Dolly Reforming Herself Part 12

_Lucas._ I've nothing to reproach myself with. Mrs. Biggs wasn't out of the dairy three minutes, and you were hanging about the windows all the time.

_Matt._ I was hanging about the windows?

_Lucas._ Yes, and I must say that when you saw two people engaged in an interesting conversation the least you could do was to pa.s.s on and take no notice.

_Matt._ "Interesting conversation"?!

_Lucas._ Well, what did you call it? If it comes to that, what do you accuse me of?

_Matt._ Well, here you are, on the first day of the year, after listening to a most eloquent sermon, after making a solemn resolution to give up all your bad habits----

_Lucas._ Excuse me, I expressly stated that I didn't mean to give up _all_ my bad habits. And I don't call this a bad habit.

_Matt._ You don't call making love to a married woman a bad habit?!

_Lucas._ Of course in one sense it is a bad habit. But it isn't a bad habit in the sense that other bad habits are bad habits. Look at all the decent chaps who've been led into it!

_Matt._ That doesn't excuse you. And if you think that I'm going to countenance your conduct, you are very much mistaken in your estimate of my character.

_Lucas._ [_Very quietly._] May I ask you one simple question?

_Matt._ Well?

_Lucas._ When you were my age, if you found yourself alone in a dairy with a good-looking woman, and she was good for a dozen kisses or so, wouldn't you have taken advantage of it?

_Matt._ No!

_Lucas._ Not at my age?

_Matt._ No--no----

_Lucas._ Well, what would you have done?

_Matt._ I should have summoned all my resolution----

_Lucas._ Oh, that be hanged! Come, Uncle, no humbug! Man to man!

_Matt._ Well, I don't say that at your age I might not have been tempted--and of course we must all go through a certain amount of experience, or how should we be able to advise you youngsters?

_Lucas._ I say, no confounded nonsense--your uncle Archie----

_Matt._ Dear old chap!

_Lucas._ What use did you make of his advice?

_Matt._ Well, I remember his talking to me very seriously--I suppose I was about your age--did I ever tell you, Lucas, [_taking_ LUCAS'S _arm affectionately_] about a very remarkable auburn-haired girl, Madge Seaforth?

_Lucas._ No.

_Matt._ And my racing her across Salisbury Plain at night?

_Lucas._ No.

_Matt._ Forty-eight miles one glorious May night! I let her beat me! G.o.d bless her! I let her beat me! And just as the sun rose we caught sight of Salisbury spire.

_Lucas._ Sounds rather jolly!

_Matt._ Jolly? And the bacon and eggs we got through for breakfast!

Jolly? It was romance! It was poetry! Ah! Lu, my boy, you may say what you like, there's nothing like it on this side heaven. I told you about Mrs. Satterwaite dressing up as a widow and selling her husband?

_Lucas._ No?

_Matt._ Well, I bet the little hussy a fiver. Oh, Satterwaite richly deserved all he got--I can see Satterwaite's face now, and hers, as she stepped out of the cupboard, with the wickedest twinkle in the wickedest black eye! Ho! Ho! Heigho! Sad! Sad!! Sad!!!--Sad! Sad!! Sad!!! Come, come, Lucas! This won't do! This will never do! Now to get back to this business of yours----

_Lucas._ Well----

_Matt._ When I was your guardian I let you have a pretty good fling?

_Lucas._ You did!

_Matt._ The pace was rather scorching?

_Lucas._ Rather!

_Matt._ I never pulled you up?

_Lucas._ No, and I'm grateful.

[_Shaking hands very cordially._

_Matt._ That's all right. Now, old chap, you've got to pull up!

_Lucas._ Pull up?

_Matt._ Short. This Mrs. Sturgess--Dolly says there's a lot of nonsense going on, gus.h.i.+ng letters and so on,--d.a.m.ned silly thing writing letters, Lu----

_Lucas._ Yes, I know.

_Matt._ Well, what do you do it for?

_Lucas._ I don't know.

_Matt._ You're seeing her every day. If you must carry on this tomfoolery, why not do it by word of mouth? Why write it down, to show what an a.s.s you've been?

_Lucas._ I'm sure I don't know.

_Matt._ Do you know why you're carrying on with her at all?

_Lucas._ Well, naturally a chap--naturally----