Peter Simple Part 2

"Then, sir, as a gentleman I demand satisfaction. Slugs in a saw-pit.

Death before dishonour, d.a.m.n me!"

"Could not the affair be arranged otherwise?" interrupted another.

"Will not Mr Bottlegreen retract?"

"My name is Simple, sir, and not Bottlegreen," replied I; "and as he did tell a falsehood, I will not retract?"

"Then the affair must go on," said the mids.h.i.+pman. "Robinson, will you oblige me by acting as my second?"

"It's an unpleasant business," replied the other, "you are so good a shot; but as you request it, I shall not refuse. Mr Simple is not, I believe, provided with a friend."

"Yes, he is," replied another of the mids.h.i.+pmen. "He is a s.p.u.n.ky fellow, and I'll be his second."

It was then arranged that we should meet the next morning with pistols.

I considered that, as an officer and a gentleman, I could not well refuse, but I was very unhappy. I went up into my room and wrote a long letter to my mother, enclosing a lock of my hair, and having shed a few tears at the idea of how sorry she would be if I were killed, I borrowed a Bible from the waiter, and read it during the remainder of the day.

CHAPTER FOUR.

I AM TAUGHT ON A COLD MORNING, BEFORE BREAKFAST, HOW TO STAND FIRE, AND THUS PROVE MY COURAGE--AFTER BREAKFAST I ALSO PROVE MY GALLANTRY--MY PROOF MEETS REPROOF--WOMEN AT THE BOTTOM OF ALL MISCHIEF--BY ONE I LOSE MY LIBERTY, AND, BY ANOTHER, MY MONEY.

When I began to wake the next morning, I could not think what it was that felt like a weight upon my chest, but as I roused and recalled my scattered thoughts, I remembered that in an hour or two it would be decided whether I were to exist another day. Before I was dressed, the mids.h.i.+pman who had volunteered to be my second came into my room, and informed me that the affair was to be decided in the garden behind the inn, and that my adversary was a very good shot.

I dressed myself and followed my second into the garden, where I found all the mids.h.i.+pmen and some of the waiters of the inn. They all seemed very merry, as if the life of a fellow-creature was of no consequence.

The seconds talked apart for a little while, and then measured the ground, which was twelve paces; we then took our stations. I believe that I turned pale, for my second came to my side and whispered that I must not be frightened. I replied that I was not frightened, but that I considered that it was an awful moment. The second to my adversary then came up and asked me whether I would make an apology, which I refused to do as before; they handed a pistol to each of us, and my second showed me how I was to pull the trigger. It was arranged that at the word given, we were to fire at the same time. I made sure that I should be wounded, if not killed, and I shut my eyes as I fired my pistol in the air. I felt my head swim, and thought I was hurt, but fortunately I was not. The pistols were loaded again, and we fired a second time. The seconds then interfered, and it was proposed that we should shake hands, which I was very glad to do, for I considered my life to have been saved by a miracle.

The next day my chest arrived by the waggon, and I threw off my "bottle-greens" and put on my uniform. I had no c.o.c.ked-hat, or dirk, as the warehouse people employed by Mr Handyc.o.c.k did not supply those articles, and it was arranged that I should procure them at Portsmouth.

When I inquired the price, I found that they cost more money than I had in my pocket, so I tore up the letter I had written to my mother before the duel, and wrote another asking for a remittance to purchase my dirk and c.o.c.ked-hat. I then walked out in my uniform, not a little proud, I must confess.

I had arrived opposite a place called Sally Port, when a young lady very nicely dressed, looked at me very hard and said, "Well, Reefer, how are you off for soap?" I was astonished at the question, and more so at the interest which she seemed to take in my affairs. I answered, "Thank you, I am very well off; I have four cakes of Windsor, and two bars of yellow for was.h.i.+ng." She laughed at my reply, and asked me whether I would walk home and take a bit of dinner with her. I was astonished at this polite offer, and I said that I should be most happy. I thought I might venture to offer my arm, which she accepted, and we proceeded up High Street on our way to her home.

Just as we pa.s.sed the admiral's house, I perceived my captain walking with two of the admiral's daughters. I was not a little proud to let him see that I had female acquaintances as well as he had, and, as I pa.s.sed him with the young lady under my protection, I took off my hat, and made him a low bow. To my surprise, not only did he not return the salute, but he looked at me with a very stern countenance. I concluded that he was a very proud man, and did not wish the admiral's daughters to suppose that he knew mids.h.i.+pmen by sight; but I had not exactly made up my mind on the subject, when the captain, having seen the ladies into the admiral's house, sent one of the messengers after me to desire that I would immediately come to him at the George Inn, which was nearly opposite.

I apologised to the young lady, and promised to return immediately if she would wait for me; but she replied, if that was my captain, it was her idea that I should have a confounded wigging and be sent on board.

So, wis.h.i.+ng me good-bye, she left me and continued her way home. I could as little comprehend all this as why the captain looked so black when I pa.s.sed him; but it was soon explained when I went up to him in the parlour at the George Inn. "I am sorry, Mr Simple," said the captain, when I entered, "that a lad like you should show such early symptoms of depravity; still more so, that he should not have the grace which even the most hardened are not wholly dest.i.tute of--I mean to practise immorality in secret, and not degrade themselves and insult their captain by unblus.h.i.+ngly avowing (I may say glorying in) their iniquity, by exposing it in broad day, and in the most frequented street of the town."

"Sir!" replied I, with astonishment, "O dear! what have I done?"

The captain fixed his keen eyes upon me, so that they appeared to pierce me through, and nail me to the wall. "Do you pretend to say, sir, that you were not aware of the character of the person with whom you were walking just now?"

"No, sir," replied I, "except that she was very kind and good-natured;"

and then I told him how she had addressed me, and what subsequently took place.

"And is it possible, Mr Simple, that you are so great a fool?" I replied that I certainly was considered the greatest fool of our family.

"I should think you were," replied he, dryly. He then explained to me who the person was with whom I was in company, and how any a.s.sociation with her would inevitably lead to my ruin and disgrace.

I cried very much, for I was shocked at the narrow escape which I had had, and mortified at having fallen in his good opinion. He asked me how I had employed my time since I had been at Portsmouth, and I made an acknowledgment of having been made tipsy, related all that the mids.h.i.+pmen had told me, and how I had that morning fought a duel.

When I had finished, he said, "Mr Simple, I can no longer trust you on sh.o.r.e until you are more experienced in the world. I shall desire my c.o.xswain not to lose sight of you until you are safe on board of the frigate."

Altogether I did not feel sorry when it was over. I saw that the captain believed what I had stated, and that he was disposed to be kind to me, although he thought me very silly. The c.o.xswain, in obedience to his orders, accompanied me to the Blue Post. I packed up my clothes, paid my bill, and the porter wheeled my chest down to the Sally Port, where the boat was waiting.

"Come, heave a-head, my lads, be smart. The captain says we are to take the young gentleman on board directly. His liberty's stopped for getting drunk and running after the Dolly Mops!"

"I should thank you to be more respectful in your remarks, Mr c.o.xswain," said I with displeasure.

"Mister c.o.xswain! thanky, sir, for giving me a handle to my name,"

replied he. "Come, be smart with your oars, my lads!"

"La, Bill Freeman," said a young woman on the beach, "what a nice young gentleman you have there. He looks like a sucking Nelson. I say, my pretty young officer, could you lend me a s.h.i.+lling?"

I was so pleased at the woman calling me young Nelson, that I immediately complied with her request. "I have not a s.h.i.+lling in my pocket," said I, "but here is half-a-crown, and you can change it, and bring me back the eighteen-pence."

"Well you are a nice young man," replied she, taking the half-crown; "I'll be back directly, my dear."

The men in the boat laughed, and the c.o.xswain desired them to shove off.

"No," observed I, "you must wait for my eighteen-pence."

"We shall wait a devilish long while, then, I suspect. I know that girl, and she has a very bad memory."

"She cannot be so dishonest or ungrateful," replied I. "c.o.xswain, I order you to stay--I am an officer."

"I know you are, sir, about six hours old; well then, I must go up and tell the captain that you have another girl in tow, and that you won't go on board."

"O no, Mr c.o.xswain, pray don't; shove off as soon as you please, and never mind the eighteen-pence."

The boat then shoved off, and pulled towards the s.h.i.+p, which lay at Spithead.

CHAPTER FIVE.

I AM INTRODUCED TO THE QUARTER-DECK, AND FIRST LIEUTENANT, WHO p.r.o.nOUNCES ME VERY CLEVER--TROTTED BELOW TO MRS. TROTTER--CONNUBIAL BLISS IN A c.o.c.k-PIT--MRS. TROTTER TAKES ME IN, AS A MESSMATE.

On our arrival on board, the c.o.xswain gave a note from the captain to the first lieutenant, who happened to be on deck. He read the note, looked at me earnestly, and then I overheard him say to another lieutenant, "The service is going to the devil. Here's another of the fools of a family made a present of to the country--another cub for me to lick into shape. Well, I never saw the one yet I did not make something of. Where's Mr Simple?"

"I am Mr Simple, sir," replied I, very much frightened at what I had overheard.

"Now, Mr Simple," said the first lieutenant, "observe and pay particular attention to what I say. The captain tells me in this note that you have been shamming stupid. Now, sir, I am not to be taken in that way. I have looked attentively at your face and I see at once that you are _very clever_, and if you do not prove so in a very short time, why--you had better jump overboard, that's all. Perfectly understand me. I know that you are a very clever fellow, and having told you so, don't you pretend to impose upon me, for it won't do."

I was very much terrified at this speech, but at the same time I was pleased to hear that he thought me clever, and I determined to do all in my power to keep up such an unexpected reputation.

"Quarter-master," said the first lieutenant, "tell Mr Trotter to come on deck."

The quarter-master brought up Mr Trotter, who apologised for being so dirty, as he was breaking casks out of the hold. He was a short, thickset man, about thirty years of age, with a nose which had a red club to it, very dirty teeth, and large black whiskers.