The Ladies Delight Part 1

The Ladies Delight.

by Anonymous.

AN ADDRESS TO ALL _Well provided_ HIBERNIANS.

_Gentlemen_,

As Nature hath been so _very Indulgent_ to ye, as to stock your Gardens with _Trees_ of the _largest Growth_, for which Reason ye are caress'd, whilst Men of _less Parts_, tho' in _some Things_ more deserving, are laugh'd at, and excluded all Company.

As all Infants, especially of the Female s.e.x, are much delighted with Fruit, so as their Years and other Appet.i.tes increase, no Wonder if that increases too. Both Men and Beasts have _some-thing_ or another, for which they are esteem'd; so ye being in a particular manner Happy in this _Talent_, may securely laugh, while ye daily _grow_ in the Ladies Favour, and spread your _Branches_ over all the Kingdom: Many a hopeful _Stick of Wood_ has been produc'd by this glorious Tree, who after they had _p.i.s.s'd_ their Estates against the Wall (as the good Housewives term it) have by the Strength of true _Hibernian_ Prowess rais'd themselves to the Favour of some fair Virtuoso, and being by her _plac'd in a HOT-BED_, have been restor'd to their pristine Strength, and flourish'd again; and like true Heroes, not envying the busy World, have been content to _spend_ the remainder of their Days in an obscure Nook of the World.

Thus, Gentlemen, and as all Poets chuse the most Worthy to patronize their Works, I humbly offer ye the following Poem, and that you may still continue as ye now are; that your Trees may ever flourish, your _Green-houses_ be secure, nor your _young Plants_ be ever nipt in the _Bud_, and that you may ever _stand_ against all _Cracks_, Storms, Tempests, and _Eruptions_,

_Is the hearty Wishes of Your's_,

BOTANICUS.

THE Natural HISTORY OF THE TREE of LIFE.

The Tree of which I fain would sing, If the kind Muse her Aid would bring, Is _Arbor Vitae_; but in brief, By vulgar Men call'd--_Tree of Life_.

First for Description then, 'tis such As needs must captivate you much.

In Stem most streight, of lovely Size, With Head elate this Plant doth rise; First bare--when it doth further shoot, _A Tuft of Moss_ keeps warm the Root: No _Lapland_ m.u.f.f has such a Fur, No Skin so soft has any Cur; This touch'd, alone the Heart can move, Which Ladies more than Lap-dogs love; From this erect springs up the Stalk, No Power can stop, or ought can baulk; On Top an _Apex_ crowns the Tree, As all Mankind may plainly see; So s.h.i.+nes a Filbeard, when the Sh.e.l.l, Half gone, displays the _ruby Peel_ Or like a Cherry bright and gay, Just red'ning in the Month of _May_.

As other Trees bear Fruit at Top, And they who rob 'em must _climb up_; This still more rare doth upward shoot, But at the Bottom bears its Fruit, And they who'd reap its Virtues strong, Need but to lay 'em _all along_, _Ope' wide, their Mouths_, and they'll receive The _Fruit of Life_, and eat, and live: Not the fair Tree that _India_ bears, All over Spice both Head and Ears, Can boast more Gifts than the Great Pow'rs Have granted to this Tree of ours: That in good Ale its Power boasts, And ours has _Nutmeg's_ fit for _Toasts_ And Bags by _Nature_ planted grow, To keep 'em from all Winds that blow.

The Rise is slow, and by Degrees, Both Fruits and Tree itself increase So slow, that ten Years scarce produce _Six Inches_ good and fit for Use; But fifteen ripen well the Fruit, And add a _viscous Balm_ into't; Then rub'd, drops Tears as if 'twas greiv'd, Which by a neighbouring Shrub's receiv'd; As Men set Tubs to catch the Rain, So does this Shrub _its Juice_ retain, Which 'cause it wears a colour'd Robe, Is justly call'd the _flow'ring Shrub_.

In every Nation springs this Tree, In some confin'd; in others more free; In _England_, 'tis of mod'rate Size, And oft' does _nine full inches_ rise: But _Ireland_, tho' in Soil most poor, Exceeds all Lands in this fame Store; And sent o'er hither, it is such As does exceed our own by much, And gets the Owner many a _Farthing_, For _Ladies_ love it in their _Garden_.

That it's a _Tree_ right _sensitive_, Denies no honest Man alive: Tho' as one _shrinks_ and will not stand, This _rises_ at a _Lady's_ Hand, And grows more strong the more 'tis strok'd, As others _fall_ when they are _pok'd_.

When nipping Cold bites off our Nose, And h.o.a.ry Frosts the Morn disclose, In _Hot-beds_ only then 'twill live, And only when-well warm'd will thrive; But when warm Summer does appear, 'Twill _stand_ all _brunts_ in open Air; Tho' oft they're overcome with Heat, And sink with Nurture too replete; Then _Birchen Twigs_, if right apply'd To Back, Fore-part, or either Side---- Support a while, _and keep it up_, Tho' soon again the Plant will droop.

_Motteux_ had one very untow'rd, And thought to mend it with a Cord, But _kill'd the Tree_, yet gain'd his _End_, Which makes th' Experiment condemn'd.

Others have thought to mend the Root, By taking from the Tree its Fruit; But in the _Nutmegs_ lies the Breed, And when they're gone we lose the _Seed_; Tho' Virtuosi still have don't, And always found it yield Accompt; For _Hey----gg----r_ then buys the _Wood_, And of it makes us Whistles good, Which yearly from _Italia_ sent, Here answers his and our Intent.

Others too curious will _innoc_ _Ulate_ their Plants on _Medlars_ Stock, (_i.e._ as Tongues in Vulgar pa.s.s, They graft it on an _Open-a.r.s.e_;) But Gardeners, Virtuosi, all, Say this is most _unnatural_.

That Soil is certainly the best, Whence first it sprang, and first increast, In Vallies hollow, soft, and warm, With Hills to ward off every Storm, Where Water salt runs trickling down, And _Tendrils_ lie o'er all the Ground, Such as the Tree itself shoots forth, And better if't be tow'rds the _North_; When such a Piece of Ground you see, If in the midst a Pit there be, There plant it deep unto the _Root_, And never fear----you'll soon have _Fruit_.

Tho' let young _Botanists_ beware Of Insects that oft' harbour there, Which 'mongst the tender _Fibres_ breed, And if not kill'd, eat up the _Seed_: Good _Humphrey Bowen_ gives another, (As each Man should a.s.sist his Brother) That is, to take especial Care Not to set _v.u.l.v.aria_ near; Of them two Sorts are frequent found, One helps, and to'ther spoils the Ground; And many a Plant thriving and tall, Destroy'd by them, has got a Fall.

But _Misan_'s taken this just napping, And _against all Things that can happen_ Both to the Shrub and Tree, has told some How to make the deadliest _Wholesome_; These venomous _v.u.l.v.aria_ grow At _Vaux-Hall_ and _St. James's_ too; Nay, and about the Tree so leap, That very few good Plants can 'scape.

_The Names and Virtues_

Old Mother _D'Acier_, in her Notes _On Homer_, some hard _Greek_ Word quotes, Calls it _Nep, nep_,--I know not what, And says it is the very Plant that The tawny Queen to _Helen_ sent, To cure her Griefs at all Event.

Great _Milton's Murd'rer_ says it is The fam'd _Machaera Herculis_, And proves from some old _Grecian_ Poet, So plain that all Men sure must know it, That of this _Tree_ the Club was made, With which he overcame ('tis said) _Thespius_' Daughters, all grown wild, And _fifty Mad-Women_ made _mild_; Which very Club--(it makes one Laugh) _Omphale_ turn'd into a Distaff.

Nay, the _Hesperian_ Tree was this, As shew the _Poma Veneris_; These Apples doubtless were the Fruit That 'twixt the Queens rais'd such Dispute, To make 'em all _stark-naked_ stand, While _Paris_ held it in his Hand, And _chuck'd_ it into _Venus_' Mouth, 'Cause she with Beauty fir'd the Youth.

The Virtues are of such great Note, That twenty Volumes might be wrote; The Juice alone Green-Sickness cures, And purges thro' all corporal Pores; If any Maid be sick, or faint Of Love, or Father's close Constraint, One Spoonfull of this Cordial Balm Soon stops each Grief, and every Qualm; 'Tis true, they sometimes Tumours cause, And in the Belly make strange Flaws, But a few Moons will make 'em sound, And safely fetch the Swelling down.

Not Saffron chears the Heart like this, Nor can Champaign give such a Bliss: When Wife and Husband do fall out, And both remain in sullen pout, This brings them to themselves again, And fast unites the broken Chain; Makes Feuds and Discords straightway cease And gives at least a _Night of Peace_.

This Rarity may now be seen In _Lambeth_, at a Garden Green, _Bowen_ his Name, who in high Tone, Calls it the _Tree of Silver Spoon_, Which all the Maids of curious Eyes May there behold of _largest_ Size.

THE Natural HISTORY OF THE TREE of LIFE.

_The_ DESCRIPTION _and_ PLACE.

The _Tree of Life_ is a _succulent Plant_, consisting of one only strait stem, on the top of which is a _Pistillum_ or _Apex_, at some times _Glandiform_ and resembling a _May-Cherry_, tho' at others, more like the _Nut_ of the _Avellana_ or _Filbeard-Tree_.

Its fruits, contrary to most others, grow near the Root; they are usually no more than two in number, their bigness somewhat exceeding that of an ordinary _Nutmeg_ both contained in one strong _Siliqua_, or purse; which, together with the whole root of the plant, is commonly thick set with numerous _Fibrilla_ or _capillary Tendrils_.

The tree is of slow growth, and requires time to bring it to perfection, rarely seeding to any purpose before the fifteenth year; when the fruits coming to good maturity, yield a viscous Juice or balmy _succus_, which being from time to time discharged at the _Pistillum_ is mostly bestow'd upon the open _Calyx's_ of the _Frutex v.u.l.v.aria_ or _flow'ring Shrub_ usually spreading under the shade of this tree, and whose parts are by a wonderful mechanism adapted to receive it. The ingenious Mr. _Richard Bradley_ is of opinion, the _Frutex_ is hereby impregnated, and then first begins to bear; he therefore accounts this _Succus_ the _Farina foecundans_ of the plant: and the learned _Leonhard f.u.c.ksius_, in his _Historia Stirpium insigniorum_, observes the greatest sympathy between this tree and shrub, _They are_, says he, _of the same genus, and do best in the same bed, the_ v.u.l.v.aria _itself being indeed no other than a_ female Arbor Vitae.

It is produced in most Countries, tho' it thrives more in some than others, where it also increases to a larger size. The height here in _England_ rarely pa.s.ses nine, or at the most, eleven inches, and that chiefly in _Kent_, whereas in _Ireland_, it comes to far greater dimensions, is so good, that many of the natives entirely subsist upon it, and when transplanted, have been sometimes known to raise good houses with single plants of this sort.

As the _Irish_ soil is accounted the best, others are as remarkably bad for its cultivation; and the least and worst in the world are said to be about _Harborough_ and the _Forest of Sherard_.

The stem seems to be of the _sensitive_ tribe, tho' herein differing from the more common _Sensitives_; that whereas they are known to shrink and retire from even the gentlest touch of a Lady's hand, this rises on the contrary, and extends itself when it is so handled.

In winter it is not easy to raise these trees without a hot bed; but in warmer weather they stand well in the open air.

In the latter season they are subject to become weak and flaccid, and want support; for which purpose some gardeners have thought of splintering them up with _birchen Twigs_, which has seem'd of some service for the present, tho' the plants have very soon come to the same or a more drooping state than before.

The late ingenious Mr. _Motteux_ thought of restoring a fine plant he had in this condition, by tying it up with a _Tomex_ or cord made of the bark of the _Vitex_, or _Hempen-Tree_: but whether he made the ligature too straight, or that the nature of the _Vitex_ is really in itself pernicious, he quite kill'd his plant thereby; which makes this universally condemn'd, as a dangerous experiment.

Some _Virtuosi_ have thought of improving their trees for some purposes, by taking off the _Nutmegs_, which is however a bad way; they never _seed_ after, and are good for little more than making whistles of, which are imported every year from _Italy_, and sell indeed at a good price.

Some other curious Gentlemen have endeavour'd to inoculate their plants on the stock of the _Medlar_ and that with a manure of _human Ordure_, but this has never been approv'd; and I have known some tree brought to a _very ill end_ by such management.

The natural soil is certainly the best for their propagation; and that is in hollow places, that are warm and near salt water, best known by their producing the same sort of _Tendrils_ as are observ'd about the roots of the _Arbor_ itself. Some cautions however are very necessary, especially to young _Botanists_; and first, to be very diligent in keeping their trees clean and neat; a pernicious sort of insect, not, unlike a _Morpione_ or _Cimex_, being very subject to breed amongst the _Fibrillae_, which, if not taken heed of, and timely destroy'd, proves often of very dangerous consequence.