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_Miss Als._ I won't wait another instant, whatever you are about--Let me in----
_Alscrip._ [_Opening the Door._] s.e.x and vehemence! What is the matter now?
_Enter MISS ALSCRIP in the most violent emotion._
_Miss Als._ So, sir; yes, sir; you have done finely by me indeed, you are a pattern for fathers--a precious match you had provided!
[_Walking about._
_Alscrip._ What the devil's the matter?
_Miss Als._ [_Running on._] I, that with 50,000 independent pounds, left myself in a father's hands--a thing unheard of, and waited for a husband with unparalleled patience till I was of age----
_Alscrip._ What the devil's the matter?
_Miss Als._ [_Following him about._] I, that at fourteen might have married a French Marquis, my governess told me he was--for all he was her brother----
_Alscrip._ 'Gad a mercy, governess----
_Miss Als._ And as for commoners, had not I the choice of the market?
And the handsome Irish Colonel at Bath, that had carried off six heiresses before, for himself and friends, and would have found his way to Gretna-green blindfold!
_Alscrip._ [_Aside._] 'Gad I wish you were there now, with all my heart--What the devil is at the bottom of all this?
_Miss Als._ Why, Lord Gayville is at the bottom--And your hussy, that you was so sweet upon this rooming, is at the bottom; a treacherous minx!--I sent her only for a little innocent diversion, as my double----
_Alscrip._ Your what?
_Miss Als._ Why, my double, to vex him.
_Alscrip._ Double! this is the most useless attendant you have had yet.--'Gad I'll start you single handed in the art of vexation against any ten women in England!
_Miss Als._ I caught them, just as I did you, with your----
_Alscrip._ Is that all? 'Gad I don't see much in that.
_Miss Als._ Not much? what, a woman of my fortune and accomplishments turned off--rejected--renounced----
_Alscrip._ How! renounced?--has he broke the contract?----Will you prove he has broke the contract?
_Miss Als._ Ay. Now, my dear papa, you take a tone that becomes you; now the blood of the Alscrips rises;--rises as it ought; you mean to fight him directly, don't you?
_Alscrip._ O yes, I'm his man--I'll show you a lawyer's challenge, sticks and staves, guns, swords, daggers, poinards, knives, scissors and bodkins. I'll put more weapons into a bit of paper, six inches square, than would stock the armory of the Tower.
_Miss Als._ Pistols!----Don't talk to me of any thing but pistols,--my dear papa, who shall be your second?
_Alscrip._ I'll have two----John Doe, and Richard Roe----as pretty fellows as any in England to see fair play, and as used to the differences of good company.--They shall greet him with their fieri facias----so don't be cast down, Molly, I'll answer for damages, to indemnify our loss of temper and reputation--he shall have a fi-fa before to-morrow night.
_Miss Als._ Fiery faces and damages--What does your Westminster-hall gibberish mean?--Are a woman's feelings to be satisfied with a fie-fa--you old insensible--you have no sense of family honour--no tender affections.
_Alscrip._ 'Gad you have enough for us both, when you want your father to be shot through the head--but stand out of the way, here's a species of family honour more necessary to be taken care of--If we were to go to law, this would be a precious set off against us. [_Takes up the Deed, as if to lock it up._] This--why what the devil--I hope I don't see clear--Curse and confusion, I have given the wrong one--Here's fine work--Here's a blunder--Here's the effect of a woman's impetuosity.
_Miss Als._ Lord, what a fuss you are in: what is in the old trumpery scroll?
_Alscrip._ Plague and parchment, old Rightly will find what's in it, if I don't interrupt him--Mr. Rightly--Mr. Rightly--Mr. Rightly----
[_Going to the Door RIGHTLY went out at._
_Enter SERVANT._
_Serv._ Sir, Mr. Rightly is gone.
_Alscrip._ Gone! whither?
_Serv._ Home, I believe, sir----He came out at the door into the hall, and he bade me tell your honour you might depend upon his reading over the deed with particular care.
_Alscrip._ Fire and fury, my hat and cane--[_Exit SERVANT._] Here, my hat and cane.
[_Stamps about._
_Miss Als._ Sir, I expect before you come home--
_Alscrip._ Death and devils, expect to be ruined----this comes of listening to you----The s.e.x hold the power of mischief by prescription--Zounds!--Mischief--Mischief--is the common law of womankind.
[_Exit in a rage._
_Miss Als._ Mercy on us--I never saw him more provoked, even when my mother was alive!
[_Exit._
ACT THE FOURTH.
SCENE I.
_ALSCRIP's Room._
_CHIGNON alone._
_Chignon._ Que diable veut dire tout ca----vat devil, all dis mean?--Monsieur Alscrip enrage----Mademoiselle Alscrip fly about like de dancing fury at de Opera----My littel musicienne, shut up, and in de absence of madame, I keep de key of de littel bastille----By gad, I vou'd rader have de custody of my pretty prisoniere than the whole college of cardinals----but vat have we here?
_Enter SIR CLEMENT and CLIFFORD._
_Sir C._ [_Speaking to a SERVANT._] Mr. Alscrip not at home, no matter we'll wait his return----The French valet de chambre [_To CLIFFORD._]--It may be of use to make acquaintance with him--Monsieur, how do you like this country?
