The History of Don Quixote de la Mancha Part 25

The Advice.

Love, a strong designing foe, Careless hearts with ease deceives; Can thy breast resist his blow, Which your sloth unguarded leaves?

If you're idle, you're destroyed, All his art on you he tries; But be watchful and employed, Straight the baffled tempter flies.

Maids for modest grace admired, If they would their fortunes raise, Must in silence live retired: 'Tis their virtue speaks their praise.

The divine Tobosan fair, Dulcinea, claims me whole; Nothing can her image tear; 'Tis one substance with my soul.

Then let fortune smile or frown, Nothing shall my faith remove; Constant truth, the lover's crown, Can work miracles in love.

No sooner had Don Quixote made an end of his song, to which the duke, d.u.c.h.ess, Altisidora, and almost all the people in the castle listened all the while, than on a sudden, from an open gallery over the knight's window, they let down a rope, with at least a hundred little tinkling bells hanging about it. After that came down a great number of cats, poured out of a huge sack, all of them with smaller bells tied to their tails. The jangling of the bells, and the squalling of the cats, made such a dismal noise, that the very contrivers of the jest themselves were scared for the present, and Don Quixote was strangely surprised and quite dismayed. At the same time, as ill-luck would have it, two or three frighted cats leaped in through the bars of his chamber-window, and running up and down the room like so many evil spirits, one would have thought a whole legion of demons had been flying about the chamber. They put out the candles that stood lighted there, and endeavoured to get out. Meanwhile, the rope with the bigger bells about it was pulled up and down, and those who knew nothing of the contrivance were greatly surprised. At last, Don Quixote, recovering from his astonishment, drew his sword, and fenced and laid about him at the window, crying aloud, "Avaunt, ye wicked enchanters!

hence, infernal scoundrels! I am Don Quixote de la Mancha, and all your cursed devices cannot work their ends against me." And then, running after the cats, he began to thrust and cut at them furiously, while they strove to get out. At last they made their escape at the window--all but one of them; who, finding himself hard put to it, flew in his face, and, laying hold on his nose with his claws and teeth, put him to such pain that the knight began to cry out as loud as he could. Thereupon, the duke and the d.u.c.h.ess, imagining the cause of his outcry, ran to his a.s.sistance immediately; and having opened the door of his chamber with a master-key, found the poor knight struggling hard with the cat, that would not quit its hold. By the light of the candles which they had with them, they saw the unequal combat. The duke offered to interpose and take off the animal, but Don Quixote would not permit him. "Let n.o.body touch him," cried he; "let me alone hand to hand with this sorcerer, this necromancer; I'll make him know what it is to deal with Don Quixote de la Mancha!" But the cat, not minding his threats, growled on, and still held fast; till at length the duke got its claws unhooked, and flung him out at the window. Don Quixote's face was hideously scratched, and his nose in no very good condition. Yet nothing vexed him so much as that they had rescued out of his hands the villainous necromancer. Immediately some ointment was sent for, and Altisidora herself applied some plasters to his sores, whispering in his ear at the same time, "Cruel, hard-hearted knight,"

said she, "all these disasters are befallen thee as a just punishment for thy obdurate stubbornness and disdain. May thy squire Sancho forget to whip himself, that thy darling Dulcinea may never be delivered from her enchantment, at least so long as I, thy neglected adorer, live!" Don Quixote made no answer at all to this; only he heaved up a profound sigh, and then went to take his repose, after he had returned the duke and d.u.c.h.ess thanks, not so much for their a.s.sistance against that rascally crew of jangling enchanters--for he defied them all--but for their kindness and good intent. Then the duke and d.u.c.h.ess left him, not a little troubled at the miscarriage of their jest, which they did not think would have proved so fatal to the knight as to oblige him, as it did, to keep his chamber some days; during which time there happened to him another adventure, more pleasant than the last; which, however, cannot be now related; for the historian must return to Sancho Panza, who was very busy, and no less pleasant, in his government.

CHAPTER LXXVII.

_Which gives a further account of Sancho Panza's behaviour in his government_.

The history informs us that Sancho was conducted from the court of justice to a sumptuous palace, where, in a s.p.a.cious room, he found the cloth laid, and a magnificent entertainment prepared. As soon as he entered, the wind-music played, and four pages waited on him with water for was.h.i.+ng his hands, which he did with a great deal of gravity. The instruments ceasing, Sancho sat down at the upper end of the table; for there was no seat but there, and the cloth was only laid for one. A certain personage, who afterwards appeared to be a physician, came and stood at his elbow, with a whalebone wand in his hand. Then they took off a curious white cloth that lay over the dishes on the table, and discovered a great variety of fruit and other eatables. One that looked like a student said grace; a page put a laced cloth under Sancho's chin; and another set a dish of fruit before him. But he had hardly put one bit into his mouth before the physician touched the dish with his wand, and then it was taken away by a page in an instant. Immediately another, with meat, was put in the place; but Sancho no sooner offered to taste it than the doctor, with the wand, conjured it away as fast as the fruit. Sancho was amazed at this sudden removal, and, looking about him on the company, asked them, "Whether the dinner was only to shew off their sleight of hand." "My Lord Governor," answered the physician, "you are to eat here no otherwise than according to the use and custom of other islands where there are governors. I am a doctor of physic, my lord, and have a salary allowed me in this island for taking charge of the governor's health, and I am more careful of it than of my own, studying night and day his const.i.tution, that I may know what to prescribe when he falls sick. Now the chief thing I do is, to attend him always at his meals, to let him eat what I think convenient for him, and to prevent his eating what I imagine to be prejudicial to his health. Therefore I ordered the fruit to be taken away, because it is too cold and moist; and the other dish, because it is as much too hot, and overseasoned with spices, which are apt to increase thirst; and he that drinks much destroys and consumes the radical moisture, which is the fuel of life." "So, then," quoth Sancho, "this dish of roasted partridges here can do me no manner of harm." "Hold," said the physician, "the Lord Governor shall not eat of them while I live to prevent it." "Why so?" cried Sancho. "Because," answered the doctor, "our great master, Hippocrates, the north-star and luminary of physic, says, in one of his aphorisms, _Omnis saturatio mala, perdicis autem pessima_; that is, 'All repletion is bad, but that of partridges is worst of all.'" "If it be so," said Sancho, "let Mr. Doctor see which of all these dishes on the table will do me the most good and least harm, and let me eat of that, without having it whisked away with his wand. For, by my hopes, and the pleasures of government, as I live I am ready to die with hunger; and, not to allow me to eat my victuals (let Mr. Doctor say what he will) is the way to shorten my life, and not to lengthen it." "Very true, my lord," replied the physician; "however, I am of opinion you ought not to eat of these rabbits; nor would I have you taste that veal. Indeed, if it were neither roasted nor pickled, something might be said; but as it is, it must not be."

"Well, then," said Sancho, "what think you of that huge dish yonder that smokes so? I take it to be an olla podrida; and that being a hodge-podge of so many sorts of victuals, sure I cannot but light upon something there that will be both wholesome and pleasant." "_Absit_,"

cried the doctor, "far be such an ill thought from us; no diet in the world yields worse nutriment than those mishmashes do. Simple medicines are generally allowed to be better than compounds; for, in a composition, there may happen a mistake by the unequal proportion of the ingredients; but simples are not subject to that accident.

Therefore, what I would advise at present, as a fit diet for the governor for the preservation and support of his health, is a hundred of small wafers, and a few thin slices of marmalade, to strengthen his stomach and help digestion." Sancho hearing this, leaned back upon his chair, and, looking earnestly in the doctor's face, very seriously asked him what his name was, and where he had studied? "My lord,"

answered he, "I am called Doctor Pedro Rezio de Aguero. The name of the place where I was born is Tirteafuera, and lies between Caraquel and Almodabar del Campo, on the right hand; and I took my degree of doctor in the University of Ossuna." "Hark you," said Sancho, in a mighty chafe, "Mr. Doctor Pedro Rezio de Aguero, take yourself away!

Avoid the room this moment, or a.s.suredly I'll get me a good cudgel, and, beginning with your carca.s.s, will so belabour and rib-roast all the physic-mongers in the island, that I will not leave therein one of the tribe,--of those, I mean, that are ignorant quacks;--for as for learned and wise physicians, I will make much of them, and honour them like so many angels. Once more, Pedro Rezio, I say, get out of my presence! Avaunt! or I will take the chair I sit upon, and comb your head with it to some purpose, and let me be called to an account about it when I give up my office; I do not care, I will clear myself by saying I did the world good service, in ridding it of a bad physician, the plague of a commonwealth. Let me eat, I say, or let them take their government again; for an office that will not afford a man his victuals is not worth two horse-beans." The physician was terrified, seeing the governor in such a heat, and would at once have slunk out of the room, had not the sound of a post-horn in the street been heard that moment; whereupon the steward, immediately looking out of the window, turned back and said there was an express come from the duke, doubtless with some despatch of importance.

Presently the messenger entered, with haste and concern in his looks, and pulling a packet out of his bosom, delivered it to the governor.

Sancho gave it to the steward, and ordered him to read the direction, which was this: "To Don Sancho Panza, governor of the island of Barataria, to be delivered into his own hands, or those of his secretary." "Who is my secretary?" cried Sancho. "It is I, my lord,"

answered one that was standing by; "for I can write and read, and am a Biscayner." "That last qualification is enough to make thee set up for secretary to the emperor himself," said Sancho. "Open the letter, then, and see what it says." The new secretary did so, and having perused the despatch by himself, told the governor that it was a business that was to be told only in private. Sancho ordered every one to leave the room, except the steward and the carver, and then the secretary read what follows.

"I have received information, my Lord Don Sancho Panza, that some of our enemies intend to attack your island with great fury one of these nights: you ought, therefore, to be watchful, and stand upon your guard, that you may not be found unprovided. I have also had intelligence from faithful spies, that there are four men got into the town in disguise, to murder you; your abilities being regarded as a great obstacle to the enemy's designs. Look about you, take heed how you admit strangers to speak with you, and eat nothing sent you as a present. I will take care to send you a.s.sistance, if you stand in need of it. And in every thing I rely on your prudence. From our castle, the 16th of August, at four in the morning.

"Your friend,

"THE DUKE."

Sancho was astonished at the news, and those that were with him were no less concerned. But at last, turning to the steward, "I will tell you," said he, "what is first to be done in this case, and that with all speed. Clap that same Doctor Rezio in a dungeon; for if any body has a mind to kill me, it must be he, and that with a lingering death, the worst of deaths, hunger-starving." "However," said the carver, "I am of opinion your honour ought not to eat any of the things that stand here before you; for they were sent in by some of the convents, and it is a common saying, 'The devil lurks behind the cross.'" "Which n.o.body can deny," quoth Sancho; "and therefore let me have, for the present, but a luncheon of bread, and some four pounds of raisins; there can be no poison in that; for, in short, I cannot live without eating; and, if we must be in readiness against these battles, we had need be well victualled. Meanwhile, secretary, do you send my lord duke an answer, and tell him his order shall be fulfilled in every part. Remember me kindly to my lady, and beg of her not to forget to send one on purpose with my letter and bundle to Teresa Panza, my wife; which I shall take as a special favour, and I will be mindful to serve her to the best of my power. And, when your hand is in, you may crowd in my service to my master Don Quixote de la Mancha, that he may see I am neither forgetful nor ungrateful. The rest I leave to you; put in what you will, and do your part like a good secretary and a staunch Biscayner. Now, take away here, and bring me something to eat; and then you shall see I am able to deal with all the spies, wizards, and cut-throat dogs, that dare to meddle with me and my island."

At that time a page entering the room, "My lord," said he, "there is a countryman without desires to speak with your lords.h.i.+p about business of great consequence." "It is a strange thing," cried Sancho, "that one must be still plagued with these men of business! Is it possible they should be such sots as not to understand this is not a time for business? Do they fancy that we governors and distributors of justice are made of iron and marble, and have no need of rest and refreshment like other creatures of flesh and blood? If my government does but last, as I shrewdly guess it will not, I will get some of these men of business laid by the heels. Well, for once, let the fellow come in; but first take heed he be not one of the spies or ruffian rogues that would murder me." "As for that," said the page, "I dare say he had no hand in the plot; poor soul, he looks as if he could not help it; there is no more harm in him, seemingly, than in a piece of good bread." "There is no need to fear," said the steward, "since we are all here by you." "But, hark you," quoth Sancho, "now Doctor Rezio is gone, might not I eat something that has some substance in it, though it were but a crust and an onion?" "At night," answered the carver, "your honour shall have no cause to complain; supper shall make amends for the want of your dinner."

Now the countryman came in, and, by his looks, seemed to be a good, harmless soul. "Which is my lord governor?" quoth he. "Who but he that sits in the chair?" answered the secretary. "I humble myself to his wors.h.i.+p's presence," quoth the fellow; and with that, falling on his knees, begged to kiss his hand, which Sancho refused, but bid him rise, and tell him what he had to say. The countryman then got up: "My lord," said he, "I am a husbandman of Miguel Turra, a town some two leagues from Ciudad-Real." "Here is another Tirteafuera," quoth Sancho; "well, go on, friend, I know the place full well; it is not far from our town." "If it please you," said the countryman, "my business is this: I was married, by Heaven's mercy, in the face of our holy mother the church, and I have two boys that take their learning at the college; the youngest studies to become a bachelor, and the eldest to be a master of arts. I am a widower, because my wife is dead; she died, if it please you, or, to speak more truly, she was killed, as one may say, by a doctor. Now, sir, I must tell you,"

continued the farmer, "that that son of mine, the bachelor of arts that is to be, fell in love with a maiden of our town, Clara Perlerino by name, the daughter of Andrew Perlerino, a mighty rich farmer; and Perlerino is not the right name neither; but, because the whole generation of them is troubled with the palsy, they used to be called, from the name of that complaint, Perlaticos, but now they go by that of Perlerino; and truly it fits the young woman rarely, for she is a precious pearl for beauty, especially if you stand on her right side and view her: she looks like a flower in the fields. On the left, indeed, she does not look altogether so well; for there she wants an eye, which she lost by the small-pox, that has digged many pits somewhat deep all over her face; but those that wish her well, say that is nothing, and that those pits are so many graves to bury lovers' hearts in. I hope my lord governor will pardon me for dwelling thus on the picture, seeing it is merely out of my hearty love and affection for the girl." "Prithee, go on as long as thou wilt," said Sancho; "I am mightily taken with thy discourse; and, if I had but dined, I would not desire a better dessert." "Alas, sir, all I have said is nothing; could I set before your eyes her pretty carriage, and her shape, you would admire. But that is not to be done."

"So far so good," said Sancho; "but let us suppose you have drawn her from head to foot; what is it you would be at now? Come to the point, friend, without so many windings and turnings, and going round about the bush." "Sir," said the farmer, "I would desire your honour to do me the kindness to give me a letter of accommodation to the father of my daughter-in-law, beseeching him to be pleased to let the marriage be fulfilled, seeing we are not unlike neither in estate nor bodily concerns; for to tell you the truth, my lord governor, my son is bewitched; and having once had the ill-luck to fall into the fire, the skin of his face is shrivelled up like a piece of parchment, and his eyes are somewhat sore and full of rheum. But, when all is said, he has the temper of an angel; and were he not apt to thump and belabour himself now and then in his fits, you would take him to be a saint."

"Have you any thing else to ask, honest man?" said Sancho. "Only one thing more," quoth the farmer; "but I am somewhat afraid to speak it; yet I cannot find in my heart to let it rot within me; and, therefore, I must out with it. I would desire your wors.h.i.+p to bestow on me some three hundred or six hundred ducats towards my bachelor's portion, only to help him to begin the world and furnish him a house; for, in short, they would live by themselves, without being subject to the impertinencies of a father-in-law." "Well," said Sancho, "see if you would have any thing else; if you would, do not let fear or bashfulness be your hindrance. Out with it, man." "No, truly," quoth the farmer; and he had scarcely spoken the words when the governor, starting up, and laying hold of the chair he sat on, "You brazen-faced impudent country b.o.o.by!" cried he, "get out of my presence this moment, or I will crack your jolter-head with this chair! You vagabond, dost thou come at this time of day to ask me for six hundred ducats? Where should I have them, clod-pate? And if I had them, why should I give them thee? What care I for Miguel Turra, or all the generation of the Perlerinos? Avoid the room, I say, or I'll be as good as my word. It is not a day and a half that I have been governor, and thou wouldst have me possess six hundred ducats already!"

The steward made signs to the farmer to withdraw, and he went out accordingly hanging down his head, and to all appearance very much afraid lest the governor should make good his angry threats; for the cunning knave knew very well how to act his part. But let us leave Sancho in his angry mood; and let there be peace and quietness, while we return to Don Quixote, whom we left with his face covered over with plasters, the scratches which he had got having obliged him to no less than eight days' retirement; during which time there happened that which we promise to relate with the same punctuality and veracity with which all the particulars of this history are detailed.

CHAPTER LXXVIII.

_What happened to Don Quixote with Donna Rodriguez; as also other pa.s.sages worthy to be recorded._

Don Quixote, thus unhappily hurt, was extremely discontented and melancholy. He was some days without appearing in public; and one night, when he was thus confined to his apartment, as he lay awake reflecting on his misfortunes and Altisidora's importunities, he perceived somebody was opening his chamber-door with a key, and presently imagined that the damsel herself was coming. "No," said he, loud enough to be heard, "the greatest beauty in the universe shall never remove the dear idea of the charming fair that is engraved and stamped in the very centre of my heart, and the most secret recesses of my breast. No, thou only mistress of my soul, whether transformed into a country girl, or into one of the nymphs of the golden Tagus, that weave silk and gold in the loom; whether Merlin or Montesinos detained thee where they pleased, be where thou wilt, thou still art mine; and wherever I shall be, I must and will be thine." Just as he ended his speech, the door opened. He fixed his eyes on it, and when he expected to have seen the doleful Altisidora, he beheld a most reverend matron approaching in a white veil, so long that it covered her from head to foot. Betwixt her left-hand fingers she carried half a candle lighted, and held her right before her face to keep the blaze of the taper from her eyes, which were hidden by a huge pair of spectacles. All the way she trod very softly, and moved at a very slow pace. Don Quixote watched her motions, and observing her garb and silence, took her for some enchantress that came in that dress to practise her wicked sorceries upon him, and began to make the sign of the cross as fast as he could. The vision advanced all the while; and being got to the middle of the chamber, lifted up its eyes and saw Don Quixote thus making a thousand crosses on his breast. But if he was astonished at the sight of such a figure, she was no less affrighted at his; so that, as soon as she spied him, so lank, bepatched and m.u.f.fled up, "Bless me," cried she, "what is this!" With the sudden fright she dropped the candle, and now, being in the dark, as she was running out, the length of her dress made her stumble, and down she fell in the middle of the chamber. Don Quixote at the same time was in great anxiety. "Phantom," cried he, "or whatsoever thou art, I conjure thee to tell me who thou art, and what thou requirest of me?" The old woman, hearing herself thus conjured, judged Don Quixote's fears by her own, and therefore, with a low and doleful voice, "My Lord Don Quixote," said she, "if you are he, I am neither a phantom nor a ghost, but Donna Rodriguez, my lady d.u.c.h.ess's matron of honour, who come to you about a certain grievance of the nature of those which you use to redress." "Tell me, Donna Rodriguez," said Don Quixote, "are not you come to manage some love intrigue? If you are, take it from me, you will lose your labour: it is all in vain, thanks to the peerless beauty of my Lady Dulcinea del Toboso. In a word, madam, provided you come not on some such emba.s.sy, you may go light your candle and return, and we will talk of any thing you please." "I have come with no such purpose," said the duenna. "But stay a little, I will go light my candle, and then I will tell you my misfortunes; for it is you that sets to right every thing in the world." This said, away she went, without stopping for an answer.

Donna Rodriguez, having returned, sat down in a chair at some distance, without taking off her spectacles, or setting down the candle. After they had both remained some minutes in silence, the first that broke it was the knight. "Now, madam," said he, "you may freely unburden your heart, sure of attention to your complaints and a.s.sistance in your distress." "I believe as much," said the matron, "and promised myself no less charitable an answer from a person of so graceful and pleasing a presence. The case, then, is, n.o.ble sir, that though you see me sitting in this chair, in the middle of Arragon, in the habit of an insignificant unhappy duenna, I am of Asturias de Oviedo, and one of the best families in that province. But my hard fortune, and the neglect of my parents, brought me to Madrid, where, because they could do no better, they placed me with a court lady to be her chambermaid. And, though I say it, for all manner of plain work I was never outdone by any one in all my life. My father and mother left me at service, and returned home; and some few years after they both died, and went to heaven, I hope; for they were very good and religious Catholics. Then was I left an orphan, and wholly reduced to the sorrowful condition of such court-servants, wretched wages, and a slender allowance. About the same time the gentleman-usher fell in love with me before I dreamt of any such thing. He was somewhat stricken in years, had a fine beard, was a personable man, and, what is more, as good a gentleman as the king; for he was of the mountains.

We did not carry matters so close but it came to my lady's ear; and so, without more ado, she caused us to be married in the face of our holy mother the Catholic church, from which marriage sprung a daughter, who made an end of my good fortune, if I had any. When she came to be sixteen years of age, who should happen to fall in love with her but a rich farmer's son, that lives in one of my lord duke's villages not far off; he courted her, gained her consent, and was under promise of marriage to her; but he now refuses to make his word good. The duke is no stranger to the business, for I have made complaint to him about it many and many times, and begged of him to enjoin the young man to wed my daughter; but he turns his deaf ear to me, and cannot endure I should speak to him of it, because the young knave's father is rich, and lends the duke money, and is bound for him upon all occasions, so that he would by no means disoblige him.

"Therefore, sir, I apply myself to your wors.h.i.+p, and beseech you to see my daughter righted, either by entreaties or by force, seeing every body says you were sent into the world to redress grievances and a.s.sist those in adversity. Be pleased to cast an eye of pity on my daughter's orphan state, her beauty, her youth, and all her other good parts; for, on my conscience, of all the damsels my lady has, there is not one can come up to her by a mile; no, not she that is cried up as the finest of them all, whom they call Altisidora: I am sure she is not to be named the same day; for, let me tell you, sir, all is not gold that glisters. This same Altisidora, after all, is a hoity-toity, that has more vanity than beauty, and less modesty than confidence."

Scarce had this pa.s.sed, when the chamber-door flew open, which so startled Donna Rodriguez, that she let fall her candle, and the room remained as dark as a wolf's mouth, as the saying is; and presently the poor duenna felt somebody hold her by the throat, and squeeze it so hard, that it was not in her power to cry out; and another beat her so unmercifully that it would have moved any one but those that did it to pity. Don Quixote was not without compa.s.sion, yet he lay silent, not knowing what the meaning of this bustle might be, and fearing lest the tempest that poured on the poor matron might also light upon himself; and not without reason; for indeed, after the mute executioners had well beat the old gentlewoman (who durst not cry out), they came to Don Quixote, and pinched him so hard and so long, that in his own defence he could not forbear laying about him with his fists as well as he could, till at last, after the scuffle had lasted about half an hour, the invisible phantoms vanished. Donna Rodriguez, lamenting her hard fortune, left the room without speaking a word to the knight. As for him, he remained where he was, sadly pinched and tired, and very moody and thoughtful, not knowing who this wicked enchanter could be that had used him in that manner. But now let us leave him, and return to Sancho Panza, who calls upon us, as the order of our history requires.

CHAPTER LXXIX.

_What happened to Sancho Panza as he went the rounds in his island._

We left our mighty governor much out of humour with that saucy knave of a countryman, who, according to the instructions he had received from the steward, and the steward from the duke, had bantered his wors.h.i.+p with his impertinence. Yet, as much a dunce and fool as he was, he made his party good against them all. At last, addressing himself to those about him, among whom was Dr. Pedro Rezio, who had ventured into the room again: "Now," said he, "do I find in good earnest that judges and governors must be made of bra.s.s, that they may be proof against the importunities of those that pretend business; who, at all hours and at all seasons, would be heard and despatched, without any regard to any body but themselves. Now if a poor judge does not hear and despatch them presently, either because he is otherwise busy and cannot, or because they do not come at a proper season, then do they grumble, and give him their blessing backwards, rake up the ashes of his forefathers, and would gnaw his very bones.

But with your leave, good Mr. Busybody, with all your business, you are too hasty; pray have a little patience, and wait a fit time to make your application. Do not come at dinner-time, or when a man is going to sleep; for we judges are flesh and blood, and must allow nature what she naturally requires; unless it be poor I, who am not to allow mine any food; thanks to my friend Mr. Dr. Pedro Rezio Tirteafuera, here present, who is for starving me to death, and then vows it is for the preservation of my life."

All that knew Sancho wondered to hear him talk so sensibly, and began to think that offices and places of trust inspired some men with understanding, as they stupified and confounded others. However, Dr.

Pedro promised him he should sup that night, though he trespa.s.sed against all the rules of Hippocrates. This pacified the governor, and made him wait with a mighty impatience for the evening. To his thinking, the hour was so long coming that he fancied time stood still; but yet at last the wished-for moment came, and they served him up some minced beef with onions, and some calves-feet, somewhat stale.

The hungry governor presently fell to with more eagerness and appet.i.te than if they had given him Roman pheasants or Lavajos geese. And after he had pretty well taken off the sharp edge of his stomach, turning to the physician, "Look you," quoth he, "Mr. Doctor, hereafter never trouble yourself to get me dainties or t.i.t-bits to humour my stomach; that would but take it quite off the hinges, by reason it has been used to nothing but good beef, bacon, pork, goats-flesh, turnips, and onions; and if you ply me with your kick-shaws, your nice courtiers'

fare, it will but make my stomach squeamish and untoward, and I should perfectly loathe them one time or another. However, I shall not take it amiss, if Master Sewer will now and then get me one of those olla podridas (and the stronger they are the better), where all sorts of good things are stewed, and, as it were, lost in one another; and I shall remember him, and make him amends one of these days. But let n.o.body put tricks upon travellers, and make a fool of me; for either we are or we are not. Let us be merry and wise; when G.o.d sends his light, he sends it to all. I will govern this island fair and square, without underhand dealings or taking of bribes; but take notice, I will not bate an inch of my right; and therefore let every one carry an even hand, and mind their hits, or else I would have them to know there are rods in pickle for them. They that urge me too far shall rue for it: make yourself honey, and the flies will eat you." "Indeed, my lord governor," said the steward, "your lords.h.i.+p is much in the right in all you have said; and I dare engage for the inhabitants of this island, that they will obey and observe your commands with diligence, love, and punctuality; for your gentle way of governing, in the beginning of your administration, does not give them the least opportunity to act or to design any thing to your lords.h.i.+p's disadvantage." "I believe as much," answered Sancho, "and they would be silly wretches, should they offer to do or think otherwise. Let me tell you too, it is my pleasure you take care of me and my Dapple, that we may both have our food as we ought, which is the most material business. Next let us think of going the rounds, when it is time for me to do so; for I intend to clear this island of all filth and rubbish, of all rogues and vagrants, idle fellows, and st.u.r.dy beggars.

For I would have you to know, my good friends, that your slothful, lazy, lewd people in a commonwealth, are like drones in a bee-hive, that waste and devour the honey which the labouring bees gather. I design to encourage the husbandmen, preserve the privileges of the gentry, reward virtuous persons; and, above all things, reverence religion, and have regard to the honour of religious men. What think you of this, my good friends? Do I talk to the purpose, or do I talk idly?" "You speak so well, my lord governor," answered the steward, "that I stand in admiration to hear you utter so many notable things, and in every word a sentence; far from what they who have sent you hither, and they who are here present, ever expected from your understanding. But every day produces some new wonder; jests are turned into earnest, and those who designed to laugh at others happen to be laughed at themselves."

It being now night, and the governor having supped, he prepared to walk the rounds; and set forward, attended by the steward, the secretary, the gentleman-waiter, the historiographer (who was to register his acts), several sergeants, and other limbs of the law; so many in number that they made a little battalion, in the middle of which the great Sancho marched with his rod of justice in his hand, in a notable manner. They had not walked far before they heard the clas.h.i.+ng of swords, which made them hasten to the place whence the noise came. Being come thither, they found only two men fighting, who gave over on perceiving the officers. "What," cried one of them at the same time, "do they suffer folks to be robbed in the town, in defiance of Heaven and the king; do they let men be stripped in the middle of the street?" "Hold, honest man," said Sancho; "have a little patience, and let me know the occasion of this fray, for I am the governor." "My lord," said the other party, "I will tell you in a few words. Your lords.h.i.+p must know that this gentleman, just now, at a gaming-ordinary over the way, won above a thousand reals; I stood by all the while, and gave judgment for him in more than one doubtful cast, though I could not well tell how to do it in conscience. He carried off his winnings; and when I expected he would have given me a crown gratuity, up he got, and went away without giving me any thing.

I ran after him, not very well pleased with his proceeding, yet very civilly desired him to consider I was his friend; that he knew me to be a gentleman, though fallen to decay, that had nothing to live upon, my friends having brought me up to no employment; and therefore I entreated him to be so kind as to give me eight reals; but the stingy soul would give me but four sneaking reals. And now, my lord, you may see how little shame and conscience there is in him. But had not your lords.h.i.+p come just in the nick, I would have made him disgorge his winnings, and taught him the difference between a rook and a jackdaw."

"What say you to this?" cried Sancho to the other. The other made answer, "That he could not deny what his antagonist had said, that he would give him but four reals, because he had given him money several times before; and they who expect benevolence should be mannerly, and be thankful for what is given them, without haggling with those that have won, unless they know them to be common cheats, and the money not won fairly; and that to shew he was a fair gamester, and no sharper, as the other said, there needed no better proof than his refusal to give him any thing, since the sharpers are always in fee with these bully-rocks, who know them, and wink at their cheats." "That is true,"

said the steward. "Now what would your lords.h.i.+p have us to do with these men?" "I will tell you," said Sancho: "first, you that are the winner, whether by fair play or by foul, give your bully-back here a hundred reals immediately, and thirty more for the poor prisoners; and you that have nothing to live on, and were brought up to no employment, and go sharping up and down from place to place, pray take your hundred reals, and be sure by to-morrow to go out of this island, and not to set foot in it again these ten years and a day, unless you have a mind to make an end of your banishment in another world; for if I find you here, I will make you swing on a gibbet, with the help of the hangman. Away, and let no body offer to reply, or I will lay him by the heels." Thereupon the one disbursed, and the other received; the first went home, and the last went out of the island; and then the governor, going on, "Either I shall want of my will," said he, "or I will put down these disorderly gaming-houses; for I have a fancy they are highly prejudicial." One of the officers now came holding a youth, and having brought him before the governor, "If it please your wors.h.i.+p," said he, "this young man was coming towards us, but as soon as he perceived it was the rounds, he sheered off, and set a-running as fast as his legs would carry him--a sign he is no better than he should be." "What made you run away, friend?" said Sancho. "Sir,"

answered the young man, "it was only to avoid the questions one is commonly teased with by the watch." "What business do you follow?"

asked Sancho. "I am a weaver by trade," answered the other. "A weaver of what?" asked the governor. "Of steel-heads for lances, with your wors.h.i.+p's good leave," said the other. "Oh, oh," cried Sancho, "you are a wag I find, and pretend to pa.s.s your jests upon us. Very well.

And pray whither are you going at this time of night?" "To take the air, if it like your wors.h.i.+p," answered the other. "Good," said Sancho; "and where do they take the air in this island?" "Where it blows," said the youth. "A very proper answer," cried Sancho. "You are a very pretty impudent fellow, that is the truth of it. But pray make account that I am the air, or the wind, which you please, and that I will blow you to the round-house. Here, take him and carry him away thither directly; I will take care the youngster shall sleep out of the air to-night; he might catch cold else by lying abroad." "You shall as soon make me a king," said the young man, "as make me sleep out of the air to-night." "Why, you young slip-string," said Sancho, "is it not in my power to commit thee to prison, and fetch thee out again as often as it is my will and pleasure?" "For all your power,"

answered the fellow, "you shall not make me sleep in prison." "Say you so!" cried Sancho; "here, away with him to prison, and let him see to his cost who is mistaken, he or I; and, lest the jailor should be greased in the fist to let him out, I will fine him in two thousand ducats if he let thee stir a foot out of prison." "All that is a jest," said the other; "for I defy all mankind to make me sleep this night in a prison." "Hast thou some angel," said Sancho, "to take off the irons which I will have thee clapped in, and get thee out?" "Well now, my good lord governor," said the young man very pleasantly, "let us talk reason, and come to the point. Suppose your lords.h.i.+p should send me to jail, and get me laid by the heels in the dungeon, shackled and manacled, and lay a heavy penalty on the jailor in case he let me out; and suppose your orders be strictly obeyed; yet for all that, if I have no mind to sleep, but will keep awake all night, without so much as shutting my eyes, pray can you, with all the power you have, make me sleep whether I will or no?" "No certainly," said the secretary; "and the young man has made out his meaning." "Well," said Sancho, "but I hope you mean to keep yourself awake, and only forbear sleeping to please your own fancy, and not to thwart my will?" "I mean nothing else indeed, my lord," said the lad. "Why then, go home and sleep," quoth Sancho, "and Heaven send thee good rest; I will not be thy hindrance. But have a care another time of sporting with justice; for you may meet with some in office that may chance to break your head, while you are breaking your jest." The youth went his way, and the governor continued his rounds.