Honoo no Mirage Vol 4 Epilogue

Epilogue

“There’s still some time before the train leaves,” Naoe said as he handed Takaya his ticket at the bullet train ticket gate at Sendai Station.

Takaya and Naoe were finally departing from Sendai.

Yuzuru and Chiaki had already left by car from the hotel that morning. Ayako had gone with Takaya and Naoe to say goodbye to Kokuryou, then left them at the station and caught an older railway to Akita. She would keep an eye on Satake from there.

“Shall we go in, Takaya-san?”

“Eh. ...Yeah.”

“What is the matter?”

Takaya absentmindedly combed his hair back and said, “I guess...well...a lot of things happened...”

“Is it difficult to part from this place?” Naoe’s eyes dipped quietly. “I asked to be contacted when the date for the funeral of Kokuryou-san’s wife is determined. The next time we come, it would be good if we had more time for leisure, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah—but...” Takaya said, and turned to look behind him again. He’d done it countless times since they’d arrived at the station.

Naoe asked quietly, “Did you forget something...?”

“—”

Takaya looked down.

Then he turned back to the gate.

“... No, it’s nothing.”

And he inserted the ticket.

He could come to Sendai again. Whenever he wanted. Yes. So it was fine. Next time he would be able to face her with more honesty. And when he did, he wanted to apologize to her. He wanted to tell her how he truly felt. He would surely be able meet her with gentle feelings in his heart.

I never hated you.

And until then...

 

He climbed the stairs up to the platform. A train was already waiting on Track 14. Its doors were closed—perhaps its interior was still being cleaned.

He began to walk along the platform to check the train’s number. Then—

“...”

His feet stopped.

A tiny woman stood by herself in front of their compartment door.

She didn’t seem to be a pa.s.senger. She was dressed in everyday clothes and had the look of a housewife. On the platform still largely devoid of pa.s.sengers, she stood holding a paper bag in her hand, perhaps as a souvenir gift to someone.

She noticed him.

Takaya stopped breathing.

A gentle smile spread across her face.

And then she called to him in a tender voice, “Takaya...”

“—”

Naoe prevented him from stepping back. Takaya stared at Sawako, his eyes wide.

(Mom...)

Sawako walked up to Takaya and bowed politely to Naoe. Then she said gently, “Are you going home already?”

“...”

“There were things I wanted to speak to you about, but...”

Sawako sighed slightly and shook her head in resignation.

Then she gave him a smile small.

“Come visit again anytime. Next time we’ll be able to take our time, right?”

“...”

Takaya, his eyes wide as he stood frozen in place, made no reply.

Sawako looked directly up at Takaya.

“There are so many things I want to ask about you, about Miya. But surely...”

“—”

Train information announcements echoed around the station. The 116 Tokyo Express on Track 14 opened its doors.

“You’ll come see me again, won’t you?”

Takaya looked down at the ground, his lips pressed tight.

Sawako held the paper bag in her hand towards Takaya.

“Here... I didn’t have much time, so it’s nothing fancy, but I brought you some snacks. Eat them with Miya, okay?”

“...”

Naoe could see Takaya’s fists trembling. Sawako smiled at Takaya, still holding out the paper bag.

She said, her heart in her words, “Be well, Takaya.”

“...”

Takaya said nothing. He moved away as if trying to escape. His shoulder struck Sawako’s glancingly, and she staggered. Naoe called to him, “Takaya-san.”

Takaya didn’t turn. He stepped onto the train, back toward her as if in rejection.

Sawako stared after her son in a stunned daze.

Naoe spoke to her, and they appeared to exchange a few words, but...

The departure time quickly approached.

Naoe climbed on board and went to Takaya. In his hand was the paper bag given him by Sawako.

Sawako was still standing on the platform.

Takaya glared at the opposite wall.

“Takaya-san,” Naoe said to him quietly. “Was there not something you wanted to tell your mother?”

“...”

“There is still time. Your mother is still waiting.”

Takaya didn’t turn. He asked in a low voice, not looking at him, “... Did you tell her?”

Naoe had probably given her their train information yesterday. Without answering the question, Naoe said calmly, “You don’t...want to regret anything else, do you?”

“...”

“You want to forgive your mother, don’t you? You’ve always wanted to be kind to her, haven’t you?”

Takaya glared fixedly out the window.

Naoe looked at him, a terrible gentleness in his eyes.

“You should stop lying to yourself.”

“...”

Sawako, still standing on the platform, gazed through the window at Takaya.

She had the same look in her eyes as she did that day five years ago in the moss rose garden— Takaya knew that without turning.

A plea for forgiveness, a mother’s...

The one-minute-until-departure warning sounded in the train. Pa.s.sengers hurried onboard. Station employees rushed back and forth on the platform.

Sawako looked fixedly at Takaya.

Naoe said urgently, “Takaya-san.”

Takaya didn’t move.

The departure bell chimed.

A long, long chime.

Sawako stood stock-still on the platform...

“...”

How could he not know?

Her feelings—his mother’s feelings—as she stood below him forcing a smile onto her face.

He knew quite well. Exactly what he should do. What he wanted to do.

Or could it be that his true self had not forgiven his mother after all?

(No...)

It wasn’t because he didn’t forgive her. It was not a question of forgiveness. It wasn’t about that.

(I, just...)

 

As he realized it—

The departure bell stopped.

 

“!”

Takaya leapt up from his seat.

He thought of nothing else.

He cut in front of Naoe and hurried towards the pa.s.sage to the deck.

(Mom...!)

He pushed past the pa.s.sengers, waited impatiently for the automatic door to open, and flew out onto the deck.

Sawako was at the top of the stairs.

She stared at the son who had materialized on the deck, her eyes wide.

“Takaya...!”

“...”

His feet stopped, and for a moment he stood frozen. Then the emotions pounding in his chest roused him to motion.

He stepped forward, holding out his hand instinctively.

Sawako reached for her child from the platform.

But the closing doors, ignorant as they were of human sentiments, prevented mother and child from touching.

Takaya looked at Sawako, his hands pressed against the gla.s.s.

The train began to move.

Sawako walked slowly along the platform as if keeping pace.

Takaya’s mouth moved, but Sawako could no longer hear the words.

The train gradually gathered speed.

Sawako’s eyes swelled with tears as she chased after it.

Takaya shouted something desperately, but knew that it could no longer reach her. And he began to simply call her name.

Sawako fell further behind.

Tears spilled from her eyes.

“Mom... Mom...!”

He could only continue to shout the one word, his hands pressed against the gla.s.s, all his love swelling irrepressibly out of him.

“Mother!”

 

Clack...

The bullet train slid out of Sendai Station.

Sawako, left behind on the platform, stood staring at the departing express until the last car was out of sight. How long did she stand there?

He could no longer see the platform.

 

Takaya had not noticed Naoe coming up behind him as he stood frozen at the door.

He was leaning with his arm against the gla.s.s, his eyes fixed in the distance, motionless.

“Takaya-san...” Naoe said, and Takaya said in a low voice out of his silence,

“Stay over there...”

“...”

Naoe watched over Takaya quietly.

He took a single step closer. Takaya instantly whirled.

“Don’t come near me!”

Naoe’s feet halted.

Takaya’s eyes filled.

“...”

Naoe’s eyes as he looked at Takaya were full of sympathy.

“Is that a command?”

Takaya was silent. He closed his mouth and once again turned his back.

Answered in a low voice, “It’s...not a command.”

“...”

Naoe quietly walked up to him. Then, standing as if to embrace him from behind, he placed his hands softly on Takaya’s shoulders.

Takaya bowed his head, unable to hold back his tears any longer.

They began to flow in the moment Naoe’s hands settled on his shoulders.

The expression on Sawako’s face in the moment he had reached for her was burned into his vision. And she had—yes, she had looked straight at him with those same unchanged eyes and reached for his hand with her own.

Those familiar hands which had held him as a child in those distant happy days.

(Mom...)

It hadn’t been because he couldn’t forgive her. He only—

Wanted to be with her.

He wanted to be with her always, to live with her always. Even now.

That was his simple, childish wish.

Even as he understood that it was impossible, that it was far too late.

Even as he understood that the way things were was the way they should be.

The wish that could not be granted lay cradled in his heart.

That heartfelt...!

 

“I want to be with you always—”

 

 

The long-dried tears overflowed and spilled endlessly, ceaselessly out of him.

As if standing guard over that place, Naoe remained at Takaya’s side as he cried.

The empty deck.

The tears that he had locked inside him for so long, that he had refused to show anyone...

Continued to flow.

They could no longer be stopped.

Surely everything—

Began now, at this very moment.

 

The bullet train left the City of Trees behind and raced on a straight course towards Tokyo.

The sun pierced through the clouds and illuminated the tracks ahead.

The rain-soaked rails glistened with its gift of light.