Mr. Punch at the Seaside - LightNovelsOnl.com
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_Edwin_ (_very practical_). No drink! Now, hang it all, Angy, if I've asked you once I've asked you three times within the last five minutes to come and do a split soda and whiskey! And _I_ can do with it!
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE LAST DAY AT THE SEASIDE--PACKING UP
_Maid_ (_to Paterfamilias_). "Please, sir, missus say you're to come in, and sit on the boxes; because we can't get 'em to, and they wants to be corded."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _The General._ "And what are you going to be when you grow up, young man?"
_Bobbie._ "Well, I can't quite make up my mind. I don't know which would be nicest--a soldier, like you, or a sailor, like Mr. Smithers."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "THEM ARTISES!"
_Lady Artist._ "Do you belong to that s.h.i.+p over there?"
_Sailor._ "Yes, miss."
_Lady Artist._ "Then would you mind loosening all those ropes? They are much too tight, and, besides, I can't draw straight lines!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE DISORDER OF THE BATH]
How Belinda Brown appeared with "waves all over her hair" before taking a bath in the sea--and
How she looked after having some more "waves all over it."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: CAUTION TO BATHERS
Don't let them jolt you up the beach till you are dressed.
_Jones_ (_obliged to hold fast_). "Hullo! Hi! Somebody stop my boots!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A FIX
_Separated husband._ "Fetch him out, sir!"
_Proprietor of moke._ "Why, if I went near her, she'd lie down; she always goes in just before high water; nothing'll fetch her out till the tide turns!"]
THE HUSBANDS' BOAT, A MARGATE MELODY
See! what craft Margate Harbour displays, There are luggers and cutters and yawls, They sail upon suns.h.i.+ny days, For land-sailors arn't partial to squalls.
There's Paterfamilias takes out the lot Of the progeny he may own, But the Sat.u.r.day Evening boat has got A freight that is hers alone.
By far the most precious of craft afloat, Is the Sat.u.r.day Evening "Husbands' Boat".
There are husbands with luggage, and husbands with none, There are husbands with parcels in hand, They bring down to wives whom they lately have won, Who pretty attentions command.
There are husbands who know whate'er time it may be Their wives on the jetty will wait For that Hymeneal argosy, With its matrimonial freight.
Oh! the most precious of craft afloat Is the Sat.u.r.day Evening "Husbands' Boat".
But the Monday Morning is "Monday black", That when at school we knew, For the husbands to business must all go back, And the wives look monstrous blue; So loud the bell rings, and the steamer starts On her way to Thames Haven again, And amid those who leave are as many sad hearts, As there are amid those who remain.
Coming or going of craft afloat, The most prized one is the "Husbands' Boat".
[Ill.u.s.tration: FINIS!
(THE END OF THE SEASON.)]
