Business Correspondence Part 4

Suppose the letter replying to his inquiry starts out in this style:

"The picture on page 5 of our catalogue is a pretty fair one, but I wish you could see the desk itself."

The reader's attention is immediately gripped and he reaches for the catalogue to look at the picture on page five.

To get attention and arouse interest, avoid long-spun introductions and hackneyed expressions. Rambling sentences and loose paragraphs have proved the graveyard for many excellent propositions. Time-worn expressions and weather-beaten phrases are poor conductors, there, is too much resistance-loss in the current of the reader's interest.

The best way to secure attention naturally depends upon the nature of the proposition and the cla.s.s of men to whom the letter is written.

One of the most familiar methods is that known to correspondents as the "mental shock." The idea is to put at the top of the letter a "Stop! Look! Listen!" sign. Examples of this style are plentiful:

THIS MEANS MONEY TO YOU--_BIG MONEY_ LET ME PAY YOUR NEXT MONTH'S RENT READ IT--ON OUR WORD IT'S WORTH READING STOP SHOVELING YOUR MONEY INTO THE FURNACE NOW LISTEN! I WANT A PERSONAL WORD WITH YOU CUT YOUR LIGHT BILL IN HALF

Such introductions have undoubtedly proved exceedingly effective at times, but like many other good things, the idea has been overworked. The catch-line of itself sells no goods and to be effective it must be followed by trip-hammer arguments. Interest created in this way is hard to keep up.

The correspondent may use a catch-line, just as the barker at a side show uses a megaphone--the noise attracts a crowd but it does not sell the tickets. It is the "spiel" the barker gives that packs the tent. And so the average man is not influenced so much by a bold catch-line in his letters as by the paragraphs that follow. Some correspondents even run a catch-line in red ink at the top of the page, but these yellow journal "scare-heads" fall short with the average business proposition.

Then attention may be secured, not by a startling sentence but by the graphic way in which a proposition is stated. Here is an opening that starts out with a clear-cut swing:

"If we were to offer you a hundred-dollar bill as a gift we take it for granted that you would be interested. If, then, our goods will mean to you many times that sum every year isn't the proposition still more interesting? Do you not want us to demonstrate what we say? Are you not willing to invest a little of your time watching this demonstration?"

This reference to a hundred-dollar bill creates a concrete image in the mind of the reader. The letters that first used this attention-getter proved so effective that the idea has been worked over in many forms. Here is the effective way one correspondent starts out:

"If this letter were printed on ten-dollar bills it could scarcely be more valuable to you than the offer it now contains. You want money; we want your business. Let's go into partners.h.i.+p."

Here is a letter sent out by a manufacturer of printing presses:

"If your press feeders always showed up on Monday morning; if they were never late, never got tired, never became careless, never grumbled about working overtime, you would increase the output of your plant, have less trouble, make more money--that is why you will be interested in the Speedwell Automatic feeding attachment."

This paragraph summarizes many of the troubles of the employing printer. It "gets under his skin," it is graphic, depicting one of the greatest problems of his business and so he is certain to read the letter and learn more about the solution that it offers.

This same paragraph might also be used as a good ill.u.s.tration of that effective attention-getter, the quick appeal to the problems that are of most concern to the reader. The one great trouble with the majority of letters is that they start out with "we" and from first to last have a selfish viewpoint:

"We have your valued inquiry of recent date and, as per your request, we take pleasure in enclosing herewith a copy of our latest catalogue," and so forth.

Don't begin by talking about yourself, your company, your business, your growth, your progress, your improved machinery, your increased circulation, your newly invested capital. The reader has not the faintest interest in you or your business until he can see some connection between it and his own welfare. By itself it makes no play whatever to his attention; it must first be coupled up with his problems and his needs.

Begin by talking about him, his company, his business, his progress, his troubles, his disappointments, his needs, his ambition.

That is where he lives day and night. Knock at that door and you will find him at home. Touch upon some vital need in his business-- some defect or tangle that is worrying him--some weak spot that he wants to remedy--some cherished ambition that haunts him--and you will have rung the bell of his interest. A few openings that are designed to get the reader's attention and induce him to read farther, are shown here:

"Your letter reached me at a very opportune time as I have been looking for a representative in your territory."

"By using this code you can telegraph us for any special article you want and it will be delivered at your store the following morning.

This will enable you to compete with the large mail-order houses. It will give you a service that will mean more business and satisfied customers."

"You can save the wages of one salesman in every department of your store. Just as you save money by using a typewriter, addressograph, adding machine, cash register and other modern equipments, so you can save it by installing a Simplex."

"Don't you want to know how to add two thousand square feet of display to some department of your store in exchange for twenty feet of wall?"

"Yes, there is a mighty good opening in your territory for hustling salesmen. You will receive a complete outfit by express so you can start at once."

Keep the interest of the reader in mind. No matter how busy he is, he will find time to read your letter if you talk about his problems and his welfare.

Some correspondents, having taken only the first lesson in business letter writing, over-shoot the mark with a lot of "hot air" that is all too apparent. Here is the opening paragraph from one of these writers:

"By the concise and business-like character of your letter of inquiry we know that you would be very successful in the sale of our typewriters. This personal and confidential circular letter is sent only to a few of our selected correspondents whom we believe can be placed as general agents."

As a matter of fact, the gentleman to whom this letter was sent had written with a lead pencil on a post card asking for further particulars regarding propositions to salesmen. It is a good ill.u.s.tration of the form letter gone wrong. The inquirer had not written a concise and business-like letter and there was not the slightest reason why the firm should send him a personal and confidential proposition and if the proposition were really confidential, it would not be printed in a circular letter.

Here is the opening paragraph of a letter typical in its lack of originality and attention-getting qualities: