke, because you are not Valerie. You look kind of like her, but you are not her!"

"Sir?" asked Lieutenant Smith.

"Do you have any relatives in the Marine Corps?" I asked. "Any buried at Arlington National Cemetery?"

"Lots," said Lieutenant Smith. "Is there a point to these questions?"

"Just that I think your great-great-great-grandmother wore combat boots and still looks good," I said.

"Sir, I want to prove myself in my first command," said Lieutenant Smith. "But your questions are out of line. This is s.e.xual hara.s.sment."

"I don't blame you," I said. "I don't expect you to tolerate abuse, either. Let me explain. I once visited an imprint memorial for Lieutenant Valerie Smith, USMC, at Arlington National Cemetery. I fell in love with her, kind of."

"You're the one she talked about!" said Lieutenant Smith, coming around my desk and giving me a hug and kisses. "I talked to Valerie's memorial for hours and hours. She encouraged me to join the Foreign Legion just so I could someday meet you. Valerie really thinks the world of you, even if she is still giving you the silent treatment."

"You know about that?" I asked. "If we got back together, what would that make you? Some kind of s.h.i.+rt-tail niece?"

"It could get complicated," conceded Lieutenant Smith, giving my knee a squeeze as she released me from her hug. "I have heard so much about the Angry Onion Tavern. I saw a sign about a grand opening. Will you please be my escort tonight? Be my date at the grand opening?"

"Of course, I would love to," I said. "But I'm still getting into a bar fight later."

Walt hitchhiked into New Gobi City, hoping to find familiar friendly faces. A banner across Main Street read, 'Welcome to the Grand Opening of the New Angry Onion, the biggest little biker bar on the Gobi.' Walt entered the New Angry Onion with high expectations. It was just as he had imagined. Immediately he saw Corporal John Iwo Jima Wayne sitting at the bar. The spider was easily the largest spider in the tavern.

"h.e.l.lo John," said Walt, as if he was talking to a long-lost friend. "Can I buy you a drink? You are one of my favorite characters."

"I do not know you," said Corporal Wayne, drawing his knife and pressing it under Walt's chin. Don't go away mad, just go away, human pestilence."

Walt hastily moved down to the end of the bar and ordered a drink. A yellow cat walking on the bar top rubbed against Walt's hand. "Fuzzy!" he said. "If you are here, it means Valerie is close by. Valerie! If you can hear me, I think you are so hot!"

Fuzzy knocked a beer bottle over, spilling Coors beer all over Walt's lap. "Fine," said Walt, moving on. "I can take a hint."

Walt spied Sergeant George Rambo Was.h.i.+ngton pa.s.sing by, and reached out to grab him by the arm. "George! Are your wives with you tonight? How's it hanging?"

"My wives are no longer working girls," replied Sergeant Was.h.i.+ngton, angrily. "Leave them alone!"

"You misunderstand," said Walt. "I met your wives in church, at the potluck. I love their ho-made pudding goo" He giggled at his own seemingly clever double entendre.

"Oh," said Sergeant Was.h.i.+ngton, calming down. "Has Pastor Jim been in here yet? I hate it when he checks on his flock. He sees somebody he knows, and it immediately puts him into Sunday sermon mode. Then he blabs to everyone during Sunday services."

"No, but if I see him, I'll give you a warning," promised Walt, now seeing Colonel Czerinski and Major Lopez playing poker with a group of spider officers. He staggered over to get a better look. Lieutenant Smith was seated on Czerinski's lap, hugging and kissing him.

"Colonel Czerinski, I am so glad you finally hooked up with Lieutenant Smith," said Walt. "I had hoped you would. You two make a nice couple."

"Who are you?" asked Colonel Czerinski.

"I am a world-famous science-fiction author, and your best friend. I am responsible for everything that has ever happened to you. Is Valerie's imprint here, helping you with the poker cards again?"

The spider officers threw down their cards.

"Would someone please beat this fool to death?" asked Colonel Czerinski, loudly. He glanced angrily at his cards.

Private Krueger sucker-punched Walt, knocking him to the floor. Sergeant Williams let out a rebel yell from across the room and threw a vodka bottle at the downed world-famous author. Walt got back up and hit Private Krueger with a chair. Spider biker bouncers immediately shot a web over Private Krueger and Walt, and beat them to the floor with nightsticks. Both were strung up and hung upside down from the ceiling in web coc.o.o.ns. Walt was dazed, not believing this could ever happen to him. Soon afterward, Private Camacho came over to talk to Krueger. "Guido says you promised to pay back your loan by today," said Private Camacho, checking Krueger's wallet. "Do you have it? Say yes, because I don't want to have to hurt a fellow legionnaire."

"No, but my friend does," said Private Krueger, motioning to Walt.

"How about it?" asked Private Camacho. "Do you want to pay off Krueger's marker?"

"Okay," said Walt. "How much does he owe?"

"Three thousand eight hundred forty-nine dollars and thirteen cents," said Private Camacho, as he went through the world-famous author's wallet. "But because of late payment and interest, I'm going to round this debt off to four thousand. Check that. I'm rounding it off to five thousand. Thank you for helping out a legionnaire. You're a good man and a patriot."

"Hey!" yelled Walt. "That's my life's savings! Come back! Do you think I can just print up more money anytime I want? I'm broke now!"

Two spider biker babes, attracted by the commotion, stopped to check out Private Krueger and Walt, hanging from the ceiling. One of them pointed. "That's the one. That is Walt. He is supposed to be a world-famous author of science fiction."

"He seems kind of skinny to be a world-famous author," said the other spider biker babe. "Are you sure? Looks like a pervert to me. See how his lip twitches? Don't ever trust any human pestilence who has a mustache."

"I am positive," said the first spider biker babe. "He's actually kind of cute for a hairball human pestilence."

"I think he is hot," said the other spider biker babe. "I want him. I cannot wait!"

"I saw him first," said the first biker babe, poking at Walt. "Are you really a famous science-fiction writer? I have never had a celebrity before."

"This will be my fifth book," said Walt. "Cut me down, and I'll autograph a copy for you."

"We are going to take you home with us," said the spider biker babe. "I hope you have a strong heart, because this will be the most s.e.xually-charged, terrifying night of your human pestilence life. How is your stamina, Mr. World-Famous Author? Do you feel up up to it?" to it?"

"I was born for this very moment," replied Walt, hoping bravado and blue pills would see him through his predicament. "I'm going to tear you up!"

The two spider biker babes giggled. They stopped briefly at the bartender cas.h.i.+er to pay for booze to go, propping Walt up against the bar. A familiar voice called out to him. "I heard you are short on funds," said an ATM next to the bar. "If you survive tonight, come talk to me about a loan."

"No way," said Walt. "I am not going to join the Foreign Legion for any puny enlistment bonus."

"Then what are you going to do for money?" asked the ATM. "The New Gobi Desert is tough on people with no money."

"I don't know," said Walt. "Maybe I'll ask my publisher for an advance on my next book."

"Ha!" laughed the ATM. "Lots of luck with that! h.e.l.l will freeze over first before Penumbra Publis.h.i.+ng loans you any money. At least the Legion is paying a premium enlistment bonus to qualified applicants. I think you could be officer material. I see bright things in your future. I see fun, travel, and adventure."

"Shut up, fool!" said one of the spider biker babes, kicking the ATM. "Do not be bothering my cute little honey hairball. You will just distract him. My hot little fuzz-ball needs to be focused tonight!"

The spider biker babe tucked Walt under her arm and left with her sister. The two females whispered and giggled all the way to their apartment about what they were going to do to Walt.

World-famous science-fiction author Walt surfaced about a week later. He was hospitalized briefly for dehydration and fatigue. Later, he proudly enlisted in the United States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion, and is currently posted to the DMZ, fighting insurgents.

~ABOUT THE AUTHOR~.

Walter Knight .

Walter played football on Tucson High School's last state champions.h.i.+p team (1971). He served three years in the army, and the GI Bill paid for his college education, helping him earn degrees from Fort Steilacoom Community College, Central Was.h.i.+ngton State College, and the University of Puget Sound School of Law.

Walter lives a very quiet and private life, residing with his family and horses, dogs, cats, and fish atop a hill in rural Was.h.i.+ngton. Walt enjoys taking road trips to explore ghost towns and casinos.

To find out more about Walter Knight and his books, visit his web site at www.waltknight.yolasite.com

~BOOK PREVIEW SAMPLE CHAPTER~.

BLOOD and SUNLIGHT A Maryland Vampire Story by Jamie Wa.s.serman .