The War of the Wenuses Part 5

I was startled. It was my wife, accompanied by Mrs. Elphinstone, my cousin's man, my mother, the widow of the landlord of the "Dog and Measles," Master Herodotus Tibbles in deep mourning, and the Artillery-man's brother from Beauchamp's little livery stables.

I shot an appealing glance to the disappearing Wenus. She threw me a kiss. I threw her another.

My wife took a step forward, and put her hand to my ear. I fell.

[Footnote 1: Cleaver in a subsequent Memoir [Sonnenschein, London, pp.

xiv., 954, 20 in. x 8-1/2, price 2 2s. net] has made out, reluctantly and against the judgment of his firm, that the basic material of the globules, the peculiar tenacity of which was due to some toughening ingredient imported by the Wisitors from their planet, was undoubtedly that indispensable domestic article which is alleged to "save rubbing."]

APPENDIX A.

APPENDIX A.

My mother, whose vigilance during the Wenuses' invasion has been throughout of the greatest a.s.sistance to me, kept copies of the various papers of importance which commented upon that event. From them I am enabled, with my mother's consent, to supplement the allusions to contemporary journalism in the body of my history with the following extracts:--

The _Times_, or, as it is better known, the Thunder Child of Printing House Square, said:

"The Duke of Curzon's statesmanlike reply in the House of Lords last night to the inflammatory question or string of questions put by Lord Ashmead with reference to our planetary visitors will go far to mitigate the unreasoning panic which has laid hold of a certain section of the community. As to the methods by which it has been proposed to confront and repel the invaders, the Duke's remark, 'that the use of dynamite violated the chivalrous instincts which were at the root of the British Nature,' called forth loud applause. The Foreign Secretary, however, showed that, while deprecating senseless panic, he was ready to take any reasonable steps to allay the natural anxiety of the public, and rising later on in the evening, he announced that a Royal Commission had been appointed, on which Lord Ashmead, Dr. Joseph Parker (of the City Temple), and Mr. Hall Caine, representing the Isle of Man, had consented to serve, and would be dispatched without delay to Kensington Gardens to inquire into the cause of the visit, and, if possible, to induce the new comers to accept an invitation to tea on the Terrace. By way of supplementing these tranquillizing a.s.surances, we may add that we have the authority of the best scientific experts, including Dr. Moreau, Professor Sprudelkopf of Carlsbad, and Dr. Fountain Penn of Philadelphia, for a.s.serting that no animate beings could survive their transference from the atmosphere of Venus to that of our planet for more than fourteen days. It is to be hoped, therefore, that the members of the Royal Commission may be successful in impressing upon our aerial visitors the imperative necessity of a speedy return. In these negotiations it is antic.i.p.ated that the expressive pantomime of Dr.

Parker, and Mr. Hall Caine's mastery of the Manx dialect, will be of the greatest possible a.s.sistance."

To the _Daily Telegraph_ Sir Edwin Arnold contributed a poem ent.i.tled "Aphrodite Anadyomene; or, Venus at the Round Pond." My mother can remember only the last stanza, which ran as follows:

"Though I fly to _Fus.h.i.+yama_, Steeped in opalescent _Karma_, I shall ne'er forget my charmer, My adorable _Khansamah_.

Though I fly to Tokio, Where the sweet _chupatties_ blow, I shall ne'er forget thee, no!

_Yamagata, daimio_."

A s.h.i.+lling testimonial to the Wenuses was also started by the same journal, in accordance with the precedent furnished by the similar treatment of the Graces, and an animated controversy raged in its correspondence columns with reference to mixed bathing at Margate, and its effect on the morality of the Wenuses.

A somewhat painful impression was created by the publication of an interview with a well-known dramatic critic in the periodical known as _Great Scott's Thoughts_. This eminent authority gave it as his unhesitating opinion that the Wenuses were not fit persons to a.s.sociate with actors, actresses, or dramatic critics, and that if, as was announced, they had been engaged at Covent Garden to lend realistic verisimilitude to the Venusberg scene in _Tannhauser_, it was his firm resolve to give up his long crusade against Ibsen, emigrate to Norway, and change his name to that of John Gabriel Borkman. A prolonged sojourn in Poppyland, however, resulted in the withdrawal of this dreadful threat, and, some few weeks after the extinction of the Wenuses, his reconciliation with the dramatic profession was celebrated at a public meeting, where, after embracing all the actor-managers in turn, he was presented by them with a magnificent silver b.u.t.ter-boat, filled to the brim with melted b.u.t.ter ready for immediate use.

APPENDIX B.

APPENDIX B.

My mother has obtained permission from the Laureate's publishers to reprint the following stanzas from "The Pale Pink Raid":--

"Wrong? O of coa.r.s.e it's heinous, But we're going, girls, you just bet!

Do they think that the Wars of Wenus Can be stopped by an epithet?

When the henpecked Earth-men pray us To join them at afternoon tea, Not rhyme nor reason can stay us From flying to set them free.

"When the men on that hapless planet, Handsome and kind and true, Cry out, 'Hurry up!' O hang it!

What else can a Wenus do?

I suppose it was rather bad form, girls, But really we didn't care, For our planet was growing too warm, girls, And we wanted a change of air.

"Mrs. Grundy may go on snarling, But still, at the Judgment Day, The author of _England's Darling_ I think won't give us away.

We failed, but we chose to chance it, And as one of the beaten side, I'd rather have made that transit Than written _Jameson's Ride!_"

THE END.