Body Language in Business Part 2

* There is more mutual eye contact between friends than others, and a looker's frank gaze is widely interpreted as positive regard. Lovers really do gaze more into each other's eyes.

* People who seek eye contact while speaking are regarded not only as exceptionally well-disposed by their targets, but also as more believable and earnest. Politicians "sweep" the room with their eye gaze. Salesmen know how to look at each member of their audience.

* If the usual short, intermittent gazes during conversation are replaced by gazes of longer duration, the target interprets this as meaning that the communication is less important than the personal relations.h.i.+p between the two people.

* The amount and type of eye gaze imparts a great deal of information. Pupil dilation, blink rates, direction of gaze, widening of the eyes all send very clear messages.

The causes and consequence of pupil dilation are particularly interesting because it is one of those communication behaviors that neither party (sender or receiver) are much aware of during the communication. Consider this: people are shown two identical photographs of a woman, with the only difference being that on one of them her pupil size is detectably and artificially enlarged to be double the normal, natural size. When asked to rate which one is more attractive, 6080 percent of people shown the photographs will nominate the woman with falsely dilated pupils. However, if you ask them to point out how the photographs differ, very few identify the manipulation of pupil dilation. They point to skin, hair texture, lips or face shape, but rarely the pupils.

Pupils dilate for various reasons. In bright light they contract; in dim light, expand. But they also dilate with strong emotions such as s.e.xual excitement or rage. The latter visibly manifests in cats or dogs that are about to fight. What is more, people respond to others who appear to be s.e.xually attracted to them. Women used to put belladonna plant extract (which literally translates as "beautiful woman") in their eyes to cause pupil dilation (and, consequently, eye-sight problems, unfortunately). This could be a painful and dangerous process, but was considered worth the risk to attract men. Thus the man, unaware of why he was attracted to the woman, responded to the dilated pupils.

This is an example of the power of visible signals. Not one that is perhaps the most relevant or applicable in the workplace, however.

Consider the factors that determine the amount of eye gaze: 1. Distance. In elevators, we turn to face the door because we are forced to stand too close together, and reducing eye gaze helps to lessen the discomfort of having our body zones invaded. Note how conversation before, during and after the ride changes. As soon as the distance between people drops below 6 feet (1.8 meter), their eye contact decreases.

2. Topic of conversation. It is no accident that Catholic confessionals and psychiatric couches are so arranged as to attempt to reduce the amount of eye contact between priest and the individual in the confessional, and the therapist with the patient in the room. When people are talking about shameful and embarra.s.sing things or looking inward, it is better that they sense but do not see others, and that those listening do not (cannot) stare at them. People often find that they can have "good conversations" walking or doing a cooperative activity, such as was.h.i.+ng up, because they are close to, but not looking at, their companions. Intimate talk can be inhibited by eye contact.

3. Conversation task. Doctors look more at patients when talking about emotional rather than physical symptoms or conditions. People look more at cooperators than compet.i.tors. Persuaders look more when trying to influence.

4. Attention. Hitch-hikers, charity-tin shakers and others all maximize eye contact to increase attention. People look at each other about 75 percent of the time when talking, but only 40 percent of the time when listening. One looks to get, and keep, the attention of others.

5. Interpersonal relations.h.i.+ps. People look at those they like more than those they do not like. Their pupils dilate more when they are looking at someone they like. Gaze also signals dominance: more powerful people are looked at more (partly because they tend to look more and speak less). Threat is also indicated by gaze. Direct gaze signals threat, while cutting off or averting your gaze is likely to signal appeas.e.m.e.nt.

6. Cooperation. The extent to which people are willing to cooperate rather than compete is often communicated by gaze patterns. The amount and type of gaze is important. The common meaning of a high level of gaze is that the gazer is interested and attentive. However, combined with certain expressions it could as easily indicate threat.

7. Personality. Extroverts look more often, and for longer, at their interlocutors than introverts. The confident, the bright and the socially dominant look more while it is the opposite for the socially anxious. Females look more at those they are talking to compared to males.

8. Physical appearance. People look less at the disabled, and at less attractive individuals, and more at the able-bodied and those who are more attractive.

9. Mental illness. Many psychopathologies are a.s.sociated with reduced and/or "odd" gaze patterns; in particular, autism and paranoia. Schizophrenics and depressed people tend to avert eye gaze.

10. Ethnicity. People from contact cultures such as those in the Near East look more than those from non-contact cultures such as those in Europe.

People also disguise eye contact by wearing dark gla.s.ses or shades. Blind people do so to indicate their blindness, but also because they cannot always "face" a person. Often, to avoid the embarra.s.sment of not being able to "look a person in the eye" when appropriate, blind people wear tinted gla.s.ses. Security people also wear dark gla.s.ses so that possible suspects cannot see the direction in which they are looking. Traffic police wear reflecting, mirrored gla.s.ses to reduce the possibility of an argument. Irate or nervous drivers can be put off a confrontation if they not only cannot see the eyes of the policeman but are also forced to see their own eyes. They experience objective self-awareness, seeing themselves as objects and not seeing those they are engaging in conversation.

Most of us know people who close their eyes while speaking. Such "eye blocks" may occur because a person is bored or feels superior. They deny both speaker and listener the opportunity to receive and give feedback. Shy, introverted people also tend to have a less open eye gaze.

The way rooms are furnished can maximize or minimize eye contact, as with the psychiatric couches and confessionals described above. But the position of chairs, desks and other office paraphernalia might also be a clue to a person's preferred mode of communication and their personality (given that they chose or arranged the furnis.h.i.+ngs themselves). It can also dictate how close you are to one another, how easy it is to look at each other in the eye and the angle of contact (orientation). It can be very uncomfortable sitting face-to-face at a very close distance, or particularly relaxing.

Some quirky individuals encourage others to choose where to sit from a number of options. The seats might differ in height, "stiffness" and distance. They believe it might symbolize the type of interaction and communication they prefer or intend to have.

Facial expression.

The face is a highly expressive region. It is "readout" of emotions: immediate, spontaneous, honest and uncontrollable. Knowing this, however, we expend a lot of effort trying to control it. The eyes, mouth and eyebrows are all able to move independently, allowing for many different expressions. The nose can be flared or wrinkled in a sneer. Skin color, texture and moisture can give a great deal of information about an individual's mood and state of health. Simple line drawings of eyebrows, forehead and mouth in different expressions can send at least ten emotional messages. Happy facial expression is usually drawn with the eyes and smile lines pointing up; angry or sad face with the mouth line down, as in inverted U; and surprise is indicated with both mouth and eyes taking the shape of an O.

We can detect or infer with high accuracy specific emotions from the face, including surprise, fear, disgust, anger, happiness and sadness. We can detect "level of threat" from the face, as well as the health of another person.

TABLE 2.1 Judging personality from facial features Certainly, many facial expressions such as startle responses or expressions of pain appear innate, rather than learnt or culturally variable. But there are cultural rules about appropriate expressions in various social settings. Thus one is expected to look cheerful at weddings, miserable at funerals, and excited at sports matches.

People are known by their faces. People "put on" faces and many believe that, after a time, one's face says a lot about one's personality. Whether this is true or not, studies have shown that people make judgments based on facial features, as shown in Table 2.1.

As with eye gaze, the facial expressions of people at interviews, in committee or while working with customers send powerful messages about their inner states, particularly if one observes how the expressions change in response to what is being said.

One of the most interesting and important features of facial expressions is, first, their speed of change; and second, their congruity. The more genuine the expression, the more the pieces "fit together". The fake smile occurs with the mouth but not with the eyes. Further, the smile is very quick to both appear and disappear.

The face can reveal our physiological reaction very subtly. We blush and we sweat with embarra.s.sment and stress. A quick "flash" of the eyebrows can signal surprise and disgust. The expressiveness and importance of the face to everyday communication is best ill.u.s.trated when it is masked. The face-masked, burqa-wearing woman can seem threatening. It helps if the eyes are visible, but these too may be hidden behind a "grille". Equally, people learn to put on a "poker face" so as not to give away any information to what are they thinking. The face is designed for expression. We learn to read faces and what they say. The salesperson, the negotiator, the motivation speaker all need to be skilled readers and senders of facial expressions.

The smile has also attracted a good deal of attention. Ventriloquists smile, as do sophisticated liars both to put others off. The smiling expression helps the ventriloquist to deceive observers, while in the case of the "bare-faced" liar it makes others less alert to what is going on.

The science of smiling.

Smiling may be natural or faked. The broad, genuine, expressive and spontaneous smile can be defined physiologically in terms of what muscles do to different parts of the face; lips, cheeks or eyes. There is also the wry, miserable smile, often lopsided, that indicates recognition of the vicissitudes of fate. The polite smile often more like a grimace is as much a sign of embarra.s.sment as happiness.

The smiling or laughing face is often not very different from the howling or tearful face. Some people women more than men cry with joy; we talk about things as being "frightfully jolly". People sometimes laugh as a response to shock, or when embarra.s.sed. Funeral wakes are often characterized by laughter. Genuine laughter increases breathing rate and depth, while lowering blood pressure and heart rate. Crying, as uniquely human as laughing, may accompany laughter and may be as much a sign of joy and relief as of shock or sadness.

The "science of smiling" was founded by Charles Darwin, whose centenary was celebrated in 2009. He noticed that smiling is universal, whereas many other nonverbal behaviors of body language (such as gestures or touch) differ between cultures and are therefore probably learnt. Babies born blind smile in the same way as sighted infants. Human babies begin smiling at around five weeks of age: babies learn that crying gets the attention of adults, but smiling keeps it.

Darwin also observed that smiling and laughter often occurred together and therefore had similar origins. Happiness, he thought, was similar to amus.e.m.e.nt. Smiling, it is argued, is the outward manifestation of happiness, and serves to begin to connect us to others. We are, as people say now, "prewired" to connect with others via this system. Interestingly, some researchers have shown that people who cannot smile, because of facial paralysis, say, have more difficulty in social relations.h.i.+ps.

However, there maybe cultural differences in rules of smiling: when etiquette dictates whether it is appropriate to smile or not. For example, it has been demonstrated that in America, people smile more in the south than the north (cut by the MasonDixon line).

We know that, on average, women smile more than men. When they are two months old we can observe that baby girls smile more than baby boys. We know that powerful men smile less than less powerful women. Also that smiling is linked to testosterone: the higher the level of the hormone in men, the smaller and fewer are their smiles.

It has been suggested that the English smile less than many other groups because of their ideas about the virtues of the "stiff upper lip" and not appearing emotional. And they also keep their teeth hidden and pull their mouths sideways rather than up. One explanation for the common pursed smile of the English is that for a long time a small mouth was considered more attractive and desirable.

Smiling is what psychologists call "the expression of positive affect". The sequence of events goes like this: 1. Most external events (seeing a person, hearing a joke), but also internal events (such as a memory) arouses, through brain activation, an emotion.

2. This effects the facial nerves that control the production of emotional expressions but also other physical systems such as heart rate and skin conductance.

3. The actual expression is modified by other nerves that are activated by thought (cognitive) processes.

4. There is feedback from the face to the brain.

So smiling is not only a manifestation of happiness, but also increases happiness. In fact, impressive physical evidence has demonstrated not only that smiling is a consequence of feeling happy or contented, but also that putting on a smile can induce physiological change in body temperature, heart rate, skin resistance and so on. That is, adopting a smiling expression can lead to positive moods (and vice versa). It also has the added advantage that others tend to smile back.

Reciprocity and contagion.

There is much evidence of body language mirroring. We automatically copy the facial expressions of others. We reciprocate and in social groups it can be contagious. People respond to those who smile, and evaluate them differently and more positively than those who do not. As the old saying goes: "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone".

This sets up a virtuous cycle for the smiler and a vicious cycle for the non-smiler. Thus in sales, hospitality and negotiation situations, the person who smiles first increases the possibility of the other person(s) smiling, which increases trust and liking and, therefore, also cooperation and helpfulness. Smiling helps to bond people together.

There is also physiological evidence that smiling has specific biological consequences. This is even truer of laughter and there is evidence of a feedback loop. Smiling has hormonal and physiological consequences which make people feel better and want to smile more. Smiling self medicates and heals.

Types of smile.

All body language researchers have attempted to come up with a full category scheme for the different smiles one notices. Zoologists noted that chimpanzees have two smiles: a submission face (lips retracted, teeth exposed) and a play face (lower jaw dropped and corners of the mouth pulled back). The submission face is designed to appease.

Smiling in humans can indicate dominance. If you watch two people of different social rank, you will see that the dominant person smiles more in "friendly situations" but less in "unfriendly situations".

Psychologists have made many distinctions among human smiles, but at the most fundamental level the distinction has been between genuine versus fake smiles. Fake smiles are used for various purposes often to pretend to show enjoyment, or sociability or agreement. These are easily noticeable because they involve the mouth and not the eyes. Technically we can define the physiological difference between a genuine and fake smile: two muscles are involved (zygomatic major and orbicularis oculi). Real smiles involve both of these muscles, but fake smiles involve the former but not the latter. Fake smiles involve the mouth more than the eyes: they are, in a sense only half the story.

Another distinction has been between open- and closed-mouth smiles. One writer (Judi James, 2008) has identified fourteen different smiles, which she calls the mirthless, asymmetric, upturned, mouth-shrug, the stretched social rictus, perfect, suppressed, tonsilflasher, secret, uber-flirt, aggressive, lower-jaw jut, clencher, smug and know-all!

The world's expert, however, is Paul Ekman, who has studied all the facial muscles and psychological motives to understand the nature of smiles. He has a useful list: 1. The felt smile, which is long and intense and shows all signs of positive feeling a.s.sociated with amus.e.m.e.nt, contentment, pleasure from stimulation.

2. The fear smile and contempt smile are misnomers because neither are related to positive emotions, though both can have a "smily mouth" and dimples.

3. The dampened smile is a real smile where people attempt to suppress or conceal the extent of their positive emotions.

4. The miserable smile is a "grin and bear it" smile indicating stoicism about negative emotions.

5. The flirtatious smile is partly embarra.s.sed because the person gazes/faces away from the person of interest/contact.

6. The Chaplin smile is a contorted, supercilious smile that in effect smiles at smiling.

Ekman also notes deliberate, but not fake smiles that sign particular messages; for example: 1. The qualifier smile, which takes the edge off a harsh message and can "trap" the recipient into returning the smile.

2. The compliance smile is an acknowledgement that a bitter pill will be swallowed without protest 3. The coordinated smile is a polite, cooperative smile showing agreement, understanding and acknowledgement.

4. The listener response smile which simply indicates that everything heard has been understood. It is an encouragement to the speaker to continue.

Politicians, movie stars and media people practice smiling. So do those in the hospitality business. There are things they learn not to do: open your mouth, unless laughing; producing a sudden flash smile; or having a ch.o.r.eographed smile that bears no relation to what you are saying. Saying cheese produces fake smiles. People well-known for smiling very little (Vladimir Putin, Charles Bronson, Margaret Thatcher) have a reputation for being tough and non-submissive, which is the impression they want to portray. Smiling effects a person's reputation, and those in the "reputation business" know that.

Detecting false smiles.

There are many reasons why people smile. We know that when people are lying they tend to smile less than when telling the truth, because they do the opposite to what people expect of those who are telling a lie. Police studies have shown many times that people accused of serious crimes (such as smuggling) and less serious ones (such as speeding) tend to smile more and more genuinely when innocent than those who are later proved to be guilty. You can detect false or counterfeit smiles by looking for four things: 1. Duration: How long it lasts. False smiles last longer.

2. a.s.sembly: They are put together (eyes, mouth) and taken apart more quickly than real smiles.

3. Location: False smiles are "voluntary" and involve mainly the lower part of the face, whereas real "involuntary" smiles also involve the upper part of the face around the eyes and eyebrows.

4. Symmetry: If the smile appears more on one side of the face (often the right side) it is more likely to be false.

DIANA, PRINCESS OF WALES.

In a brilliant and highly detailed a.n.a.lysis of one, albeit famous, person, Peter Collett from the University of Oxford identified six quite different smiles: * Eye-puff smile, to widen the eyes and make people feel more protective/nurturing of her.

* Spencer smile, which was authentic, heartfelt and genuine.

* Pursed smile, which occurred at times of shyness and embarra.s.sment.

* Dipped smile, which involved lowering the head so the eyes look up showing childlikeness.

* Head-cant smile, which meant tilting the head to one side to show she was unthreatening.

* Turn-away smile, which gives two opposing messages (approach/avoidance); Darwin called this a hybrid expression and it is considered "irresistible".

Smiling at work.

Those in certain businesses such as the service and entertainment industries, are encouraged to smile so that it becomes a natural part of their work activity. It is relatively easy to teach this, because it has such obvious quick and immediate rewards to those who smile: they feel better, others respond more positively, and they succeed in their task more quickly and more often. Thus they feel better about themselves and their task, and smile more naturally more often.

Gestures.

Hands, heads and feet can be used to produce a very wide range of signals, signs and other movements. Hand movements accompany speech and can be used to point to people, objects, self; show spatial relations.h.i.+ps (in/outside; up/down); show spatial movements (roundand-round); beat time by showing rhythm or tempo; show a particular movement (punching, kicking); draw a visual picture (spiral slide, oddshaped room).

Traditionally, it is argued that most culturally recognized gestures have relatively specific meanings (see Table 2.2).

TABLE 2.2 Gestures and their meaning The Anglo-Saxon world is surprisingly gesture-poor, possibly because of the richness of the English language. The "teeth flick" (meaning anger), the "cheek screw" (meaning "good") or the "eyelid-pull" (meaning "I am alert") are unknown in Britain.

How frequently people gesture is a function of many things: whether others can see them (though many gesture a lot while speaking on the telephone); how excited, involved and enthusiastic they are; when the topic is complex; when the listener seems not to be paying attention; when the speaker wants to dominate the listener; when the topic is concrete and about manual activities (pitch a tent, tie a tie) rather than abstract; and those with weaker verbal skills.

It is possible to distinguish between many different types of gesture. Ekman and Friesen (1972) have distinguished between: * Emblems: sign language, often rude, sometimes part of a task- or occupation-specific culture. They are a shorthand (pun intended!) subst.i.tute for words.

* Ill.u.s.trators: movements that accompany and amplify speech. The size of the fish that got away and the place of the pain in the body are both ill.u.s.trators.

* Regulators: gesture movements such as those of an orchestral conductor. They attempt to regulate conversation: to "shut someone up", bring others in, encourage people to continue.

* Adaptors: anxiety displacement movements that may reveal emotions.

* Displays: often ritual gestures of powerful emotions or symbolic quality, such as the clenched fist, the n.a.z.i salute, the laying on of hands.

If a person taps his or her temple with a forefinger it can mean "crazy" or intelligent: opposite meanings from the identical gesture. This hand-to-brain contact could mean a "bad brain" (stupid fool) or a "good brain" (very bright, clever). The context and the culture determine the meaning of gestures. Yet many gestures extend well beyond specific or national boundaries.

Gestures can say something of the emotional state of others, particularly their level of excitement or anxiety. Self-touching gestures: the neck-scratch, collar-tug or fingers in mouth are often particularly telling of shame, doubt and presentational anxieties. Gestures also give information about personality. Extroverts tend to be more expansive, while people with depression have fewer, slower, more hesitant and non-emphatic gestures. Neurotic people touch their faces and hair often, scratching and pulling; they indulge in wringing their hands, interlocking their fingers, and opening and closing their fists.

There are many gestures which, in Anglo-Saxon culture, are easily interpreted. These include rubbing hands together (excited expectation, or simply being cold). Clenching hands (in front of the face, on a desk or in front of the crotch) may signal confidence or frustration; steepling hands (up or down) is usually a positive gesture of confidence; thumb displays (holding your jacket lapels, sticking your thumbs out of a pocket) are thought to show superiority, even pomposity, possibly even lay oneself open to ridicule.

Hand-to-face gestures are particularly intriguing and nicely characterized in the three wise monkey states known as "Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil". The mouth guard, possibly disguised as a fake cough or used to conceal a yawn, is often a.s.sociated with lying as is the nose touch. It has been suggested that if a speaker touches his or her mouth he or she may be lying, while if the listener does it, it suggests that he or she feels the speaker is lying!

The eye-rub (see no evil), the ear-rub (hear no evil), and the neckscratch, collar-tug or fingers in mouth (no nail-biting) are often seen as signs of deceit or uncertainty or simply anxiety. It may be that anxiety or anxiety about lying causes physical tension, which leads to the gesture, rather than it being the manifestation of an unconscious idea.

Touching the chin, cheek or jaw is usually a.s.sociated with thinking (evaluating what is being said or making a decision) and occasionally with boredom. Rubbing the back of the neck is often interpreted as a sign of frustration ("pain in the neck"). Folded arms or using bags, flowers or books as a barrier is usually interpreted as defensiveness or nervousness. Equally, leg or foot crossing with ankle locks is usually interpreted as coldness or defensiveness. Precisely when these gestures are adopted or changed (particularly in terms of what is being said at the time) is a very important clue to their interpretation.