The Contrast Part 7

_Enter JESSAMY._

_DIMPLE folds and seals two letters._

DIMPLE. Here, Jessamy, take this letter to my love.

[_Gives one._

JESSAMY. To which of your honour's loves?--Oh! [_Reading._] to Miss Let.i.tia, your honour's rich love.

DIMPLE. And this [_Delivers another._] to Miss Charlotte Manly. See that you deliver them privately.

JESSAMY. Yes, your honour. [_Going._

DIMPLE. Jessamy, who are these strange lodgers that came to the house last night?

JESSAMY. Why, the master is a Yankee colonel; I have not seen much of him; but the man is the most unpolished animal your honour ever disgraced your eyes by looking upon. I have had one of the most _outre_ conversations with him!--He really has a most prodigious effect upon my risibility.

DIMPLE. I ought, according to every rule of Chesterfield, to wait on him and insinuate myself into his good graces.--Jessamy, wait on the Colonel with my compliments, and if he is disengaged I will do myself the honour of paying him my respects.--Some ignorant, unpolished boor--

_JESSAMY goes off and returns._

JESSAMY. Sir, the Colonel is gone out, and Jonathan his servant says that he is gone to stretch his legs upon the Mall.--Stretch his legs!

what an indelicacy of diction!

DIMPLE. Very well. Reach me my hat and sword. I'll accost him there, in my way to Let.i.tia's, as by accident; pretend to be struck with his person and address, and endeavour to steal into his confidence. Jessamy, I have no business for you at present.

[_Exit._

JESSAMY [_taking up the book_].

My master and I obtain our knowledge from the same source;--though, gad!

I think myself much the prettier fellow of the two. [_Surveying himself in the gla.s.s._] That was a brilliant thought, to insinuate that I folded my master's letters for him; the folding is so neat, that it does honour to the operator. I once intended to have insinuated that I wrote his letters too; but that was before I saw them; it won't do now: no honour there, positively.--"Nothing looks more vulgar [_Reading affectedly._], ordinary, and illiberal than ugly, uneven, and ragged nails; the ends of which should be kept even and clean, not tipped with black, and cut in small segments of circles."--Segments of circles! surely my lord did not consider that he wrote for the beaux. Segments of circles! what a crabbed term! Now I dare answer that my master, with all his learning, does not know that this means, according to the present mode, to let the nails grow long, and then cut them off even at top. [_Laughing without._] Ha! that's Jenny's t.i.tter. I protest I despair of ever teaching that girl to laugh; she has something so execrably natural in her laugh, that I declare it absolutely discomposes my nerves. How came she into our house! [_Calls._] Jenny!

_Enter JENNY._

JESSAMY. Prythee, Jenny, don't spoil your fine face with laughing.

JENNY. Why, mustn't I laugh, Mr. Jessamy?

JESSAMY. You may smile; but, as my lord says, nothing can authorize a laugh.

JENNY. Well, but I can't help laughing.--Have you seen him, Mr. Jessamy?

ha, ha, ha!

JESSAMY. Seen whom?

JENNY. Why Jonathan, the New-England colonel's servant. Do you know he was at the play last night, and the stupid creature don't know where he has been. He would not go to a play for the world; he thinks it was a show, as he calls it.

JESSAMY. As ignorant and unpolished as he is, do you know, Miss Jenny, that I propose to introduce him to the honour of your acquaintance?

JENNY. Introduce him to me! for what?

JESSAMY. Why, my lovely girl, that you may take him under your protection, as Madame Ramboulliet did young Stanhope; that you may, by your plastic hand, mould this uncouth cub into a gentleman. He is to make love to you.

JENNY. Make love to me!--

JESSAMY. Yes, Mistress Jenny, make love to you; and, I doubt not, when he shall become _domesticated_ in your kitchen, that this boor, under your auspices, will soon become _un amiable pet.i.t Jonathan_.

JENNY. I must say, Mr. Jessamy, if he copies after me, he will be vastly, monstrously polite.

JESSAMY. Stay here one moment, and I will call him.--Jonathan!--Mr.

Jonathan! [_Calls._]

JONATHAN [_Within._]. Holla! there.--[_Enters._] You promise to stand by me--six bows you say. [_Bows._]

JESSAMY. Mrs. Jenny, I have the honour of presenting Mr. Jonathan, Colonel Manly's waiter, to you. I am extremely happy that I have it in my power to make two worthy people acquainted with each other's merits.

JENNY. So, Mr. Jonathan, I hear you were at the play last night.

JONATHAN. At the play! why, did you think I went to the devil's drawing-room?

JENNY. The devil's drawing-room!

JONATHAN. Yes; why an't cards and dice the devil's device, and the play-house the shop where the devil hangs out the vanities of the world upon the tenter-hooks of temptation. I believe you have not heard how they were acting the old boy one night, and the wicked one came among them sure enough, and went right off in a storm, and carried one quarter of the play-house with him. Oh! no, no, no! you won't catch me at a play-house, I warrant you.

JENNY. Well, Mr. Jonathan, though I don't scruple your veracity, I have some reasons for believing you were there; pray, where were you about six o'clock?

JONATHAN. Why, I went to see one Mr. Morrison, the _hocus-pocus_ man; they said as how he could eat a case knife.

JENNY. Well, and how did you find the place?

JONATHAN. As I was going about here and there, to and again, to find it, I saw a great crowd of folks going into a long entry that had lantherns over the door; so I asked a man whether that was not the place where they played _hocus-pocus_? He was a very civil, kind man, though he did speak like the Hessians; he lifted up his eyes and said, "They play _hocus-pocus_ tricks enough there, Got knows, mine friend."

JENNY. Well--

JONATHAN. So I went right in, and they shewed me away, clean up to the garret, just like meeting-house gallery. And so I saw a power of topping folks, all sitting round in little cabins, "just like father's corn-cribs;" and then there was such a squeaking with the fiddles, and such a tarnal blaze with the lights, my head was near turned. At last the people that sat near me set up such a hissing--hiss--like so many mad cats; and then they went thump, thump, thump, just like our Peleg thres.h.i.+ng wheat and stampt away, just like the nation; and called out for one Mr. Langolee,--I suppose he helps act[s] the tricks.

JENNY. Well, and what did you do all this time?

JONATHAN. Gor, I--I liked the fun, and so I thumpt away, and hiss'd as l.u.s.tily as the best of 'em. One sailor-looking man that sat by me, seeing me stamp, and knowing I was a cute fellow, because I could make a roaring noise, clapt me on the shoulder and said, "You are a d----d hearty c.o.c.k, smite my timbers!" I told him so I was, but I thought he need not swear so, and make use of such naughty words.

JESSAMY. The savage!--Well, and did you see the man with his tricks?

JONATHAN. Why, I vow, as I was looking out for him, they lifted up a great green cloth and let us look right into the next neighbour's house.

Have you a good many houses in New-York made so in that 'ere way?

JENNY. Not many; but did you see the family?

JONATHAN. Yes, swamp it; I see'd the family.