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Pucked.
Pucked Over.
Helena Hunting.
Dedication.
Hubs and mini; you're the reason for everything.
Prologue.
d.a.m.n You, Memories.
LILY.
"I have a brown belt in karate."
"And I have a black belt in kick your f.u.c.king a.s.s."
These are the words that keep repeating in my head, over and over. Along with Randy's promises: "I can take your mind off your problems if you want." And "I bet a few o.r.g.a.s.ms'll make you forget all about that d.i.c.kface ex of yours. Wanna find out if I'm right?"
I drag my palm over my face and check the clock. It's four in the morning. I've been trying to sleep for the past five hours. Between two and three I managed not to stare at the ceiling or my clock, but I woke up with my hand in my d.a.m.n underpants. Again.
I cram my head under the pillow, as if it'll act as a barrier between my brain and the memories. I'm unsurprised by my lack of success. So I give in. If I stop fighting the fantasies, maybe I'll be able to manage seeing him tonight. I roll over onto my back, close my eyes, and let the images come. I'm instantly transported back in time.
Okay, that's not even remotely true, but I recall, with startling clarity, my introduction to NHL superstar Randy "b.a.l.l.s" Ballistic, the newest addition to Chicago's team.
I'd been camping in the northern Canadian wilderness with Benji, my jerkwad boyfriend; Sunny, my best friend; and Kale, Benji's best friend and Sunny's ex. The experience had not been all that pleasant. After seven days with no running water, I'd been desperate to disappear the forest on my legs and bask in the wonders of a hot shower at Sunny's brother's cottage in Muskoka. I also needed to tackle the mess that was my fur burger.
Before the trip I'd canceled my appointment with my waxer. She was expensive, and I needed the money to buy groceries for the trip. I was also angry with Benji, so I let my bush grow in to spite him. He had grown a horrible, patchy, ugly beard, so I'd done the same between my legs to see how much he liked it when I rubbed it all over his d.a.m.n face. Not that he gave me the opportunity to do so very often.
Anyway, as I was about to tackle the hairy muppet living on my cooch, the door to the bathroom flew open.
I fully expected Sunny, or maybe d.i.c.khead Benji, to be the one busting in on me. It was neither.
Instead I stared at a man-a broad, well-built, superhot man-with his hand in his shorts. His dark hair was pulled back in one of those stubby little man-bun things, and his eyes were the color of honey. He sported a somewhat ungroomed beard, but it was lush, and it worked for him. The hand down his pants was attached to an arm with a full tattooed sleeve.
I screamed, as seemed appropriate, considering the superhot guy I'd never seen before in my life-apart from on TV during hockey games, but this was out of context so I didn't recognize him-who was standing in the bathroom doorway. His ma.s.sive, muscular frame blocked my only way out. Also, I was completely naked, covered in shaving lotion from ankle to thigh, and my crotch was extra furry.
His eyes dipped and widened, taking me in. "You should probably lock the door."
"Who the f.u.c.k are you? Get out! What are you doing here?" I nabbed my towel to cover all my bits.
He took a step back, hands raised as if in apology, but his smirky smirk said he wasn't all that sorry. "Settle down, honey. I was just looking for a bathroom." He moved away from the door, chuckling.
I was furious. Embarra.s.sed and not completely rational, I covered myself with the towel and searched the bathroom for a weapon. The toilet paper holder had a blunt end if I needed to club the s.e.xy intruder. For some reason, instead of staying in the safety of the bathroom, I'd chased after him, wielding my makes.h.i.+ft weapon, and managed to flash him my overgrown v.a.g.i.n.a yet again. His amus.e.m.e.nt was infuriating.
As if that wasn't bad enough, less than an hour later I found myself trapped in the kitchen with him. Alone. Sunny and her current boyfriend, Miller "Buck" b.u.t.terson, had disappeared into the woods to "work things out." Randy was Miller's friend and NHL teammate. So there I was, forced into close proximity with a hot, insanely cut hockey boy. Despite the earlier embarra.s.sment, being trapped with Randy was preferable to ending up alone with Benji, who had gone from being my boyfriend to my ex over the course of the past week and still hadn't taken the hint and left.
He and I had been fighting nonstop while we'd been camping-a trip that was supposed to be relaxing. The situation had been escalating for a long while, but it had finally reached unmanageable. I was done in so many ways. After seven years, Benji's persistent needling and negativity had become an anchor, weighing me down, keeping me tethered to a history that no longer felt good.
While I wallowed in the aftermath of my poor life choices, Randy had sat at the table, eating bowl after bowl of Corn Pops and reading the sports section of the newspaper. Benji had followed me around the house, pus.h.i.+ng every single one of my b.u.t.tons. Heedless of our audience, he wouldn't give up. I'd told him in no uncertain terms that we were done, but sometimes he was thickheaded. Or he thought it was a game. We had broken up before. Several times.
And then he called me a b.i.t.c.h.
It felt like a verbal backhand. And it was humiliating in front of a bystander.
Randy had dropped his spoon in his bowl. Milk splattered the table and his s.h.i.+rt. "The f.u.c.k you say to her?" he'd asked as he pushed back his chair. It toppled over, clattering to the floor. He wiped his mouth with the back of his tattooed hand.
And then he'd stalked over to Benji and threatened to kick his a.s.s-even though I'd come after him with a toilet paper holder earlier.
So I did what any hot-blooded Canadian woman would when a hot man-hockey player or not-threatened extreme violence on her behalf: I grabbed his face and stuck my tongue in his mouth.
I played it off as though I'd done it to make Benji jealous. But I hadn't. Mostly I wanted to kiss Randy's face for what he'd done. Play a little tonsil hockey with him. Plead insanity for a minute.
His beard was soft where it touched my lips and chin. His mouth tasted like Corn Pops. His tongue-oh G.o.d, his tongue. Despite my unexpected a.s.sault, he'd kissed me back. Benji's freak-out had become mere static in the background. Sunny and Miller must have returned from their "walk in the forest" somewhere between Benji's insult and my jumping Randy, because when I opened my eyes, there they were, witnesses to my attack.
Mortified, I locked myself in a bedroom at the cottage for the rest of the afternoon. I told Sunny I needed to be alone. During that time, I relived the kiss over and over, wondering if it was so electric because Randy had defended me, because I was angry with Benji, or because Randy was so d.a.m.n hot.
I promised myself I wouldn't attack him like a starved lion on steak again. But by dinner, Benji had taken off, his raging texts cementing my conviction that we were now as over as we were going to get. Calling me a "flat-chested, cheating wh.o.r.e" wasn't much of a point-winner in my book.
And still here was Randy. Gorgeous. c.o.c.ky. Chivalrous. Maybe a little arrogant. An excellent kisser and an absolute flirt. I needed a distraction, and he seemed like a good one. We ended up dry-humping in the kitchen. Later he came to my bedroom with promises of fun and o.r.g.a.s.ms. No obligations. No strings. Just a casual fling. Inhibitions loose from drinks and hormones raging from all the flirting, I couldn't say no. I didn't want to, either.
Randy followed through on his promise to distract me from my problems. The o.r.g.a.s.ms were out of this world. Intergalactic.
But we didn't have s.e.x.
He was okay with being a rebound lay, but he drew the line at revenge f.u.c.k. I didn't ask what the criteria was for one or the other, but as the receiver of plenty of non-penetration-related o.r.g.a.s.ms, I could hardly complain. At the time. Regrets came later.
I thought he was so sweet. Until he and Miller went to a charity car wash the next morning, leaving Sunny and me at the cottage. The guys were only going to be gone a couple of hours, and Randy promised more o.r.g.a.s.ms upon his return. I had plans to make them the s.e.x kind.
Then things got complicated. Before they even got back, pictures of Randy and Miller with what appeared to be topless models went viral.
I got a little ragey.
p.i.s.sed that I'd been hoodwinked, I deployed a black permanent marker with the wrath of a thousand PMS-ing women on a full moon. I defaced every pair of Randy's underwear with the same message: TINY d.i.c.k INSIDE. It was a lie. A fabrication. Based on what I'd felt the night before-it was too dark to see-he was packing a substantial stick in his pants.
I gave his T-s.h.i.+rts a similar treatment, decorating them with a.s.sHOLE, so he knew how I felt about the bulls.h.i.+t he'd pulled. Like I would let him give me any more o.r.g.a.s.ms after some bunny'd been all over his d.i.c.k, probably riding it because I wasn't allowed to.
Rolling over in my bed, I sigh and blink away the memories. Turns out it was all a misunderstanding. But by the time I got the real story, it was too late. The damage had been done. I couldn't take back the clothing destruction.
It's been a month since all this went down. A month of reliving the hours spent in that bed with him. A month of embarra.s.sment over my overreaction. A month of being horrified that I let the whole situation happen in the first place. Tonight there's a charity exhibition game, and Randy's playing. Sunny's forcing me to go with her because her boyfriend, Miller, set the whole thing up. So I have to see Randy again. I'm not sure what's worse: my residual mortification or the fact that at least twice a week I wake up on the cusp of an o.r.g.a.s.m, with Randy's stunning face and body burned into the back of my lids. My body is clearly interested in receiving the pleasure he generously provided again. And again.
And again.
But that's too bad because I hate him. Smug b.a.s.t.a.r.d.
I hate him more because I can't get my body on board. He was supposed to be a distraction. A fling. s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g around for the sake of gratification and nothing else. He's the last man I should want. He's a player. He lives for the game. On ice, off ice, it's all the same. And I don't want to make the mistake of ramming my tongue down his throat yet again. I've already embarra.s.sed myself enough when it comes to Randy Ballistic.
Chapter 1.
Run, Run, Run!.
LILY.
The game is over, and Sunny-formally known as Suns.h.i.+ne Waters-my best friend since grade one, is currently projected on the Jumbotron for the entire arena to view. Miller is mauling her while "Walking on Suns.h.i.+ne" blasts through the sound system in celebration of his team's win. Actually, the real winner is a twelve-year-old boy named Michael and his family. Proceeds from this charity event are going toward his treatment. He has a brain tumor.
Miller and Sunny's overly affectionate display would be cute if I wasn't such a jaded b.i.t.c.h. Right now I hate everyone in happy relations.h.i.+ps, including Sunny.
Okay, that's not entirely true. If anyone deserves someone to love all over her, it's Sunny. Prior to Miller, her boyfriends were sucky.
He, however, is a great guy. I didn't think so at first, but like mold, he's grown on me. I look away from the screen when they kiss, surveying the rink and the players milling around off the ice. I'm seeking out one player in particular, just to torture myself.
I spot Randy about twenty feet away from them, his helmet under his arm. His beard is lush and magical, and his grin is the prettiest thing I've ever seen. He runs a sweaty hand through his hair, pus.h.i.+ng it back off his face. It's wet. Probably sweat-soaked. I should find that gross. I don't.
Instead, a backbeat starts up in my c.l.i.t-full percussion. It's like a deejay made a home in my underwear, and my v.a.g.i.n.a's where all the ba.s.s resides. Fuuuuuck. Why does he have to be so hot? Why was I such an a.s.shole last time I saw him? The tiny flutter in my stomach turns into a tornado of hummingbirds. Heat lasers from my v.a.g.i.n.a through my body, exploding in my cheeks.
"Come on, Lily!" Daisy Waters, Sunny's mom and my "Momma Two," as I've come to refer to her over the years, tugs on my arm. "Let's go upstairs to the bar and get ourselves a drink before everyone gets there!"
I look away from the insane hotness, shutting down my memories before I melt into the floor and lose the ability to speak.
"Can I have pop? And can I order some food?" Brett, my thirteen-year-old cousin asks. He's endlessly hungry, and he's with me tonight because he's friends with Michael-and he'd say Miller and Randy as well-after going to the hockey camp they volunteered at this summer.
"There's tons of food! Don't you worry!" Daisy ruffles his hair.
He ducks out from under her hand and hurriedly rearranges his 'do. In the past month he's gone from wearing jogging pants and not caring what he looks like to spending forty-five minutes in the bathroom, fixing his hair and using far too much body spray. It could be worse. He could smell like most preteen boys: more goat than human.
Daisy links arms with me, chatting away about the engagement party she's throwing in two weeks for Sunny's brother, Alex, and his fiancee, Violet. She rambles on about how excited she is. This party has been a constant topic of conversation over the past month. It's pretty much all anyone's been talking about-that and this fundraiser.
Sunny's older brother also plays professional hockey. Alex is center and team captain for Chicago, the team Miller and Randy also play for. Violet, Alex's fiancee, is actually Miller's stepsister. It's a weird circle of love-almost like a soap opera, but with athletes and without inter-dating.
I spent an excessive amount of time at Sunny's house as a kid, and she and I annoyed the h.e.l.l out of Alex on the rare occasions when he was home. He spent most of his life at the arena. He's a little strange, and I knew him before his hockey fame, so I'm well aware of his nerd status in high school. I guess he's hot, but I can't see him as anything other than a surrogate brother who used to help me and Sunny with our homework.
Daisy's still talking, but I'm not paying attention. I'm too preoccupied with the fact that we're about to pa.s.s all the players, and Randy's still there, a smile on his gorgeous, sweaty face.
"Of course you're coming with us. Can you get the weekend off work?" Daisy asks.
"Oh yeah, for sure." I nod absently.
"That's wonderful news! Sunny wasn't sure you'd be able to manage it. I know you have such long hours with two jobs and all, but we'll take care of your ticket to Chicago. Alex has plenty of room in his house, so you can stay there with us. It'll be a great weekend!" She squeezes my arm. "Oh! There's Miller and his parents and Alex and all the boys! Let's go say hi! Sunny's there with them. Come on!" She starts dragging me toward the group of players, which contains Randy.
I dig my heels into the rubber flooring and pry her fingers off my arm, scrambling for a reason not to go with her because I have the feeling my body is going to go rogue the first chance it gets. She knows about the Randy situation-or at least she knows the toned-down, PG version of it-but I can't explain this to her. "Oh... uh... I need to use the bathroom. I'll meet you upstairs in the bar."
"We're just going to say hi, sweetie," Daisy gives me one of her knowing-mom smiles.
"I really, really need the bathroom, Momma Two."
"Aw, come on, Lily. Michael's over there," Brett whines in his pitchy, almost-changing voice.
"You come with me, Brett." Daisy puts a hand on his shoulder and winks at me. "We'll meet you up there."
I nod vigorously. "Sure. Great! See you in a minute!"
I've spent most of my life figure skating in this arena-Alex used his connections here in Guelph to get the s.p.a.ce for the exhibition game-and now I work here, teaching skating lessons. I know where all the best bathrooms are, including a secret one not far from the bar where the afterparty's being held.
I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to come to this. I can't deal with seeing Randy. I have too many conflicting emotions-like l.u.s.t and embarra.s.sment and self-preservation, if that's an emotion. I bypa.s.s the crowded elevator and hit the stairs. I take them two at a time and go right, instead of left toward the bar, at the top, heading for the hidden bathroom at the end of the hall.
I open the door, flick on the light, and lock myself in, exhaling a long breath. Turning on the tap, I shove my hands under the cold spray, hoping it will cool down the rest of me. Randy f.u.c.king Ballistic is a G.o.dd.a.m.n problem.
There are a million things in my life I regret. Staying with Benji for seven years is one of them. Not having Randy f.u.c.k the living h.e.l.l out of me while I had a decent excuse to do so is another. Now, I can't be sure that's what would have happened, had things progressed differently, but I'm guessing.
The worst part is, I threw myself at him-offered up my body on a platter, which is totally not my thing. I'm responsible. I stay safe and comfortable. And then he refused to have s.e.x with me because I was emotionally "vulnerable." He more than made up for the lack of penetration, but that doesn't negate my embarra.s.sment, particularly since I went apes.h.i.+t on all his clothes and proved I'd gone from "vulnerable" to unstable in a matter of hours. Nor does it temper my regret. That man can eat a p.u.s.s.y like n.o.body's business. And his fingers, and his mouth, and-Jesus I need to stop thinking about him mostly naked and touching me.
I groan and stare at my reflection. I look like absolute c.r.a.p. I almost never wear makeup, and the only stuff I have is meant for figure skating compet.i.tions. I thought about putting some on tonight, but I didn't want to look like a street-walking clown. Also, the powder c.r.a.p makes my skin itchy. My hair is flat, and so is my chest. I glance down at my pathetic cleavage. I need to gain five pounds, in my b.o.o.bs. There's nothing I can do about my sad little barely B-cups.
I rummage through my purse, searching for something beyond lip balm. Anything with a hint of color would be better than the look I'm rocking now. I bet Momma Two has an endless supply of sparkly tubes in her bag. She wears an insane amount of makeup. And hairspray. She's worn her hair the same way for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure if she just loved Dallas and can't let it go, but her hair is a special kind of fas.h.i.+onably unfortunate.
I find a tube at the bottom of my purse. The top has come off, and there's all sorts of gunk stuck to the lipstick. s.n.a.t.c.hing a few squares of toilet paper from the roll, I remove the dirt and flakes of old granola bar before I rub it over my lips. It's a bright, obnoxious shade of pink. I blot it with the toilet paper, but all I do is smear it over my mouth.
"d.a.m.n it." I grab a paper towel from the roll. Running it under the water, I pump some foam soap onto it and scrub at my lips, trying to get the pink off. The soap gets in my mouth, the chemical taste making me gag.
Someone knocks on the door. Almost no one knows about this bathroom.
"I'll be out in a minute!" I shout over the running water. All the scrubbing has left redness around my mouth. Now I have to hide in a dark corner until my skin calms down. I slather my lips in a s.h.i.+ny clear gloss that's also lurking at the bottom of my bag, turn off the water, and open the door.
Sunny's standing on the other side with her arms crossed over her chest. She's effortlessly beautiful. She can roll out of bed with her perfect blond hair a matted mess, and she still looks ready for the runway. She's currently dressed in a huge hockey jersey, a pair of black yoga pants-from lululemon, of course, because that's what her brother buys her-and a pair of flats. She's modelesque. If I didn't love her, I'd hate her.
Violet, her soon-to-be sister-in-law stands beside her. She only comes up to Sunny's shoulder. She's a tiny thing with huge b.o.o.bs and this amazing long hair that's not brown or red, but somewhere in between. Her eyes are a fabulous shade of green. Neither one of them is wearing a st.i.tch of makeup, as far as I can tell, and both of them are gorgeous. Next to Violet is another girl. I've met her once before, but I can't remember her name. She's also stunning. It's a whole squad of them.
"I knew you'd be hiding in here." Sunny flips her hair over her shoulder.
"I'm not hiding."