Friends Or Lovers Part 36

Chapter 50.

I wish I could tell you that things worked out well, that truth and justice prevailed, that the initial love I felt for Mike lasted until the day I died. I wish I could say that most of us lived happily for most of our lives. It wasnt to happen, but as things changed, new relations.h.i.+ps were formed and moments of happiness were found amidst the problems we all faced.

I was sacked. Or, if you prefer the description on my employment record "Penny failed her probationary period because of poor job performance". It would have been easy to get bitter and start a crusade over the injustice but I did not want to become another statistic at the Equal Opportunity Commission, or a voice to be used against men and women I had come to respect. They did their best, but were as frail, prejudiced and limited as me.

If it had not been for the intervention of a gifted person, who did so only out of affection for me, I would have added to these statistics myself. I did not want to end up being one of the women who contributed to the problems that men face today, problems which after millennia of neglect are finally becoming the subject of debate. But nor did I want to become another woman who gave up her dreams of mixing work and family by finding a balance that enabled me to enjoy life outside the home. Several generations of women made it possible for me to exercise choice, some died so that I could do so, and I felt a responsibility to give back some of what they had given to me.

John returned to his wife and they continued, between his and her escapades, to make their peace with each other. For the rest of his life he enjoyed if that is the right word an open marriage. I prefer to think of them as two free spirits with the capacity to forgive each other when loneliness led them astray. John saw Sally from time to time, and certainly whenever she needed his support he made himself available. At the same time, he kept returning home from his travels to enjoy time with the family that he created, nurtured and loved.

Professionally, John remained a nomad for another decade before finally giving in to the temptation of politics. My cynicism about politicians faded dramatically as I met him over the years and learned of the endless no-win scenarios that they face. It was impossible, of course, for him ever be completely free of bias or prejudice, or the interests within which he had become embedded, but I watched as he did his best to navigate them. He never rose to the level of cabinet minister but he distinguished himself in small ways as a member of one government. You have probably never heard of him.

After serving just one term, he lost his seat and switched to writing. I have his books and read each one that comes out. He remains my dearest and most enduring friend. Once or twice, at times when we both felt sad, we got together to spend good times. Sometimes we would cuddle on the sofa. But and this is something I partly regret, but am also proud of we have not felt the need to consummate our relations.h.i.+p. It is no less special for that and we continue to protect what we have in ways that seem right to us.

I enjoyed many happy years with Mike, but he was right about my desire to have children. I gave him one or two pushes in that direction but he kept his word and stubbornly encouraged me into a new relations.h.i.+p. We parted amicably and he remains a good friend. Sally was immediately on the scene and this time Mike gave in to her. She had been through the menopause and Mike lost his excuse for resisting her. They are now married. Sally finally got her man. Nine years after his first wife had falsely accused him of sleeping with her, Mike ended up committing himself to Sally for life. When I meet them, I detect the kind of closeness that I have in my own marriage. They are one of lifes happy couples.

As for Sam and Elaine, their marriage hit the rocks about five years later. The success of their company created problems. Elaine enjoyed life as a company director and took on more directors.h.i.+ps. She got a buzz from the political battles and liked to forge change. Sam, when the success of SHARE began to fade, wanted to get back to inventing and engineering new products. She was the business brains and it was her will that prevailed in the short term. After Procter & Gamble bought them out, their marriage failed. Sam rejoined IC to engineer new products.

Dave kept his job, of course, but the events that took place following my departure cost him dearly. His wife went into a hospice where she died six-months later. Within twelve months he had been demoted. Afterwards, he had a breakdown. According to Phil, he never fully recovered. I once wrote to him to see whether he wanted to talk about the past. He declined, adding that he hoped never to see me again. It was a sad way for our relations.h.i.+p to end and despite the bitterness on his side, I think of the good times we had.

My sister Carole married Chris, and their second child Penny Ann was born one day early. In giving a 'best woman speech, I discovered my talent for public speaking. I also found myself taking a much greater interest in being an aunt. The love between Carole and Chris was elastic: it stretched and bent as life threw its worst at them. Each had a tremendous capacity to accommodate the others weaknesses and failings.

Phil and Elona had a crack at things, eventually got married and had two children. However, it did not last. When Elonas parents retired, they devoted themselves to grandparenthood. Phil felt they spent all their time interfering in his marriage and the raising of his children. He felt so superfluous that eventually he left. When Elona took out a court injunction to stop Phil seeing his children, it created a big rift between Elona and myself. Given what happened later, I found it impossible to build bridges with her again.

Phil got limited access after a lengthy court battle. It took much of the spirit out of him for many years, and when his children started blaming him for the marriage break-up, he eventually stopped seeing them altogether. It broke his heart. He writes to them each birthday and still clings onto the hope that one day he will be able to make up for lost time.

As for me, the contingency plan worked a treat. I went to work for Sam and Elaine. Phil was promoted into my position at IC and we kept in touch. Mike, with help from John, Sam and Elaine, persuaded the entire SHARE team to leave IC and become members of Sam and Elaines company. In exchange for giving up continuous employment rights, Sam and Elaine gave each member a generous shareholding in the new company. Everyone expected the SHARE product to be a success, so they took up this opportunity in large numbers.

There was a furious legal battle, of course, but Sam and Elaine had committed investors and staff. When I look back, the dispute between Elona and Mike was the catalyst that ended ICs rapid growth. In the 5 years that followed, I rode on the crest of a wave as the SHARE experience exceeded all our expectations and became the number one seller in the personal hygiene market. It gave the rampant rabbit a good run as the number one s.e.x toy, but never toppled it. Many of us became paper millionaires for a while, but arrogance and shortsightedness eroded the share price before the company was sold off.

I remain close to Elaine and we both did well out of the company sale. We formed a new business together the Social Exchange. Today, I am its managing director and we help organisations develop progressive approaches to human resource management. John works with us on some projects, but he is getting quite old now. As I learnt through reflecting on my life and writing this story, it is not only inside the home that intimate relations.h.i.+ps are of vital importance.

Each new business starts out with two people who like and trust each other well enough to give the other what they need. While banks and development agencies get fl.u.s.tered about business planning, finance, const.i.tutional matters and legal frameworks, this simple truth is not stated often enough. Trade begins when you trust someone enough to pay for the products or services they offer. That can happen without any written agreement, or company const.i.tution, and certainly does not require a written contract of employment. Through the simple act of exchanging labour for money, two people enter into their own agreement. If it works for them both, they continue it.

It is a thankless task arguing against bureaucracy, against the trend towards ever more standards of excellence, standardised codes of ethics and kitemarks, against increasing numbers of laws that seek to regulate not only our behaviour, but even the way we articulate our thoughts. In this struggle I have unsurprisingly - made little headway. But I am pleased to have influenced a few organisations so that they keep bureaucracy to a minimum and replace this with the exercise of moral judgement in the way they deal with investors, customers, employees and suppliers.

For a business to grow, there needs to be a culture in which relations.h.i.+ps are intimate and people can learn from the mistakes they make. I learned this at IC, and that is why I wanted to tell you this story. Intimate relations.h.i.+ps are the foundation of our society, and from them spring not just new human life but new economic life as well. Thankfully I have been able to make a living saying this to many people, and exploring ways to make it work in practice.

After I split from Mike, and Phil split from Elona, I started to see Phil more. Our friends.h.i.+p developed into a lasting romance. We now have two lovely children: a boy I insisted we call John. Three years later we had a girl. We called her Hope. It may not last, these things are never certain, but for now I am content. Phil and I are the closest of friends and managed to rekindle our pa.s.sion for each other after we got the kids out of our bed. As I look to the future, there is only one thing of which I am certain. There is a strength that grows from being quick to listen and slow to judge. If I can teach this to my children and grandchildren, my time on this earth will not have been wasted.

~ End.

Also by Rory Ridley-Duff.

Emotion, Seduction and Intimacy:.

Alternative Perspectives on Human Behaviour.

"Rorys work is insightful and helps to redress some of the imbalances in the feminist theory of patriarchy while simultaneously introducing the concepts of gender and intimacy to the subject of enterprise governance".

Professor Phil Johnson, Head of HRM and Organisational Behaviour, Sheffield University.

"Rory is a man who has deliberately chosen the left-hand path of progress. He does not shun the moral maze of human desires and pa.s.sions but brings greater understanding to that very facet of life the forbidden fruit that made us fall from grace and its role in our emanc.i.p.ation."

Dr Poonam Thapa.

Gender, Culture and s.e.xual Health Expert.

end.