Pee-Wee Harris Part 8

Nearer and nearer the car came and now it poked its big nickel plated nose around the bend and advanced slowly, easily, along the narrow, gra.s.s grown way. It looked singularly out of place in that wild valley.

A low, melodious horn politely reminded Simeon Drowser, who stood gaping in the middle of the road, to withdraw to a safer gaping point. He retreated to the platform in front of the post office and consulted with Beriah Bungel, the village constable, about this sumptuous apparition.

Only a couple of hundred feet remained now between the refreshment parlor and this party of mirthful victims. If Pepsy's red hair had been short enough it would have stood on end; as it was her fingers tingled with mingled appeal and confidence in the head of the firm.

Would it stop? Oh, would it stop? The suspense was terrible.

"F--r--resh doughnuts!" called Pee-wee in a sonorous voice. "Ice cold lemonade! It's ice cold! Get your fudge here!"

Pepsy looked admiringly upon her hero. She would not have dared to obtrude into the negotiations which seemed at hand. She gazed wistfully at a half dozen girls in fresh, colorful, summer array as only a little red-headed orphan girl in a gingham dress can do. She gazed at the big, palatial touring car with eyes spellbound. It was thus that the Indians first gazed upon the s.h.i.+ps of Columbus.

"Hot frankfurters," shouted Pee-wee from behind his counter. "They're all hot! Here you are. Get your fresh sweet cider! Five a gla.s.s.

Doughnuts six for a dime. All fresh."

CHAPTER XV

SIX MERRY MAIDENS

"What kind of nuts did you say?" called a girl merrily, as the car stopped.

"Doughnuts," said Pee-wee.

"We thought maybe everybody here were nuts," laughed the man who was driving.

"I'd like a nice saucerful of ground gla.s.s," laughed one of the girls.

"Can you serve carbon remover with it?"

"Oh, isn't he just too cute." another girl said.

"Could we get a little of your delicious tire tape, we're so hungry?

What are you all going to drink, girls? We'll have six gla.s.ses of carbon remover, if you please, and, let's see, we'll have six plates of ice cream hot out of the oven."

"Do you think you can jolly me?" said the head of the firm. "I'll give you some carpet tacks to eat if you'd like them."

"Oh, wouldn't those be too scrumptious," another girl said. "Do you serve peanut glue with them?"

"I'll give you some fried fish-hooks," Pee-wee shot back with blighting sarcasm.

"Yes, but what we'd like most of all is the ground gla.s.s," said another girl. "Is it chocolate or vanilla flavor?" At which they all giggled, while the man smiled broadly.

"What flavor gla.s.s are you going to have, Esther?" a girl asked.

"Oh, I think I'll take cathedral gla.s.s," caroled forth another; "I think it's more digestible than window gla.s.s, if it's properly cooked." At which there was another chorus of laughter.

The terrible conqueror, who intended to subdue this bevy of giggling maidens and cast a blight upon their levity, stood behind his counter like a soldier making a last stand in a third line trench, while Pepsy, captivated by the mirthful a.s.sailants, laughed uncontrollably.

The head of this firm saw that this was no time for dallying measures, his own partner was laughing, and even Wiggle was barking uproariously at Pee-wee as if he had shamelessly gone over to the enemy.

"Oh, If, It's just--too--excruciatingly funny or anything!" one of the girls laughed. "I never in my life heard of such--Oh, look at him! Look at him! Hold me or I'll collapse!"

Pee-wee had come around from behind the counter, tripped on his long white ap.r.o.n and gone sprawling on the ground, and the faithless Wiggle, taking advantage of this inglorious mishap, started pulling on the ap.r.o.n with all his might and main. Loyal Pepsy was only human, and tears of laughter streamed down her cheeks, and the neighboring woodland echoed to the sound of the unholy mirth in the auto.

A large frying fork which Pee-wee used as a sort of magnet to attract trade was still in his hand and by means of this he caught his white paper cap as it blew away, piercing it as if it were a fresh doughnut.

It was indeed the only instance of triumph for him in the tragic affair.

He arose, with Wiggle still tugging at his ap.r.o.n, his face decorated with colorful earth, his eyes glaring defiance.

The driver of the auto, who seemed to be a kindly man, put an end to this unequal and hopeless struggle of the scout by ordering a round of lemonade and purchasing fifty cents' worth of doughnuts. "When you have a few minutes to spare," he said in a companionable undertone, "stroll up the road and look about; the scenery is beautiful."

"What do you mean?" Pee-wee demanded.

"And be sure to take some salted spark plugs with you in case you get lost in the woods," one of the girls chirped teasingly as the auto started.

And the victim distinctly heard another say, as the big car rolled away: "It's a shame to tease him; he's just too cute for anything. I could just kiss him. But it was so excruciatingly funny."

CHAPTER XVI

A REVELATION

"What are you laughing at?" Pee-wee demanded to know, as soon as he had regained his poise and dignity. "You're as bad as they are."

"I couldn't help laughing," Pepsy said remorsefully, "'specially when you fell down. You said you were going to handle them."

"That could happen to the smartest man," Pee-wee said in scornful reproval; "that could happen to--to--to Julius Caesar."

"He's dead, you ask Miss Bellison," said Pepsy timidly.

"That shows how much you know," said Pee-wee scornfully as he brushed off his clothing.

"Can't something be a kind of a thing that could happen to somebody who's dead if he was very smart, only if he wasn't dead. We got a dollar and ten cents from them, didn't we?"

"Yes, but--did you--did you--handle them?" Pepsy asked fearfully.

"There are different ways of handling people," Pee-wee said; "you can't handle people that are crazy, can you? I can handle scoutmasters even."

Pepsy was willing to believe anything of her hero and she said, "They were a lot of fres.h.i.+es and I hate them anyway."

Pee-wee did not trouble himself about what the man had said. His chief interest was the dollar and ten cents of working capital which they now had and how to invest it. In his enthusiasm he had been rather premature in his advertis.e.m.e.nt of auto accessories, and he now purposed to make good at least one of these announcements by commissioning Simeon Drowser to buy some ten-cent rolls of tire tape for him at Baxter City, whither Simeon went daily.

He started along the road to the post office where he hoped to catch Simeon before that worthy left for Baxter City. But he did not reach the post office. The first interruption to his progress was one of his own two-card signs staring him in the face from a roadside tree:

CHEWING GUM FOR PUNCTURES

He paused scowling before this novel announcement.