The Adventures of Sir Launcelot Greaves Part 14

Poor Timothy was thunderstruck to find the conjurer acquainted with all these circ.u.mstances, and begged to know if he might be so bauld as to ax a question or two about his own fortune. The astrologer pointing to the little coffin, our squire understood the hint, and deposited another s.h.i.+lling. The sage had recourse to his book, erected another scheme, performed once more his airy evolutions with the wand, and having recited another mystical preamble, expounded the book of fate in these words: "You shall neither die by war nor water, by hunger or by thirst, nor be brought to the grave by old age or distemper; but, let me see--ay, the stars will have it so--you shall be--exalted--hah!--ay, that is--hanged for horse-stealing."--"O good my lord conjurer!" roared the squire, "I'd as lief give forty s.h.i.+llings as be hanged."--"Peace, sirrah!" cried the other; "would you contradict or reverse the immutable decrees of fate?

Hanging is your destiny, and hanged you shall be--and comfort yourself with the reflection, that as you are not the first, so neither will you be the last to swing on Tyburn tree." This comfortable a.s.surance composed the mind of Timothy, and in a great measure reconciled him to the prediction. He now proceeded in a whining tone, to ask whether he should suffer for the first fact; whether it would be for a horse or a mare, and of what colour, that he might know when his hour was come. The conjurer gravely answered, that he would steal a dappled gelding on a Wednesday, be cast at the Old Bailey on Thursday, and suffer on a Friday; and he strenuously recommended it to him to appear in the cart with a nosegay in one hand, and the Whole Duty of Man in the other. "But if in case it should be in the winter," said the squire, "when a nosegay can't be had?"--"Why, then," replied the conjurer, "an orange will do as well."

These material points being adjusted to the entire satisfaction of Timothy, he declared he would bestow another s.h.i.+lling to know the fortune of an old companion, who truly did not deserve so much at his hands, but he could not help loving him better than e'er a friend he had in the world. So saying, he dropped a third offering in the coffin, and desired to know the fate of his horse Gilbert. The astrologer having again consulted his art, p.r.o.nounced that Gilbert would die of the staggers, and his carcase be given to the hounds; a sentence which made a much deeper impression upon Crabshaw's mind, than did the prediction of his own untimely and disgraceful fate. He shed a plenteous shower of tears, and his grief broke forth in some pa.s.sionate expressions of tenderness. At length he told the astrologer he would go and send up the captain, who wanted to consult him about Margery Cook, because as how she had informed him that Dr. Grubble had described just such another man as the captain for her true love; and he had no great stomach to the match, if so be as the stars were not bent upon their coming together.

Accordingly the squire being dismissed by the conjurer, descended to the parlour with a rueful length of face, which being perceived by the captain, he demanded, "What cheer, ho?" with some signs of apprehension.

Crabshaw making no return to this salute, he asked if the conjurer had taken an observation, and told him anything. Then the other replied, he had told him more than he desired to know. "Why, an that be the case,"

said the seaman, "I have no occasion to go aloft this trip, brother."

This evasion would not serve his turn. Old Tisiphone was at hand, and led him up growling into the hall of audience, which he did not examine without trepidation. Having been directed to the coffin, where he presented half a crown, in hope of rendering the fates more propitious, the usual ceremony was performed, and the doctor addressed him in these words: "Approach, Raven." The captain advancing, "You an't much mistaken, brother," said he, "heave your eye into the binnacle, and box your compa.s.s, you'll find I'm a Crowe, not a Raven, thof indeed they be both fowls of a feather, as the saying is."--"I know it," cried the conjurer, "thou art a northern crow,--a sea-crow; not a crow of prey, but a crow to be preyed upon;--a crow to be plucked,--to be flayed,--to be basted,--to be broiled by Margery upon the gridiron of matrimony." The novice changing colour at this denunciation, "I do understand your signals, brother," said he, "and if it be set down in the log-book of fate that we must grapple, why then 'ware timbers. But as I know how the land lies, d'ye see, and the current of my inclination sets me off, I shall haul up close to the wind, and mayhap we shall clear Cape Margery.

But howsomever, we shall leave that reef in the fore top-sail.--I was bound upon another voyage, d'ye see--to look and to see, and to know if so be as how I could pick up any intelligence along sh.o.r.e concerning my friend Sir Launcelot, who slipped his cable last night, and has lost company, d'ye see."

"What!" exclaimed the cunning man; "art thou a crow, and canst not smell carrion? If thou wouldst grieve for Greaves, behold his naked carcase lies unburied, to feed the kites, the crows, the gulls, the rooks, and ravens."--"What! broach'd to?" "Dead as a boil'd lobster."--"Odd's heart, friend, these are the heaviest tidings I have heard these seven long years--there must have been deadly odds when he lowered his top-sails--smite my eyes! I had rather the Mufti had foundered at sea, with myself and all my generation on board--well fare thy soul, flower of the world! had honest Sam Crowe been within hail--but what signifies palavering?" Here the tears of unaffected sorrow flowed plentifully down the furrows of the seaman's cheeks;--then his grief giving way to his indignation, "Hark ye, brother conjurer," said he, "you can spy foul weather before it comes, d--n your eyes! why did not you give us warning of this here squall? B--st my limbs! I'll make you give an account of this here d--ned, horrid, confounded murder, d'ye see--mayhap you yourself was concerned, d'ye see.--For my own part, brother, I put my trust in G.o.d, and steer by the compa.s.s, and I value not your paw-wawing and your conjuration of a rope's end, d'ye see."

The conjurer was by no means pleased, either with the matter or the manner of this address. He therefore began to soothe the captain's choler, by representing that he did not pretend to omniscience, which was the attribute of G.o.d alone; that human art was fallible and imperfect; and all that it could perform was to discover certain partial circ.u.mstances of any particular object to which its inquiries were directed. That being questioned by the other man concerning the cause of his master's disappearing, he had exercised his skill upon the subject, and found reason to believe that Sir Launcelot was a.s.sa.s.sinated; that he should think himself happy in being the instrument of bringing the murderers to justice, though he foresaw they would of themselves save him that trouble; for they would quarrel about dividing the spoil, and one would give information against the other.

The prospect of this satisfaction appeased the resentment, and, in some measure, mitigated the grief of Captain Crowe, who took his leave without much ceremony; and, being joined by Crabshaw, proceeded with a heavy heart to the house of Sir Launcelot, where they found the domestics at breakfast, without exhibiting the least symptom of concern for their absent master. Crowe had been wise enough to conceal from Crabshaw what he had learned of the knight's fate. This fatal intelligence he reserved for the ear of his nephew, Mr. Clarke, who did not fail to attend him in the forenoon.

As for the squire, he did nothing but ruminate in rueful silence upon the dappled gelding, the nosegay, and the predicted fate of Gilbert. Him he forthwith visited in the stable, and saluted with the kiss of peace.

Then he bemoaned his fortune with tears, and by the sound of his own lamentation was lulled asleep among the litter.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

IN WHICH THE CLOUDS THAT COVER THE CATASTROPHE BEGIN TO DISPERSE.

We must now leave Captain Crowe and his nephew Mr. Clarke, arguing with great vehemence about the fatal intelligence obtained from the conjurer, and penetrate at once the veil that concealed our hero. Know then, reader, that Sir Launcelot Greaves, repairing to the place described in the billet which he had received, was accosted by a person m.u.f.fled in a cloak, who began to amuse him with a feigned story of Aurelia, to which, while he listened with great attention, he found himself suddenly surrounded by armed men, who seized and pinioned down his arms, took away his sword, and conveyed him by force into a hackney-coach provided for the purpose. In vain he expostulated on this violence with three persons who accompanied him in the vehicle. He could not extort one word by way of reply; and, from their gloomy aspects, he began to be apprehensive of a.s.sa.s.sination. Had the carriage pa.s.sed through any frequented place, he would have endeavoured to alarm the inhabitants, but it was already clear of the town, and his conductors took care to avoid all villages and inhabited houses.

After having travelled about two miles, the coach stopped at a large iron gate, which being opened, our adventurer was led in silence through a s.p.a.cious house into a tolerably decent apartment, which he understood was intended for his bed-chamber. In a few minutes after his arrival, he was visited by a man of no very prepossessing appearance, who endeavouring to smooth his countenance, which was naturally stern, welcomed our adventurer to his house; exhorted him to be of good cheer, a.s.suring him he should want for nothing, and desired to know what he would choose for supper.

Sir Launcelot, in answer to this civil address, begged he would explain the nature of his confinement, and the reasons for which his arms were tied like those of the worst malefactor. The other postponed till to-morrow the explanation he demanded, but in the meantime unbound his fetters, and, as he declined eating, left him alone to his repose. He took care, however, in retiring, to double lock the door of the room, whose windows were grated on the outside with iron.

The knight, being thus abandoned to his own meditations, began to ruminate on the present adventure with equal surprise and concern; but the more he revolved circ.u.mstances, the more was he perplexed in his conjectures. According to the state of the mind, a very subtle philosopher is often puzzled by a very plain proposition; and this was the case of our adventurer.--What made the strongest impression upon his mind was a notion that he was apprehended on suspicion of treasonable practices, by a warrant from the Secretary of State, in consequence of some false malicious information; and that his prison was no other than the house of a messenger, set apart for the accommodation of suspected persons. In this opinion he comforted himself by recollecting his own conscious innocence, and reflecting that he should be ent.i.tled to the privilege of habeas corpus, as the act including that inestimable jewel was happily not suspended at this time.

Consoled by this self-a.s.surance, he quietly resigned himself to slumber; but before he fell asleep, he was very disagreeably undeceived in his conjecture. His ears were all at once saluted with a noise from the next room, conveyed in distinct bounces against the wainscot; then a hoa.r.s.e voice exclaimed, "Bring up the artillery--let Brutandorf's brigade advance--detach my black hussars to ravage the country--let them be new booted--take particular care of the spur-leathers--make a desert of Lusatia--bombard the suburbs of Pera--go, tell my brother Henry to pa.s.s the Elbe at Meissen with forty battalions and fifty squadrons--so ho, you Major-General Donder, why don't you finish your second parallel?--send hither the engineer s.h.i.+ttenback--I'll lay all the shoes in my shop, the breach will be practicable in four-and-twenty hours--don't tell me of your works; you and your works be d--n'd."

"a.s.suredly," cried another voice from a different quarter, "he that thinks to be saved by works is in a state of utter reprobation--I myself was a profane weaver, and trusted to the rottenness of works--I kept my journeymen and 'prentices at constant work, and my heart was set upon the riches of this world, which was a wicked work--but now I have got a glimpse of the new light--I feel the operations of grace--I am of the new birth--I abhor good works--I detest all working but the working of the Spirit--avaunt, Satan--O! how I thirst for communication with our sister Jolly."

"The communication is already open with the Marche," said the first, "but as for thee, thou caitiff, who hast presumed to disparage my works, I'll have thee rammed into a mortar with a double charge of powder, and thrown into the enemy's quarters."

This dialogue operated like a train upon many other inhabitants of the place; one swore he was within three vibrations of finding the longitude, when this noise confounded his calculation; a second, in broken English, complained he vas distorped in the moment of de proshection; a third, in the character of His Holiness, denounced interdiction, excommunication, and anathemas; and swore by St. Peter's keys, they should howl ten thousand years in purgatory, without the benefit of a single ma.s.s. A fourth began to halloo in all the vociferation of a fox-hunter in the chase; and in an instant the whole house was in an uproar.

The clamour, however, was of a short duration. The different chambers being opened successively, every individual was effectually silenced by the sound of one cabalistical word, which was no other than Waistcoat. A charm which at once cowed the King of P----, dispossessed the fanatic, dumbfounded the mathematician, dismayed the alchemist, deposed the Pope, and deprived the squire of all utterance.

Our adventurer was no longer in doubt concerning the place to which he had been conveyed; and the more he reflected on his situation, the more he was overwhelmed with the most perplexing chagrin. He could not conceive by whose means he had been immured in a madhouse; but he heartily repented of his knight-errantry, as a frolic which might have very serious consequences, with respect to his future life and fortune.

After mature deliberation, he resolved to demean himself with the utmost circ.u.mspection, well knowing that every violent transport would be interpreted into an undeniable symptom of insanity. He was not without hope of being able to move his jailor by a due administration of that which is generally more efficacious than all the flowers of elocution; but when he rose in the morning, he found his pockets had been carefully examined, and emptied of all his papers and cash.

The keeper entering, he inquired about these particulars, and was given to understand, that they were all safe deposited for his use, to be forthcoming at a proper season. But, at present, as he should want nothing, he had no occasion for money. The knight acquiesced in this declaration, and eat his breakfast in quiet.

About eleven, he received a visit from the physician, who contemplated his looks with great solemnity; and having examined his pulse, shook his head, saying, "Well, sir, how d'ye do?--come, don't be dejected-- everything is for the best--you are in very good hands, sir, I a.s.sure you; and I dare say will refuse nothing that may be thought conducive to the recovery of your health."

"Doctor," said our hero, "if it is not an improper question to ask, I should be glad to know your opinion of my disorder."--"Oh! sir, as to that," replied the physician, "your disorder is a--kind of a--sir, 'tis very common in this country--a sort of a"----"Do you think my distemper is madness, doctor?"--"O Lord, sir,--not absolute madness--no--not madness--you have heard, no doubt, of what is called a weakness of the nerves, sir,--though that is a very inaccurate expression; for this phrase, denoting a morbid excess of sensation, seems to imply that sensation itself is owing to the loose cohesion of those material particles which const.i.tute the nervous substance, inasmuch as the quant.i.ty of every effect must be proportionable to its cause; now you'll please to take notice, sir, if the case were really what these words seem to import, all bodies, whose particles do not cohere with too great a degree of proximity, would be nervous; that is, endued with sensation.

Sir, I shall order some cooling things to keep you in due temperature; and you'll do very well--sir, your humble servant."

So saying, he retired, and our adventurer could not but think it was very hard that one man should not dare to ask the most ordinary question without being reputed mad, while another should talk nonsense by the hour, and yet be esteemed as an oracle.

The master of the house finding Sir Launcelot so tame and tractable, indulged him after dinner with a walk in a little private garden, under the eye of a servant who followed him at a distance. Here he was saluted by a brother-prisoner, a man seemingly turned of thirty, tall and thin, with staring eyes, a hook-nose, and a face covered with pimples.

The usual compliments having pa.s.sed, the stranger, without further ceremony, asked him if he would oblige him with a chew of tobacco, or could spare him a mouthful of any sort of cordial, declaring he had not tasted brandy since he came to the house. The knight a.s.sured him it was not in his power to comply with his request; and began to ask some questions relating to the character of their landlord, which the stranger represented in very unfavourable colours. He described him as a ruffian, capable of undertaking the darkest scenes of villany. He said his house was a repository of the most flagrant iniquities. That it contained fathers kidnapped by their children, wives confined by their husbands, gentlemen of fortune sequestered by their relations, and innocent persons immured by the malice of their adversaries. He affirmed this was his own case; and asked if our hero had never heard of d.i.c.k Distich, the poet and satirist. "Ben Bullock and I," said he, "were confident against the world in arms--did you never see his ode to me beginning with 'Fair blooming youth'? We were sworn brothers, admired and praised, and quoted each other, sir. We denounced war against all the world, actors, authors, and critics; and having drawn the sword, threw away the scabbard--we pushed through thick and thin, hacked and hewed helter skelter, and became as formidable to the writers of the age as the Boeotian band of Thebes. My friend Bullock, indeed, was once rolled in the kennel; but soon

He vig'rous rose, and from th' effluvia strong Imbib'd new life, and scour'd and stunk along.

"Here is a satire, which I wrote in an alehouse when I was drunk--I can prove it by the evidence of the landlord and his wife; I fancy you'll own I have some right to say with my friend Horace,

Qui me commorit, (melius non tangere clamo,) Flebit, et insignis tota cantabitur urbe."

The knight, having perused the papers, declared his opinion that the verses were tolerably good; but at the same time observed that the author had reviled as ignorant dunces several persons who had writ with reputation, and were generally allowed to have genius; a circ.u.mstance that would detract more from his candour than could be allowed to his capacity.

"D--n their genius!" cried the satirist, "a pack of impertinent rascals!

I tell you, sir, Ben Bullock and I had determined to crush all that were not of our own party. Besides, I said before, this piece was written in drink."--"Was you drunk too when it was printed and published?"--"Yes, the printer shall make affidavit that I was never otherwise than drunk or maudlin, till my enemies, on pretence that my brain was turned, conveyed me to this infernal mansion"--

"They seem to have been your best friends," said the knight, "and have put the most tender interpretation on your conduct; for, waiving the plea of insanity, your character must stand as that of a man who hath some small share of genius, without an atom of integrity. Of all those whom Pope lashed in his Dunciad, there was not one who did not richly deserve the imputation of dulness, and every one of them had provoked the satirist by a personal attack. In this respect the English poet was much more honest than his French pattern Boileau, who stigmatised several men of acknowledged genius; such as Quinault, Perrault, and the celebrated Lulli; for which reason every man of a liberal turn must, in spite of all his poetical merit, despise him as a rancorous knave. If this disingenuous conduct cannot be forgiven in a writer of his superior genius, who will pardon it in you whose name is not half emerged from obscurity?"

"Hark ye, friend," replied the bard, "keep your pardon and your counsel for those who ask it; or, if you will force them upon people, take one piece of advice in return. If you don't like your present situation, apply for a committee without delay. They'll find you too much of a fool to have the least tincture of madness; and you'll be released without further scruple. In that case I shall rejoice in your deliverance; you will be freed from confinement, and I shall be happily deprived of your conversation."

So saying, he flew off at a tangent, and our knight could not help smiling at the peculiar virulence of his disposition. Sir Launcelot then endeavoured to enter into conversation with his attendant, by asking how long Mr. Distich had resided in the house; but he might as well have addressed himself to a Turkish mute. The fellow either pretended ignorance, or refused an answer to every question that was proposed. He would not even disclose the name of his landlord, nor inform him whereabouts the house was situated.

Finding himself agitated with impatience and indignation, he returned to his apartment, and the door being locked upon him, began to review, not without horror, the particulars of his fate. "How little reason," said he to himself, "have we to boast of the blessings enjoyed by the British subject, if he holds them on such a precarious tenure; if a man of rank and property may be thus kidnapped even in the midst of the capital; if he may be seized by ruffians, insulted, robbed, and conveyed to such a prison as this, from which there seems to be no possibility of escape!

Should I be indulged with pen, ink, and paper, and appeal to my relations, or to the magistrates of my country, my letters would be intercepted by those who superintend my confinement. Should I try to alarm the neighbourhood, my cries would be neglected as those of some unhappy lunatic under necessary correction. Should I employ the force which Heaven has lent me, I might imbrue my hands in blood, and after all find it impossible to escape through a number of successive doors, locks, bolts, and sentinels. Should I endeavour to tamper with the servant, he might discover my design, and then I should be abridged of the little comfort I enjoy. People may inveigh against the Bastile in France, and the Inquisition in Portugal; but I would ask, if either of these be in reality so dangerous or dreadful as a private madhouse in England, under the direction of a ruffian? The Bastile is a state prison, the Inquisition is a spiritual tribunal; but both are under the direction of government. It seldom, if ever, happens that a man entirely innocent is confined in either; or, if he should, he lays his account with a legal trial before established judges. But, in England, the most innocent person upon earth is liable to be immured for life under the pretext of lunacy, sequestered from his wife, children, and friends, robbed of his fortune, deprived even of necessaries, and subjected to the most brutal treatment from a low-bred barbarian, who raises an ample fortune on the misery of his fellow-creatures, and may, during his whole life, practise this horrid oppression, without question or control."

This uncomfortable reverie was interrupted by a very unexpected sound that seemed to issue from the other side of a thick party-wall. It was a strain of vocal music, more plaintive than the widowed turtle's moan, more sweet and ravis.h.i.+ng than Philomel's love-warbled song. Through his ear it instantly pierced into his heart; for at once he recognised it to be the voice of his adored Aurelia. Heavens! what was the agitation of his soul, when he made this discovery! how did every nerve quiver! how did his heart throb with the most violent emotion! he ran round the room in distraction, foaming like a lion in the toil--then he placed his ear close to the part.i.tion, and listened as if his whole soul was exerted in his sense of hearing. When the sound ceased to vibrate on his ear, he threw himself on the bed; he groaned with anguish, he exclaimed in broken accents; and in all probability his heart would have burst, had not the violence of his sorrow found vent in a flood of tears.

These first transports were succeeded by a fit of impatience, which had well-nigh deprived him of his senses in good earnest. His surprise at finding his lost Aurelia in such a place, the seeming impossibility of relieving her, and his unspeakable eagerness to contrive some scheme for profiting by the interesting discovery he had made, concurred in brewing up a second ecstasy, during which he acted a thousand extravagances, which it was well for him the attendants did not observe. Perhaps it was well for the servant that he did not enter while the paroxysm prevailed.

Had this been the case, he might have met with the fate of Lichas, whom Hercules in his frenzy destroyed.

Before the cloth was laid for supper, he was calm enough to conceal the disorder of his mind. But he complained of the headache, and desired he might be next day visited by the physician, to whom he resolved to explain himself in such a manner, as should make an impression upon him, provided he was not altogether dest.i.tute of conscience and humanity.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

THE KNOT THAT PUZZLES HUMAN WISDOM, THE HAND OF FORTUNE SOMETIMES WILL UNTIE FAMILIAR AS HER GARTER.

When the doctor made his next appearance in Sir Launcelot's apartment, the knight addressed him in these words: "Sir, the practice of medicine is one of the most honourable professions exercised among the sons of men; a profession which hath been revered at all periods, and in all nations, and even held sacred in the most polished ages of antiquity.